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Messages - Fueledbyjava

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Whatever the law says I will comply with. I was just thinking from a common sense standpoint why would I payy you for taking care of my child when i am taking care of her just as much as you are? But we are talking about a flawed, antiquated and biased system here so throw all reason out the window.

Father's Issues / RE: Alabama Joint physical custody.
« on: Jun 19, 2008, 11:39:19 AM »
I don't have a problem with paying her something even in a joint physical situation, I woyuld have a problem paying full CS if I had my daughter 50% of the time, but I understand leveling out the standard of living. It all seems reasonable (as reasonable as these things get anyway). I would have a serious problem if on the off chance that she and her attorney do agree to joint physical, the court still denied it even with an aprooved parenting plan and everything.  I believe my atty's ALS's words were " it just becomes a hassle and that's why they don't like it". A "hassle" to me would be being forced out of my childs life based soley upon my gender, as I have a great job (military), a stable environment and the want to be a full time father.

Father's Issues / RE: Alabama Joint physical custody.
« on: Jun 19, 2008, 06:32:17 AM »
I would provide medical coverage for my daughter and even pay a small amount of child support if required. Chances are she won't agree simply because of the money but at least it shows before court that I was willing to work with her on this by sending ver several agreements all of which were rejected solely based on monetary reasons. I only want to be in my daughters life as a role model and a parent, i want to have full custody but I know there is no way she will agree to that before court. I don't want to remove my childs mother from her life either. I believe it is important for a child to grow up with both parents playing full active roles in their lives, married or not. Every other weekend doesn't do that, I would be a visitor and later a hassle, that is unacceptable. I am willing to cooperate and work with her to give our daughter an educated and fulfilled upbringing so she can reach her full potential and get everything she wants out of life. I am willing to do this despite my STBX's continued adultery, and deceit. Our daughter's welfare is the most important thing right now, period.

Father's Issues / Alabama Joint physical custody.
« on: Jun 18, 2008, 12:43:12 PM »
My attorney says that he has never seen anyone get 50/50 joint physical custody in the county we live in in Alabama. I was wondering if anyone has experience with Joint physical Custody and why it seems like attorneys are so reluctant to encourage clients to do it. That is the only thing I am willing to agree to out of court, and if we both agree to it why wouldn't the court allow it?

Father's Issues / RE: What Next!
« on: Jun 12, 2008, 11:37:10 AM »
BTW I agree with everything you said and she was supposed to move out this weekend but she lost her job so until she finds another job, no moving. I refuse to leave and abandon my house and child as I have done nothing wrong.

Father's Issues / RE: What Next!
« on: Jun 12, 2008, 11:32:52 AM »
I have informed her of my not consenting to my daughter being at her friends house that often, she wont even give me an address. My atty. knows and has documentation not only of me asking for an address and telling her not to keep my daughter there but also her saying that in a nutshell she'll do what she wants and maybe I'll get to see my daughter. BTW, I got her back last night. I also have in writing from her e-mail that she intends to move from the state if she cannot find work, which will hopefully help me. My lawyer is drawing up the paperwork and I guess a hearing will follow shortly, we'll see what happens. Again, all I care about is my childs well being.

 that's true. don't let the divorce blind theway that you parent. It is very easy to fall into the trap of giving the child everything they want because of the turmoil that you are going through. I am still embroiled in y divorce and the court date isn't until September! Just stay focused on what's important which is your future and your son's future. Forget about trying to win her back. I went through almost the same exact scenario, and as hard as it is to let go it will happen eventually. Once you come to the realization that she doesn't care about your pain it will make it easier to do that. Don't let her use your child against you. You will have to put up with alot of B.S. but stay focused, don't let her spin you off course. Document everything you do with the child, and financially at home. Document anything she does or says and keep your cool, don't loose sight of your main goal which is your's and your son's stability. Oh and pray alot, that has helped me through alot of this because sometimes it will seem as if you have nothing left. Remember you reap what you sow, this will all come back to her some day.

Father's Issues / RE: I don't know what to do ?
« on: Jun 11, 2008, 12:24:30 PM »
That's pretty much the same thing that happened to me. My divorce isn't done yet but all I can say is what helps me sleep better at night: If you truly love your son fight with everything you have for him, she is a lost cause, once they cross that line it would never be the same anyway.  You have to do what's right for yourself and your child, forget about her and don't trust her with any verbal agreements etc. you'll get played. Get an attorney and any deals must be in writing, mums the word from here on out. i know this sounds harsh but i went through the same thing and talking to her and making agreements got us absolutely nowhere. She is the enemy now. She will go after your money, she will use your son against you she will try to manipuate you to gain what she wants. She has an attorney for free and a new boyfriend. She has moved on, you are still greiving and hoping she will wake up. I went through the same thing and I wish I had listened to the advice I got earlier and stood up for myself alot earlier. Just do what's right and forget about getting her back.

Father's Issues / RE: What Next!
« on: Jun 11, 2008, 12:12:36 PM »
Do you have to go through a hearing for that?

Father's Issues / RE: What Next!
« on: Jun 10, 2008, 06:01:32 AM »
Yesterday evening I went to pick her up from daycare and gues what, no child! Her mother had picked her up two hours earlier and didn't even call or at the very least text me to let me know. Then I get home- no one's there. She finally texted me back three hours later that herself and my daughter would be staying at a friends house for the third time in four nights! This is so sick. She knows that all I care about is my daughter and now she is trying to alienate her from me by keeping her form me after work. As far as I know she has no right to do this. I don't even know where her friend lives, what kind of people live around her or the living conditions that are kept in her house. I am extremely uncomfortable with my daughter being put in this unstable situation, in a time like this she needs routine and some sort of stability, at least she should be able to know where she is going to be sleeping at night. Her mother can stay wherever she wants, but my daughter needs a stable environment. What legal recourse, if any do I have in this situation?

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