Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center
crazy gamesriddles and jokesfunny picturesdeath psychic!mad triviafunny & odd!pregnancy testshape testwin custodyrecipes

Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - awakenlynn

Pages: 1 2 34 5 ... 22
If her behavior is bad, try putting some nanny cams in the house that can record sound, just in the public areas--living room, kitchen, so forth.  Keep written documents on everything.  IS her bills spelled out on paper, if so, keep track of what she is and isn't paying.  Get documents showing you are the father.  Start looking for a smaller place, even just 1 bedroom (for the kids) and you get a sleep sofa.  Try and do everything at once.  If you are a named father, you are able to take the kids with you just as easily as she can, so be careful but if you NEED to move out, they need to move out with you too.  Make sure you have an attorney for when she starts pulling stunts since you know she will.  Make sure you sleep on the couch or something so that is she starts yelling abuse you can pull out the nanny cam tapes.  Document everything! and be ready for a fight if the 2 of you split.

Are you on the birth certificate? or had paternity established?   I would take copies of all your orders, birth certificate or paternity test and immediately go find an attorney, he should be able to help you wade through every thing DHS is going to throw at you and deal with the FOC too.  It won't be easy, but you are the parent and the child should be with you if the mother is unfit

Visitation Issues / Re: Visitation with 15 yr. old
« on: Mar 14, 2009, 12:16:23 PM »
I would try and resolve the issue with him and see if a better schedule might work since he is 15.  Otherwise, depending on the situation, remind him that even though you cannot be there full time as you would prefer, that you are still the parent and he is still your son and that you will be there at the ordered times and then document everything.  Don't guilt trip or demand.  Just if he's not wanting to go, then just tell him you are sorry that he chooses not to visit with you, that you will miss him but you understand that he is growing up and that you will be back next time.

Visitation Issues / Re: visitation
« on: Mar 14, 2009, 12:09:36 PM »
I agree and get the order as well-dined as possible especially dates, times, who is transporting, exactly what issue is taken care of how, that way the more defined you get it the easier you can show the courts what is going on.
And its never to late to start documenting.  Double check if IL is a one-party or 2 party state with recording calls, otherwise let what calls you can go to voicemail and save those, do what communicating you can in emails.  document all phone calls and requests. Everything!  Try to do exchanges in a neutral place  (request a particular spot in the court order) and have it taped (public domain).  Keep records of everything even now to help show her behavior and how you are trying to work with her but still stand up for your rights as a parent

Visitation Issues / court went good
« on: Mar 14, 2009, 11:52:01 AM »
Went to court Friday...it was DH and his attorney, ex and her attorney and the Attorney General (not sure if him or his assistant).
Child support is all screwed up, that will take awhile for the state to figure out of course.  They thought it was like $3500, then like $2400, but we have a letter we have to fax to them with an amount of $440, so they have to figure out where that came from.  Then they realized that they can't follow the IL order as TX ordered because their system isn't set up to handle abatements, so they had to completely rework the support order and we are actually paying less now than the old order, but they are going to add in the arrears so it only adds $65 a month which since we pay weekly isn't bad and then i can always pay extra when we can afford it and get it to end early (SD is 16) and we want it to end when she turns 18.
Then onto what we were suing her about...her attorney saw what he had and told her to behave and agree to everything we asked.  So we get the entire Christmas this year to make up for the visit she refused last year.  The airports changed too somewhat, in general the court ordered airports stay the same, BUT if a flight doesn't exist like what happened at Christmas, WE choose the airport on our end, but then the flight must originate from Austin and as SD is 16 she is no longer required to fly unaccompanied or non-stop, which will help LOTS.  Also if ex pulls her stunts again, she has been told and it is part of the new order that she WILL be held in contempt, she WILL be fined and there will be the possibility that she will be confined.  She will also be required to bond every flight from then on.  She is required to follow the notification dates of the original order and if a "military problem" arises then she has to notify us.
Unfortunately, we didn't get recompensed for all the costs we lost out on, between the 2 tickets we lost and all the extra travel, she doesnt' have to pay that back, which sucks, but we got the more important stuff done, and we don't have to pay her attorney fees like she was expecting.  So hopefully this was a wake up call, things got a lot stricter for her and she is to be held accountable.  The judge signed off on it all that afternoon.

An attorney should be able to help you.  I know IL and many other states have procedures in place to deal with an ex no one can find.  I know in IL, my sister had to place ads in major papers for so many weeks/months notifying "ex" of the court date regarding "XX" children.  If he is a no show the judge can proceed from there.  Even if parental rights are terminated, ex will still be required to pay for any arrears up til the dates of parental termination unless the ex shows up and asks to settle for less (my sister's ex did; he would sign his rights if his arrears were forgiven).  Now in his case, if the judge was mad enough and chose to he could have accepted the parental termination rights and still assigned arrears to be paid.  This judge went with allowing the forgiveness so my siser could cut him out of his life totally.
If you can't afford an attorney you could speak to some if they have no/cheap consulation fees or go to a local law schools family law clinic or see if you qualify for low income legal help (that is what my sister did).

Visitation Issues / Heading to Court ...... long
« on: Mar 12, 2009, 11:23:40 PM »
Well, hubby made it to TX midday today.  It was a long drive for him.  He met with his attorney and has court tomorrow (3/13) afternoon.  We are taking ex to court for his non-compliance with the current order.  She did not notify us by the date ordered by the court to let us know Christmas transportation.  Even when she did notify us, we had already let her know that the court ordered cities for Christmas (Dallas to Moline) did not exist.  With that being the case she was really supposed to drive SD up to our court ordered meeting place.  She kept insisting a flight so we found the next best thing keeping her airport the same and us driving 5hrs out of our way each direction to the airport that did have a non-stop flight (court ordered), keeping to the spirit of the order.  We already have heard from the judge (unofficially) that ex was supposed to drive SD for Christmas visit.  So we lost the money from the flight + gas for the drive + (the blown tire that would not happened since if we knew she was not putting SD on the flight we would not have been on that highway and driven over something);  we did not find out ex was not putting SD on the flight until an hour away from our airport when we called to ask her a question.  [She told SD that hubby did not buy a ticket and that the airline info we sent (as court ordered) was made up].
So we are asking for make-up time, some expenses to be recovered and to have ex bond every flight.  Ex decided 4 days before the flight she did not want the one we had reserved and had one she choose that had to get SD out of school early and it was not an early release date.  It would have been another $800 to change the flight.  VERY cost prohibitive!!!
Now with spring break coming up, we let ex know last month that hubby was going to drive down to TX and pick SD up.  Court order says hubby gets visitation Friday 6pm if he is in the area.  SD was supposed to have her last soccer game on Saturday, but that was moved this last week (and we verified everything with the school).  Coaches of both teams were upset, they had agreed to play Saturday because they were losing alot of kids to spring break when they played during spring break, but the school district notified them that they could not play on any Saturday before spring break.  Why should they care if the coaches both agreed the date was better.  So now the game is Monday.  But anyways, ex kept insisting hubby could not have SD until after the Saturday game which is against the explicit orders.  So the 3 day visit is now 7 days.  Thank God for tax returns!!!!  That and his mother went down withy hubby and she is helping with the costs.  Our attorney added the ex's threats to the petition showing her blatent disregard to the order that she had initiated last year.
Hubby went to his appt today with attorney and ex's attorney called and said by the way, have you gotten our petition, we are suing you too for child support.  Saying we owed like $3500.  LOL!!!!  That would mean ex hasn't gotten child support for 15 months!  We have our bank records, SDU records (which are somewhat questionable).  Attorney has not gotten the paperwork and hubby has not been served, we think they will try to do it at the court house.  We do have arrears of about $730 to $1300.  Hubby has been laid off for 11 wks now and while we have made little payments they haven't been full payments (hubby is getting about $200 less a week) and then when TX was taking over jurisdiction we actually had a credit, but it took them so long to get things started with the employer that we owed about $450 but that amount was based on an old order (hence the small arrears) and we have never heard back from the child support office except to get the withholding notice which did not include arrears.  So if they changed the original arrears to the current order (and didn't notify us) then that is the larger arrears amount.  We did pay some with the tax returns and are hoping that one of the conversations with the CS office will stick and they will send us a new withholding notice including arrears.  One thought is that the CS office which has been collecting the money has either not cleared out their records from when TX took over from IL (alot of errors for about 6 months and both states were taking support and not notifiing the other state) and its possible that they have been collecting and have not paid ex out (especially if she did not file the correct paperwork--she has a habit of picking and choosing whatever she thinks with get her more and the state has caught on that alot she has sent in has been inaccurate, out dated or just plain wrong).  She has already been caught in a few lies.
Just needed to get it all off my chest, with him gone and conversation limited, I don't have anyone to really work things through with.
Thanks, awakenlynn

Visitation Issues / Re: visitation
« on: Mar 12, 2009, 10:04:24 AM »
I would definately look for a new attorney.  "mother won't allow it" is a joke.  I would try and make sure that this attorney did not interview with ex before taking your case.  That happened to us when the jurisdiction moved to TX, we were both interviewing attorneys at the same time.  Luckily the attorney ex picked was in charge of a LARGE firm and it was handed off to a lesser attorney.  I have to say though once this attorney actually MET and dealt with ex, lol, she was very sympathetic to my hubby.  Her screaming (in a conference room) could be heard through 2 rooms and the courtroom.  Sadly, she had brought daughter to court with her and she could hear it too.
It is becoming somewhat easier for courts to start with joint custody if all things are equal, but it will depend on alot of issues--how far apart do you all live? how old are the kids? and so on.
But courts are different in every county even within the same state.  My husband's case started there and he got good visitation, he was in the military and the case was in 93, a time before joint visitation really was thought about.  My brother-in-law's case was about 2002 and he actually got custody of his daughter, he was able to show he was the better parent. Both cases were in the same county.

DH got laid off at the factory he was working at so he moved into the carpentry field and is now an apprentice with the local union.  Winter hit and we lasted until the 1st week of January, he was one of the last of the company to lay off.  We were told they were hoping for spring, so figured he would be back to work later this month (March), then he heard from his apprentice mentor, who was the LAST to be laid off about 3 weeks ago and he was told it was looking like another 3-4 months before any work comes up.  So unemployment is about $200 less a week than his work checks, but our attorney said in TX they really wouldn't do anything because it was still temporary, and to tough it out and make what payments we can.  We had about $400 arrears when we transfered from IL to TX.  And now 2 months arrears from Jan and Feb 09.  We are trying to see if we could get it out of the unemployment checks, but DH has registered with a temp service.  So if he gets steady work there until carpentry starts back up then we will have it come out of his temp job, but even that is not guaranteed.  But we will start making little payments just to show good faith and they will have to accept that for now.

IL specifies that parents cover college costs.  Can't remember the exact details, I think in general support continues until a child is like 22/23.  It's been alittle while since I looked.  Our case started in IL, but ex has since moved it to TX.  So I started researching there.  Child support ends at 18/upon high school graducation, whichever is later.
We will sit down and talk to SD and we will help HER out, not ex.  We don't have alot of money and she knows this.  She also knows she will be expected to look at scholarships, Pell, other grants, work part-time.  We will help with something like car insurance and books, of course I think insurance still covers her if she is in college.
We have 2 years left and are waiting for ex to figure it out.

Pages: 1 2 34 5 ... 22
Copyright © SPARC - A Parenting Advocacy Group
Use of this website does not constitute a client/attorney relationship and this site does not provide legal advice.
If you need legal assistance for divorce, child custody, or child support issues, seek advice from a divorce lawyer.