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Messages - Kitty C.

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No argument here, MB!  Just having a 'senior moment', LOL!   ;D   If I had read a little more carefully, I would have known that!
But I think the issue of who has the children on Father's Day is still a legitimate issue.  I know that DH's order specified Mother's and Father's Day as holidays and holidays superceded regular visitation and vacation time.  Which is why I can't figure out why he wouldn't have the kids on Father's Day...unless his order is like yours and makes no mention of it.

MB makes a point....is there anything in your order that specifies holidays and, if so, is Father's Day included?  If it does, does it say anything about holidays taking precedence over regular visitation or vacation time?  If it does, then technically you don't have to give the kids to her until Sunday evening.  As far as who drives (and there's no clear-cut answer), the standard rule of thumb is 'he who wants, fetches'...meaning if she wants them, she comes to get them and then you pick them up when it's your time.  And you're still splitting the cost of transportation that way.

In the '100 miles or more' part of the order, does it say anything that the same rules/orders apply?  Look for language that states that even with a change, the same criteria applies.  Read it carefully, as it's easy to miss.

Custody Issues / Re: ex moved away do we need to adjust agreement?
« on: Jun 12, 2013, 07:52:31 AM »
I agree with ocean....if it's working right now, let it go.  It's only when you disagree to this arrangement that you would have to go to court.  BUT....keep VERY good records on how you are implementing the change.  Courts like 'status quo', so if you do have to go to court and you can provide documentation that you agreed to this revised schedule AND it had been working up until then, the court takes a very serious look at that.  Only if there were extenuating circumstances that would not allow one of you to follow the revised agreement would the court consider something else.

Father's Issues / Abby gets it wrong again....
« on: Jun 11, 2013, 09:23:25 AM »
A letter in Dear Abby's column today just pi$$ed me off.  The writer got it right, but it was Abby's response that was seriously lacking:

DEAR ABBY: I don't understand divorced women and the restrictions they put on their exes about what they can and can't do with their children. ("You can't let him go to the pool party; he might drown"; "She can't visit with your mother; she has a cat"; "Don't make him rake leaves; that's your job!") Instead, they should be grateful these fathers are active parts of their children's lives. Too many fathers simply walk away. Unless the dad is actively harming the child, they have no right to dictate what their ex does with his kids on his time.
Remember, ladies, you made a baby with him. He is their dad and he has every right to parent as he sees fit, even if it differs from your own philosophy. And dads, don't let your ex try to tell you that you are a bad parent because you let your kid go roller skating and she broke her arm. It is not your fault. Things like that happen all the time, even to kids whose parents are still together. So stand up for your right to be a real dad! -- UNSYMPATHETIC MOM IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR MOM: If I were you, I'd keep my head down and not get caught in the crossfire. It's not that you lack sympathy, but you obviously don't relate to the women you hear complain. While some of them may seem controlling or hyper-protective, others may have valid concerns about their children's safety while they're with Dad.

Seriously, Abby??  'Some' of them may seem controlling or hyper-protective?  It made me mad enough to fire back a response to her:
Dear Abby,

I am appalled at your response to 'Unsympathetic Mom', who complained about women who try to control what their exes do with the children.  If you only knew what the atmosphere is regarding post-divorce child-rearing, you would never have said that.WAY too many women try to dictate and control what the fathers do with the kids.  Proof of that is when she says 'MY kids'...it should be 'OUR kids'.

I am a step-mother of a 19 y.o. and have been in his life since he was 3.  And his mother tried to control almost everything we did with him during the FOUR minimal days a month we had him when he was little.  Believe it or not, we only lived 2 blocks away in a very rural town, but since that was the minimum the court would allow, that was the MAXIMUM she would allow.  She tried to control the holidays we spent with him, she even tried to control how we CLOTHED him!  And she's not the only 'neurotic' parent out there...I am a moderator on a web forum for non-custodial parents and the stories I've seen there would curl your hair.

I'm happy to echo Unsympathetic Mom's sentiments:  Ladies, if you were willing to get in bed and/or marry this guy and have kids with him (and you cannot PROVE he has abused them), you have no choice but to allow him to parent as he sees fit.  You will be co-parenting with him until that child reaches the age of majority, so it is in the best interest of the child that you make an effort to get along.

My step-son's mother is now 'reaping the rewards' of her interference.  He still loves his mother, but he tries to have as little to do with her as possible.  He remembers what happened and she's tried to control his life, too.  So she only has herself to blame if she doesn't have the relationship with him now that she'd like to have.  More's the pity and from what I've seen on the forum I moderate, my stepson is just one of many this has happened to.

Been there, seen that...wished I hadn't

Father's Issues / Drum roll, please!!!!!!!!!!!!
« on: Jun 07, 2013, 08:04:10 AM »
DH and I will be gaining a daughter-in-law!!!!  SS came by just as I was leaving for a meeting last night and told me he HAD to show me something, then opened up a box to show me a beautiful engagement ring!  He looked at me and said 'L, I love her!'  I told him 'I know you do and you know we love her, too!'  SS and her have been together since SS was a sophomore and he turned 19 in Feb.  They broke up for a while last year but DH talked SS into getting back together with her and they are SO much happier!

My future DIL is a wonderful girl, I've known her parents for a long time and they are wonderful, too.  :)  I told SS that they shouldn't be in any hurry to get married, to just take their time.  It's just wonderful to see him so happy!

When I got home last night, I mentioned to DH about wondering what BM's reaction would be and he said that SS was going to see her after he told us.  That made me feel good, too!  I just pray that she doesn't try to stick her nose into their plans....I have a feeling that after all that has happened, both SS and FDIL will be telling her to butt out!   ;D

Visitation Issues / Re: Visitation rights Iowa
« on: Jun 07, 2013, 07:49:50 AM »
I am from Iowa......
Do you have any kind of court order?  Were you married to the mother?  If the answer to these is no, then you might not have any choice but to get an atty.  If you live in eastern Iowa, I can recommend a father-friendly atty. from Iowa City.  He's kind of pricey, but years ago he won a case for a father who got custody of his child after the mother had put the baby up for adoption.  He's good!

Second Families / Re: Blast from the past
« on: Jun 01, 2013, 04:21:49 PM »
REF!!!!!!!!!!  It's great to hear from you!!!   ;D
I can completely understand your trepidation about reuniting with SD.  I agree...involving your 3 y.o. into this, without knowing what the outcome might be (given the history), might not be the best idea.  But I think that, if you do find her, just letting her know that you and DH are there for her and still love her no matter what would still be a good thing.  Maybe leave it up to her if she wants to reunite?
Stick around for awhile, k?  ;)

Custody Issues / Re: Advice on therapist situation
« on: May 01, 2013, 09:55:46 AM »
JMO, but I would bet that the new therapist has probably been told by the BM to NOT talk to the old therapist.  And I like your atty's attitude...sounds like the BM has given herself a LOT of rope and this all could hang her at the next court appearance.  One thing I do strongly recommend:  have the old therapist testify at that hearing!  That could prompt the court to ask for testimony from the GAL, as well.
When is the court date?  If it's within the next month or so, then I agree with your atty.....it's a waste of money and it's more likely you'd be able to present more information at a regularly scheduled hearing then to ask for an emergency hearing where you may not be able to present all the evidence or have testimony heard.

Father's Issues / Re: birth certificate in MD
« on: Apr 29, 2013, 10:14:13 PM »
Don't call....go there personally.  I used to do birth certificates for a major hospital in Sacramento, CA and had to go to the Vital Statistics office at least once a month.   Taking your court order and showing it to them in person would go a lot further than just talking to them on the phone.  JMO, of course....

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