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There's absolutely no order in place right now? ?



Right. There is no order in place right now.

Thank you for your reply.

Child has just turned 16. Her salary has become much higher than mine at this moment. There has never been an order or even an informal agreement on the back of an envelope.

I have no problem with 50/50 because it's my child. But I had a problem with 100/0 in the past when the expenses were so high. And I have a problem when it doesn't get made up in the future, particularly when she doesn't have rent expense and also gets help with her portion of tuition. And then I go into serious debt to maintain my 50%? That's totally out of balance.

I'll have to get a legal opinion.

Hi--quick question even though I've brought it up before. It's money related.

Brief background. Teen aged child, no support order or support agreement. Custody 50-50. Split up since child was baby. Ex has remained extremely combative for all these years although surprisingly lawyers only came into the picture once at the beginning to write settlement cover custody, holiday schedule, etc.

Topic. For first three years of child's life I paid 100% child care even though our salaries were the same. It was a very expensive, private day care. So about 25,000 a year. She refused to pay anything. Reason given? I wasn't paying rent then because it was my sister's house and she didn't charge me.

Many years later, child is in private school. We have paid 50/50 except for two years when I paid 35%. I am having a very hard time paying 50 now. (In fact it's always been hard. Debt load is huge at the moment.) She refuses to pick up the slack saying I have money available to me because of money I have put aside for college, which I don't want to use now. I've told her that since she is remarried, it is now she who pays no rent because husband covers all of that. He also covers part of tuition. So her expenses are cut way down. And so she should pick up the slack.

Basically, I believe she should pay me back for the money she never paid way back in the expensive day care to make up for what I am unable to cover.

I'm wondering what a court would say to something like this? She believes a judge will say that the fact that I have been paying 50/50 most years, plus the fact that I paid 100% back in the early years, will work against me.

Or would a judge say that she needs to make up for that money she didn't contribute?

Honestly, this has always bugged me but I let it go in the past. I haven't wanted to pay lawyer fees. And I still don't if possible.

P.S. What does negative karma mean? Did I offend someone?

...and will check out that book that I'm unfamiliar with.

Thanks. That's a very smart reply.

I'm not sure what to make of this and thought others might have some experience. I have posted before on other topics.

I have a teenaged child. The ex and I have been apart for more than 10 years. Time is shared equally.

I've found out that Mom told our child that Dad "hates" her. That's the extent of what I heard and I don't know if it was once or more than once. I didn't quiz my child. The context was me saying her sister didn't need to buy a small item that I was planning to pick up later. In other words, a logistical question of relatively minor importance. Ex's reaction to my plan was, "Your Dad hates me."

I don't know what to make of this and just thought, "This is disproportionate to what was going on and pretty extreme." I've certainly never said anything to my child about hating her. Not even close. I know very little of what she says to the young one and I don't ask. Historically, ex has been extremely combative with me verbally, but usually not around our kid. But this got my attention.

For my child's sake, I may go speak to a professional about this because I find it strange and scary. Ex has said other odd things in the past that I've heard about but not this dark. Maybe it's nothing and will pass. That's what I'm trying figure out. Thanks.

I find the name funny even though it's a little out there. I wish there was more humor in these forums.

For what it's worth, years ago as I grew accustomed to all kinds of offensive games from the ex, I learned to take nothing for granted and to expect nothing. Trust me when I say that some of the things where I was left out were pretty incredible. In fact, they were so incredible that even my lawyer was shocked--and these guys have seen everything. I make sure I contact everybody myself--teachers, doctors, candlestick makers. That way I don't get mad if I'm not on a list. And I don't even mention it to the ex.

Are you trying to get sole custody?

The long and short of it is that the child is with one parent about a month more per year. That's the hassle of 60/40 no matter what it's called. Anyway, it's my primary concern and the thing that I'm set on changing. So I wonder: Is it better to adjust the time during the year or by adding a couple of weeks in the summer?

My assumption is that the typical CP/NCP plan backends nights with NCP in the summer so that the total number of nights per year equals out. But I just don't know and I'm trying to find a basis for comparison.

My personal belief is that it's best spread it out over the year and to leave the summer untouched. But since my ex will only deal with this via the court, what I think is beside the point. I need to present a case resembling some sort of a standard plan. I say this because I've noticed that in family law people tend to like established templates.

Shared physical custody, taxes split, no child support or support order because it is 60/40, neither person decides alone on school district, there is a "right of first refusal," and nothing is done as a courtesy. As per settlement. Even ex doesn't claim I am ncp.