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That should have been listed in there if not then you may want to modify to get it addressed.  I will assume that OM is Other Male??  If they are not married then he cannot claim them on taxes, if they are married then you may be SOL if it isn't addressed in the decree.

But I will admit that you are correct.  The "family" court system is seriously flawed and does tend to favor Mothers over fathers.  Perhaps that is why our youth of today are so out of control.

Thankfully, my X and I work hard TOGETHER to be sure that our daughter has what she needs and that includes the love and support of BOTH her parents!!!  I must say that the post-divorce relationship my X and I share in regards to our daughter is very rare....but we did learn this lesson the hard way.  We both started out bickering over her and a legal tug o war ensued...then we wised up and realized what a racket "family" court was.  We both agreed to drop our lawyers and work together on deciding what is best for our daughter and there has been peace ever since!!  My X and I divorced when our daughter was only 2, she is now a very well adjusted beautiful 15 year old that knows she can rely on BOTH of her parents.  If my X is having a problem with her (He's CP), he will call me to discuss it.  Being the NCP, any time I wish to have her he typically doesn't have a problem with that.  OH...btw we live on opposite coasts so logistics for her visits have to be worked out...she has many frequent flyer miles.  This was supposed to be his year to have her for Christmas....I asked him if I could have it because I'm taking my other 2 children (not X's) to Disney.  He said SURE...just like at the begining of this year...I was supposed to have her for Spring Break, but he wanted to take her to San Fran...I said SURE.

If parents could focus on the needs of their children and put their children first...I seriously doubt the family court would be as bad as it is!!!!

I read that and my red flags started flying!!

You brought tears to my eyes!!

Thing is, I see both sides and I feel that untill you have that perspective, you never really fully understand.  I am NCP to my OD so I know what it's like to pay support and thankfully, my X and I get along pretty good where she is concerned.  It's pretty tough though being a Non-Custodial MOM...OMG the comments that I've heard from other women is just astonishing...The majority of the time they say "I would NEVER give up my child"..*ugh*..I love when I get those statements because I blast them and make them feel like they are less than an inch tall!! *rolling eyes*  I say to them "I didn't give up my child!!!  At the time I wasn't able to provide a good life for her and my X was...so I put HER needs before my own...I guess that isn't important to you?  It was VERY important to me that SHE be taken care of and she was!!  I suppose you don't love your child that much???  You would deny your child just to spite your X?? That's really sad!!!  I feel sorry for your child!!!!"

As for the CS set at $275...sure it would be nice if it were higher and then we'd be able to do more "fun" things.  Thankfully, I do have a great job and I make fairly decent $$.  DS is not suffering, he is fed, has nice clothes, nice home and gets to do "fun" things every now and then.  When I grew up...my parents set $$ limits on things (had to with 5 kids in the house)...and I do the same with my kids.  It boils down to want or need....if they NEED shoes...I will buy them...but on my terms...If they WANT more expensive shoes...then they have to pay the difference.

I'm excited about Christmas this year!!  I'm not buying the kids any toys, no clothes and I've told them straight up....This is all you're getting for Christmas..hehehe  We're going to Disney this year!!  What's even better is that my OD will be with us as well!!!  This was X's year to have her for Christmas, but when I found out we got the Condo....I called him and asked if we could trade...he said sure!!!  I wish more people would work together for the sake of their kids....it would make a lot of this Court BS go away!!!!

I was agreeing with you...I have been on this board for many years and I have heard many people complain on how the CS they get barely covers the childs costs...ummm HELLO...CS is only supposed to be a PORTION of the child's costs, the CP is SUPPOSED to pay some as well...some just don't get the fact that they too are responsible for some of the costs as well.

I have a friend here at work who's BF is going through a nasty custody battle.  The BM in his case is getting over $2000 a month in CS for 3 kids and claims that she can't afford to buy them anything...it really makes me sick!!!

Honestly...I wish I got a little bit more in CS and according to the calculators I should be getting more...but that's beside the point.  The $275 I get really doesn't go far and I feel bad having to tell my son I just can't afford for him to do certain things.  He really wanted to join Tae Kwan Do but it would have cost $125 start up and $50 a month...there was just no way.  I did ask his Dad if he would split the cost with me....he of course said no way :-(  Meanwhile he's driving new cars, just bought a house and the only reason the CS is set so low is because it's an interstate CS order and his GF works for the court that set it...oh well.

the way I calculated his "housing" cost was in my area I could get a 1 bdr for $850 a month.  Since I have 2 kids, I must have a 3 bedroom so my Mortgage is $1360 a month.  I subtracted the $850 from the $1360 and divided that in 1/2.

I agree that some NCP's are paying partial alimony....that is why I don't think the current system works right.  There are just way to many variables and a lot of the time it really depends on the judge you get and if he/she is having a good day.

 and NO I don't think that the CS should equal 100% of my son's costs.  In my case, yes, I do make more than his father and do carry the lion's share of DS's costs.  

I'm just saying that there are some CP's that get skrewed by the system as well....like I did!  When X and I split, DS was 10 months old and CS based on our combined incomes was set at $275 a month.  Mind you DS is now 10 and his father and I were making CONSIDERABLY less.

A couple years ago, I found a program through the government that helps low income individuals with buying a home.  Part of their approval process is to count all means of income so I had to list the CS I get.  The program wanted a copy of the court order.  I looked through all my paperwork and realized that my lawyer skrewed up and never filed the court order for Child support so there wasn't one even though the judge set the support amount!!!  So I went through CSE to have one established since his father moved away.  It took over a year to get it established....I figured that the CS would go up to about $400 a month due to both of us making more....NOPE!!  Come to find out...DS's father's GF works for the court system up in his area and somehow got the court to only order the CS amount to be $275 (the original amount) and that there were NO arrearages...eventhough there were because he missed payments after the time I filed....it did not get back dated to the time of filing...so CP's do get skrewed as well.

DS's Basic Monthly expenses as I figure them to be are:
Child Care:  $350
Housing:  $255
Food:  $250
Clothing:  $25
Utilities:  $45 (Heat, water, electric)
Entertainment:  $20
Transportation:  $20
Medical:  $105
Total: $1070

I pay almost $800 a month for my DS...which is 75% of his costs...so I still would have no problem documenting my spending of the CS...since clearly I do pay way more than the NCP!!!

CP's should have to account for the spending of the CS!!!  Before everyone gets in a tizzy...I'm a CP!!  I have no qualms what so ever about saying when and how I spend the CS I receive....it's not that difficult since I don't get that much....and 100% of what I get goes to my child!!  My DS's before and after school costs are $350 a month, I get $275 in CS...enough said!

but perhaps a certified letter to the BM requesting that she not discuss issues of an adult nature (ie custody, child support, etc) with DS as it is not in his best interest and is causing him distress.  Explain to her that DS is becoming angry with her actions and you would like to discuss a solution that works best for him.

I think I would have prior to filing for contempt, sent a letter to her regarding the late drop off's, missing activities, etc.  That if they were to continue, contempt would follow.

I don't know what dynamic you have with the BM or how cooperative she is, but I found in my 15 years of dealing with custody issues, a proactive approach seems to work best...but not always.

My X pulled this very stunt!!  We were not married either and he thought he could just take our son and split without my knowledge, little did he know that it would backfire on him!

We were going through a rocky time so he called his family in MI and one night when I was out with my family, they swooped in, cleaned out our apartment and took off.  When I found out my son was gone, I immediately went to the court house and filed for Temporary EMERGENCY custody.  It was granted and my X had 48 hours to return our son to me.  He was stupid enough not to and I filed for parental kidnapping charges.  Once he found out there was a warrent for his arrest, he called and told me where I could find our son...I flew up there, and picked up my son.  7 months later we had the custody case and I was granted Sole custody due to him dissapearing with our son like he did...Judges are not too keen on parents doing this.

SOOO..you need to act now!!  There is a thing called "status quo" and if the kids have been gone less than a few weeks, she's upset thier status quo and you stand a good chance of getting them back.  I do recommend you get a lawyer, but you can file for the Temporary Emergency custody yourself and I would do that NOW!!