Messages

I'm so sorry MB. I wish there were any words that would help you get through this, but with all that you've had on your plate recently and now this---words would just be trite.

I'll be thinking about you and your family. If you need an ear PM me.

FLMom

I think speed will be the key to how this goes. If the lawyer(s) drag their feet on any part of this, time will play against you. The faster you can get this in front of a judge, the better.

I just have to say---Davy---I thank you for posting here your advice and opinions, especially on a matter that I'm sure is very painful for you. If I had thought of the other parent as an "abductor" and not "father" I wouldn't have gone through the hell I did for a year. You are so correct about how the right verbage can make a difference. To call the mother in this case anything less than "abductor" is to soft-pedal the situation, a deadly mistake that could take years to fix. Thank you for making me think.

I'll add my agreement to what everyone else has said.

DO NOT move out.

Custody has nothing to do with how often you "see" the children---it has to do with overnights. Once you move, you've made yourself the "non-custodial" parent, and the parent left in the home the "custodial parent".

Once you've done that, you've shot yourself in the foot. You can "agree" to everything under the sun, but you may just end up with being an every other weekend father.

Trust us--no matter how tense it is, stay put until an order is in place.

I remembered some cases from the FBI website and wanted to link them for you. They're sad stories, but at least they'll give you an idea of how long you may have to wait to see things done through the court system and what the process may be.

*Never married but in the middle of custody trial:

http://www.fbi.gov/wanted/parent/fernandez.htm


*Mother fled just prior to divorce proceedings:

http://www.fbi.gov/wanted/parent/clark.htm


*Custody awarded to father after mother failed to appear:

http://www.fbi.gov/wanted/parent/wilson.htm


*Joint custody in place, mother violated the order:

http://www.fbi.gov/wanted/parent/torres.htm


*Never married, joint managing guardians, mother took off:

http://www.fbi.gov/wanted/parent/tomayko.htm


*Mother left during divorce proceedings, father awarded custody:

http://www.fbi.gov/wanted/parent/slinkard.htm


*Parents married, mother just came home one day and father had left with daughter:

http://www.fbi.gov/wanted/parent/budiman.htm



If nothing else, at least these cases show that they will go after either parent for taking off with the child or children, even if custody wasn't established at the time the children were taken. Hopefully your reunion with the kids will happen significantly faster than these cases!

FLMom

I am so sorry for the situation you are going through. I can only imagine that it is absolutely terror filled.

Glad to see that you have an attorney. What has he/she advised as the next step? Mind you, I am not a lawyer, so please do not construct this post as legal advice. I would be hammering my lawyer to file for an emergency ex parte hearing since she has absconded with the kids. If a judge finds that she has illegally left with the kids, you could possibly then file for sole custody and ask that a warrant be served for her arrest.

If you are able to get a warrant for her arrest for parental abduction, your next step could be to get in touch with the NCMEC--The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. They would be listed in a nationwide database.

If you are able to do this, then the next step would be to get in touch with missing children organizations. There are several that come to mind.

//www.charleyproject.org

//www.projectjason.org

//www.klaaskids.org

Getting their names and faces out there will be key to finding them and bringing them home. Once you have your ducks in a row with the legal aspect, the next suggestion would be to go to the largest local or regional paper close to you and grovel to see if someone will write an article on the kids.

A word of caution. It's a sad fact that a lot of law enforcement agencies will pooh-pooh a report of custodial interference, with the sad mindset that just because they are with one of their parents everything is OK. Just be ready to fight that assumption.

You may be able to get some other ideas at another forum I belong to. These people are GREAT and may have some good brainstorming ideas on where to look and what to do next--- //www.websleuths.com ---.

Good luck to you, and please let us know how everything is going.

FLMom

I would be a little more worried than you are. Hate to be an alarmist here, but. . . .

I would have a computer technician check my computer over completely. She may have only admitted to what she'd been accused of doing. Ever heard of a keystroke logger? Someone from a remote computer can send this program to any puter of their choice. All keystrokes are logged in a stealth file and sent back to the hacker. There are all kinds of versions of these, but to give you an idea of how just one of these works, check out this link:

//www.key-stroke.com

Good Luck,
FLMom

I'm half tempted to write her, but why give attention to someone so obviously deluded? Not only are there second wives here, but how bout folks like me and Backwardsbike---NCP moms? Bet she'd think we are a planted fairy tale. Either that, or she'd go with the myth that all mothers that don't have their children 90% of the time are bad mothers who lost their children because they deserved it.

My bet is that she is a CP mom who drummed up fake charges of abuse against her ex. The problem with screwballs is eventually they start believing and living their own lies.

In my experience I think that school officials are just befuddled. They don't want to put themselves into the position of doing something illegal, but they don't always realize that the first parent they meet is not always doing things on the up and up. I mean, in a rational mindset, who wouldn't want the other parent involved?

When my ex moved and enrolled our youngest two in an elementary school, he neglected to put ANY information about me, their mother. When I called the school I was told that I wouldn't be allowed any information---not about classes, school start times--nada.

After fuming for an hour or so, I realized that it wasn't the school's fault and that I shouldn't be irritated with them. They were just going by what my ex had told them and the way he had filled out the forms.

Imagine the school's suprise when I showed up there the next day, court order in hand. Not only that, but it also just happened to be a week during the summer that the kiddos were with me. Of course I had the kids wait outside during the conversation. The principal was aghast when I showed her the court order showing joint custody. I found out everything that I needed to know right then and there. I went on over the next few years to do everything from classroom PTA liason to numerous field trips and classroom parties. Funny thing is, the ex never made it to any of this stuff.

One other thing that you have the right to is copies of all of the paperwork that has previously been filled out and is in your child's folder. It was interesting to see how my ex had just deleted me from our kids lives on paper. Thinking with that rational mindset again, you'd think that if a child got hurt at school or was sick, you'd want as many phone numbers as possible, right? But ex's don't always act rational. So not only can you check these forms to make sure your info is included, you can also get a copy of them as they are filled out now. Ex's atty was not a happy camper when this information came up in a discussion.

Just be as pleasant as punch when you go to the school. It's not their fault that they've been swayed by the other parent's manipulation. Along with the court order and the HIPPA documents, you could also bring a folder on the side showing where you've previously signed report cards in another school, volunteer worksheets from another school, any pics you may have of class parties or special functions, and if you are on good graces with you child's former teachers maybe a note from them that you are an involved parent. Save the folder for last just in case they still don't believe you.

If they still balk after all this, just ask who the lawyer is that handles the school district's legal issues. I've seen a phone call from one lawyer to another get a lot more done than spinning wheels with school officials.

Good luck!
FLMom

I gave up the ghost on this issue a long time ago. I'm 5 years post divorce, kids spend about 50/50 between homes now.

Got a call from my son Sunday night. He was cleaning out his closet and was just amazed at all of the things he had found. Clothes, long
outgrown, after more times than I can count of him telling me, "Dad says I have all my clothes over here and I have to bring them all home". Yeah right. I knew darn well what I had bought and sent home with him and his sisters over the years, and there they all were---clothes, shoes, coats, windbreakers, toys, cars, games---you name it.

I'm sure if you add it up, he probably found a few thousand dollars worth of merchandise in the vast wasteland that is a young boy's closet. In my case it wasn't a malicious ex that hid the stuff, it was an ex that allowed a elementary schooler to wash his own clothes and keep track of his own stuff.

Like I said, I gave up on this a long time ago. I'd either see the stuff again or I wouldn't. I just got tired of pettyness, and with it being items that either directly or indirectly belonged to the kids, I had to just let it go or risk becoming a screaming meemee. Do I pay CS? Yup. Am I always robbing the change jar? Yup. I just held onto the hope that one day the kids would get old enough to realize these kinds of little things, and they have.

So this week it's all going to be brough back here---the clothes and shoes that are too small will go to his cousins, there will soon be a bunch of "new" old stuff to do here with all of the toys and junk, and the rest is going to charity.

It's not really an answer on how to deal with this, it's just how I've dealt.

FLMom

Can she keep her away like this ?

Yes she can, for just as long as you LET it happen. Now that you know she's filed, every moment after this that you DON'T file for emergency custody of your daughter will look to the court as if you don't give a flip.


Do i have legal recourse?

Your legal recourse is to file for emergency PRIMARY custody. What you need to do is go down to your courthouse and ask if they have a Family Law Assistance program. If not, they'll have something similar. They should have a packet of information for you, and if not they can usually point you to the forms to fill out. You will then need to ask at the clerk's office about scheduling for an emergency hearing.

When filling out the forms, leave the lament and emotion out of it.
1) You are still in the marital home.
2) Your daughter has been taken out of the marital home by your wife.
3) Your daughter will suffer greatly by being taken out of her accustomed environment.
4) You do not know where your daughter is at this time, although the dissolution papers she filed says she is in xxxxxx, xx.

At this time you are not answering your wife's petition for dissolution of marriage. You are filing for temporary emergency primary custody.

I read your posts from a week ago, and answered then. If you have no money for a lawyer, then you will have to fill out these forms until you find the money. You received a lot of very good advice with what you posted before---take it and run with it.

Years down the road, you do not want to have to regret the fact that you sat idly by while your ex wife made you an every other weekend and rotating holidays kind of father.

By the way, from this moment on, DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT.
Every receipt, every phone call---if there's paper attached or it somehow has to do with your wife and daughter keep it or notate it in a journal.

Time's up for wondering all the what if's and maybe's. Now is action and never allowing yourself to use the word "can't".

Good Luck,
FLMom

 PS-----You do have one leg up on things if you act now. Custody law states that a parent cannot file for custody until the child has lived in that jurisdiction for 6 months. Another form you will have to fill out is a USJDA (?--help me out here folks--can't remember all of the letters). It's done to keep jurisdictions straight in a situation like this.