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Dh is ordered to pay 75% of medical bills for ss.  Bm sent bills:  one receipt simply had dept. 1, dept. 1, dept 1......no info. as to what these items were.  DH has requested this information twice and she has ignored each request.  She also 'added' wrong and tried to charge him the entire amt instead of his part....it was within pennies of the total amt....ironic, huh?

When ss was discharged from hospital, the instructions were to apply specific bandages and gauze.  Three days later, he went for a check-up and instructions were to apply to small open wounds as necessary...it was after this that bm purchased enough items to use for 40 days.  She was not even using gauze on him - she was using bikers shorts, but she still bought 28 rolls of gauze.  That day, my dh picked up ss for a visit, and she gave him an empty wrapper with instructions on things to buy for ss.  She had 80 bandages and gave dh an empty wrapper - and lied saying she only bought 2-3 bandages.  

A week later is when she gave him the bills.  

She is still  insisting that dh pay for these items even though he has pointed out all her crap. ...there is no proof one bill is for ss or that it was necessary, the other bills were far beyond what the doctor stated and she admitted in an earlier letter that she did not use them on ss.....

DH offered to pay 75% only if she gave him 75% of the items - as he stated that they were purchased unnecessarily and never used.  

So now she states that she donated the items!  

This woman owes dh money for oss bills - she wont pay.....she order dh to pay for items when she had 80 in her possession and wanted him to pay for them....and then she donates the items!  

Doesnt this sound like a load of crap?  

Should we even respond anymore or just let it be worked out in court?

It is my understanding that per joint legal, both parents have input, but basically the pcp has the last say.

Okay...my dh took son to a shriner's sign up clinic, filled out the application putting down both parent's addresses, etc....

Son was approved and appt card was sent to mother because dh failed to list joint legal...even though ss was to be here during that time, she demanded that she was the ONLY parent that could take ss because they chose her.

The letter was addressed to her and thanked her for filling out the application.....stated that ss was accepted, and that atleast one parent needed to accompany ss.  In her mind, they accepted her only even though she had did nothing.

Okay, then she told dh she checked into him going and they said it would exceed the weight limit!  

The appt was postponed due to weather issues and she called to tell ss this.  About four days later, dh received a letter informing him of this change and stating that as the next appt. was on her time, she would be accompanying ss and they would let dh know the results....and that IF he wanted to go he could contact **** Flight himself.  Obviously she had legal advice as she was adamant that no matter whose time it was, she was going..and she would never had sent this letter on her own...

So, the beauty of it......the appt. has been postponed again due to weather conditions.....And ss says its for next week when he is supposed to be with dh.  So, then dh should be allowed to go..and she should have to make her own travel arrangements....

Not only that...dh got a letter from shriners that they had corrected the file..and that they needed a copy of the custody papers - which he could mail...or bring with him when he came with ss for the visit....Now...doesnt that sound like they want him to come with ss? LOL

Okay...doesnt dh have as much right as bm to go on this appt. without having to pay since he will have ss at the time?

She is the pcp, but they have joint legal.


I can imagine her asking for the appt. to be changed to when she has ss.......

But, if she does let ss come on his visitation, but demands that she take him for the appt is this legally wrong?

Or, if she refuses to allow him to come on his visitation until after his appt - and therefore refusing dh his two weeks ordered for July - can dh file for an emergency hearing?

I need help figuring out the legal system in Virginia.  Soc had gave me some tips on subpoenas - but we have found it may be entirely different in Virginia.  I have found online subpoenas - but they are strictly for attorney use.

What we are looking for is evidence in the form of discipline records from the school on my ss' friends.  I tried to file the subpoenas yesterday in court and was told that dh could not do this because they are not part of the custody case.  I explained it was for evidence, but the clerk rudely told me that it didnt matter, we could only subpoena ss' records...not those of others as it is personal info....yeah...that is why it requires a subpoena...

Dont know what to do....

By the way...the clerk has been very rude.  She did not want dh to file for change in custody because 'the judge will not be happy to see this case again so soon' - never mind ss life has drastically changed in a four month period....it will be eight months since the last time they were in court...

Is a ncp respsonible for sending copies of insurance statements to the cp if the ncp is the insurance carrier?

HI all,

Well, insurance statements are coming in and thousands are racking up....dh sent an insurance request to the parents of the child who kicked the bowl of fire on my ss.

They probably received this on Wednesday and that evening - bm, and the other two families got together.  This was at the house it happened at.......SS went outside and hears the two men discussing how they are going to beat up dh.  They are just waiting for him to come back down there....one bragged off of how he has hurt five other people...  They were all discussing getting a lawyer as well...Now, bm is right in the middle of all of this.

BM suggests bringing ss down this weekend.  She volunteered to bring him....only, she comes over an hour late.  She has the woman with her - that lives at the property where the burn took place.  She had waited for two hours for this woman to get off of work.  This is odd considering the talk the men had been doing and that bm has made out of town plans next weekend for her and ss.....

I am honestly worried that they may try something and everyone will have an alibi.  BM at a friends - and the women giving their husband's alibies.

OSS said bm and the other woman came by the restaurant he works at - and said the other woman was flirting with this guy..yes, she is married...

SS doesnt want to get in trouble for telling us...so, he doesnt want us to say anything.  And, he is scared for dh to come back in his area, because he really believes these guys are going to hurt dh.

Anyone know what we can do about getting the insurance info that they refuse to give?


DH is considering refusing any pmt until this is settled - but he has a custody modification set for 8/9 - will that really hurt him?



Can bm's sudden best-buddy friendship with these people and encouraging them to ignore dh be considered hindering and be in dh's favor?



SS will only say - that his mom is feeding the people lies about us....

Any suggestions?

BM gave dh bills tonight for $322 - his 75%.  She wants the money right now as she is 'working part-time' to take care of their child........yeah...she has not worked more than a year total full-time in her life!  Plus, her mother got the dr. to sign and fax a letter to the court system that she could not pull jury duty because she would be taking care of her injured grandson.  And.....bm has been working and leaving ss home alone since his release.

Not only that - she gave dh bills for bandages that she bought and then would not send any with ss - making dh buy a box while he was here.  She also would not send one of ss' meds because it 'cost too much money' to be sent here......but, dh is supposed to pay for this stuff?

And....one bill was invoiced on May 13 - and paid for on May 20 - gauze and bandages.  SS wasnt wearing any gauze!!!  And she ordered 28 rolls of it!!!  And....the bandages - she had stopped using those as well when she picked this stuff up....this bill was for $168 for things he is not using................she probably has returned it or plans on doing so and making dh pay for it as well........

Thing is - dh should not have to pay these bills.  The neighbors should or bm should because ss shouldnt have been there to begin with!!!  

timing is awful  DH just placed his request for a custody hearing today, and then she gives him the bill - I know they will claim we just want ss to make her pay.  

Also, with her crying hard times, she is going to try to get out of the money she owes dh.  

Composing a letter to send, but dont want to put anything in that may not be right legally - or that could be a tip off for the custody trial.  But that last one is hard to avoid.

Any advice on what to do?  I mean, should we just ignore it until dh can see the personal injury lawyer's Friday  and possibly file a civil suit against the homeowner's.  

this money is not even included in the $1000 deductible.  I do think they would reimburse some for these bandages, etc....but, doubt if she filed it since she knows dh will ultimately be held accountable for it all.....

Hi all, if you have kept up with the ss hurt badly thread, you will know what I am speaking of.  

here is the situation - I had told you all that we simply do not have money for these bills.  Well, we spent hundreds of dollars traveling the two hours to the hospital, spending the night there, and spending so many hours there that we had to eat alot of meals there.  We also spent money while ss was in the hospital on big, lightweight clothes for him, and lowrise undies that would not rub his burn sites.  DH bought most of ss' drinks while he was in there - sodas, gatorade, v8 - several a day.  Also, ss never liked the hospital food and dh would buy him meals from downstairs - mcdonalds or chick fillet.  SS even requested dh to bring him steak subs from a restaurant local to us.  I have bank records showing that we spent $160 in gas near the hospital on our bank card alone, this doesnt include what we paid in cash.  Also, dh withdrew money while at the hosptial to buy stuff for ss.

His first weekend here, we had to buy bandages, benadryl, sun block (50 spf, we only had 35), and aveeno lotion.  

Well, dh had put three containers out to help raise money.  The containers simply had a pic of ss in the hospital, the story of his situation, and mention that dh had been in the hospital for 13 days last year as well.  

Now, not much money was collected - maybe $150 in all.  Ss did recieve other money in cards from people, and he was allowed to keep it because it was sent to HIM.  Evidently, though, ss was thinking he was going to spend everything and must have told bm that he wanted to get a 4 wheeler with the money.  

BM bought ss down Friday night.  Today, dh's brother came by and gave us horrible news.  His brother dines at one of the places we put a container and yesterday someone that works there told him that dh's ex had said that the collections were a fraud and that the money was just being used by ss for a four wheeler.

Now, bm is scared that dh is going to take her to court for custody.  She is scared that ss may get a bigger goodie than she can promise him, and that is her way of manipulating ss -through goodies.  

DH went to collect the containers and put up flyers explaining that anyone saying the money was used for goodies is an unhappy liar who only feels better by hurting others.  Unfortunately, he only asked at one place if she said it - and one of her best buds is who he asked....so, of course they didnt admit it.  

Okay...

so, we are thinking of sending bm money with a note that this is all there is because of  her lies.  That possibly enough could have been raised to cover the medical expenses.  Also, that dh will be paying nothing else because it was due to her negligence that this happened to begin with.....dh paid for tires that were slashed while on her time because ss stole the knives from dh - thus, bm blamed him dh for buying the knives in the first place.  Also, being the primary custodian, she should contact the people that own the property that ss was at and should get them to pay the bills.  But, that is her responsibility to see to it that they do.

Any thoughts on our legal standing for all of this?  



Is there any way to go to court and ask that the judge legally hold bm responsible for these bills even though dh is assigned to pay 75% of these bills on the order?

Hi all, I posted this under soc - but just incase he isnt on tonight....

DH took his ex to court last October for a debt that was joint, but he was garnished for completely.  She refused to pay anything.  

The judge ordered her to pay $2800.  She refused to come to any sort of reasonable deal - demanding dh take $25/mo for the next 10 years.  So, dh garnished her...she had a good paying job as a manager of a store.  

The garnishment was delivered to her and the store on Nov 18th.....the corporate office was out of state, so it had to be delivered to her store and then was supposed to be forwarded.  DH asked for confirmation in Dec. from corporate and got no response.  Tried again in January and got a noncommittal letter stating they could not discuss anyone's employment................Then..dh mailed a certified letter with a copy of the complete garnishment.  Never heard anything back.  

Her store was shut down within a week after this.  Interestingly, back in January when her work records were subpoenaed for custody - they were never received at corporate office and nothing was done for that...

Ok, today dh went to court as it was the big day -and nada!  Nothing was there.  The clerk said all she know he could do was to do a show cause for the employee who signed for the summons.  But, the store is closed - we dont have her address.......and she was just a clerk, it was not her responsibility to forward this.  We cant do a show cause on the company because it is out of state.........she did say that it may be possible to file a contempt of court on the ex.    They do have other stores in VA, where we live.

I am so tired of her being able to just ignore court orders and the courts do nothing.  

Now dh is court ordered to pay 75% of medical bills and since ss was hospitalized for 13 days - we are looking at major bills.  She has taken dh to court for $100 in medical bills before while owing him $2800.  But, two separate things.............I am to the point where I have told dh - let her pay the hospital bill and take it off of what she owes you....and if she does take him to court over it....QUIT his job and we will move to NC - I have an ex there - they cant do a darn thing....buy for ss, take care of him, but dont give her not one thin dime!

Anyone have any experience in this?  What can we do - can a bank account be frozen?  I mean, you can garnish it, but it wouldnt do any good if she could just close it.  And she will lie in discovery. She obviously has money somewhere - she happily works part-time jobs, took five days off to fly to NH to spend with bf, and has been off for two weeks now -and acts like its nothing......

These are court orders going ignored!!

Tragedy with SS......

DH's bm moved last year two hours away.  In court in January, ss chose to remain with bm.

Since that time, we found out that the friends bm had him hanging with, which were 20 and 30 year old people - two had felonies, one arrested in february for this.  The 26 year old guy was on drugs - all three of these people worked for bm and the district manager fired all three.  We have been unable to find the felony record for one, but that is what she was fired for.  The guy = we dont even know his real name.

Okay, ss also was kicked out of school for constant fights.  We have a letter from one school official stating that bm said she had ss scheduled for a reconsideration of meds for his ADHD (which she didnt and he has not had) and the letter stated that bm would not reconsider counseling.

While on homebound, bm called the police one day because she didnt know where ss was.  He was with some friends.  BM went out of town to visit with her boyfriend after telling ss she was going on a business trip.

SS was placed in a school for juvenile delinquents.  He was searched arriving at school and was in a class with two male teachers and only male students - many of whom had arrests already.  SS was scared and behaved as he stayed close to the teachers.  


SS told us a few weeks ago that his mom does not discipline him.  That no matter what, she always says he is grounded and then an hour later tells him to go out and play - he thought it was funny.

Last wednesday, dh's ex called to say that ss had been badly burned.  The past five days have been awful as ss has second degree burns on the front part of his body  from the waist up.  He goes in for skin grafts tomorrow, which they say is more painful than the burns.  SS was at a friends home with no parental supervision - they are young teens.  The girl that lived there put lighter fluid in a bowl and set it on fire, then kicked it.  It swirled but didnt turn over.  The other boy kicked it  and it didnt flop over.  It was ss' turn, but the other boy kicked it again like a football, sending it into ss.  No one helped ss - he ran around until his shirt burned enough that he got it off.  He begged for them to call 911, but they went after bm.  She then ran to him and went back and got her car.......not calling 911 even though ss begged her to.  The hospital she took him to could not handle him - and he waited for hours before he was transported to another hospital about 25 minutes away.  

BM did call dh from the first hospital.  We were waiting at the second hospital about an hour before ss was brought in.  BM has been overall friendly, but has stated that ss cannot travel here as it is an 80 mile drive.  The nurse present at the time said of course he could come, it would do him good.

BM has made it clear that she is in control and that when ss comes out of the hospital he will be staying with her mother for awhile.  She has made it clear that she does not intend for ss to travel here on his weekends.  

DH cannot be there every night for ss as he has to work.  He has taken two days off and he has three days off on the weekends.  BM has only left for up to 9 nine hours at a time.  She has not returned to work.  

The teens ss was with have come to visit and as they talked their lives are just like ss - no homework, they stay in ISS....

 ss has had no limits at all.  In the four months since court he is in an alternative school and is burned and hospitalized.  

Dh wants to file for a change in custody.  We are thinking of filing when ss gets out of the hospital.

Also, dh is responsible for 75% of the bills.  We are broke.  While it is worth any price to have ss well.........we know bm would try to avoid paying anything if ss had been with us - she would have blamed us and refused to pay.................bm has the money to pay half, yet the court order states 75% from years ago.   We are thinking of checking into homeowners of the house he was at.....Believe me, we love all of our children and would pay any price for them, but reality is that my dh was in the hospital for two weeks last summer.  He was out of work for six, unpaid.  

There are other matters - ss having cigarettes, working at age 13 in a restaurant on school nights.....

Any general comments or pointed comments will be appreciated.

Hi all,

My dh went to court in January.  thinking it would be good documentation as to what actually transpired, dh and I had written letters whenever there were problems or to ask for specific weekends for ss, as well as advising about counselors......  In court, bm's lawyer was rude about the letters - which I feel was his tactic to downplay the role they played in documentation as well as documentation from her own letters.  However, the judge told dh to talk with bm instead of writing letters.  The judge also agreed that bm was mean and spiteful to dh.  

BM has violated the court order numerous times.  Soc recommended that the violations be put in writing, with no complaints or threats, just the facts of the incident.  

DH is so afraid of this woman possibly moving his child even further away (she is two hours now, but her bf is in New Hampshire to our Virginia)  he does whatever she wants.  Actually, she has always dominated him - dating back to marriage.

Their custody order says she travels two weekends and he does one .......he also gets 1/2 spring break.  She did no traveling for spring break other than to fly to see her boyfriend.  DH did the driving that time and this past weekend, she told him that he needed to pick ss up and she would come to get him.  Now, she is saying dh can have ss this coming weekend only if he picks him up and takes him back.  

The problem - dh is scared to write a letter. He is afraid the judge will not like it.  Yet, he has no documentation that she is violating the court order any other way.  Also, he knows that by doing her share of the driving, he is giving her grounds to have the order changed.  But, at the same time, if he doesnt, then the judge may say that had he wanted to see ss, he would have did the extra travelling.....

Any thoughts as to documenting the violations where it could be counted as proof.......

My dh was very disappointed this week.  He went to a meeting concerning yss school problems.  It boiled down to yss could either be on homebound the rest of the school year, or go to a special school.  He could not go to any middle school in the state.  BM chose the special school.  Originally, dh had been told that if he could get yss down here, that the other school would have no jurisdiction over him.  But, they have put a strict confinement on him.  The only reason he is given this chance is because he is learning disabled.  

The school he is going to only has 60 children.  From what we saw on the site, counseling is a normal feature of the school.   A few weeks ago when there was a meeting with a school official, bm had told her that she would not reconsider counseling - and that she had an appt. for yss to reconsider meds.  She in fact did not and never took him anywhere.  So, it is possible that this is why they are being so strict - she refuses counseling, but at this school, he will have it.  Not only that, but there is something about in-home counseling and one parent having to sign to be committed to this.......

Anyway, dh now has a court order and the lawyer sent a letter urging him to appeal the original decision.  The school situation makes it all void though.  They are even saying he may have to go to summer school, which will cut into dh's time as he has him six weeks during the summer.....

DH had hired a lawyer who was very ineffective in court, as she didnt know the case.  Now, we owe her quite alot of money for us - and she hasnt done anything.  The hearing was Jan 25.  She had the court order as of early Feb - She knows my dh works and cannot be reached during the day - so of course, she wouldnt mail it to him to review - wouldnt leave the info with me so that he could look over it.............its been phone tag.  then she calls today and leaves a message that bm's lawyer has sent  a 'revised' order - and that she wanted ME to call her back by 4:30 - if not then HOPEFULLY the court would give her more time and she would call dh back after 6  - but the court really wanted the order!!!

Guess what?  I didnt get home until after 6 - and she never called dh back.........

DH knows what the judge determined in court - but bm has been trying to cut into that time and meanwhile, his lawyer hasnt gave a rip>

Is there anything we can do?  I have heard stories on her since we went to court and it is clear that she is really lousy with all her cases......

Hi all, we have had a very vexing weekend.  Since court in january, dh's ex had actually seemed like she was trying to behave better.  But, of course, we had just been waiting to see what she is up to.   Their new court order still hasnt been filed.  Still in the lawyer's hands.

The judge had stated yss should be here around 6 on Fridays, and picked up at 7 on Sundays by bm or returned at 7 on Sundays by dh.....which didnt make sense.  She picks up at 7 - has two hour drive, dh has to have him there at 7.  But anyway, that is what was stated.  Now, she wants a later time on Friday and wants to pick him up no later than 5:30 on Sundays.  According to her, the 7 is only for dh - not her.  And as for Fridays - claims her schedule doesnt permit her to be here at that time.  How ironic that two weekends out of the month, she cannot get off on a Friday to be here at 6, but can get off on the Sunday to be here by 5:30.  

The thing about Fridays - she has to be off at 4 to meet yss' bus.  So, she can be here at 6.  Also, this past Friday, she was in town by 6 - met friends and went out to eat.  She sat with yss, about 8 miles from our home, and didnt bring him until 8:30!!  And no, she did not tell dh she planned this.  

DH does not want to allow the extra hour she is requesting on Fridays because she pushes the times back consistently -and she can come earlier!  Also, he wants to stick to 7 on Sundays because there is no reason yss cant stay here a little later.  She works many nights during the week and has yss out past 9:30.  She is trying to push back on Friday night and close in on Sunday night - thus, reducing dh's time.  She has already reduced him from 15 days a month to six by her move........

So, if this thing keeps rolling as is and heads back into court - will dh seem petty for demanding this 2 1/2 hours he is holding onto?   He is simply asking for a full 48 hours.........

HI, my dh just went to court in January to try for primary physical - the reason was that his 13 year old wanted to live here.  For various reasons, 13 year old changed tune when he talked to the judge.

We are in debt to ineffective lawyer.  Cannot afford another right now.

Since they went to court, several things have come to light...

1 - the babysitters - bm stated in court she trusted them completely..they worked for her and were a 'couple'.  Since that time, we have found out that both have been fired.  One was arrested in February for grand larceny - something she has a record of.  The other had lied on her application and also has a felony conviction.  Now, we knew that one had lost custody of her own child to a family member months ago, and that she had a past - but this was not represented by dh's lawyer in court.

2 - BM is on her fourth time in court for not paying rent.  She pays it after being ordered to pay extra $300 in fees...but, this time is due to go in March and still hasnt paid January's rent.  

3 - BM worked a part time job here only and still paid her rent - only taken to court three times in three years.  Since she moved two hours away, she has a full time and part time job and has been taken to court four times for rent in eight months.

4 - Since court in January, stepson has been to school 10 days.  One day was an unexcused absence so that his mom could go out of town to visit friends.  Then there are seven suspension days for two different episodes.  He is currently back in school with in-school-suspension.  The school is now deciding between three options:
  a - at home tutoring
  b - he remain in school, but have to sit on front seat on bus, and be isolated from other students when not in class - for example, switching classes he would have to wait until other students had cleared hall ways.
  c - alternative school for troublemakers.
 
5 - Stepson spends suspsension at toy store with mother in the mall.  Also, when she is working late, he is wherever she is (now).  No more babysitters.  

Is any of this enough to file for a change in custody pro se and have any chance of winning?

HI all,

My hubby lost his petition for primary physical custody in January.  Many things were a problem - first of all, our lawyer was awful.  She did not know the case.  She was 1 1/2 hours late.  His ex lied just about every time her mouth opened - and yet, the lawyer did no follow-up even when she had the proof in the ex's own letters.  Another thing - the lawyer and ex's lawyer met beforehand - and he immediately came straight to ex and told her what the main points against her were so that she could come up with lies - dh's lawyer never told us anything.

Another thing - his son, the only reason he was going to court, told judge that he didnt care where he lived.  The son has been 'purchased in the past two months.  He has received so many new items and was promised a real sword and a cd the day after trial.  He is allowed to stay out with 20 and 30 year olds at night instead of being home on school nights.  DH was taking him to counseling, his mother said he didnt need it - making dh look like the 'bad guy'.  

The 20 and 30 year olds he hangs out with - all work at the store she manages - or did.  the two women, his ex said she trusted completely.  Come to find out - she had already fired one of the women.  And...that woman had been arrested twice for grand larceny- and has since been arrested again for grand larceny.  This woman lost custody of her own child to her mother months ago.  The other woman, this woman's lover, has been fired as well - she had lied and had a felony conviction she didnt reveal on her application.

The young man that was the real strong hold for ss - he is 26 years old, plays video games, works in a toy store, spends a lot of time with 13 year old ss, has wrecked three cars, and according to ss - smokes pot.  SS of course, thinks he is cool hanging with this man.  The one time ss refused to come for a visit was the weekend before court - and we found out later that the 26 year old had spent the night with him that weekend as well as promised him a cd for helping him at the store.......

Now, the ex lied saying her mom keeps ss alot - and she has kept him two days in eight months!  BM is now taking ss to work every evening - and even took him to work at her part -time where she is a waitress and she was working until after 10.    He hangs out (at both jobs) and does some work - but of course he is not employed so that prevents the child labor law violation.....................

Last week, he was suspended for hitting other students - third time this school year.  During the meeting dh and bm had to attend,  she took 3 phone calls from the store - acting like she was in demand and stating over and over how she manages a store and is never home........

SS has really changed.  DH tried to do right by getting after him for bad behavior - she and her friends gave him gifts telling him he was doing good in school.  DH got after him for not doing homework - she never says a word to him about it...........DH wanted him to have counseling - she tells him that he doesnt need it.  DH and ss were so close, but now its like he worships his mother and thinks we are just rednecks.  He now lives in a big city..........people who go to church and such are just rednecks.....

He is learning disabled and has two f's on his recent report card.  If he is suspended again, he gets kicked out.  

BM has him completely snowballed - she is not a parent, but his best buddy.  He is treated like he is 20 years old.  Does what he wants - gets goodies.  For being suspended - his punishment was to lose TV in his room ,but he can watch it with her.....he cant have the shoes he wanted, but they went shopping during the suspension and bought them, he just has to wait - and she bought him several items that he liked and he got them instantly.  He also got to hang out at the toy store for three days.

I had been worried that her constantly underminding dh would take effect - dh was never allowed any decision, if he made plans with ss, she would just change them without telling dh...........now it seems ss thinks dh is nothing..........

SS plays with peers outside, but is not allowed to have them over.  The only buddies they have over are these older people with shady lives....

But, is there anything that can be done really?  CPS is more neglect and abuse based..................and child labor laws - well, he isnt employed, he is just there 8-9 hours and he does work some of this..........

First, update - dh's ex moved 80 miles away last summer.  Until then, he had has youngest son 50% of the time.  SS wanted to stay.  DH filed - but she got a lawyer, and dh could not afford one - so judge signed temp for child to remain with her.  We got married after this.

DH and I researched his rights as she had never kept him informed and he contacted school, doctors, etc.....  SS was adamant that he wanted to move back here.

Then, in January bm's employees/buddies stepped up their bribery.  More gifts, more outings to malls, arcades, etc.  SS life is a constant party.  BM even added another employee into the mix - a 20 year old who loves video games, has wrecked 3 cars, and according to SS, smokes pot.  This 20 year old guy has spent time with ss playing games alone at home - ss' game system is in his room.  (BM lied about this in court)  SS for the first time ever, refused a visit in January.  Come to find out, BM had already told him she wasnt bringing him - she had made plans to eat with her parents and work that night.  Not only that, he had been promised a cd that weekend if he helped the 20 year old in the store - and......the 20 year old spent that Fri. night with ss.....

Went to court - with ss telling us how he was getting big sword the next day and a new cd....and he tells the judge he doesnt care where he lives.  

Judge did order bm that she has to provide babysitters (buddies) phone number as she had refused before.  HE also says that dh has input as to who babysits ss.  

But, is there anyway to forbid these people from being with ss - as she will say they arent babysitting, but just spending time?  The women are 'partners' who have had a baby taken away from them recently.  One is a convicted felon - and admitted ex drug addict.  The 20 year old guy just gives me a bad feeling - not only because of the driving and pot...but, what 20 year old WANTS to spend all of his time with a 13 year old?  I mean, he calls ss wanting to know what he is up to - spending the night with him....too weird.  My oldest step son is 19 - dh had custody of him....and though his mom begged, he refused to move with her.......he wouldnt hang out with kids constantly....

Okay...

*  is there anyway to get the employee names of her store so that we can check the 'buddies' out?

*  Judge made comments to oss that were not covered during hearing - so where did he get the info from?  DH said maybe hearing last year, but event had not taken place at that time - so, is there any way we can get transcripts to see if it was ever mentioned before the judge asked?  And if it isnt - how do we proceed - the judge should not have information outside of the hearing?

*  BM lied about everything in court - and dh's lawyer didnt know the case well enough to do follow-ups, just let the lies stand.  Would there be any need to try to prove perjury now?  If so, how?

My dh had 50% time with his youngest son until we got married.  Well, it began when we became engaged.  First time his ex had ever mentioned moving - in three years since they had divorced.  Then she did so shortly before we married.  Two hours away.  DH's time has been limited to six days.  SS has been adamant that he wanted to live here.  Judge gave her temp custody with the final hearing Tuesday, Jan. 25th..

DH was painfully naive of his rights and this was used against him last year.  So, I have helped dh research and assert his rights.  SS needed counseling - which dh insisted on, even making the arrangements.  BM took over, while telling ss he doesnt need counseling.  That went nowhere, so  dh arranged for a psychologist who is more suited to ss' needs.  BM has completely been uninvolved.  So, to ss - dad thinks something is wrong - mom doesnt.  DH has communicated with teachers and they ask for his assistance in ss' behavior.  DH gets after ss - and bm doesnt.  In fact, the last time dh called ss about it, she got on the phone asking "What is the problem NOW?"  And two days later ss was getting nice gifts from her friends for being so good in school.  Again, dh looked like the bad guy....while mom was so proud of him.

This weekend, ss refused to visit dh.  First time ever this has happened.  Not only does he refuse this weekend, but stated that next weekend they have plans as well.  Remember, we go to court Tuesday all because ss has said for seven months that he wants to live here.  Now, he doesnt even want to visit.

We are devastated.  Our entire marriage has been stressful with all of this, we have spent money on a lawyer, and devoted so many hours to researching and trying to do everything legally right - just to have the rug pulled away from under us....

We really do believe ss is in trouble if he remains with bm.....his school grades mean nothing - she just shows up for IEP meetings or when otherwise requested for a meeting, he doesnt do homework, he spends school nights at her store at the mall, if not, he is out with her 20'ish year old employees having fun driving around - but rarely ever at home before 9:30 at night.....He gets gifts for nothing - because it certainly is NOT for behaving or making good grades.....and he has behaved in ways that could put him in jail - and bm feels that it is normal to steal, that he has hormones so its not his fault if he fondles a girl, and that its someone else's fault when he stabs a neighbor's tires..........

My dh was divorced three years ago.  His oldest son chose to live with him, the youngest stayed with mom.  WE are in VA.  Before splitting, his ex was cheating.  DH was doing marijuana.  She called the police and had them search their home - they didnt find anything.  When they actually split - she filed an abuse complaint, complete with bruise.  Oldest son saw incident and dh never laid a finger on her.  DH quickly got off the drugs.  He lived a quiet life, trying to avoid her rants as she would show up at his employment to fuss at him.

DH had one son majority of time as well as other at least 50% of time.  He still had to pay her support and carried insurance.  She did not get a full-time job until oldest child turned 18.  She moved two hours away shortly before we married.  SS has been adamant for months that he wants to live here.  DH did take her to court around the time she moved - it would have been before but her lawyer had scheduling conflicts which gave her time to get ss out of town.  Dh did not have a lawyer.  In court, she told numerous untruths and made false accusations.  They accused dh of saying that he wanted ss so that he would not have to pay support anymore - which never crossed his lips.  He has said many times that if he got ss, he would not even want support from her.  They showed a pic of a old, ratty shoe saying dh sent ss to school in it - child was 12 at the time.  Now, did he wear it to school?  Who knows - there is only a picture to tell - no school statement.  They have joint legal and she never once told dh of any school meetings, results - nothing.  Dh went to other things - PTO, luncheons, DARE graduation, she attended nothing that wasnt requested in writing by a teacher.  Dh has to pay 75% of doc bills and she never sent a bill - just a demand for payment on notebook paper.  Her lawyer asked dh in court what med ss was on for ADHD.  DH didnt know the name - quite the travesty.  Only, months later we discover bm had made the sole decision to take ss off of meds before court ever took place.  The lawyer asked about a drug that wasnt even being given - and dh had not been told this!

Ok.....so, judge granted her basically what she already had - primary and joint legal, while allowing dh more visitation than she was willing and she had to most travelling - which she demanded that dh could see son only if he did all transportation.  DH and I researched his rights and have asserted them.  We even made arrangements for counseling for ss when we had presented her with issues and gave her a month to do so....then she took over.  Every visitation weekend dh requested - she altered in some way....

Now, court is in two weeks.  Her family has nothing to do with ss excepts on holidays.  She hounded oss but he would not move there....so, she has one of her male 20'ish employees staying evenings with ss now while she works.  While dh was the one keeping up with school problems and trying to straighten ss out - she never got after him for problems he was getting into or made him do homework. So, dh seemed like the meanie.  Now, ss is improving - one week - and she goes and buys him a $50 game and her friends are buying him gifts too celebrating.  And of course, this month she didnt say anything about requested visitation.  

I am just worried.  We have invested money in a lawyer.  SS is 13 and has no male role model in his life there - other than the new employee.  But, now she is giving him gifts - she has buying him things for a month - something she never did in the previous three years.  And it seems dh keeping on top of things where she could not shut him out of ss' life actually has bit him in the butt - he seems like the bad guy getting after ss for bad behavior and not doing homework.  He and I are the ones that wanted counseling  - and ss does need it - ADHD with some tendencies to conduct disorder.  Yet, she eats the counselor up while telling ss that he doesnt need it......................

Is there any hope?  For those of you that have been through it - how do you survive the stress it brings?

My fiance was to go to court this coming Tuesday, June 1st to try to get sole custody of his son.  His son's mother is moving over two hours away to a very high population, high crime town.   The child is over 12 and does not want to go.  His dad, brother, and all of his dad's family is here..and he is very close with his cousins.  The child has AD/HD.

Anyway...then my fiance got a notice today that the date has been rescheduled to June 29 - her lawyer had a conflict.  Excuse me.....they have joint custody and he has had to pay child support even though he has full custody of the oldest child!  Yet, she is able to pay for a lawyer.  yeah....she was in an accident a couple of years back and stashed a few thousand away.  Never does anything with the child.

Oh..and the new trial date....same week we are getting married...which I think is the reason there is a move to begin with!!

And - my fiance cannot afford an attorney.  Is there any way we can file an emergency injunction for temporary emergency custody of the child?  Or...is there anyway we can summons the child so that she has to bring him back for the trial?

Any advice will be welcome!!!!

Hi, I am a single mom.  But, the problem I need help with is my fiance's.  He has had custody of one son and joint custody of his youngest for three years.  The oldest is 18 now.  The youngest 12 1/2.  We are to get married in July.  Now, his ex is moving over 2 hours away, taking away the joint status.  The child does not want to go.  The town they are moving to is high crime and has population in the thousands where we live in a town of 500.  The child is ADHD as well.

The ex sent my f a letter basically saying 'this is my piece of furniture and this is what you have to do to see MY furniture again.'  Really, she acts like she owns the child.  Well, f sent her a note back saying he would be seeking custody and why.  He also suggested that if the judge does rule in her favor, that her terms are unacceptable.  She flipped out.....wants to settle out of court - but still under her terms.

In three years, she hasnt did anything with the child.  F and his sons all brought this up to her the other day and of course now, one week before trial, she is being all sweet and renting games/movies for the child and wanting to take him to the movies.  Now, mind you, she has had her fun for three years.....this is the first she has tried to let the child have fun.

Even though they are joint custody, f has had to pay support, plus insurance, plus 75% copays because she would not work but a few hours a week. In three years, he has never received a receipt or copy of a bill for medical payments, she simply writes it on a paper and he is supposed to anty up.  The judge has allowed this.  (I have been divorced for 8 years and ALWAYS provide my ex with copies of the bills.)

F says the judge always ignores him and listens to her.....I believe in equality for all....I dont believe every woman is the poor little victim.  What can f do to put his feelings before the judge without being shut down?  And can he refuse to pay medical until she gives him proof of the expenses?  Is there any kind of form he can fill out detailing why he is the more stable environment for the child?