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Thank you for your kind response.  I was beginning to think that noone would.

I am on the baby's birth certificate and we're in Denton County of Texas.  I assume that being on the cert gives me responsibilities and privileges of fatherhood.

After not seeing them for 10 days she shows up at 3:30 in my work's parking lot.  When I went out side, the youngest was sleeping.  I was able to hug, hold and talk to each child but she was in the background making stoopid comments repeatedly.  First of all, our youngest (probably like everyone) doesn't like to wake up all of a sudden.  He's my little sunshine, but he hasn't seen me in a week and a half.....well each time he reached for his mom or something, she would say, "see, he doesn't want you to hurt him".....remember the false claims of abuse??

You have a double whammy because you are dealing with a bi polar parent.  Start documenting every visitation interaction, phone call, EVERYTHING.  If you can get someone to be present (a neutral party who is nonthreatening) when you do the pick ups and drop offs.  And get a temp order for visitation in place as soon as you can.  If you can represent pro se then do it yourself.  Request reasonable visitation and phone contact that does not interfere with daily activities.  Like 6 pm at night each night.  They will challenge it but you can use the actions and accusations of your ex to request the court appoint a psychologist because the welfare of the kids is at stake.  It never hurts to ask.

Geez I am not clarifying worth a damn tonight.  Ask for phone contact at 6 pm every night.  Ask for reasonable visitation.  If your son is under school age ask for every other week with you and meet in the middle.  Ask for the day after Christmas EVERY year for one week.  Father's day.  His birthday every other year. 

You don't want to go in asking for everything, you want to stay fair and reasonable.  She will hang herself.

I looked for a subject on this but found nothing.  I started looking in the Father's thread because this tends to happen to dads more than moms. 

I separated from my ex back in 95.  We have two daughters, now 20, and 15.  Our divorce came in in May of 1996. 

Ok, so I did the divorce pro se, worked up joint custody, and got him to agree to $300 a month in child support.  It should have made him happy because his issue was about control, and he didn't want to pay the $600 the state caculator came up with. 

Well it didn't. He wouldn't do his visits, and then he wouldn't pay his child support.  I told him I was going to modify the child support and send it through child support enforcement if he did not do his visits.  I didn't do it to make him unhappy, I did it because our oldest was unhappy and having problems in school and I knew it was because of the impact the divorce and all the changes with my life and her dad's life  had had on her.  She needed her dad.

I married my current hubby in May of 98.  We became friends when I was separated because he was separated too and we both worked together.  So, we started sharing war stories.

Well so the kids go to a summer visit that ends with him taking the girls to his grandmother's for the whole summer.  My hubby was on orders to move across the country that October.  So I agreed in writing with my ex to have the kids stay with him/his grandmother until we had to leave which was October 4.

On October 3 I get a certified notice from a smalltown court in Virginia (the state their great grandmother lived in).  My ex's grandmother and mother filed an emergency order for custody accusing me of drug abuse and physical abuse of my girls.  They had no evidence whatsoever, and I had my girls' medical records, school and daycare records, cancelled checks everything.  But for whatever reason this judge granted them temp custody.  I was also accused of abandoning my girls.  They went there in June and I had weekly phone contact with them.  HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?

I was in a bind because my new hubby who was also Army had to sign out of the post we lived on, and move us across the country to sign in to his new post by October 9th.  I was also 4 months pregnant at the time. 

So, I freaked fell apart and went about doing what I could do, which was get us moved across the country to get my hubby signed in to his new post and duty station by the date specified.  I then went about trying to figure out how to fight this.  I had the homestudy done, but I had NO MONEY for an attorney and psychologist to help me fight this.  I had all contact with my girls cut off.  And when I hit that wall of having nowhere to turn, and realised there was nothing on the planet I could do, I went into a depression that was worse than anything I can describe.  I did not leave my house for five years, wanted to die every minute of every day, didn't sleep, didn't eat, just lived in a state of constant anguish.

From there it was a waiting game.  We had to wait until my hubby was out of the Army and we had the tens of thousands in the bank account.  It took five years.  I filed back in court but found out they had moved to another state.  So I filed in that state, hired the lawyer and got the court appointed  psychologist involved (that we paid for).  By that time my oldest was 13.  I fought and went through every hoop they required of me to see my girls and have contact with them again.  I spent every penny we had saved up on this case. 

Our case had all the earmarks of classic PAS and the psychologist testified to it, and the judge talked about it.  So, my oldest would have nothing to do with me, and refused to go to the psychologist after the hearing that the psychologist testified in regarding the PAS and the actions of her dad's family and hated my guts after that.

Well I still see my now 15 year old daughter, but I waited with my oldest until she was out of their home to talk to her.  She was 18 when we started talking.  It was great at first, we talked every single day about everything, but then a couple months ago, I read a blog from her that has her talking about having this abused childhood and being saved from hell by her grandparents.  So I confronted her about it and she stopped talking to me.  And now my 15 year old is barely talking to me.

There is no answer to our situation, I am just in need of an outlet.  I can go back to court and battle over the contact being nearly cut off but would it do more damage than good?  For me it would be the all encompassing vindication that I do matter as a parent, and its not okay to keep badmouthing me against the judge's orders etc., but for my 15 year old it would just make her life miserable because it would force her into the same position that my oldest was forced into.

I probably should have just done what so many others do and just cut my ex off from the kids.  None of this would have happened, but at the same time it would have been the wrong thing to do.   I know what is right when it comes to the best interests of the children, and that is all I ever cared about.  The best interests of my kids.  But it can backfire and make the life of one parent a living hell.

I am still hanging in there and waiting in the hopes that things will change with time and age.  I took the abuse allegations personally because they went beyond just cutting my heart out.  Had I been even a half arsed parent maybe it would have been different, but I was obsessed with being a great parent to my girls, and I was so obsessed with it that being accused of something like this just pulled my world apart.

My hubby and I have weathered the storm with what we dubbed two psycho exes, and have been married for 12 years now.  We have two wonderful girls from that marriage.  He was going through hell with his ex at the same time my nightmare came down, and was alienated from his daughter from his first marriage too but more because of the fact that his ex tried to accuse my now 15 year old of molesting her daughter when they were both 4. 

It freaked him out and he cut off contact.  Child support gets paid and we maintain the health insurance that never gets used for them and we just keep living each day and thinking that in time it will all work out when it comes to our other kids.

Neither of us got divorced because the marriages fell apart so much as the people we were with were so unbalanced that life was miserable with them.  So I guess it should have been expected that the divorces would be a living hell. 

Your ex may be worried about child support too.  Per the military without a court mandated order of child support your ex could lose his entire housing allowance to child support.  But I think he was clearly blowing off some steam. 

I will tell you first and foremost that your ex being in the service can not have custody of your son.  It is a common knowledge thing for them, and that may be bothering him. 

See if you can just sit down and talk to him.  Ask him directly what is going on with him.  Is he worried about the effect having a dependent would have on his career or pay?  Is he worried that you may railroad him?  (A lot of soldiers get the shaft by an ex and the war stories are all over the place because of it)  How can you make things better?

Also tell him you want to come to an agreement that both of you can live with.  You do not want to make his life hell, you just need to know what he would consider fair.

Sometimes they are scared, and they just need to know you are not going to make their life a living hell.  My hubby's ex made his life miserable.  Everytime he turned around she was writing letters to his commander accusing him of not paying child support, calling the post police to be with her when she picked up their daughter etc..  She made it so bad that to this day we still have every single check that was paid out for child support and this is over 10 years after the fact.

The BAQ is housing allowance and the soldiers can not afford to live without it.  The problem is if they are getting BAQ for dependents they can't live in the barracks, and have to live on the economy.  So you want to keep the BAQ out of it.  Just calculate what the child support is, and come up with a custodial agreement that will give him visitation when he is available with 48 hrs notice, and stipulate in that agreement that that is only in effect when your son does not have other plans, and agree as part of that that if your son is unavailable for a certain time that you will give a minimum of 5 days notice prior to his father making notice of any plans.  You agree to give this notice in writing as well as phone call.

I hate Cali's child custody laws with a passion, and I am begging you to continue to stay neutral and fair to your son's dad.  If he wants to push the issue then it will hurt him and he knows it.  If he wants a paternity test tell him to get it but he pays for it.  Its a thousand dollars so not out of the question to get. 

Why are all of you donors more interested in hiding out then in supporting your child?  The father that complained that his 6-yr old daughter cried when being separated from her Mom and told the child that it hurt his feelings when she cried?  You are the most disgusting human being on earth.  Moms and kids have a biological connection that you will never understand. Kids are very connected to good Moms.  And then you go on to blame the Mom even though she is supportive to the child and tries to help.  You don't even deserve that.  Kids have a very tough time bouncin between homes.  MAN UP and leave your child alone...let her lead a normal life and just pick her up every other weekend.  Losers, all of you!!!! 

The bond between a mother and child is no more "special" nor important than the bond between father and child.  You are the unbalanced one in that you clearly think a child should have to choose.  Children who do not have fathers in their lives end up being the target of abuse at the hands of "mom's" boyfriends, stepdads, and anyone else the mom brings into the child's life. 

For you to suggest that the father should not be involved tells me that you have something to hide and your child's dad needs to stay firmly engaged with his child.