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We still live in the same house as does our daughter.

So I caught my STBX with her BF again. Then STBX got laid off from her job for causing problems at work (directly related to her adultrous conduct) then I found a Rx for a STD in her possesion. How does all this play out in front of a judge? Remember this is  the third time I have caught her cheating. I only care about my child, I'll sell the house, etc.. Opinions please.

NAY.

Yeah, it makes me wonder what her plans are for me! I told her last night that I am dissapointed in her continued adulterous conduct and that I think i is extemely disrespectful that while she is still living with me that she continues to behave this way. She said to get with my lawyer and get the agreement done, I told her that that's not my problem and I'll talk to my lawyer as needed. My concern is that she is obviously making bad decisions with her own life, I'm concerned about her decision making abilities with respect to care for our daughter. Thelife insurance thing really isn't an issue as far as our daughter being beneficiary. I just think it is such an intangible asset as I have to be dead! It just shows her shallowness and what she really cares about. Sick.

They asked for her to be sole benificiary of my life insurance policy! Can you believe that! The greed never ends. Of course my lawyer and I said no, so as of now all deals are off the table and we go to court, asking for full custody. I can't believe that even in death they want to get into my wallet! All I have wanted inthis thing was time with my child, and you can't place a monetary value on that.

The divorce was her idea (adultery). I tried to get her to go to counseling and make attempts to work it out, no joy. I go to see my lawyer today so we'll see what happens. Another question: What are the rules on  retirement, I know married 10 years is the standard,when does the clock stop for marriage as far as that goes? Can the date I filed be used? We will have been "married" 10 years in Dec. (tentative court date is SEP)

Yea, I'm seeing that already. For some reason she is convinced that joint physical custody would be unstable for our daughter, so would only seeing her dad a weekend here and there. I just don't want the time I get with my daughter to be subject to how she feels about me at that particular time or day.

Agreed, I will address the issue with her tonight, and I have a meeting with my lawyer tommorrow. The best time to hash this out is now, after the agreement is signed on both ends it may as well be set in stone. All I am asking for is time with my daughter, you would think that would be an acceptable request. It is frustrating to deal with her as she is very unreasonable about this.

Thanks, I like the stipulation about moving, I never thought of that. My next question is: Has anyone ever had any experience or success with appealing custody immediately after  the divorce is filed? My concern is that I really want this over as we are still living in the same house with our daughter and it is tense at times, it is already going on month 8 and I just don't want my daughter to have to live with us like this anymore. My STBX has drug this out way longer than it needed to be and I believe she just wants custody for child support money. As of Friday she signed the agreement however I have not and I am just wondering if going forward with it and then going back and appealing the custody would be the thing to do, that way the house and financial stuff is already done and I acn just focus on getting at least 50% custody without her holding the house and everything else over my head as well. Any thoughts comments or advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks for the advice! My atty. says that I have 90 days after signing to appeal anything in the agreement, ever heard of that. I am going to talk to STBX tonight about 50/50. It seems perfectly reasonable to me as long as we still live in the same city. She has said that she will give me more time than STD VIS, just like your husband's ex but I guess if it isn't in writing all she is required to give is the standard, right? It is such a catch 22 because on one hand I want this to be over so we can all stop living this way and move on, and I want to believe her promises, biut on the other hand i want guaranteed time more than standard and that will only drag this out longer. I'm sure she will go nuts and spit venom at me when I bring it up as I am convinced that she really only cares about the child support(716 a month!) and knows that keeping our daughter from me hurts me more than anything. This is hands down the most frustrating and diheartening experience I have ever been through. i have lost all faith in the system and it's ability to not just make default judgements without really looking at a case. The laws need to be rewritten, men aren't the villians that they once were. I would wager that there are almost as many deadbeat moms and single dads out there as there are the same of the opposite sex.