What is the Judge Thinking???

[mikezz]

Hi to all. This is my first post. To make a long story short, I am seperated with my X. She was arrested for asault on me in July. I took my son, flew to Calif. where my family is. I file for a restraining order in Califonia for the incident that just happened.
4 days down the road, X is asking me to come back and reconcile. She says and even wrote a beautiful email wanting to get back together and go to counseling.....etc...
I decide to believe her and go back to houston. After three days back in houston, she says she is going to visit a friend with the baby. I get served witha protective order. I had to move out and couldn't see my son until we went to court 2 weeks later.

Wish I would have read the "reconiliation post" back then.

anyhow,

Judge gave me 3 nights a week on our first hearing. Denied protective order X was trying to get granted. JMC

Next was mediation. X fired first lawyer, and had a new one for mediation. One that is board certified at 300 per hour. X would not agree to anything at mediation.

Next hearing for trial. X wants Protective order looked at again.
She got a "sugardaddy" from her strip club job to pay for her legal fees as well as her friends to come to court and bash my personalities as a dad, saying things like I never change diapers, I give my son alcohol, and that I abuse my child.

Anyhow, the judge said no to the protective order, joint managing custody was awarded, but my 3 nights a week with my son went to standard visitation. He also told my X that I would not be obliged to pay any child support.

My X told the judge that she is going to get a real job, and put my son in DayCare but she didn't want my son to go to the DayCare that I the father worked at. He granted her the choice to pick the DayCare center. But that I didn't have to help pay for it, yet.

First, I don't believe DayCares are the best for children (toddlers). However in the circumstances that a parent works at a daycare (father), it's better than putting our son in a daycare with a stranger, which is what my X prefers to do. (Clearly not in the best interest of the child).

Second, through a deposition on her, I found out stuff she never told me (for 2 years), my X has no high school diploma or GED, had 4 lesbian relationships, a swinger, suicidal behavior (3 slit marks on her wrist) due to 3 abortions and admitted to trying many drugs in her life before me. She was raised in a broken family, has worked in strip clubs all her life, and was arrested for assault on me, yet judge still gave her (in so many words, primary custody) I hate it. Why are fathers discriminated against.

Its been 4 months since we split up, and my X has since a new boyfriend, and guess what, my lawyers did a background check on him, and he has been convicted of 2 felonies for narrcotics. Go figure.

The judge has made his decisions solely on the testimonies of her stripper friends. Of course, she knew she could get away with this because I being from California, had no friends to stick up for me here in houston. tha's life I guess.

Its seems on paper, the odds were good on my side, but I can't believe what has happened.
Judge has ordered both of us to see a custody evaluator. I can't afford it anymore. My lawyer says if I go to trial, I will win and he is sure the psychologist will have negatives to say about X's life after an evaluation.
I can't pay anymore, I am toying with going to see the judge without an attorney now. Is this a bad move. What if its my only move? My strategy is to claim that X could have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Post Abortion Syndrome that she is hiding now, but with the stats and research done, my son could be a victim of child abuse due to her past. An post abortive mother is either neglective or over protective. She happens to be the overprotective kind. I am so lost now.

I feel I don't need a lawyer now that we are headed for a Jury Trial. Or atleast I think we are. We have a hearing on DEC 15 which I have no idea what for. What can I bring to court that day? Oh, and can I (on my day off) go to the court house and hand the judge a folder with my pleadings and concerns.? (post abortion articles,stats, and daycare stats and articles) or is this frowned upon??? Can I go it alone in a Jury trial.? sorry about the mass confusion to everyone.

[wendl]

Personally I wouldn't go without an attorney, and make sure you get a good one. Many cp's will lie and the stand and be caught in the lie (oh and no big deal they don't get slapped for it).

If she has an attorney they will say many many things about you true or not, it happened to us.

Beg barrow any money you can to get yourself a good attorney.

ALSO ask for 1st right of refusal, meaing anytime mom is at work you get the 1st opportunity over anyone else to care for your child while the mom is at work.

Many of the courts are still bias towards men as being the primary care takers of their chidlren (it is slowly getting better)

Document everything, and keep a journal. Keep track of all the times you see your child and all the times you are denied (if she denies you)

Educate yourself on the laws in your state.

Others will give you more advice from here as well.

Except the worste pray for the best.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[MYSONSDAD]

Get the best attorney you can find who handles Family Law. Many will take a retainer and you can make payments. Do what you have to do. Best to give it your all right now.

"Children learn what they live"

[kitten]

Give it your all RIGHT NOW!  Beg and borrow!  

[mikezz]

guys, I've got an attorney with 16 thousand already spent and 11 thousand outstanding left to pay.  I'm on the verge of being dropped by my attorney.  Need encouragement on doing it alone.  I've begged for money already.  That route has been supported by family but is not available anymore.  stop telling me to get a lawyer.  I've had one for 3 months at 250 dollars per hour.

[jilly]

Then be prepared to have your ass handed to you when you go to Court.

[kitten]

or get a new lawyer with what you have left.  You came here for help...

[wendl]

well we hate to keep saying to get an attorney but many of us have seen what happens when one doesn't have one.

When looking for an attorney it is always best to interview more than one, also it is good to see them in action in court.

We found an atty that took a low retainer and monthly payment, yes their are some out their.

Max out credit cards if you must.
If you have no more money resoursed then you really need to educate yourself on the laws and proper filing that must be done.  Some here have done this without and attorney, but for trials it is best to have one or the other attorney will eat you alive.

So in short, figure out your next action, them come here to have others help you with the proper proceedures for filing proper paperwork, When filing evidence their is a specific proceedure in doing this, if it is not
following your evidence will not be submitted and looked at in trial.

HERE is a prime example, my dh had a attorney, his paralegal did a ton of work for our attorney, in Dec we gave the paralegal our witness list, WELL unfornunately our paralegal passed away in a freak accident, the attorney did not know where the paralegal put our witness list, so it was filed LATE, so when trial came the judge would NOT allow a few of our witness to testify (the most imporant witnesses) because she said she didn't know about them and she was unable to contact them prior to trial (her atty didn't try very hard) so that hurt my dh's case.



**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[mikezz]

well atleast my son will know someday that I was fighting for him myself and not some lawyer who is only interested in his pocketbook.

[mikezz]

Im maxed out in every possible avenue.


And as for Jury trial, isn't that about convincing the jury that I am the better parent presently and potentially for the future?  I have a deposition that is almost 300 pages to make many notes on and questions.  There are many diff. subjects to pull from this deposition.  AS for me, there couln't be anything to pull up on.  I have no drug history, no record (1 parking ticket), never been arrested, ...etc...

I guess the only thing for her side to do is keep throwing the false allegations towards me, however if after all the witnesses she brought up there 3 weeks ago and with the allegations put on me didn't impress him then, I can't believe that he will take anymore "stupid" allegations from her side.  Plus, if the judge really believed her, I should be in Jail, protective order, supervised visitation and who knows what else.  But I'm not.  thank God.

I feel so strongly on doing this on my own.  I'm fearless and feel the jury would have to see the facts.  

My x brought a picture to court 3 weeks ago of my son with a scratch on his face.  She didn't claim it was child abuse, but she says I was not watching the child.

I, want to bring in 3 pictures of aborted fetuses and tell her that 1000 scratches on my son today would never amount to 3 dead (aborted) children.  That ms. X is child abuse.  I'm so getting off the subject. sorry


Did I mention that she also has 3 slit marks (scars) on her wrist?  Oh, and I only found out about the abortions through the deposition I did on her.

[wendl]

Hun,
I understand what you are saying. Ok here is a thought, get all the info ready that you will need for trial (you would be suprised how some judges act) anyways.

Get everything together, see if their is a paralegal that can help you with the proceedures etc, maybe go to your local college and get a college law student to help you.

Get down to the law library and educate yourself.

I wish you all the luck, keep coming back.

PS We had a lot of info showing how mom is and how she lies bla bla bla but that wasn't admitted in court due to problems that our attoreny encountered with his paralegal passing away. (sorry off subject)

Good luck and keep fighting for your son.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Peanutsdad]

Ok, your cash is gone, you owe a staggering legal bill.


You have decided you have to finish the case pro se. I started my case pro se, and finished with an attorney for trial.


1st thing- GET RID OF THE EMOTIONS. If you are going to go pro se, you HAVE to be cool, collected, act LIKE an attorney. You cannot allow yourself to give into emotional responses whether in court or out.


Next, you need to make yourself familiar with Texas family law code,






http://www.capitol.state.tx.us/statutes/fa.toc.htm

http://www.capitol.state.tx.us/statutes/cp.toc.htm

http://www.capitol.state.tx.us/statutes/statutes.html


You also need to know your courts particular rules.

Next, read all these links here on sparc concerning pro se:

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/index.html

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/index.html

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/index.html


I will warn you however, if your ex has an attorney, it is likely you could get chewed up in court simply due to you NOT knowing how to run a case.

In addition to going pro se, I would highly recommend you retain an attorney in a consultant capacity to advise you on how to order your case for trial.

Here is a compilation of Texas local court rules:

http://www.texaslocalrules.com/

Here are a couple of pro se links:

http://www.legalhelp.org/

http://www.legalfreedom.com/prc/

This link isnt in Texas, BUT its a good format to follow: http://www.firstdistrictcourt.com/prose.htm

[mikezz]

thanks for all the links.  I appreciate it.  My lawyer hasn't dropped me yet, however I just want to be prepared and if he doesn't I want to offer what I had planned.


thank you very much.

[FLMom]

Mike,

I'm thinking of changing my name from FLMom to "Old&Jaded". I SOOOO know where you're at right now. You're frustrated beyond belief that no one can see what you see from this person---someone you loved and trusted has turned into the most evil, despicable person you've ever known. Right?

Now, take all of this emotion and throw it out the window. PeanutsDad is right. The last thing you want is that anger spilling out in a courtroom.
I don't know that much about TX, but I don't think you're going before a jury. You're going before a judge who's seen things 100x worse than what you're laying out before him and he wants to go get his paperwork done so he can go fishing this weekend. Judges are human too.

Stick to the facts. Reams of articles about aborted fetuses and strip clubs are going to do nothing but show that you've lost it. I'm not being mean, I mean it. One of the things judges look for is the parent that will be most able and willing to provide the other parent with regular contact with the child. You go in there with guns blazing and they're going to write you off.

Money, as you've come to learn thus far, is the language that rules the world in trials. You mentioned that your lawyer did some digging on your ex's new squeeze and found out he had a record. Well, in most states you can go to the main law enforcement division and get that same info for about $30. It probably took him about two hours to be on the phone, fax, and stick that info into your folder. That's $500. This is legwork you can be doing on your own. Keep your lawyer, but do his work and lay it in front of him. Less $$$ that way.

Forget the articles, even though I KNOW it's taken you scads of time compiling. Basic files are necessary. Folders of the following info could be pertinent:

Proof of length of current residence.
Proof of amount earned per year.
Proof of amount spent on children's items.
Proof of payment you've made to your ex for child support.
Criminal records of ex's friends and boyfriend.
Any developmental records of child.
Medical records, especially if YOU were the one that took the child.
Proof of coverage of child's medical insurance.
Copies of correspondence between you and ex.

I'm sure there's more but I've blanked on some of the things in your original post. But I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. There's not much here to get overly emotionally charged about. It's straight up "this is what I've done for OUR child". The fact that she left you with the child should mean a lot. If you have any correspondence from that time period, of telephone bills from her while she was gone, that MAY help a little.

Check all of the items that PeanutsDad mentioned. I wish you luck.

[mikezz]

thanks.  

I would like to ask if an email that I intercepted of her meeting a man at her club and spending the night with him and she also wrote that he invited her the next day for lunch with my 6 month old son and the guy bought shoes for my son that supposedly matched his.  (he was a prof. baseball player that was in her strip club.  Would this be important to bring up?

what are copies of correspendence between us about?  what exactly?

[lucky]

[em]if an email that I intercepted [/em]  What do you mean by intercepted?  Was it sent to you by mistake?  How did you get it?

Copies of correspondence between you two regarding the child, living arrangements, the reconciliation email.  Anything and everything between the two of you regarding the parenting relationship and that can prove that she was NOT afraid of you, you were NOT abusive, etc.


[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[mikezz]

intercepted email:

I had her aol password, and I happen to check it while I was in Calif. for a week, and I found the email in her "recently deleted emails" box.  i should post the email on here so that you could just see for yourself what it said.  

"if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, guess what,
IT IS A DUCK."

[lucky]

I wouldn't use that.  The fact that you checked HER email will just come back to bite you in the ass -- no matter WHAT it says.

Even if she did give you permission, do you really think she'll admit that she did if she knows you have an "incriminating" email to use against her?

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]