- Welcome to SPARC Forums.
Recent posts
#31
Father's Issues / Baby nail clippers
Last post by kimimiles - Sep 25, 2020, 11:45:41 AMLooking for advice on how to use baby nail clippers?
#32
Dear Socrateaser / Re: Can Reunification Therapy ...
Last post by Waylon - Sep 21, 2020, 02:30:25 PMQuote from: maybenut on Sep 19, 2020, 08:37:40 AMThat's essentially it- you can't stop her behavior (usually) but you can offset it with therapy and positive reinforcement. PA is bad stuff, though.
I brought this issue to the GAL and she told me that I need reunification therapy and she gave me a list of reunification therapists in my area (WA). I spoke with a couple of them and they say that they can't stop my ex from alienating. They said they will be able to help me to have a relationship with my kids only by therapeutic support to me and my ex.
I'd definitely recommend the book "Divorce Poison" by Dr. Richard Warshak, which has a lot of good info on Parental Alienation.
#33
Dear Socrateaser / Can Reunification Therapy help...
Last post by maybenut - Sep 19, 2020, 08:37:40 AMI have two kids 2 and 3. After 2 years of not being able to see my boys at all, I was finally able to start seeing them after GAL got involved. Last few visits, my 3 year old has said some pretty disturbing things to me during supervised visits such as:
"Don't touch me!" While saying this he clinched his little fists and said it with conviction.
"I'm just going to play by myself." He said this at the beginning of a visit, as soon as he saw me.
"You're a bad man! I will kill you!"
While eating breakfast, in the beginning of a visit, he said to his mom: "I'm going to get to work, and we'll keep pressure."
"No need to touch me" You're bad" "You hurt my mommy!"
"You're not my dad, my grandpa is my dad."
"It's possible to only love mommy!" after I told him that I'm his dad.
I brought this issue to the GAL and she told me that I need reunification therapy and she gave me a list of reunification therapists in my area (WA). I spoke with a couple of them and they say that they can't stop my ex from alienating. They said they will be able to help me to have a relationship with my kids only by therapeutic support to me and my ex.
I want to follow GAL's recommendations, since she's supposed to be an advocate for the kids and I'm assuming she's recommending what's best for them. My lawyer says reunification therapy is expensive and I shouldn't try it, for now.
Has anyone had experience with something similar?
All suggestions and thoughts will be appreciated.
Thanks guys!
"Don't touch me!" While saying this he clinched his little fists and said it with conviction.
"I'm just going to play by myself." He said this at the beginning of a visit, as soon as he saw me.
"You're a bad man! I will kill you!"
While eating breakfast, in the beginning of a visit, he said to his mom: "I'm going to get to work, and we'll keep pressure."
"No need to touch me" You're bad" "You hurt my mommy!"
"You're not my dad, my grandpa is my dad."
"It's possible to only love mommy!" after I told him that I'm his dad.
I brought this issue to the GAL and she told me that I need reunification therapy and she gave me a list of reunification therapists in my area (WA). I spoke with a couple of them and they say that they can't stop my ex from alienating. They said they will be able to help me to have a relationship with my kids only by therapeutic support to me and my ex.
I want to follow GAL's recommendations, since she's supposed to be an advocate for the kids and I'm assuming she's recommending what's best for them. My lawyer says reunification therapy is expensive and I shouldn't try it, for now.
Has anyone had experience with something similar?
All suggestions and thoughts will be appreciated.
Thanks guys!
#34
Chit Chat / Re: SPARC Suggested Reading Li...
Last post by maybenut - Sep 19, 2020, 08:06:30 AMYeah, so I thought! My lawyer recently told me that the first case decided solely based upon PAS in my state (WA) was 2 months ago. If you are right, then I guess WA is behind on keeping themselves updated
#35
Chit Chat / Re: SPARC Suggested Reading Li...
Last post by Waylon - Sep 19, 2020, 07:24:02 AMPAS has been recognized for quite a while now. The material in the reading lists should still valid and useful, if a bit dated.
#36
Chit Chat / SPARC Suggested Reading List
Last post by maybenut - Sep 19, 2020, 07:22:37 AMAnyone know when the suggested reading list was last updated?
I'm dealing with PAS and need latest information. PAS is a relatively new issue that is more and more recognized in family courts. Looks like things are changing all the time in regards to this issue.
Thanks!
I'm dealing with PAS and need latest information. PAS is a relatively new issue that is more and more recognized in family courts. Looks like things are changing all the time in regards to this issue.
Thanks!
#37
Visitation Issues / Re: Help for father with MS
Last post by lupacexi - Sep 18, 2020, 02:25:46 AMThanks you for sharing
#38
Visitation Issues / Re: 9 year old does not like t...
Last post by balleros - Jul 01, 2020, 02:15:19 PMI would agree with you in terms of not wanting to go with father because of other things but so far, most activities he has done with his father are activities he would do with me, too. We have done mainly family outings: bike, hike, walk, museum. Only two visits they were alone. For one they went on a bike ride and for the other on a car ride and my son showed him his school and fav places.
but yes, he needs to get used to the new situation.
I do have to bring up my boyfriend because he has been around since the pregnancy and my son considered him family way before I did.
but yes, he needs to get used to the new situation.
I do have to bring up my boyfriend because he has been around since the pregnancy and my son considered him family way before I did.
#39
Visitation Issues / Re: 9 year old does not like t...
Last post by ocean - Jun 29, 2020, 07:30:07 AMFirst you should not be comparing the relationship with his father to your boyfriend. Children can always have another person that loves them. You thinking about them all is great and encouraging the time between them is important.
Most kids do not want to get up, dressed and forced out of the house at a certain time. Child might think he is missing things at your house when he is with dad. Dad needs time to bond and sometimes that does not mean he must bring child out and be a "disney" dad (takes them to fun places or out to eat every single visit).
Talk to dad and express child's concerns nicely. "just wanted you to know that xx had a hard time getting ready to go, maybe you can talk to him a bit this visit. I want him to have as many people in his life that love him but he may need some encouragement from all of us. My boyfriend is not a replacement of you but another person in his life....." If this is dad's only child then he may need some "parenting" tips as to what child likes to do. Depending on the heath situation where you live, child can spend time with cousins/family from his dad side on dad's time.
As for child, almost same conversation and encourage him to bring a game/toy /activity to bring on the visits. Tell him he can talk to his dad about things.
Hang in there, hopefully dad keeps visiting and you all remain able to get along for the sake of child.
Most kids do not want to get up, dressed and forced out of the house at a certain time. Child might think he is missing things at your house when he is with dad. Dad needs time to bond and sometimes that does not mean he must bring child out and be a "disney" dad (takes them to fun places or out to eat every single visit).
Talk to dad and express child's concerns nicely. "just wanted you to know that xx had a hard time getting ready to go, maybe you can talk to him a bit this visit. I want him to have as many people in his life that love him but he may need some encouragement from all of us. My boyfriend is not a replacement of you but another person in his life....." If this is dad's only child then he may need some "parenting" tips as to what child likes to do. Depending on the heath situation where you live, child can spend time with cousins/family from his dad side on dad's time.
As for child, almost same conversation and encourage him to bring a game/toy /activity to bring on the visits. Tell him he can talk to his dad about things.
Hang in there, hopefully dad keeps visiting and you all remain able to get along for the sake of child.
#40
Visitation Issues / 9 year old does not like to ha...
Last post by balleros - Jun 28, 2020, 09:26:12 PMMy son's father was absent for most of my son's life. He started to spend time with my son since this pandemic affected us. But since they never developed a relationship, I was around them for most of the visits. I did try to have them alone so that they could connect. I would say that his father visited him about 6 times since March.
Well this weekend my son said that he does not like to hang out with his father.
He knows that his father is safe and he is not a bad guy but clearly,my son knows he was absent for so long and he has already established a solid relationship with my boyfriend.
I am trying to be understanding of everyone here.
First, my kid. He knows that we can't fight feelings and if he feels that he does not like to hang out with his father,then those are his true feelings and I want to acknowledge them.
Then, his father. he does know that my son sees my boyfriend as a father figure and he knows that my son is not ready to call him father.
At the moment, he does not know what my son shared with me.
Any advice on how to proceed.
we were used to being ignored or ghosted and now this is a new situation.
thanks
Well this weekend my son said that he does not like to hang out with his father.
He knows that his father is safe and he is not a bad guy but clearly,my son knows he was absent for so long and he has already established a solid relationship with my boyfriend.
I am trying to be understanding of everyone here.
First, my kid. He knows that we can't fight feelings and if he feels that he does not like to hang out with his father,then those are his true feelings and I want to acknowledge them.
Then, his father. he does know that my son sees my boyfriend as a father figure and he knows that my son is not ready to call him father.
At the moment, he does not know what my son shared with me.
Any advice on how to proceed.
we were used to being ignored or ghosted and now this is a new situation.
thanks