S.P.A.R.C.

Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center
crazy gamesriddles and jokesfunny picturesdeath psychic!mad triviafunny & odd!pregnancy testshape testwin custodyrecipes

Author Topic: Maybe just a little advice...  (Read 2826 times)

Ghost Shrimp

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Maybe just a little advice...
« on: Feb 24, 2008, 04:54:27 PM »
Hello,

I've been to this website a couple of times, and now I find myself in need of it's services/advice...

BTW, I'm sorry to hear about Socrateaser.

Anyway, I'm in Washington State and I'm "the step-mother", so I'm actually asking this on behalf of my husband.

On with the question:

Temporary Court-ordered visitation for his son is every other weekend from Friday @ 6:00 P.M. until Sunday at 6:00 P.M. and then that Wednesday from 6:00 P.M. until Thursday until 6:00 P.M. unless he's working that day, in which case it's until 10:00 A.M.

Okay, so, I'm named as a person who can transport the child from the exchanges. I was there (at the exchange location) on Wednesday at 5:58 P.M. I stayed until 6:35 P.M. with a no-show from "the ex". I drove back to our home and told my husband what had happened. He had not received any communication from "the ex" in regards to her being unable to be at the exchange.
Husband e-mailed "the ex" (which is their only form of communication, I'm sure you can understand why) telling her that if she didn't e-mail/contact him by midnight that night that he would be filing a contempt charge against her the following day.
No contact in any form from "the ex".
Husband filed contempt with the court at 4:45 P.M. on Thursday.
"The ex" finally e-mailed on Friday at approximately 10 A.M. telling my husband that she was "I was sicker than a dog, on wednesday. I barely remember coming home from work. That is not an excuse to why I wasnt there, I just didnt remember. ." She did, however, say "Whatever ther case maybe, I was sick, barely remember coming home from work that day, so I need to give you a make up day, for the missed day", and that "But someone could of called me, and reminded me. I would of been there in 10 minutes, or you could of picked him up from the house." Then had the audacity to end her message with this comment, "----I think you are jumping the gun alittle on your contempts... a call would of cleared this up" (meaning that if HE would have called HER and reminded her, apparently totally ignoring the fact that if SHE would have contacted HIM, it would have saved a lot of the confusion.)
Anyway, my question is this: should my husband go ahead with the contempt charge, or should he drop it considering that she offered to give him a make-up day (even though the day she is "giving" him he can't take because I'll be out of town and he'll be at work.)?
I suggested to him that he go ahead with the contempt mainly because it's just one in a LOOOOOONG list of things that shows her contempt for the time that he has with his son (refusing to give him doctor's information for the child even after requesting it 5 times; telling the school that he is not allowed to pick up the child; refusing to tell him when the child will be absent from school; refusing to tell him when the child is sick; the list is long). But on the other hand, I have no doubt that the courts will see her concession to give him a make-up day (albeit one he can't take) as a means by which to "apologize" for her "forgetting" my husband's residential time with his son.
I also suggested to my husband that he "tack on" a couple more contempt charges to the one that he has already filed: 1. in court-ordered mediation they were to come to an agreed upon residential schedule in good faith, where she e-mailed my husband and outrightly told him that she wasn't going to mediation to discuss that very subject, 2. Refusing the numerous times to give my husband the child's primary care physician's name, address and/or phone number, 3. Refusing to contact my husband when the child is sick, has a doctor's appointment or misses school.

Any "unbiased" opinion would be great.

Thanks in advance!


MixedBag

  • Global Moderator
  • SuperHero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3049
  • Karma: 155
  • That's Me...MixedBag
    • View Profile
    • http://www.doilyboutique.com
RE: Maybe just a little advice...
« Reply #1 on: Feb 25, 2008, 07:51:26 AM »
IMHO, O.K.???

1.  How many other times has she messed with the child's time to go be with Dad?  Tack that on.

2.  What happened to court - ordered mediation in the long run?

3.  Has dad been able to figure out who the physician's are?  This is a careful subject (IMHO) and becomes MORE important if the child is chronically sick or sickly, as opposed to "gets a cold" once a year.  

4.  What does your order or the state's code say regarding when the child is sick and stuff?

I would work and accept a day of make-up time for the time missed with dad.

The other subjects are a careful balance....

I would tack on the other subjects IF there is missed time that stays "MISSED time"

Your situation also sounds like it's close distance, vs. long distance, so yes, I kinda agree that maybe you jumped the gun about filing.  

BUT really you know your situation the best.  

I doubt she will be found in contempt -- because of the reason she states.  However, the CHILD is entitled to make up time.....so take her up on her offer.


Ghost Shrimp

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
RE: Maybe just a little advice...
« Reply #2 on: Feb 25, 2008, 01:00:55 PM »
Time with my  husband is an on-going battle.
Since the temporary order, she's "forgotten" two other times. Both times were made up.
Court ordered mediation was basically a waste of time. Absolutely NOTHING was solved as "the ex" used it as a way to "air out" her anger towards my husband and complain that he was interferring in her spouses custody case. "The ex" stated in mediation that she was perfectly happy with the temporary order the way it was and didn't want it to change. After two - two hour sessions, the mediators actually gave up and requested that two new mediators be chosen. Then the e-mail from "the ex" where she stated that she wasn't going to mediation to discuss the parenting plan. So mediation was a no go.
We live in a relatively large city in Washington state, so for my husband to find out who the child's doctor is is virtually impossible. He'd have to call over 1000 pediatritians, family practitioners, etc. and there's still no guarentee that they'd even confirm if his son was their patient or not. He's asked "the ex" point blank 5 times in the past year for that information, and have yet to receive it.
His child has missed 16 days of school this year alone because of illnesses, which is almost 20% of the school year. He missed a whole week at one time, only going to school the day that my husband had him (child told him that he had gone to the doctor, who in turn said that he wasn't contagious, didn't have strep or anything else he could find, all he had was a cough that seemed to come and go occasionally).
She also has refused to allow my husband to bring the child to his doctor's appointment which she scheduled during his residential time. She told him that he could go to the appointment, mind you, but then convienently "forgot" to give my husband the name, address or phone number of the doctor that his child had the appointment with.
It's just hard when you see the "little" things that she's doing to control the situation and keep my husband in the place that she wants to keep him in his son's life; basically as an unimportant "every-other-weekend dad", so the emotional level right now is pretty high.
The total lack of respect or even common curtesy that she has towards him is just SO frustrating. The above mentioned are just the tip of the iceburg. She makes it VERY clear in her e-mails and in her actions that my husband just isn't important to her and she attempts to make sure that his son knows her feelings about it.
Anyway, I'm ranting.
I really appreciate your unbiased opinion concerning this situation. Like I said before, it's an emotionally charged situation that's been going on for over 7 years and it's hard to disassociate yourself from it and look at it the way a judge/commissioner might see it.

MixedBag

  • Global Moderator
  • SuperHero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3049
  • Karma: 155
  • That's Me...MixedBag
    • View Profile
    • http://www.doilyboutique.com
RE: Maybe just a little advice...
« Reply #3 on: Feb 25, 2008, 05:21:47 PM »
If the parenting times are being made up, and the REAL headache stems from being kept in the dark about the medical stuff...

Actually, let me ask another question.

Who carries the insurance on the child for all these doctor's visits?

And what does the order say regarding this?

Maybe you should stick to this subject (only subject being medical) and file a complaint with the court???

Sometimes its one small battle at a time....

Sometimes its a HUGE battle.


forthekids24

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 123
  • Karma: -1
    • View Profile
Getting Dr/ Dentist information
« Reply #4 on: Feb 29, 2008, 12:36:30 PM »
I had a thought while reading your message on how you could get the childs doctor of dentist information.  

The emergency contact cards at my childrens school require that I list their primary doctor and dentist.  

Maybe the childs school is the same?  You could go to the school ask to see the emergency contact information card and get the doctors name from that ;)

Might work.

FTK


 

Copyright © SPARC - A Parenting Advocacy Group
Use of this website does not constitute a client/attorney relationship and this site does not provide legal advice.
If you need legal assistance for divorce, child custody, or child support issues, seek advice from a divorce lawyer.