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Messages - Kitty C.

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General Issues / Re: BM won't use both insurance policies
« on: Jul 11, 2013, 01:50:55 PM »
Why couldn't he just go to the pharmacy with his ins. and CO and tell them to register his insurance and it MUST be used first, per the CO?

And above all else....do NOT tell her you would continue to pay her CS if she moves without the kids!  If that is something you truly are willing to do, keep that up your sleeve...it may be an ace in the hole that you can use later to negotiate if she still insists on taking the kids with her.  But....and this is JMO....I would ONLY use it if she still pushes in court to take the kids. 
As for the other expenses (activities, medical, education, etc.), I would negotiate those separately.  If she is saying now that she doesn't want to have to pay CS, it's highly possible she will seriously balk at splitting expenses.  And even if she agrees, don't count on getting reimbursed by her.  Which is why it would be senseless to pay her any kind of CS....because I have a feeling that if she is willing to move without the kids, expect to pay 100% of everything for the kids.

You didn't miss a thing, Ocean!  And MB knew you wouldn't!   ;D

Yup....certainly has spun my head sufficiently, LOL!!!  Unless one of them is willing to go the distance and do a lot of driving, I don't see any other way around it.

No argument here, MB!  Just having a 'senior moment', LOL!   ;D   If I had read a little more carefully, I would have known that!
But I think the issue of who has the children on Father's Day is still a legitimate issue.  I know that DH's order specified Mother's and Father's Day as holidays and holidays superceded regular visitation and vacation time.  Which is why I can't figure out why he wouldn't have the kids on Father's Day...unless his order is like yours and makes no mention of it.

MB makes a point....is there anything in your order that specifies holidays and, if so, is Father's Day included?  If it does, does it say anything about holidays taking precedence over regular visitation or vacation time?  If it does, then technically you don't have to give the kids to her until Sunday evening.  As far as who drives (and there's no clear-cut answer), the standard rule of thumb is 'he who wants, fetches'...meaning if she wants them, she comes to get them and then you pick them up when it's your time.  And you're still splitting the cost of transportation that way.

In the '100 miles or more' part of the order, does it say anything that the same rules/orders apply?  Look for language that states that even with a change, the same criteria applies.  Read it carefully, as it's easy to miss.

Custody Issues / Re: ex moved away do we need to adjust agreement?
« on: Jun 12, 2013, 07:52:31 AM »
I agree with ocean....if it's working right now, let it go.  It's only when you disagree to this arrangement that you would have to go to court.  BUT....keep VERY good records on how you are implementing the change.  Courts like 'status quo', so if you do have to go to court and you can provide documentation that you agreed to this revised schedule AND it had been working up until then, the court takes a very serious look at that.  Only if there were extenuating circumstances that would not allow one of you to follow the revised agreement would the court consider something else.

Father's Issues / Abby gets it wrong again....
« on: Jun 11, 2013, 09:23:25 AM »
A letter in Dear Abby's column today just pi$$ed me off.  The writer got it right, but it was Abby's response that was seriously lacking:

DEAR ABBY: I don't understand divorced women and the restrictions they put on their exes about what they can and can't do with their children. ("You can't let him go to the pool party; he might drown"; "She can't visit with your mother; she has a cat"; "Don't make him rake leaves; that's your job!") Instead, they should be grateful these fathers are active parts of their children's lives. Too many fathers simply walk away. Unless the dad is actively harming the child, they have no right to dictate what their ex does with his kids on his time.
Remember, ladies, you made a baby with him. He is their dad and he has every right to parent as he sees fit, even if it differs from your own philosophy. And dads, don't let your ex try to tell you that you are a bad parent because you let your kid go roller skating and she broke her arm. It is not your fault. Things like that happen all the time, even to kids whose parents are still together. So stand up for your right to be a real dad! -- UNSYMPATHETIC MOM IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR MOM: If I were you, I'd keep my head down and not get caught in the crossfire. It's not that you lack sympathy, but you obviously don't relate to the women you hear complain. While some of them may seem controlling or hyper-protective, others may have valid concerns about their children's safety while they're with Dad.

Seriously, Abby??  'Some' of them may seem controlling or hyper-protective?  It made me mad enough to fire back a response to her:
Dear Abby,

I am appalled at your response to 'Unsympathetic Mom', who complained about women who try to control what their exes do with the children.  If you only knew what the atmosphere is regarding post-divorce child-rearing, you would never have said that.WAY too many women try to dictate and control what the fathers do with the kids.  Proof of that is when she says 'MY kids'...it should be 'OUR kids'.

I am a step-mother of a 19 y.o. and have been in his life since he was 3.  And his mother tried to control almost everything we did with him during the FOUR minimal days a month we had him when he was little.  Believe it or not, we only lived 2 blocks away in a very rural town, but since that was the minimum the court would allow, that was the MAXIMUM she would allow.  She tried to control the holidays we spent with him, she even tried to control how we CLOTHED him!  And she's not the only 'neurotic' parent out there...I am a moderator on a web forum for non-custodial parents and the stories I've seen there would curl your hair.

I'm happy to echo Unsympathetic Mom's sentiments:  Ladies, if you were willing to get in bed and/or marry this guy and have kids with him (and you cannot PROVE he has abused them), you have no choice but to allow him to parent as he sees fit.  You will be co-parenting with him until that child reaches the age of majority, so it is in the best interest of the child that you make an effort to get along.

My step-son's mother is now 'reaping the rewards' of her interference.  He still loves his mother, but he tries to have as little to do with her as possible.  He remembers what happened and she's tried to control his life, too.  So she only has herself to blame if she doesn't have the relationship with him now that she'd like to have.  More's the pity and from what I've seen on the forum I moderate, my stepson is just one of many this has happened to.

Been there, seen that...wished I hadn't

Father's Issues / Drum roll, please!!!!!!!!!!!!
« on: Jun 07, 2013, 08:04:10 AM »
DH and I will be gaining a daughter-in-law!!!!  SS came by just as I was leaving for a meeting last night and told me he HAD to show me something, then opened up a box to show me a beautiful engagement ring!  He looked at me and said 'L, I love her!'  I told him 'I know you do and you know we love her, too!'  SS and her have been together since SS was a sophomore and he turned 19 in Feb.  They broke up for a while last year but DH talked SS into getting back together with her and they are SO much happier!

My future DIL is a wonderful girl, I've known her parents for a long time and they are wonderful, too.  :)  I told SS that they shouldn't be in any hurry to get married, to just take their time.  It's just wonderful to see him so happy!

When I got home last night, I mentioned to DH about wondering what BM's reaction would be and he said that SS was going to see her after he told us.  That made me feel good, too!  I just pray that she doesn't try to stick her nose into their plans....I have a feeling that after all that has happened, both SS and FDIL will be telling her to butt out!   ;D

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