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Time to ask for opinions. I've been so continually fed up the the DOR in Florida I'm just beyond irritated. I'm not out of options, but I have to find a way to do things with minimal cost.

Backstory is that ex and I divorced in 2000. We are joint/joint with ex as CP. In 2003 we both got remarried. Ex moved one county over the summer before ODD was to start high school. ODD wanted to come live with me. I filed for custody of all three kids. Ex's retaliation was to deny visitation down to state minimum (EOW) for the year it took to get to court. Judge urged a settlement agreement. Ex would not agree to joint 55 him/45 me unless he got CS. I agreed at the time, knowing it would change when ODD turned 18.

When ODD turned 18, I went to ex and showed the calculation. With 55/45, me paying all medical and me doing 95% of transportation, it ended up a wash. Ex agreed, I agreed. My mistake was not filing this with the court.

Fast forward to 12/08. Ex buys house #2, and files with the DOR on the old CS order. DOR begins garnishing paycheck. In my field I was able to find a job at 20 hrs. Majority of week is spent shuttling kids as driving them to school and back to pick up is four hours roundtrip. My salary had been enough for our household to run smoothly. Now almost a year into paying CS, our bills are getting further and further behind.

I have gone the rounds with DOR. This is where I need help because I'm not quite sure what to do now. I have been lied to by DOR so many times it's almost unreal.

Filed with them to change CS and was told I'd get a court hearing, and anything else I had could be presented to the judge. Great, so I waited. Next thing I get a letter saying CS is to be RAISED! No no no. So I go back, and ask for the person in charge of modifications, provide her all of the info above. She agreed with my calculations that CS should be zero, and tells me my hearing will be scheduled in a month. Two months later I get two letters in the mail on the same day. First letter says CS is calculated to stay the same. Second letter says this case is now closed. No hearing. So I go BACK to DOR and ask to speak to the modification specialist. I wait the hour and a half, get back to the glassed-in cubicle, and there is someone else there. I ask about the modification specialist, and she tells me that "XXXXX" does not see clients. Period, end of story I cannot see anyone else about this matter, "we're done with you", and if I want to proceed I can file in the courts on my own. I am not allowed to see what ex has entered in as his financial info on his side of the forms, and will not see them until they're put into our court file. Months later I'm still waiting for that to happen.

Ticked off, I called the complaint line for the Governor's Office, who gave me a number to call with DOR. Of course they didn't call back. It took four people being left messages before I finally got a call back. Her instructions? File for a reconsideration and refile everything I already have and hope for a better result. Some help.

Some worker in a back room calculated this, no one will let me see HOW they calculated because then they would have to show ex's financial info, and even though every time I go they tell me I can tell everything else I have to the judge (ex is working under the table for a friend, runs a business that is not registered in the state of Florida, etc etc etc.) who will make the final decision.

Does anyone have any idea what I can do shy of filing on my own? That is my ace in the hole, but if I can do this through DOR I can not have to shell out huge bucks. If I do this on my own, I'm really on my own as it'll be pro se.

There's a whole lot more to the story, but that is the crux of it. I'll be glad to embellish if it helps someone help me.

CS question in Florida folks. . . maybe someone here can answer a question for me?

Here's the deal:

Ex and I settled in court prior to the judge hearing our case and making a ruling. I agreed to pay CS and ex agreed to a joint schedule.

Court case was July 15. Judge wrote out what the two of us had agreed upon, and ordered the lawyers to both write up and present this new agreement and submit it to him. Also requested ex's lawyer to file a "motion to deviate" for the CS amount being less than state guidelines.

Lawyers now claim they have been playing phone tag for the last 4 months. Neither has submitted the agreement, and ex's lawyer has not submitted motion to deviate. Meanwhile, I know my ex needs this money but as his lawyer has not filed anything (or mine to be fair), my company won't accept the garnishment without an order in place.

After calling the local clerk of courts for instructions, about 6 weeks ago I started giving my ex the monthly amount every two weeks so that when this all finally is settled I won't be in arrears. All is WELL documented. Money orders and notorized statements.

So here's my question. Let's say it's November 15 and court was July 15. I've paid him three monthly payments now. Should I now consider myself current through September 15 or October 15? Would the first payment be due July 15 or August 15? If it's August then I'm on schedule, but if it's July I'm still behind.

I've searched the SPARC site and my state's statutues and I still can't find an answer. This is really important right now as my ex's lawyer has filed to find me in contempt for non-payment!---says I haven't paid ex a dime.

I'm well documented on what I have paid, but I'd really love to be able to say that I'm current when this hearing comes up at the end of this month.

Any input? Thanks!!

State of FL. Joint/joint. I am NCP mother.

Need your advice on how to handle something.

CP father and I are currently on a holding pattern with DOR. He requested assistance in receiving a few months of arrears in 2005. We had first DOR hearing two months ago, where I was asked only if I contested DOR's involvement. I said no, and now we're waiting for the hearing date to be set.

In getting my ducks in a row for the hearing, I realized that not only should I have not been paying CS during the last two years, as my overnights far exceeded what the last order stated, but CP should have actually been paying CS to me throughout the last two years.

He is seeking arrears from me of approx. $1200. My calculations show that he really owes me CS of $15,000 plus return of another $5000 that I paid him. Total amount is a little under $20,000.

In the meantime, he and I have talked on the phone. He has no idea that he possibly owes me this money. He even asked me what the hearing was all about! All he knew was that his atty wanted to go after me for contempt, and he was told by his atty that if he didn't want that he should go visit DOR.

He has no clue what can of worms he has opened with DOR. He doesn't know that they're now in our lives for the long run, nor the possible arrears he owes me. DOR gets $ for $ what they receive in CS, and I know that they will then want to go after him in light of the difference of amounts. A $20,000 fish is a lot bigger catch than a $1,200 one.

I suggested in our phone conversation that things were a little more complicated than he thought they were, and suggested that he and I meet for lunch to discuss matters. As of yet he has not taken me up on this offer.

I REALLY want this to go away. I don't want this money. I just want our kids to stay on the schedule that they've been on for the last two years with no CS payments either way.

My fear is that if I tell him that due to his lawyer:
1) Not taking into consideration summers and holidays split, and
2) Not taking into consideration the amount that I pay to cover our children's insurance,
that he will suddenly pull visitation time and go with what the original order said, which is a far cry from what we've been doing.

I am starting to really feel sorry for him. I know that if a ruling goes in my favor it will mean that he will lose his (our kids too) house, and that his wife will leave him. I also know that if I tell him this prior to the hearing that he will run to his lawyer. His lawyer will probably tell him to pull any visitation time that is not in the order. This is what his atty did last time, and the kids ended up only seeing me EOW.

If I suggest mediation he's gonna want to know exactly why. I could tape a conversation if I could get him to meet me, but it won't guarantee that he won't pull visitation again.

I am currently pro se. According to DOR's own website, they're supposed to provide assistance to CP's as well as NCP's, but I've talking to everyone there I can get in touch with, and I've been told that they won't represent both parents at the same time. They suggested the county assistance program but they won't handle CS issues. There is a family law assistance program, but I make over the amount with our household income, even though my individual income is the only one considered in CS calculations.

Question:

Do you have any suggestions on how to try to fix this prior to the DOR hearing without risking losing visitation?

Thanks as always,
FLMom

State of Florida. I am NCP mother, ex is CP.

I know that you can't remember each post, but I can't find my previous post in order to update. I'll try not to be too wordy in case you do remember snippets.

I am in arrears for a few months in 2005. Ex went to DOR and they have filed a "Motion to Intervene". I took your advice and adopted the attitude that it would be more troublesome and costly to fight the intervention than it would be to just let it happen.

Local legal counsel did not at all appreciate this.

My (now ex) attorney got extremely ticked off at me about not fighting intervention. He was my atty for the previous go-round. We had a brief phone conversation in which he then said, "I'll call you right back". That was weeks ago.

Interview with possible new atty. "We must fight this. I'll be there for you for the DOR hearing and then we'll go from there. BTW, that'll be $2000 for the hearing, and then we'll go from there".

Can't afford it. So, I'm going into this hearing on my own.

Since the start of this DOR motion,  I've figured out that my ex, under the CS guidelines, will owe me child support. The visitation amounts are over the 40% line that changes the formula for calculations.

Only problem is, I'm afraid that ex will suddenly want to go by the visitation in the last order, even though it hasn't been followed for well over a year now. I don't even want or require the CS from him---I just would like the leverage so I can maybe talk him into true joint with no primary, split IRS deductions and living the next 8 years with no CS either way.

It seems like I should actually WANT the Motion to go through, because as soon as it does DOR will be required to assist me in modifying the CS amount.

I have no idea what's going to happen in the hearing, and the local CS office couldn't help. I tried calling and asking them but they were unable to answer.

I'm thinking that at some point in this hearing, since I was served papers, that they're at least going to ask me if I object to intervention.

Ideally, I would like to ask if I can read a short letter. There will be a transciptionist there, and I feel like it would be a good idea to have it in a court transcript that I fear that the ex will deny me the status quo parenting time as soon as he knows that I will be seeking a modification of the CS amount.

Questions:

1) Should I just not say anything at the DOR hearing, or should I mention that I am concerned that ex will revert back to the schedule of the settlement agreement?

2) If my ex doesn't like where things are leading, can he ask DOR to drop the Motion?

3) Do you have any ideas of what the basic happenings of this hearing will be?

4) If the answer to question one is yes---to mention my concerns--- do you by chance have the time to read over what I have written? (I'd have to Email it to you due to the personal nature)

Thanks a million Soc,
FLMom

State of Florida. BM (me) is NCP, BF is CP.

Settlement agreement in 2004 with regards to CS states that BM will pay BF $XX per month. I was unable to pay in 2005 during a four month period. I should have entered a motion to modify CS amount (downgrade) but didn't.

My employer now takes $$ directly from my wages and deposits it into BF's account. Department of Revenue has never been involved with our case, as settlement agreement states $$ to come directly from employer. The settlement agreement even has BF's bank account # listed for this reason.

In late 2005 BF went to DOR and requested assistance. At this time payments were being made monthly again, although there were arrears of approx $1100. At no time did BF's attorney attempt to contact my attorney to discuss make-up payments.

My only ability to play "catch up" has been now, as my tax return has arrived. My employer is willing to let me give her this amount and have her deposit it, so that I will have a paystub that shows that this amount was paid.

DOR has now entered a "Motion to Intervene". Hearing is in February. My attorney and I both agree that the last thing needed is the monster that is DOR involved in this case.

I am now in the process of doing what I should have done last year, and filing a motion to modify CS. Overnights are so prevalent according to the settlement agreement that BF should actually be paying me CS according to statute guidlines.

In looking over the Motion to Intervene, my attorney made the comment that I would probably never be able to ask for CS from the BF. He stated that BF had asked for financial assistance from DOR, which I can hardly believe he requires. BF makes $22 an hour at his job, owns his own business on the side, owns rental property and has assets of $300k +.

I'm completely new to this whole DOR thing, so maybe I'm not understanding how it works.

We are vehemently going to try to keep DOR out of this case when we go to the hearing in February


Questions:

1) Can DOR step in for a few months of arrears when it is obvious that other payments have consistently been made?

2) Does DOR help anyone, or do they have to show that they have a need for financial assistance?

3) If the answer to #2 is no, and that BF told untruths to DOR to gain assistance, could we possibly use this fraud as the reason DOR should not be allowed to intervene?

4) Would it be better to go ahead and now deposit the arrears $$ into BF's bank account, or wait until after the DOR hearing?

Thanks,
FLMom

State of Florida.

History:

In 2004 I took ex to court re: custody and visitation, and ex countered for CS. Prior to hearing any evidence and after a very poor mediation attempt, Judge told both parties to take a few moments and see if they could hammer out an agreement without his guidance. Quote: "I guarantee that you both will like what you work out better than what I come up with".

Agreements were made and entered into the court records. Both parents have abided by those agreements with relatively few glitches. I began paying CS, and my visitation changed from EOW to 45% of the year.

Early next year I will be taking the ex back to court re: CS. Per state guidelines, ex will now be the one to have to pay CS .

I have a few ideas in lieu of CS payments, such as tax exemptions and what our kids really want, which is having no "primary" and changing the agreement to true joint custody. It is truly not necessary for ex to pay me CS on a monthly basis, however it is causing difficulties for me to continue paying him.

I realize that this a mixing apples and oranges. I feel that the few problems that we do have, and what bothers our children, is that the playing field is not level, and if there were no primary and strictly joint we could all breathe a lot easier.

I know that we will again have to go through mediation, and I would like to offer alternatives during this mediation so that we could possibly avoid a court hearing.

Question:

1) Would suggesting a change of custody and of tax exemptions instead of receiving child support be considered a form of blackmail?

Thank you for your time Soc,
FLMom

State of Florida.

I am in the process of crunching the numbers of the child support guidelines worksheet. One of the deductions listed is for payment of insurance premiums for the children.

Florida is a state where the incomes of only the parents are considered, not the household income, for CS purposes.

In our household, my husband (the children's step-father) wholly carries their medical insurance with the company at which he is employed. It is not deducted from my income, but his.

Now, on the worksheets, one of the questions in computing CS amounts is a deduction of medical expenses and coverage for the children.

Question:

Do I claim this on my allowable deductions, even though it is my husband who actually pays through his employer?

OR

Do neither my ex or I claim this deduction?

Thanks,
FLMom

State of Florida. Joint legal with father as primary.

Court order finalized April 2005 stating rotating weeks during the summer, and school schedule states certain specific days of the week. Summer schedule non-specific.

At the end of school year prior to summer, mother and father held a phone conversation to plan the summer schedule. In the interest of dovetailing the schedule that step-daughter of father has with her father, mother wrote up a schedule taking this into account. Also taken into account were that each parent would have a ten day span of vacation time. All else split close to 50/50.

Mother submitted this schedule to father. Father replied with a different calendar that was the opposite of what had been discussed during the phone conversation. Daughter age 16 balked at father's scheule, as he had given himself the majority of the summer. Mother called father and both agreed to follow the schedule that mother had written.

All was well during the summer until this week, the last prior to school beginning. Mother was to have children Thursday eve til Saturday eve in order to shop for school clothes and supplies.

Father left a message on mother's phone Monday, stating that mother would not be allowed to pick up on Thursday, that it "wouldn't be necessary", effectively denying agreed upon visitation.

Childen are upset. Mother is ticked. While one offense does not a contempt make, I would like to send him the message that, while I am not going to fight this one transgression, I WILL in the future file if he pulls this again.

I am considering writing a letter to send to my attorney (who is chronically AWOL) and to his attorney stating that I will persue legally in the future should he try this again. I have the feeling that if I hit him in the wallet on this (his atty will charge him about $100 to receive the fax, read it and call him to smack him on the hand) it will head off future events.

Questions:

Is there a form letter for this? I searched the SPARC archives, and while they have a good one on intent for seeking visitation, I cannot find one for this kind of matter.

Seeing as my atty will take a week to get back to me (at least if he ever does), is it kosher to simply fax this letter to both my atty and his?

Thanks,
FLMom

Both parties in Florida.

Parties have been living by a stipulated agreement since July 2004.
This agreement was finally signed by the Judge and recorded into
public record April 2005 as "Amended Judgment and Order Denying Supplemental Petition to Modify Custody and Ratifying Stipulated Agreement". Also signed at this time was the "Income Deduction
Order".

i.e.--The ink is barely dry on what it took our respective lawyers
a long time to accomplish.

In the Order concerning the Stipulated Agreement, it states:

a. The Mother will maintain health and dental insurance coverage
for the parties' minor children so long as it is reasonably available.
The Mother shall provide insurance cards to the Father within (10) ten days of this Order.

In the Order concerning the Income Deduction Order, it states in full:

TO: Each employeer, present and former or subsequent, or any other person or agency providing income money or benefits to XXX XXXXXX , Petitioner and obligator, including any Workers Compensation Center;

YOU ARE HEREBY ORDERED pursuant to Florida law to make regular deductions from all income of (my name), Social Security No.:(my SS number) in accordance with the terms of this Order.

YOU ARE FURTHER ORDERED:

1. To deduct from all income due and payable to the obligor $XXX.XX per month to meet the obligor's support obligation.

2. To promptly forward payment to (ex's name), c/o (ex's bank), Account number (ex's bank account number).

3. This Order is effective immediately.

The flies in the ointment are the following:

a. I am currently working two jobs, and will be leaving the first job
I have had for several years to go to the second.

b. As part of this job change, insurance will not be "reasonable available". The cost of "family" insurance through this small company
would equal my gross wages. It will, however, increase my annual
gross income by $4-6,000 with a potential to increase my annual gross
by $8,000 in the next few years.

c. In litigation we have a history of the fact that I did not want ex's spouse to carry the insurance as it meant a change in health providers. However, our children can at  this time be added to MY spouse's insurance and still keep the same providers.

Questions:

1. Should I write something to state for the record that I am leaving my current job for another, so that that the Judge would not think it hinky that just as the Order is signed, I appear to "quit working'?

2. Considering that having my spouse cover the children on his insurance is not directly money out of my pocket, even though it is money from our household, can this be considered as me
maintaining health coverage?

3. Should I send my ex the insurance cards, knowing full well that this
insurance will be cancelled within the month?

4. Isn't an Income Deduction Order made so that it goes through the state depository?

5. Have you ever heard of "direct deposit" such as this before?

6. Is this "double dipping" in that if I did have two jobs, both employers would be required by law to take the full monthly amount out of any pay received?

Thanks,
FLMom

State of Florida

Original custody order during tax year 2004 was 50/50 custodial time with Parent A as the primary residential.

Background:

Parent A, in defiance of a court order and Final Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage, denies Parent B visitation as outlined in Order. This denial of visitation changes schedule from 50/50 to EOW and four hours one weekday a week.

Earned Income Credit rules state:

"Your child must have lived with you in the United States for more than half of 2004 (183 days or more) or you will not be eligible to claim the credit, even if you meet all other requirements."

There is a small section pertaining to "special circumstances".

"Count time that you or your child is away from home on a temporary absence due to a special circumstance as time lived at home. Examples of a special circumstance include:
Illness,
School attendance,
Detention in a juvenile facility,
Business,
Vacation, and
Military service."

Questions:

1) Can denial of visitation be used as a "special circumstance" to enable Parent B to claim Earned Income Credit, which therefore gives stepfather the ability to claim Head of Household?

2) If Parent A denies Parent B's right to claim the Earned Income Credit, what recourse does Parent B have?

I am helping a neighbor with a dispute with her landlord. I'm having
problems finding the correct terminology in the statutes.

State of Florida.

Neighbor moved into rental home 4/99 under local housing authority
subsidising rent. Her monthly rental amounts have varied betweeen
$54 and $120 since that date.

Landlord has now served (properly) eviction notice stating:
"Defendant owes Plaintiff $3589.00 that is due with interest since
12/18/00."

Family was given a three day notice on 12/22/04. Answered by payment
to the clerk of rental monies owed dated by court 1/7/05.

Property has been under the management of three separate individuals
since 4/99. Lease agreement is still carried with original leaser (all
related). Written notice was sent by the second, but not the third
manager. Third manager gave no mailing address for payment and
told neighbor that he would stop by monthly to pick up rent in September and she never saw him after that.

Questions:
1) Is there a statute of limitations for rent collection? Until this recent snafu she always paid her rent on time and HUD took care of the rest.

2) What is the proper terminology if a landlord is, with no advance notice, allowed into the rental home by an 8 yr. old child?

3) Should pictures of shoddy care of the home by the landlord be included as an exibit in the answer to the Eviction Summons or saved
for trial?

Thank you for being here Soc!!!!!!
FLMom

Brief history:

State of FL. I am NCP, ex is CP. Original Final Judgment visitation split 50/50 visitation w/joint legal. OK until 2003 when ex moves 40 mins away and remarries.

Ex unilaterally changes visitation to standard. I file for modification of custody due to this and other issues. Lawyers (mine especially) file portions of the case only after numerous phone calls and proddings.

Hearing finally a year after move. Judge allows parties to figure it out before he does. Both parties agree to CP remaining as is, and visitation with NCP Wed-Fri one week and Thurs-Sun next. Parties also agree that NCP should carry all of children's insurance, do majority of driving, and pay CP CS.

Ex's lawyer was very adamant that IDO be done instead of direct payments, and ex's lawyer was instructed at that time to file the IDO.

Although lawyers were directed by the judge to get together and file these stipulated agreements they did not. Judge orders telephone conference four months later. Ex's lawyer is there, mine is not.

Ex's lawyer told judge that I had not paid any CS to CP. Six weeks prior to this conference I had begun giving CP bi-weekly payment of CS payments, of monthly CS amount, after direction from the court clerk on how to properly document.

In light of my attorney not joining the telephone conference ex's attorney asks that CS be ordered as agreed upon (lowered amount). Judge then finalizes order as modification of custody denied. Further ordered is CS. And that's it. Nothing of what was agreed upon was entered by ex's attorney.

Final clause of "Order on telephone case management conference" is:

"It appears that the petitioner has abandoned all other Motions or Requests for relief. Therefore, unless the petitioner shows cause in writing within ten days of this order that other matters remain to be resolved, all other motions or requests for relief by the petitioner shall be dismissed without further order."

I knew from the clerk's website that a judgement was ordered, but was told by the clerk's office that it was in the recording department and would not be available until today. Today was the final day of the ten day period. My lawyer was unavailable.

With the help of the courthouse law library and Family Law Assistance Program, I was able to look up in the Florida Procedural Guide what I think was the proper motion. I wrote it out and filed it with 25 minutes to spare. Here is the exact wording of what I filed:

"Petitioner's Motion to Alter or Amend Final Judgment

Comes now, the Petitioner, XXXXX, and requests the Court enter an order to alter or amend the final judgement and for grounds says:

1. Parties made certain stipulated agreements during the time of hearing July, 2004.

2. Petitioner requests additional time by the court to enter these agreements into the final judgement.

3. This request is entered within ten days of the final judgement.

4. Petitioner asks that these agreements be considered a parenting plan to further be entered into the final judgement.

Wherefore, the Petitioner respectfully reqeuests the Court to enter an order granting the motion to alter or amend the final judgement."

I will myself be filing Monday those things agreed upon as the basic "parenting plan".


Questions:

1. Did I file and word this motion properly?

2. Will it be held against me that I did not pay ex direct CS even though ex's lawyer argued and won the IDO and never filed it?

3. Can a judge be hacked off enough at an attorney (mine) that he would go against the stipulated agreement that he made notes on, although the notes aren't entered into the official record?

4. What wording do I use for the motion that I file on Monday for the parenting plan that was agreed upon and witnessed by the Court?

Thanks as always for your help.
FLMom

State of Florida.

I filed for a modification of custody June 2003. Lawyer "misplaced"
papers to serve on ex after receiving retainer. After many phone
calls lawyer served papers in July and ex retained his atty. No action
was taken by my lawyer until the judge requested of both lawyers to
either move ahead or dismiss. Mediation failed end of September 03.
My lawyer "forgot" to call and set hearing date, and again after many
phone calls date was set for March 2004, cancelled, then reset for
May 2004. Hearing in May was brief, final hearing set for July.

Prior to ruling judge offered both parties the option of trying one last time to come to an agreement. During this two hour period I was urged by my atty to not irk the other atty by my requests of equal time and other deviations from the norm. I insisted and ex agreed on what ended up to be a very fair final agreement, with the judge also happy with what we had worked out. Judge then ordered both attys. to file those agreements made and a motion to deviate from child support guidelines.

This was in July. Since then my lawyer has not returned any phone calls, either to me or my ex's atty. I have never received a bill from him. We have adhered to agreements yet ex and I are both in limbo with no finality to this.

I have paid CS during this time after receiving a tutorial from our clerk of court, so that when order is finalized I will not be in arrears.

Questions:

1) With nothing finalized or filed, can my ex possibly go back on these agreements, reverting the schedule back to the minimum of NCP visitation?

2) Can ex file for state guidelines of CS payments instead of what we agreed on?

3) What exactly do I need to ask the Florida Bar to do to expedite the proceedings?

4) Do I have grounds for legal malpractice as I have had to push my lawyer along every step of the way?

5) Legal wheels are slow I understand, but how long is too long?

History:
We live in Florida, adoptive mother lives in Wisconsin.

During a recent vacation we found out the my husband's
sister is pregnant. She is 25 yrs. old, and educable
mentally retarded. She is about on the level of a 12 yr.
old. She has previously had a son, who is severely
delayed to the point that he has been diagnosed as
possibly being autistic. This son is being raised by the
grandparents, and the mother sees him for visits about
once a week.

Adoptive mother came to us and asked us if we would adopt
her baby, due sometime in February or March. We agreed,
but the sticky point is her live-in boyfriend. He is normal, as
in not mentally delayed in any way. He is living in the US
under an assumed name illegally. He refuses to discuss
the adoption under any circumstances. We as a family
believe that he thinks he will be deported if he has to
appear in court.

I have spoken to case workers here in Florida. I know what
we have to do on our end (home study, background checks,
etc.) but the birth father refuses to acknowledge the situation.
Birth mother knows she cannot raise this child.

Under Wisconsin law both parents have to appear in court
to proceed with an adoption in order to do a termination of
parental rights. Birth mother falls between the cracks, as
she is mentally able enough that her parents are not her
guardians but she will need a lawyer and someone from
social services to prove that she has the mental capacity
to make this decision.

Assuming things move forward, Wisconsin law says that
during the 90 days it takes to make an adoption final the
child must go into foster care.

Questions:

(1) Can the court find that termination of parental rights are
in order when the birth mother wants the adoption but
the father refuses to be a part of the process?

(2) Can the fact the this able-minded man impregnated a
mentally challenged woman be considered?

(3) Does the fact that the grandparents are already raising
the other child mean anything in a case like this?

(4) During the 90 day waiting period can we be made a
foster home here in Florida and bring the baby back here?


I look forward to any insights you may have.

Summary:

Divorced in 2000, two daughters ages 15 and 10, son 8.

State of Florida.

Primary residential custody of children to father as directed
by mother at time of divorce due to mother living next door
with maternal grandparents of children. Legal decisions as to
education and medical to be shared.

Circumstances:

Mother (me) moved out of that home due to veiled harassment
from ex. Moved in with boyfriend, now husband, together 3 years.

Mother gave father her interests in his home due to a promise to
keep the children in that home and in the same school district
after years of moving here and there.

No support was ordered, but due to father's threats to children
of "I will sue your mother", mother paid off and on support to father,
even though divorce decree stipulated no child support or alimony.

Maternal grandparents both died and home next door (safe zone)
was gone.

Decree stipulates that mother is to be with the children every day
after school and every other weekend.

Father at one point moved psychotic girlfriend into their home, then
moved her out a few months later.

Father rented out home with the kids and moved to a different
county. Married woman he had known only 6 months and moved
into another home with new wife and new step-daughter, age 14.

Immediatly after the move father became unreasonable about
visitation. Enrolled children in new school district conveniently
leaving off any info concerning mother. Mother had to bring a
divorce decree to the school in order to receive any info about
their classes, etc.

Father now says mother may only see children every Wednesday
for a four hour period, and only every other weekend.

Against mother's wishes, father had new wife add kids to her
medical insurance. This forced a change in dentists. Father refuses
to give mother any info regarding this insurance.

New step-sister has ADHD and has been caught stealing among
other things. New wife, her mother, has allowed this 14 yr old to
date a 16 yr old dropout. This dropout, according to oldest daughter, "practically lives with us".

New step-sister has been abusive to younger children in the past,
going as far as throwing 10 yr old daughter into the deep end of a
swimming pool when no adult was home.

Mother has two documented cases of father ignoring one child's
health problems. Only seen by doctor and diagnosed as ill (meds
prescibed) after mother saw symptoms and took daughter to
pediatrician.

Father ignored one child's bad tooth, and called and cancelled a
dental appointment made by the mother because "new wife's dentist
is cheaper because he's covered under her policy". That dentist would
have had to refer out to ANOTHER dentist because he doesn't "do that
kind of work on kids". Mother made sure that tooth was taken care of.

Children are all left out in the boondocks alone until parents come
home in evening, and during school holidays are left home alone
all day long. Father refuses to allow mother extra time during these
days off.

After father told daughter that if mother gets custody she'll never
let them see him, daughter has been brainwashed (?) into changing
her mind about wanting to live with mother.

Father had oldest daughter call mother and beg her to stop
proceedings. Says that if mother persues, new wife will divorce him
and sell their home and they will have no where to live.



I have now gotten a lawyer and filed a motion for custody. It's a long
drawn out process that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.



Questions:

How far do things have to go to prove medical neglect? Does the
paperwork from two doctor's visits and one interference with a dental
visit amount to anything?

If he has primary residential and he moves against what we agreed
upon, is he allowed to enter the children in another school district that
I do not agree on?

Does it matter if this school is now almost an hour's drive from my
residence and his place of employment?

Is he allowed to negate the divorce decree and decide that I can
only see our children at his whim? My research says no, but if the
decree has to be upheld, does that mean that he now has to share
in the driving time due to the fact that he moved 40 mins away?

Is he allowed to let his wife add the children to her medical insurance?
Even if I've said that I will provide the medical and dental and I have?

At what point do I have a legitimate concern about the step-sister's
irrational behavior? You can't document things when you find them
out 3 days after the fact. How DO you document something like that?

Can I bring up in court the psychotic girlfriend that he kicked out?

Can I bring up the fact that father had daughter call crying about
new wife divorcing him and losing their home? Does this constitute
psychological abuse?


I appreciate your time. I did research through the old posts and
didn't find anything appropriate to our situations.

Sincerely,
FL Mom

Man to get child support back
Parents owe $14,460 in case of mistaken paternity, judge says


Judge David Roper said he felt badly for Kenneth Samuels when he learned the child he had fathered for 11 years wasn't his.

Justice was also shortchanged, the judge said, because Mr. Samuels had been paying child support all of those years.

Last month, Judge Roper ruled that Jamie Hope, the child's mother, and Oba Wallace, the child's biological father, would have to repay Mr. Samuels $14,460 in child support he had paid since 1997.

more at link:
http://chronicle.augusta.com/stories/030208/met_189488.shtml

I'd really love to get some advice on this.

In 2000 my ex and I divorced. We shared pretty much equal time with our kids and there was no CS either way.

Then, in 2003 both my ex and I remarried within a month of each other. That's when things went downhill. His new wife was well versed in the ways of CS and custody, and because I had stupidly made him the primary even though we both had joint legal and joint custody, she showed him how to use it against me. Thanks to the lawyer he found, he was advised to only let me see our kids EOW.

It took a year to get to court, and a year of sheer hell of only seeing the kids EOW. We hammered out an agreement that in exchange for me paying him CS I could have the kids more. Within a month of that agreement going into place, I realized that it was a dumb move for me to agree to pay him CS. I soon realized that with the amount of time I have the kiddos and the amount of money the ex and I make, he should be paying ME CS. I have kept my mouth shut since 2004 and just paid the CS----afraid that if I balk he'll find a way to take the kiddos from me again. Luckily I have a wonderful hubby. My check largely goes for just CS, and my hubby takes care of 95% of everything else, including all of the little things teens need.

I saw my lawyer last fall, and explained the CS thing and why I had decided to do nothing about it until our oldest turned 18 (also last fall). He fussed at me, saying that I should have started filing a mod prior to the b-day, so it would go into effect by the time she graduated this summer. Court cases take that long here.

So, last fall I finally screwed up enough courage to call the ex and see if we could come to some agreement. Before I even made the call, the kiddos told me that he and his new wife were splitting up. I didn't believe this at first, until I went to pick them up and saw a for sale sign on their house. Back into wait mode I went. Even though he's a so-and-so, I couldn't see compounding his issues then, cause it would come back to add more stress to an already stressful situation.

Fast forward to now. It's now February, and I still haven't approached him. Although per the kids, the divorce papers are filed, they can't sell their house. I know why----and it's not gonna sell for months at this rate. Everything they have is tied up in that property.

I've GOTTA get this stuff in the works. GOTTA. But here we are, with the kiddos not even knowing where they're gonna live in the next few months. It'll be the same county, but their whole worlds are in upheaval. I feel like a skunk if I hit him with a mod during this low point, but my lawyer has said that now IS the time to hit him with this to get what I want. I've been trying to wait this our since last fall. I really want to do the right thing here, and so far I feel like waiting HAS been the right thing, but has anyone here had a senior in high school? The amount of the CS alone is what she needs to pay for everything from a prom dress to the senior trip. Not to mention the needs of the other two!

Then last night, I had a horrific thought. You know the old saying, "The devil you know is better than the devil that you don't". OMG. What if the next future Mrs. X that comes along is even more cutthroat than THIS one was?! Maybe I should approach him now, even though my gut is still telling me to wait.

ARGHHHHHH. This has been killing me for weeks now. Add to that, ex and I are actually waving to each other at drop-offs and pick-ups now, and having moderately pleasant phone conversations, albeit one minute ones.

I need some advice and outside reasoning here. Any help or opinions are greatly appreciated!

FLMom

Haven't had a chance to ever talk with you before, but I've followed the latest annals of your story---I'm a faithful Soc reader.

Just wanted to wish you luck---same duck, different pond with me. Ex husband did the same stuff too, but it took me a YEAR to right things. I wish for you that all goes in your favor and that your little gal gets a happy life out of today. . . .

Sincerely,
FLMom

I recently saw a post in Soc's forum about courtroom behavior and decorum.

I'd never been in court before, not even for a traffic ticket, and I had the same questions that I've seen others ask here. Just thought I'd pass the knowledge along and hope all mothers and fathers that want to be in their children's lives find something they can use. The following is a synopsis of things I've read and some of my own personal experience combined. When you have a full year to search the web you tend to absorb a lot of what you've read.

1) Expect delays. Court time is unlike real time. You may have to wait five minutes or five months and you won't know until the day of the hearing. Don't get frustrated, just think of it as extra time to get all of your ducks in a row. And don't call the clerk's office every day either. It's just like any other office--there is gossip and you don't want to be the subject of the eye roll when their phone rings.

2) Dress:
Men: Dress like you are going to church on Sunday. Clean and pressed but not over the top. That Armani suit you wore out on your date last week might look very spiffy, but to a judge you will look like a walking dollar sign. It will then be very difficult to be Joe Average when it comes to alimony and support. Charcoal, grey and navy blue are good neutral colors.  Go easy on the cologne if you wear any at all. Also, keep in mind that facial hair makes one appear to be hiding something--clean shaven is the best option.

Women: Think church/schoolteacher. Wholesome. You may look sharp in a business suit and heels, but that's not the "image" of a mother. A mother wears sensible shoes and doesn't have time to fuss over herself. Avoid excessive jewelry and make-up. If your hair isn't short then pull it back--no retro 80's hairdo's or anything that looks like it requires more than one minute to put together. If you wear hose then it should be a natural color, and your dress color should never be black or red. Both imply "a night out on the town".

3) While in court and in the waiting area, do not speak to your ex directly. If you have lawyers let them do the talking, and if you do not, then wait until you get into the courtroom. You do not want a baliff telling the judge about the pre-show he or she just witnessed.

4) Treat this as a business matter, regardless of how painful it is (and everyone knows it IS). This is the time for all of those manners that your mother taught you to come into play. Even though it may cause you to bite a hole through your lip, address your ex as "Mr.",  "Ms" or "Mrs.". Say "thank you" and "please". One of the things a judge is looking for is who will facilitate contact best with the other parent for the sake of the children. You want the court to know that, while there are difficulties, that you have the utmost respect for the other party.

5) No matter how hard, even if your ex tells the judge you've done every despicable thing in the book, DO NOT under any circumstances interupt. The judge is the Grand Poobah of that little room, and it is his or her domain. Show that you have the patience of a saint. When your ex is done, and if the judge does not then turn to you and ask if you have any response, then ASK the judge if you can answer in response to what was said.

6) Do not sling mud in a courtroom unless you have the documentation to prove without a doubt what puddle that mud came from. Period. Judges do not have time on their dockets for he said/she said.

7) Eye rolling, deep sighs, gasps and dirty looks towards the other party are a one way ticket to losing.

8) Attorneys:

Opposing Attorney:
Your opposing attorney put his or her shoes on this morning just like everyone else did. They ate their corn flakes and listened to the radio while driving to work just like everyone else. In other words, just because this person is paid a large amount of money to ask you questions does not mean that they are larger than life. Do not give them too much power in your own head. He or she is not someone to be scared of---they are doing "a job" much like you do. It's up to you to show them, in very kind and considerate answers, why their facts are incorrect. Be succinct in your answers, and keep an even tone. Also, keep in the back of your mind that it's almost guaranteed that your ex did not "tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth" to them. In other words, they don't know what you know.

Your Attorney:
Your attorney can only do for you what you do for him/her. They are not going to go out and hunt down information for you---it's up to you to bring it to them and have it organized so they can go through it quickly. It's up to you to "tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth" to them. The last thing your attorney wants is suprises, especially bad ones.

9) Shoot for the moon but settle on a cloud. No one ever walks out of a courtroom, especially in custody matters, with everything they sought going in. Those who do are EXTREMELY lucky and few and far between. Have a back up plan set with your attorney ahead of time. If the judge and the opposing attorney make an offer that you know you can live with, it may be worth taking. The last thing you want is a judge that wants to go to his Rotary meeting making a decision in haste that will blanket the lives of you and your children for years to come.

10) Even if your ex is the devil incarnate, you will work with them in whatever way possible for the sake of your children. Any attack on your ex that is viewed by the judge is tantamount to an attack on your children. Whether a judge is pro father or pro mother, the party that makes the other party cringe will NOT come out of a courtroom happily.

11) The judge is always "Your Honor".

12) Do not ever use the phrase "My children". Instead, use "Our Children". This is a joint venture, not a monopoly.

13) Stand up when the judge enters and leaves, and sit when the judge sits.

14) Be on time, and have all of your paperwork with you. If you will be presenting evidence, be sure you or you and your attorney have at least three copies of everything---one for you, one for the opposing side and one for the judge.

15) Do not reek of cigarette smoke, and do not chew gum or carry any drinks into the waiting area or the courtroom.

16) When leaving after the proceeding is over, again do not speak directly to your ex. If they approach you tell them you will speak to them later. Remember, the ink isn't dry on the proceedings until it's been filed days later by the court clerk.

Just my inner thoughts and a hope that others here end up with at least some of the happiness that they and their children deserve!

FLMom

It's been a while since I've been on. For some reason I keep getting booted off of this site randomly. I'm typing hoping that it doesn't happen again!

I've met another mother in a web community who is desperately searching for her son. Any ideas would be great!

Thirteen years ago, when her son was three years old, he was taken by his father. She has not seen him since. They were not married at the time, but he IS on the birth certificate as the father. There was never any court action to "legitimize" him as the father, as required by GA law.

She became ill after the birth of a second child. The missing son was in the father's care for visitation. There was never anything written out, she and he were working on a reconciliation plan out of the courts as he had been out of the son's life for some time.

He did not return the son. She called him and he said that he wasn't bringing him back. She went to look for him and his family and found that they had completely moved out of the area.

This was thirteen years ago, and she hasn't seen her son since.

When she went to the police, she was told that it was a situation of whomever has the child has "keepsies" on the him. I don't know how to say it better than that. The mother found out that state law says different, but that was years down the road and she went all the way up the ladder in GA to the Atty General. To this day there has never been a missing poster on NCMEC done on the child, because without a police report, he isn't "missing".

Where do you go, when everyone from local law enforcement to the state's top officials, blow you off? I've been on this site for years now, and I honestly am baffled as what to suggest for her to do next. It all starts with the local police. . . . if they won't take a report, then there isn't anywhere to "start". Thirteen years later and they still won't!

She has exhausted all of her funds and savings over the years. He is sixteen now, and she's still looking for him. The closest she's gotten is finding the father through skip traces, but he takes off before she can get to him. She even found him on Classmates one time, and as soon as she did, he went POOF and deleted everything from that site.

Guys, can someone give me some useful info to give her? I've been around the block with custody issues, but never anything as tangled and profound as this. Any help would be appreciated!

FLMom

Well, today was the day that I was supposed to get together with the ex and discuss the updates to our parenting plan. I've been waiting to do this for over a year and a half! UGH!

First my now-hubby and I decided to just let things ride instead of having to back to court, even if it meant I was paying CS when I wasn't supposed to. Having the kids with us is more important. Then the ex and his wife started to break up, and I promised our oldest that I wouldn't do anything until things got "smoothed" out between them. Then I waited through their divorce and the sale of their house--more months.

I've been through the waiting game for so long. Today was the day. BIG weight was gonna be lifted. Now today, he's too busy to meet. ARGHHHHHH!!!!!! I SO want this done and over with. He's not going to like what he hears, but I have to buck it up and make it happen. Add to the list of things to talk about, YD wants time with each of us to be exactly 50/50,  cause she is getting older and wants to be with us those few extra days. So I need to talk to him about CS, changing pick-up days and guide him along in what we need to file.

Now I have to wait until next Wednesday. I want to meet about as bad as I want to go have a root canal. Matter of fact, I think the root canal would be better-----least you can get valium first for that. Meanwhile, he's asking me, "where's the check for this month", and I'm stalling him until we can meet. By state statutes he should actually be paying me
3 1/2 times what I'm now paying him. Hate to break that one to him, but I have to.

Sorry, just been sitting here gearing up for this all morning, only to have to put on the brakes.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I just wanted to take a moment and thank
the posters here and those that came up
the idea for SPARC. I've been here visiting,
reading and learning for almost a year now.
The few times I went into chat I was met
with nothing but support and wise words of
advice. My story:

I divorced my ex in 2000, 3 kids now 15(d),
11(d) and 9(s). Gave BF primary because I
did the divorce myself pro-se and didn't know
the ramifications or how that would come to
haunt me later. Moved in with my parents next
door. All went well for three years. Well, as
well as it can be, anyhow. Although I moved
from the next door home 10 minutes away it
WAS my parent's home and I was there all the
time. Long story short my mom died in 2001
and my dad in 2003. All heck broke loose after
that.

Ex and I both get remarried in the same month
in mid-2003. He marries a woman who's been
through her own custody battle, and she schools
him well. Even though the order of our divorce is
50/50 custody with him primary, he realized (I
think with her help) that he can pretty much do
anything he wants. And that's what he did. Moved
the kids away (only 40 minutes) and put them into
a different school district. Neglected to tell the school
that they had a mother, leaving me off of the school
forms. I had to show up with a copy of the divorce
decree to even be allowed AT the school. School year
starts and he tells me that now I am only allowed to
see our kids every other weekend and three hours
every Wednesday. There's so much more than this
----medical intereference, medical neglect, convenient
amnesia, etc. that I won't go into it all, but let's just say
it's been a year from hell for the kids and I.

As you know the court system takes its own sweet time,
and all of this finally got resolved about a month ago.
Oldest D had said she wanted to come live with me,
but ended up having to pick the lesser of two evils by
the time court happened. She knew that I would love
her no matter what the decision, and knew that her
father would "lose his mind" as she put it. I understood,
BUT she did go into court saying that NO, she didn't like
the current situation, and YES she did want to be with
me more often. SO. . . .

Ex wanted to keep the every other weekend and a few
hours every Wednesday. We got a rotating custody
agreement of W-F one week and W-Sunday the next.

Ex wanted to continue to allow his new wife to keep the
kids under her medical insurance and choose the doctors
and dentist. I now carry the insurance and our kids will
continue to see the MD's and DD that they've known since
they were born.

Ex wanted $10,000 he claimed I owed him in back CS.
Thanks to SPARC for teaching me how to keep detailed
records I was able to show I had receipts for that and
more. Ex got NO arrears.

Ex wanted $300-$400 a month CS. Ex got $225, plus I
now get to claim one child for tax purposes, something
that had never happened in previous years.

SPARC and all that contribute here taught me not only
the nuts and bolts of how nasty custody can be, but the
wherewithall to be strong and tough for our children.
Even my lawyer was astounded that I was such a hard
case when we started negotiations. Our kids now get their
mother in their lives.

An interesting postscript to the whole mess was that the
week following the hearing the younger two were supposed
to be with me while my daughter attended a summer course.
Even the judge commented that he liked that we could
work that out. A week later and ex had forgotten all about
it and claimed he never said it. Oldest daughter starts
referring to him as "my dad the liar". And I have to be the
one to say "whoa" and not allow her to speak about her
father with such disrespect. Isn't it almost comical? Meanwhile
younger two are left in the care of new wife's 82 yr old
grandmother for a week.

I have a feeling something I heard here is gonna ring true.
They may be legally "his" for now, but they'll end up being
mine for the rest of their lives. He hasn't learned squat, but
now they're old enough to see it.

Well, thank you all again for all that you do. Thank you for
making me strong and informed for the sake of the kids.
Sorry for the long post, but I wanted you all to know just
how much I appreciate you and why.