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Author Topic: How to respond to "Odd" request  (Read 3095 times)

Windd

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How to respond to "Odd" request
« on: Jan 08, 2007, 04:55:34 PM »
Okay Soc. the NCP is claiming to file request for additonal segments of time based on child gettin ready to start menstrual cycle and therfore "needing" more time with mom.


1) Is this an odd request?

2) How do I refute/respond tosomething like this in a legally nice way?


socrateaser

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RE: How to respond to -- UPDATED RESPONSE...
« Reply #1 on: Jan 08, 2007, 06:58:10 PM »
>Okay Soc. the NCP is claiming to file request for additonal
>segments of time based on child gettin ready to start
>menstrual cycle and therfore "needing" more time with mom.
>
>
>1) Is this an odd request?

Extremely.

>
>2) How do I refute/respond tosomething like this in a legally
>nice way?

You need to read the motion, and respond directly to the claims. "Needing" is too vague, and if that's what's in the pleading, then your response is just that:

"The allegation of the mother that the child "needs" more time with her mother, simply because the child is starting to menstruate is a bare claim supported by no objective scientific evidence or any behavioral change in the child, showing some distress that only the mother can aleviate. Therefore, absent some relevant proof, the court should find that no change in circumstances has occured, and dismiss the motion."

Be prepared to offer to take the child to some counseling or some physician's visits and invite the mother to join in. I can see both sides of this argument. It's not like you can show the kid how to put a tampon in -- at least not without getting arrested for child abuse.

UPDATE: It has been strongly suggested to me that you will be making a huge mistake by not consulting the child on her feelings with regard to this issue. I'm inclined to agree. If the child wants to be with her mom, then you need to seriously consider this and try to negotiate something that will work in the child's best interest without a courtroom battle.

This is a sensitive issue. Lots of social taboos and tribal knowledge, if you catch my drift.

notnew

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RE: How to respond to -- UPDATED RESPONSE...and
« Reply #2 on: Jan 09, 2007, 06:46:52 AM »
It is a crock of sh*t as far as I'm concerned. But, Soc again you are right in that the court allows women to use this as an excuse for just about anything.

I believe all women should be highly offended that in this day and age the whining "I'm on my period" is still in use and WORKS!

mistoffolees

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RE: How to respond to -- UPDATED RESPONSE...and
« Reply #3 on: Jan 09, 2007, 09:26:14 AM »
While it may or may not be a crock as you say, the fact is that it IS a sensitive issue and extremely painful (emotionally) for many girls. If the daughter is uncomfortable talking with the father about it, why wouldn't you want to be flexible? I can't imagine forcing my daughter to deal with this issue in a way she's not comfortable with just to save me from talking to the ex about a reasonable modification.

The only thing I might consider in talking with the attorney about it is whether to make the change temporary. It is undoubtedly going to be a frightening thing for a young girl, but by the time she's a teenager, it will no longer be an issue. So perhaps they might consider extra time until the girl turns 13 or so and then go back to the original schedule.

Just my $0.02.

HelpingHands

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RE: How to respond to -- UPDATED RESPONSE...and
« Reply #4 on: Jan 09, 2007, 11:28:00 AM »
The mother is predicting the onset of their child's menstrual cycle? Nobody can accurately predict the specific day a child first begins menstrating. How long will the proposed deviation last? With uncertainty of the day the mensis begins, this could last months on end prior to actual menstration.

Would it not be reasonable for the parents to agree that the father is to call the mother in the event the child starts menstrating during his visitations to assist the child, if the child so requests? Is there a distance between homes that would prevent close contact between mother and child during those first couple of months of menstration?

I agree it's a very traumatic experience for a young lady and she should feel comfortable during the process.




 


notnew

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Please see General Board Post - NM
« Reply #5 on: Jan 09, 2007, 12:09:58 PM »
,

Windd

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RE: How to respond to -- UPDATED RESPONSE...
« Reply #6 on: Jan 09, 2007, 01:23:10 PM »
Strongly suggested??? Soc I did not mean for your wife/girlfriend to debate with you on the sensitive topic, hahaha.

At any rate I agree with the taboo and other perceptions. This just appears to be part of an on going power struggle. If the mom and I were on good terms it would really be a non-issue and perhaps will be anyway.

The child has her mother, grandmothers and aunts. I think it’s weird to say the child needs only her mom at this time, especially since the mom is not the primary parent anymore. It really is self-serving because the daughter needs to be taught how to take care of these issues and moved towards independence, not taught to regress to infant/dependent stage.

There have been long running issues regarding the manipulation of the daughter’s feeling towards the father and comments to the child i.e. mommy is good daddy is evil, mother knows best –your father is an idiot, you do not have to do what the father says he is just trying to control you; your father is trying to take you away from you mother, teachers are strangers and many others negative comments

The mom got ripped by the “female” trial judge because of photos of hygiene issues regarding child. There is a documented history of the child not being taught how to clean herself.

Of course the concern is any temporary situation then being turned into status quo. The daughter does spend a considerable amount of time with mother currently, much more then the normal every other weekend

It also will get into other issues if daughter is i.e vacationing does that mean she cannot travel, does she not attend school, does she not perform chores, etc…

   Soc, Can photos or additional photos be used to show history and refute any
            Motion for increased segments of time?   In this county the post degree issues are handled by a separate group of judges than the trial judges.
   

socrateaser

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RE: How to respond to -- UPDATED RESPONSE...
« Reply #7 on: Jan 09, 2007, 03:52:18 PM »
>   Soc, Can photos or additional photos be used to show history
>and refute any Motion for increased segments of time?   In this
>county the post degree issues are handled by a separate group
>of judges than the trial judges.

Evidence is admissible if it's relevant to proving/disproving a material fact at issue between the parties.

If you can show that the child has plenty of available adult women in your home who can help her through this difficult time, I think that would help make your case that this is an unnecessary step.

But, if the child wants to spend more time with her mom, and mom spends the dough to get a GAL or evaluator to say so, then you're gonna have a fight. So, you have to weigh your costs/benefits to decide where to draw the line between fighting and negotiating.

olanna

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RE: How to respond to -- UPDATED RESPONSE...
« Reply #8 on: Jan 10, 2007, 11:18:49 AM »
Do you have an adult sister or perhaps your Mom living close enough that they would be willing to (eh hem) calm the Mother's fears of not having a woman to help your daughter through this time?

It's odd to me, that your ex would use this for more time.  My own daughter started her period the month she was supposed to go for the summer with Dad.  I sent her with enough pads, undies and asprin that she didn't even have to let her Dad know she was mensing, if she didn't want to do that.  (She was very, very shy).

It all worked out. It always does.  It's just such a lame excuse for giving less time to one of the most important people in her life.

mistoffolees

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RE: How to respond to -- UPDATED RESPONSE...
« Reply #9 on: Jan 10, 2007, 01:51:40 PM »
While there may be another woman around, that wouldn't necessarily demonstrate that the daughter would be comfortable with them on this issue.

I simply feel that the daughter's feelings and needs should be the primary consideration. If she's more comfortable with the mother on this topic, I hate to see the parent's power struggle overcome her wishes.

I would, however, make sure that anything they agree to is in conjunction with legal advice - either Soc or their own attorney. I'd also suggest that it have a fairly short time period (most girls adjust to the change within a relatively small number of months.

I just remember how fragile our girls were at 8 and how devastating it was to them. As a parent, my first concern was doing anything possible to get them through it - not worrying about whether someone was getting one up on me.

 

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