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You don't necessarily need a lawyer to draw up the agreement, but the court does have to sign off on it.  When my X and I changed custody of our daughter we drew up the agreement ourselves and filed it with the court.  You can write up the agreement, have each party sign in front of a notary and then file it with the court.


You can do an on-line search for formats and basic agreements - type it up with the stipulations you require....quite simple really.

You are so awesome Waylon!!! 

I find the original poster highly offensive and should have her children removed from her custody....she is NOT a fit parent!


What she is doing is punishing her children due to her own personal feelings toward the father.  She has NO RIGHT to interfere with the relationship her children has with their father...that to me is highly disgusting!!!


Perhaps the Mods need to remove this post?

This girl needs help ASAP!!  My daughter at this age also was acting out (not quite to these extremes) and even threatened to kill herself.  I had her Baker Acted and she spent a week in a juvenile psychiatric hospital.  It made a world of difference!  My daughter is now 14 and is such a JOY.


Get her to a doctor ASAP!!

Do your research as well....


Here is an article that has some great references for equal parenting:


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201303/equal-parenting-and-the-quality-parent-child-attachments (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201303/equal-parenting-and-the-quality-parent-child-attachments)


Good luck!!

I agree with the others and here's why....children are more resilient than you may think.


When my X and I divorced our daughter was also 15 months old.  We did joint custody with a week on week off schedule.  I was a stay at home Mom which also meant that now baby girl would be going to Daycare as well.  The benefit I had was that I ended up working at the Daycare where she attended.


So how did things work for us and her.  It was quite beneficial for all actually!


We did our exchanges on Fridays with a Tuesday night dinner for the other parent.  So if I had baby girl for the week, on Tuesday's her Pappa would pick her up from Daycare and spend the evening with her, then bring her back to my place a little before bedtime.  I would do the same on his weeks.


This works really well if you also put up a calendar in each of your places.  Highlight the weeks she has with Dad in blue, then highlight the weeks she is with you in Pink.  Then the day before the exchange takes place, talk to her about going to see Daddy.  We did our exchanges at the daycare.  So Friday morning (on my weeks) I would bring her to daycare and then that evening her Father would pick her up.  Thursday night and Friday morning I would show her the calendar and say "OH look who's going to see Pappa tomorrow!  YEAH"  I did this in a happy voice and I would clap my hands.  She loved it and it removed any anxiety that could build.


My X and I also had a strict "Right to first refusal".  What that means is if during our week, if we needed someone to watch baby girl, the other parent would be asked first before seeking a babysitter.  Since X was in the Army at the time, this worked well for me so I got lots of extra time with her.


A week on week off schedule is a simple plan to follow and it allows EQUAL time for both of you.  Children NEED both parents and one is no better than the other.


As for my baby girl....she is now 21.  She's a senior in college with a 3.9 gpa.  To this day her father and I still converse regarding her.  Over the years we learned that we could be friends and this was vital when she hit her teens...OMG!!  She would get so mad because she found she couldn't pit us against each other....LOL!!


It's OK Mom...do the Joint Custody and let your little one flourish!!! 

MB and Davy are right!  I had this happen to me.  My X (not married) took off with our 10 month old son (now 16), back to MI.  I was able to file an Ex Parte and order him to bring our son back to MD.  He didn't do that so I then was able to get a warrent for his arrest due to parental kidnapping.  I had my son back in a week.  We then went to court for custody and the Judge read him the riot act!


Do NOT just take off!  It may not go very well and she could lose the baby to the father.


Thankfully in my case everything worked out.  My Son's father finally pulled his head out of his butt and we've had a working relationship ever since.  Son goes to visit his Dad every summer and christmas break. 

Ahhh....showed your hand too soon...bummer.

Should have gone for the change in times....THEN asked for a modification of child support!  However....you still might be able to get it based on "status quo".  OH and it could potentially look bad for her if she was going along with it and now suddenly changed because you mentioned the $$ part...

This is the problem with family court...it could go either way...I say file for the change in parenting times FIRST.  Then if that gets granted...request the reduction in CS.

Good luck!

Relax....in order for the 13 y/o to go live with Mom....Mom would have to file and show a change in circumstance.  Even if the kid says she wants to go live with Mom, it's ultimately the Judges decision.


First of all I hope you're documenting everything.  Keep it in a binder that way if Mom does decide to file, you'll have everything you need right there.


Second of all....12 y/o girls are emotional, hormone crazy, drama queens....they will say one thing one day and the next day deny they ever said it or change their minds completely.  I know...I have a 13 y/o daughter...they're crazy! LOL!!!


When my son was 10 to 13 y/o he kept telling me that when he turned 14 y/o he was going to go live with his dad...he'd say "I'm going mom....my Dad needs some time with me too" (isn't that what she's saying?"  Well....my son is now 15 y/o and still living here with me.  I now joke with him about it especially when he's being irritating on purpose....I tell him "keep it up and you'll go live with your dad"....he gets this look of mock horror on his face. He has a great relationship with his Dad don't get me wrong.  He spends Christmas, spring break and all of summer with him.....but says he'd rather live here with me (I do spoil him...lol).


So don't fret it until you actually have a summons in your hand! 

You are a cruel and heartless man!!

Actually, I'm a good person who made a huge mistake and am learning that trying to make my wife deal with this additional heartache isn't good for anyone. I am truly remorseful for what I've done and teeter on the edge of the abyss every day. The only reason I'm still alive is because my kids need their father.

The kids will be going to a new school and being uprooted because of what I've done, not because of my wife's unwillingness to be slapped in the face every time she walks on the school grounds.

Thanks to everyone for your input.

Yes...you did make a huge mistake...what have you learned from it?  Perhaps maybe that having an affair destroys more than just your marriage??  That affairs can have unintended consequences that effect more than just the husband and wife?


I'm very glad to hear that you're remorseful and I do apologize for being harsh but you sounded like you needed a true wake up call as to the level of hurt and decimation you're actions have caused.  Do they make you a bad father???  A horrible Husband that's a given...but as you can see, your actions have caused turmoil not only with your wife but now your own children are having to feel the consequences.  I don't mean to beat you up...but you really need to take a long hard look at the mess you've made and only then can you truly start the recovery process.


I take offense to Simplydad's statement..."so he had an affair".  It's that type of nonchalant attitude that makes people think it's ok to have affairs...it's no big deal.  But you've learned the hard way that it is a big deal and that it does hurt more than just your wife.


Is there any chance of reconciling with your wife?  It can be done but it takes a lot of work on your part.  Would you believe me if I told you it would actually make your marriage stronger?  My husband had an affair (so yah I'm a bit sensitive about these things) and after he finally got over himself he did the hard work to put our marriage back together. 


Just realize that your wife is in a tremendous amount of pain, her entire world has been rocked to it's very core and she is very likely to act rash in trying to protect herself from further hurt and embarrassment.