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Therpist is still kinda taking everything in.  She has ordererd a psychological evaluation done on the child.  The problem is, is that we will have to go to mediation before we can have time to have this done.  Everyone off the records say grandma is guilty and should not see the child at all, but then they say well but she is the child's grandmother and their is a bond established.  Our laywer has asked us to come uo with a plan tha twecan live with to take to mediation nad that is what I am trying to do.  Any suggestions on what you would do?  

I want to start out by saying that I have custody of my 7 year old daughter and have had it since 2003 from a Texas court.  She lives at my residence with me, my wife and kids.  I share joint custody with her maternal grandmother. The grandmother has EOW and holidy visitation and is in charge of supervising the relationship that my daughter has with her mother.  The mother has various felonies and can no be left alone with children unsupervised.  The courts allowed the GP's to supervise the relationship with the understanding that mom was not to be living there.  As you can already tell, mom is living there.  I am taking the grandmother back to court and the judge has sent us to mediation with a current TRO in place.  I know this will not work because we have been there and done this before.  

I am seeking full custody for the protection of my daughter.  While she has been visiting with her grandmother, it has been brought to my attnetion through school personel and child protective services that my daughter is being sexually abused by her cousin at their residence, being told by her grandmother not to tell her "secrets" or she will never see her mother again, and the gmother allowing the child to be left alone with her mother unsupervised.  The child is under the age of ten and Texas Law states that there is nothing that they can do legally to this child.  CPS just offers to have a saftey plan where the kids can not be left alone unsupervised and then strongly urge me to take the matter to court and have the order changed to no overnight stays and supervision for all partied involved.  Granmother has emotionally abused this child stated by her forensic psychologist, therapist, teachers, and others who have been in contact with the child.  We have all these people coming to help us and testify for us.  I am torn about what to ask for.  I know in my heart that these people should never be allowed bakci nto her life unsupervised, but at the same time I do not want this change to negatively affect my daughter by her felling guilty for telling what has happenend to her and now everything has to change.  

I want to have some opinions on: do you think the GP's can do damage to this child if they were allowed to take the child for 4-6 hours two days a month unsupervised for visition with brief time also allowed for holidays?  We are definately only allowing time with mom unsupervised by an ouside source but what do we do with grandmother and not look unreasonable with the judge or effect my daughter and make her fill like she is being punished for coming forward and telling the truth.  I am so confused ,angry, and upset.  Angry that this is happening to my daughter, angry that the GP and mother can not just do what the court order says, and angry that they have manipulated the situation with my daughter to make her eventually fill like she did something wrong.  Please help!  

Sorry if I have mistyped words or even spelt them wrong, I am so mad right now I could spit nails, if it was possible!  

Desperate AggieDad

I am from Texas and when you go through the Attorney Generals office of Texas your court order is generally vague and is the standard order which allows for a ton of misinterrupations.  My advice from you is to do it when you get a divorce and have a board certified family law attorney work with you and Ex to come to an agreement that you can esecentually live with for 18 years (or until your child turns 18).  I went that route the first time and I am now paying out the wazoo (pardon expression) for the changes (and I also have custody).

I would look around and talk with people on here about what they have put in their order that has worked for them and what they have found they needed.

For example:
1. Gerographic residential boundaries limited to the current county in which you and your ex reside.

2. Extensive Medical coverage papers clearly stating who provides medical supprt, how to handle timely repayment for medical support, including but not limited to medical, dental, vision, and hearing.

3. How to handle as the child gets older and wants to participate in school activities and be involved with friends.

4. What each of you is allowed to do containing medical, school, psychological, and any other impprtant records pertaining to the child.

This is just some thoughts that I had.  but check with your attorney!

I have posted several times bits and pieces about my case to Soc and on the visitation issues part of the message board but I need anyone's help that will listen and pray for me and my family.

Well we are going to court TOMORROW!  Yes tomorrow.  A part of me is scared as ...., but a part of me is ready to fight this war.  I have prayed long and hard that this day will be good for my daughter and my immediate family in which she lives with and get her the help she needs to feel safe and secure when visiting with her other family.  

She needs to see her other family, but not at the expense of her being emotionally and physicaly scared for life (it has been reported to CPS and law enforcement that she has been left alone unsupervised with mom, has been sexually abused by another family member under the age of ten, and verbally threatened by a family member to not tell her secrets or she will never see them again).  I pray that her mother and grandparents will come to a logical solution to our visitaion problems and do what is in the best interest of our child and not keep fighting me on everything when they have no leg to stand on.

I have faith in my attorney and my lord (funny to put both of those in the same sentence) that things will turn out the way that they are intended to be, but I also feel that every little extra prayer will not hurt!  

Thanks to everyone who has always helped me out and provided me with encouragment and feedback to endure this long horrible process of family law court and court orders (and not to mention dealing with wonderful EX's and their mothers).    

Aggiedad

Try and contact an Father's Rights agency in Texas that can possibly help you.  I talked with a agency out of Houston and they seemed to help a little, but my case is a little more extreme than the usual case.  

Fahters for Equal Rights
1314 Texas Ave, Suite 609
Houston, Texas 77002
Tel: (713) 226-8485
Fax: (713) 226-8442

As far as all the petty stuff that the EX is gripping about, if I am understanding the info right.  If it is not specifically stated in your court order those things she is complaining about, then she has no leg to stand on in court.  It is her purden to show proof of all the things she is accusing you of and you wife of.  

Now the cash money thing, sorry to be so blunt, but that was stupid on your part.  The only way you could possibly prove this is to take your bank records of when you pulled the cash out to pay her.  If it is close to the amount and time the child support is due, the judge may accept that as proof on your part, but that is even stretching it.  Now if you could possibly find a third party with no interest in the case to testify that you paid the money, that would be great.  
 
I hope this helps.  
Aggiedad

Texas actually words is as a "substantial change", but it is the same thing.  But either way it is really both!  Aggiedad

The only good advice that I can give to you is:
         1. if you love your child you have to be the "NICE" guy
         2. play by the rules, especially in Texas
         3. try to work on a CIVIL relationship with the mother (?)

I do agree, in some cases, that fathers get ripped and are not treated equally.  The judges, most of the time, award custody to women based on two factors. 1. Wowmen are assumed to be the natuaral caregiver and 2. the fact that when two couples split,  men (most of the time)make the mistake of leaving the child behind with the other parent.  So basically, the one that leaves is the one that 9 times out of 10 does not get to choose where the child resides.    

The only way you will ever get anything back is by documentating every move you make and every move your EX makes.  Get SUPER involved with your child.  Get to know their doctors, teachers, counselors, coaches, etc.  Then when something "substantailly" changes.....go for a change or modification in court.    

I would love to give you some advice based on the research I have done, but you will need to post some specifics on your case. Like: what you want, what you have, proof, and what was done, etc.  I can give you some advice based on my experience but I am not a lawyer, only a dad that loves his children with all of his heart.  No matter how much HELL you raise in TEXAS, nothing will get done unless you have documentation, money, lawyers at your discreation, and politicians in your pack pocket.  Again these are my opinions.  

Aggiedad

I want to first tell you that I am a CP to my daughter and I am put in the same position even though I have custody.  My wife has told me several times that it is either her or us.  My wife (who will now finish this) will tell you what she thinks you and your wife can do to get based this.

I truely understand how your wife feels.  No one will truely understand how a step parents fells unless they become one.  I have a 7 year old stepdaughter who longs to have her mother love her.  Because I love her like my own, she takes every shot she can to take it out on me.  She releases everything out at me and it drives me crazy.  My mother in law and husband did nit believe me for several years until my mother in law recently cam to stay with me during my maternity leave and saw what SD was doing to me when she taught no other adult was around.  I have had to seek counsleing outside of the home for my sanity and for the sake of my marriage.  I did not know that I would be raising this child for my husband and his EX.  I knew she would be there in the weekends but never did I believe I would be her 24/7 mother and have to deal with the reprocuahions of her mother's and grandmother's actions.  I am not pushing religion, but I look for strength within myself and the lord and remind myself constantly "THIS TOO SHALL PASS!" The BM even purposely got pregnant when I did so her child could be better in the daughter's eyes then the one that I had.  She even named it what I had picked out.  I knew this was going to happen so I secretly told my step daughter two name that I really hated and she told her mom those names and the BM used one of the two.  So BM thinks that she got one over me, but in reality, I set her up.  It is really little stuff like that that keeps me going for now and the fact that no matter what happens I love my husband and could not make him choose.  Even though I want to TONS of times.  I try and support him for my two wonderful kids sake because they need their daddy too.  I hope this helps.  I also agree with the other post that she needs to get on this webdite and post stuff to let off steam and get a general perspective of what she can do.  It helps.  I will pray for you and your very rough decision!  Aggiedad's wonderful wife LOL!