Hi,
My responses below...
>There aren't any naysayers here. Going to court is fine but
>you must remember...for every one person that has a success
>story, there are 99 that don't.
Of the 99 that don't, how many are well-educated in child custody strategies, have competent lawyers if not effective self-representatives, and (most importantly) have not given up?
>I am telling her, from experience, to proceed with guarded
>optimism and keep the focal point on the children...not
>proving what a slacker her ex is when it comes to parenting.
Sometimes maintaining a focal point on the children requires demonstrating the alarming actions of the other parent.
A hesitancy to express concern when the other parent is short-changing the children as a responsible parent is truly no favor to the kids.
>I have to ask you...do you have a personal success story in
>family court? Not something you heard from someone or
>overheard...but something you personally experienced?
I view "success story" as any step of the way as we try to do what is best for our children or in protecting ourselves. In highly conflicted co-parenting situations, the outcome is an on-going process until a child reaches 18. So, I don't just view "outcome" as the determinant of ultimate success.
I defeated a false allegation made by my ex, with my arrest expunged. I got a
court order for my daughter to be returned local months after her mother unilaterally moved away with her. I blocked a subsequent move-away attempt. I've incrementally increased my custodial time with every passing year. I've stayed the high road year after year and enjoy a deep trust and bond with my daughter in my home that her mother does not have with her (i.e., because the mother has chosen a different road and involves our daughter). If interested, more about me is at
http://www.custodyiq.com/about.htmlThose "successes" certainly come with supposed "failures"....
Both mom and I were going for
sole custody. We got joint.
I wanted mom sanctioned for all the crap she continues to pull. Sanctions have never happened, though she's been lectured.
It took 5 months to get court orders for my daughter to be returned when mom moved away. Is it a failure that it took so long? Perhaps.
Nothing happened to mom for calling 9-1-1 and falsely reporting me, resulting in my arrest and imprisonment for a short while. Is it a failure that she didn't get punished when I defeated the charge? Perhaps.
I've got a ton of "failures" in addition to successes. Comes with the territory.
> I, for
>one, would love to hear it. In the six years I have been on
>SPARC, I can count on one hand the number of court room
>successes from the posters on this board. And most of those
>successes only came after YEARS of battling and thousands of
>dollars spent.
Perhaps you and I view "successes" as something different. Every positive step is a success, in my eyes.
Yes, continuing on a successful path does require persistence. Yes, the family law system does tend to drag over years in conflicted custody arrangements. Sucks. But that's the playing field, if we want "success."
The one quality that successful people share is never giving up.
>I think getting the family court out of our families and
>learning to communicate with each other in an adult fashion is
>the best way for all.
That's a great objective. Unfortunately, some people are far too broken in their psychoemotional development to meet such a goal. Many of those who are in family courts against our better judgment are there because the other parent is incapable of civil, mature, reasonable communication.
>I will let that be my hope. :)
Again, I think that's a beautiful goal. I concurrently can have the perspective that some people don't have that option, due to the inability of the other parent to meet halfway.