After years of letting my ex control things with visitation to not rock the boat....things start to go bad for our son. I have dealt with this man for years knowing that if I went up against him there would be hell to pay and not only for me but for our son.
He's the smartest, best, most successful victim of life that lacks all luck and financial and life sense that has ever lived that I know. I witnessed him control his other family from the outside as the new girl. He raised a
Narcissist that runs back to dad everytime he gets in trouble knowing dad will hide him or get him out somehow regardless of what happens to anyone else in that process.
I recognized it last year. It's starting again. Only this time i'm on the inside and so is our son. Our guy is so confused and I spend so much time running through life lessons that make sense and have him answer the questions himself so he's teaching himself what's right that coincides what he learns in school and with friends as well in our house. I hope it stays this easy for a while still and pray our son doesn't fall into the role himself even though he blames me for things that don't make sense at all at times but we work through it. I remember all the nightly yelling and arguing between the two narcissists in the house years ago once the younger one moved in with us. A short few months later I physically left with our son.
In 2002 things were OK, he was using my computers for email, my car when he didn't have one to take our son here and there for the weekly evening run around but he became more rude and more demanding, but never when my husband was in the house. I finally told him he wasn't welcome in our house, use my computers, use my phone unless it's an emergency or my car until he said "please" and "thank you". It took until snow and rain for that to happen.
The verbal attacks started agian, not only when we are alone but in front of our son and when he and our son are somewhere else because our son was bringing this home to me in the form of just up and saying it or in the manner of "guess what". I got him to counseling immediately to relieve the pressure and talk with a neutral party. I had already read novels on PA and PAS to alert myself on how to not fight back through the child but that wasn't good enough, that doesn't stop it on the other end. I finally told my ex that our son was seeing the school counselor and the initial reason I sent him. He thinks i'm just making it up yet he practiced it that night, three days later and three days after that. So, he 1.) Doesn't know he's doing it. 2.) Will not admit to any wrong doing on his part, ever. He's right, all the time, about everything and if I go against him the verbal abuse starts but never when there is anyone else around, unless it's our son. I don't react with words or slamming things, I just look at him and continue what i'm doing and ignore it as fighting is what he wants and what scares our son.
This man is down to renting a room at a house. Has never had a bed for our son, never a room, keeps his toys now in the trunk of his car. Our son has always had a horrible habit of chewing on his lips. I get them in real good shape, when he comes back home they are all chewed up. Last Friday he had been crying because he broke a garage window at a friend's house. The lotion went on. When he came back home they were as if noone had taken care of them at all and were starting to crack. One other time I had stopped by this house and our son had been gone from home for 30 hours. The lips were in perfect shape but now the top one was beet red.
The man claims to have raise three boys already and knows best. I know the oldest stayed with his mother and is fine and married 15 minutes from where I live. The middle one is working for his mother and the youngest (the
narcissistic one) just went to court for selling his ritalin last December and has been in and out of legal trouble for as long as I have known him. The two youngest were withdrawn from school by their father who boycotts a super store chain for life because they made the middle one pay for things his stole from them and do time in juvenile hall. I could go on for days.
So how do I feel? I can't run, can't hide, can't react as it only makes it worse for not only me but for our son. This man has been at this for a very long time and this is his second family so he's a seasoned player and has hashed out the rough spots already.
What am I going to do? Take him to court for back
child support, unpaid medical, credits given to him on child support because he agreed in court to provide medical insurance and never did and file a petition to stop overnight visitation until he can provide shelter. It's going to be an explosion but this is the first time I'm holding him up to what he's supposed to be doing and not just by myself.