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Messages - Kent

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Father's Issues / RE: Need Advice, Confused
« on: Oct 18, 2007, 05:49:45 AM »
> I'd be very careful here. What if his ex says that he's filming
> everything in the house (including his daughter) for pornographic
> reasons.

That is why you keep the recordings, and do not place a camera in the bath room. A record of 24/7 recordings over many months will proof that it is not for pornographic reasons.

Next to that, I wouldn't tell her that I have the camera system, so if there are false allegations, it will likely supposedly have taken place in the bedroom. Well, then you can produce the tapes to prove your innocence.


Father's Issues / RE: Need Advice, Confused
« on: Oct 17, 2007, 05:06:35 AM »
I would never sign over my rights to my children. But that's just me.
Keep in mind, you will still be required to pay child support.

For your own protection, you need to get a friend or relative to be with you on all exchanges, have him videotape any interaction that goes on. In addition, or if you cannot find someone, insist that any and all exchanges take place at the sheriff's office.
Also, make a habit of carrying a voice recorder, and record any conversation - personal or via phone - with this recorder. You may only be able to use this in family court if you are in a one-party state, but to proof your innocence you can use it at any time.

Make sure that during all your parenting time, you are NEVER alone with your daughter, so you have a witness if they ever claim abuse.

If you have the money, consider putting a security system in your home with an IR camera in every room and a 30 day recording time (system with 4 cameras you can get for $ 700.00). Since any molestation or abuse charges will surface within 30 days, your recording of 30 days should be sufficient.

I would also request a custody evaluation by an independent evaluator.

Good luck.


Father's Issues / RE: I need some help with Georgia Laws
« on: Oct 03, 2007, 07:07:50 AM »
Georgia favors (as in most states) the person who files first, and the mother.
However, GA judges are not very keen on parents moving away.

If you file BEFORE she moves, you will need to ask for a non-moving clause in the temporary order, which you will get. I think it is standard in GA orders to automatically put that in.

If she moves first, then it is essential to file ASAP and demand the return of the children, which may or may not be granted.

What will work against you is that you work abroad. A judge will easily say that there is not much difference between a R/T flight Bagdad-Atlanta and a R/T flight Bagdad-LA or SF.
Also, if she moves, and you work abroad, where and who would the children return to? If it's not you, then they may not be required to return.

Which county is this?


Father's Issues / RE: She called CPS... I need some help quick
« on: Oct 03, 2007, 06:59:04 AM »
If CPS picks this up (which may or may not happen), then CPS will come to your home for an investigation.
Make sure you point out to them (without being nasty about it) that there is an ongoing custody dispute with you attempting to obtain more parenting time, and the mother fighting you tooth and nail.
That will likely take care of the situation.

They will still "interview" you and the little boy, but as long as he sticks with the truth (which I assume is what he told you), then the investigation will be closed without any negative consequences for you.

Be cautious if CPS wants to interview the boy without anybody else there. Sometimes they are really good at coercing young children to say what they want to hear.

Talk to an attorney, as filing unsubstantiated reports with CPS is a big no-no with many judges, and then it will work to your advantage.

Good luck!


Even though distance is an important factor (and 2 miles is a wonderful short distance), it all stands and falls with the parents cooperating.

If (one of) the parents do not want to cooperate, they can live next door, and it'll be a disaster for the child.

I believe that the ideal situation (other than non-divorced and happy parents) would be when both parents cooperate well, and live in the same neighborhood, or sub-division. So the child(ren) can go see both parents every day if they want to.

I remember when I grew up, one of my closest friends' parents divorced.
They lived in a house that used to be 2 houses under 1 roof. When they divorced, they separated the house out again into two units, and my friend and his sister just loved it. And their parents still had sufficient conflict, but the kids lived in the same house, even in the same bedroom regardless of which parent they spent the day/evening with.
Now that's an ideal situation, I believe.


Father's Issues / RE: Not so fast....
« on: Sep 25, 2007, 04:26:47 AM »
Other than your last comment, for once I agree with you, Mist.

I had a traveling job when I separated, highly specialized equipment installations, approx. 25% of the time. Knowing that this would be an issue, I told my employer I would not travel anymore until custody was settled.
He didn't like it, but I made it clear to him that there was no room for negotiation there. If he didn't like it, he could fire me. He didn't. We did negotiate a 45% pay cut, which hurt a lot, but I managed.

I made my son my priority, and in the end it paid off.
He only has one daughter. There are jobs everywhere. It's all about setting priorities.
And if he sets the right priorities, he has a good chance of obtaining custody, after which he will not have to pay CS anymore. That alone justifies a 40% pay cut.


Father's Issues / Not so fast....
« on: Sep 24, 2007, 09:44:56 AM »
Why is Dad away on business during the entire 1st week of school? Even with a good support system, being away that long (especially if it is on a regular basis) will be a huge negative.

What does the custody order say? Is there a "right of first refusal" in it? If so, then he should not even have made plans with relatives, as the mother would have the right to care for the child in his absence.

Who has legal custody, and/or primary residency?

Needless to say, mommy's behavior does not serve the best interest of the child. However, dad's business travel will be a huge factor, depending on how frequent and how long he is gone.

And it being Kindergarten, it all depends on the judge, how important he believes it is. It's still not first grade...


As I stated before; Any arrangement will stand or fall with the full cooperation from both parents.

And it is true that if young children do not know what it is like to have only one home, then it is it normal to them.

That does not make it healthy.
Young children who are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of their lives do not know any better either - but it doesn't make it healthy.

It is well documented that stability is one of the most important aspects of a child's life. A rotating 5-2/2-5 schedule does not provide that stability.
Neither does a week-to-week schedule, but it comes a lot closer.

In your nephews case, both parents seem to cooperate well and have the best interest of the child in mind. That's the only reason it works for him.


OK, I've been there and done that. It doesn't work.

First of all, when you are looking at changing schedule, you need to stop looking at it from your point of view. Look at it from your daughter's point of view.
How would you like it to live your life on a 2-week-4-3-day schedule, and live like that in two different households? You would not feel at home anywhere.
If you insist on something like that, at least do a week-to-week schedule, from Friday to Friday.

Next to that, if the other parent does not want to cooperate, it WILL NOT WORK.
Once she has extracurricular activities on the weekends (like softball), the other parent will not want to cooperate, just to spite you. (been there, done that for 5 years. As a result, now my son chose to come live with me full time).

You know, you probably want to ask me what would be a good solution then, and I truly do not know.

It is just very sad if parents cannot get over their anger and put the child first. From my point of view, in that case, the unwilling parent should lose custody and get every other weekend at best. And even then, the extracurricular activities will suffer, and playing sports on any competitive level will not be possible.

Keep in mind that a live-in sitter will not be an acceptable substitute if the other parent is a suitable parent (which she is deemed, otherwise she would not have all the overnights).


Father's Issues / Some advice from experience
« on: Aug 28, 2007, 06:31:18 AM »
I won't comment on the legal issues, as you seem to have that covered.

In dealing with your son, I have faced exactly that same issue (mom telling half-truths and lies, and badmouthing me). At first I was at a loss as to what to do about it. I didn't want to badmouth his mother. So I did nothing. I let my son talk out his frustration to me, and you know what, it didn't help at all.

Then I took a different approach, and looked at it this way (and I know many people here disagree with me, but I took advice from a well-respected child psychologist and child advocate); If BM tells your son a half-truth or lie, and your son tells you, and you do not respond, then that is the only thing your son hears, so it much be true.

Now, there is a big difference between badmouthing the ex and rectifying false information (with most of it being perceived in how you present the information), so only react to what he tells you.
But DO inform him, in his age-appropriate language, of the facts.

As for the examples that you present:
Explain to him that you are not trying to take her weekends away. You want to foster a good relationship between him and his mother. However (and here comes the part where you can wash off all blame), the JUDGE says that his mom has to bring him back on time, and has to bring him to his practice and games on time, and if she refuses to do what the judge says, then the judge may take her weekends away.

She does not give YOU money. She gives the money to be spent on your son. His food, clothes, football uniform, etc. Tell him how much these things cost, and how much she pays (but use figurative numbers, like: for every $ 10.00 I spend on you, she pays $ 2.00 to spend on you - even though she is just as much your parent as I am)

It is inappropriate for her to promise your son to go to an amusement park but not take him because she has to give you money FOR HIM. She knows that she needs to give money FOR HIM, it is not something that suddenly came up.

After I started to inform my son of how things really were, he started to see his mother for who she really is. It helped him understand things better, and it taught him to be critical of information he receives.


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