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Author Topic: REALLY ticked off about the double standard....  (Read 5977 times)

wallyworld

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REALLY ticked off about the double standard....
« on: Jun 27, 2007, 12:00:22 PM »
Im in IL ex is in FL-  

child support for ME when ex had custody was set at 301 bimonthly at me making approx. 25,000 gross per year.

NOw that I have custody ex makes 24000 a year and pays 0.  

So right now I've had custody for almost 7 months.  Right now my daughter is visiting her grandparents and MAYBE mom for the summer 2.5 months.  When I didn't have custody the visitation was reversed and I had my daughter the entire summer.  Child support FINALLY stopped being taken out of my check on JUNE 1.  So my ex got child support when custody was mine from jan 1- june 1 totalling approx. 1500 dollars.  not a lot, but still.  She was supposed to send back any checks received from the state depos.  YEah right that never happened.

When I first filed for divorce 6 years ago.  I also filed for child support (for my ex).  It was set.  Ex was mad that it was only 140 a month.  But I worked at walmart and only mad 9 per hour and worked 25-32 hours a week.  When I lost the first custody fight shortly after I went into walmart management and made approx. 32000 a year.  Ex went immed. for a child support mod and it was based on a year starting fromt he date filed so child support was set at 301 per month for 25000 a year.  

During this time I lived in a 300 square feet eff. apartment with my new wife paying only 250 per month in rent.  When my daughter came to stay with me and my wife got pregnant I upgraded into a modest home 860 sqare feet with mortage payment of 500.  It was diff. to pay all bills with child support but I budgeted around it.

NOw that I have custody.  Ex has not sent ANY money and child support was set at 0 because she had no job.  Well she got a job about 3 months ago and makes 25,000 a year, but my lawyer doesn't want to go after child support because :

1.  ex got evicted for not paying rent (her name is not on lease only her husband) and she's living from hotel to hotel and at her sisters.

2.  it will make me look bad taking money from her

3.  She's on medicaid

4.  she has an infant son.

5.  She's broke

6.  Has no cell phone or any phone because her bill got too high and she couldn't pay it.

S0 here's my question.  

1.  Why the double standard?  HELLO I made 25000 lived in a 300 sqare foot home, had an infant, paid for ALL unpaid medical benefits resulting in hospital debts in the 1000s BUT was GOOD with my money and budgeted well.

Here she was living in a 1200 dollar a month apartment, spends hundreds monthly on manicures and clothes, tans daily, had a nose job, basically blows her money having no sense of adult responsibility.  Her husband is a pilot making 60000 she makes 25000 she shouldn't even be getting medicaid, but is.  But because she is horrible with money all her own fault she's not held responsible for her daughter and shouldn't pay child support.  Why?  if it were me they'd nail me to the wall milking every dime they could!



mistoffolees

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RE: REALLY ticked off about the double standard....
« Reply #1 on: Jun 27, 2007, 01:37:08 PM »
>NOw that I have custody.  Ex has not sent ANY money and child
>support was set at 0 because she had no job.  Well she got a
>job about 3 months ago and makes 25,000 a year, but my lawyer
>doesn't want to go after child support because :
>

[snip]

I don't think it's as much a double standard as the fact that you have a lousy lawyer. Court ordered child support comes out of her paycheck first. The fact that she spends her money on something other than cell phone bills and doesn't have money left after paying her bills is completely irrelevan.

I'd at least talk with a different attorney.

ocean

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RE: REALLY ticked off about the double standard....
« Reply #2 on: Jun 27, 2007, 04:36:45 PM »
File without an attorney... I would not accept that...Our state has a min of $25/month even if you do not have a job. She has a job....your child gets a percentage of that regardless of what her other situation is...

notnew

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Welcome to the club
« Reply #3 on: Jun 28, 2007, 05:05:37 AM »
I have seen with my own eyes many cases in different jurisdictions where women were not required to pay CS. I knew one woman who signed away her parental rights to avoid jail for failure to pay. She did not have to pay the arrearage. She got off scott free.

I have been through the ringer with CS and have always taken care of my child even when an order wasn't in place. I am still treated like a dead beat dad no matter what.

I go through child support enforcement because my ex filed false charges against me in her campaign to further restrict my access to my child by having me incarcerated saying I had failed and refused to pay CS for 6 months despite me being in possession of cancelled checks with her signature on the back covering the entire period. I ASKED for a wage garnishment to have rock solid proof of my payments. I submitted the proper paperwork to OCSE and every time I contact them, they are very hostile and offensive on the phone.

I don't have an answer for you. At least you have custody. I haven't seen my kid in months and I am done with court.

Jade

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RE: REALLY ticked off about the double standard....
« Reply #4 on: Jun 29, 2007, 12:53:27 AM »
>Im in IL ex is in FL-  
>
>child support for ME when ex had custody was set at 301
>bimonthly at me making approx. 25,000 gross per year.
>
>NOw that I have custody ex makes 24000 a year and pays 0.  
>
>So right now I've had custody for almost 7 months.  Right now
>my daughter is visiting her grandparents and MAYBE mom for the
>summer 2.5 months.  When I didn't have custody the visitation
>was reversed and I had my daughter the entire summer.  Child
>support FINALLY stopped being taken out of my check on JUNE 1.
> So my ex got child support when custody was mine from jan 1-
>june 1 totalling approx. 1500 dollars.  not a lot, but still.
>She was supposed to send back any checks received from the
>state depos.  YEah right that never happened.
>
>When I first filed for divorce 6 years ago.  I also filed for
>child support (for my ex).  It was set.  Ex was mad that it
>was only 140 a month.  But I worked at walmart and only mad 9
>per hour and worked 25-32 hours a week.  When I lost the first
>custody fight shortly after I went into walmart management and
>made approx. 32000 a year.  Ex went immed. for a child support
>mod and it was based on a year starting fromt he date filed so
>child support was set at 301 per month for 25000 a year.  
>
>During this time I lived in a 300 square feet eff. apartment
>with my new wife paying only 250 per month in rent.  When my
>daughter came to stay with me and my wife got pregnant I
>upgraded into a modest home 860 sqare feet with mortage
>payment of 500.  It was diff. to pay all bills with child
>support but I budgeted around it.
>
>NOw that I have custody.  Ex has not sent ANY money and child
>support was set at 0 because she had no job.  Well she got a
>job about 3 months ago and makes 25,000 a year, but my lawyer
>doesn't want to go after child support because :
>
>1.  ex got evicted for not paying rent (her name is not on
>lease only her husband) and she's living from hotel to hotel
>and at her sisters.
>
>2.  it will make me look bad taking money from her
>
>3.  She's on medicaid
>
>4.  she has an infant son.
>
>5.  She's broke
>
>6.  Has no cell phone or any phone because her bill got too
>high and she couldn't pay it.
>
>S0 here's my question.  
>
>1.  Why the double standard?  HELLO I made 25000 lived in a
>300 sqare foot home, had an infant, paid for ALL unpaid
>medical benefits resulting in hospital debts in the 1000s BUT
>was GOOD with my money and budgeted well.
>
>Here she was living in a 1200 dollar a month apartment, spends
>hundreds monthly on manicures and clothes, tans daily, had a
>nose job, basically blows her money having no sense of adult
>responsibility.  Her husband is a pilot making 60000 she makes
>25000 she shouldn't even be getting medicaid, but is.  But
>because she is horrible with money all her own fault she's not
>held responsible for her daughter and shouldn't pay child
>support.  Why?  if it were me they'd nail me to the wall
>milking every dime they could!
>
>

Personally, I would fire the lawyer, get a new one and file for child support.  Your child deserves it.  And if there was a court order that stated that your ex was to give you the checks back, I would pursue that as well.  


MixedBag

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You're #1 priority should be
« Reply #5 on: Jun 29, 2007, 06:00:20 AM »
making sure that your daughter comes back to you in August.

Stop thinking about what SHE has.

I make a whole whole lot less money than any of my 3 EXs, but you know, I'm also a ton happier than any of the three of them.

Money doesn't buy happiness.

And look at all "she has to do" to be happy?  Sad isn't it....

I know many have said "Hire a better attorney" -- and I'm not so sure I would agree that you have a bad attorney at all.  You've been through a lot.

Let it go for 6 months -- make sure your daughter makes it home this summer, and then see what your head and heart tells you.  

And yes, I'd lean towards filing for CS and doing it yourself with your attorney coaching you, instead of representing you.

Genie

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I would say the problem is your lawyer not the double stand ......
« Reply #6 on: Jun 29, 2007, 10:14:13 AM »
it's your lawyer who doesn't want to file.  The difference is your X's lawyer had no problem filing.

So either get a new lawyer or file the paperwork with the state CSE division.  The later is a small fee based on income but it will take about 6 mos.  But they will file for CS for you and get it established.

Of course, just b/c ordered doesn't mean will ever collect a dime.

Where in IL are you?  I'm in IL too.  I may be able to point you in the right direction.

wallyworld

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like to clarify (especially to you mixed)
« Reply #7 on: Jun 29, 2007, 07:43:35 PM »
I would like to clarify (especially to you Mixed).

I reread by post and realize that I sound that a total jackass.  

I also forgot to update taht I am not worried (as much anyway) about getting my daughter returned.  Her mother called her last week saying that she couldn't visit her in tampa (daughter is with gparents in pcola) because "im at a bad place in my life now".  Although, I am unsure why her mom won't vist her in pcola.  She has seen her daughter 1 time in seven months.  Her father (my ex's) later went into detail.  Basically he said that his daughter is an idiot and so's her husband bUT her husband is mean and abusive.  He said that they are out of money and living in a car (even though she makes 25000 and he makes 60000.  She started working a month ago (not two like I thought) and has only received one paycheck and he gets paid monthly.  Her father said that they cannot/won't budget towards bills so they got kicked out.  He further stated that she wanted him to fly her to tampa for like 4 days but he refused.  So obviously if they have no money for a roof over their head I highly doubt they have one for a court battle.  But my guard is not down.
 
I don't need her money at all.  I now make close to 80,000 anually as a conductor and my wife works as a teacher making about 26000.  So we're fine off.  BUT my daughter still has the right to be supported by her mother.  I just hate it that my daughter thinks (even when I made NOTHING at wal-mart) that I "should" pay, but her mom not.  They are in a bad place in their life at their own accord.  I wouldn't go after support now, but am mad that if and WHEN i was in the same position of having no money they glued by butt to the wall.  Although, for them being greedy in the end did NOT get them what they wanted.

Even if her mom would send her clothes and gifts I would feel better about her not paying child support.  I guess what really irks me is that she still gets to claim her every other year, with 0 support and not even living with her.  Again, I sound selfish as I am well off.  I guess I just want to be t the one in  power finally. I haven't forgotten the way she treated me and all the court expenses she put me through.  not to mention the 2 years she wouldn't let my daughter see me. and how I made sure that when the child support battle was over that I paid the arrearage the MINUTE the court document was handed to me.  700 dollars.

Sunshine1

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RE: like to clarify (especially to you mixed)
« Reply #8 on: Jul 01, 2007, 08:43:03 PM »
This subject used to irk me as well, and she SHOULD be paying, but it ain't going to happen.  My hubby has custody of his kids too, and I used to get so pissed off that they would just let her off free as a bird. Seh never even shoed up to the hearings either.   Now she is on welfare and disability and we get a whopping 13.00 a month for each kid, its ridiculous.

We finally filed to at least get the tax deduction, and everyone in the court room said you get the tax deduction Mr. X.  He whipped out his court order and showed the judge he did not and the judge immediately ordered that he get both children.

We don't need her CS, we both make extermely good money and these kids do not go without much, but its the damn principal of it all isn't it!!??  It pisses you off because you were scraping and scrimping and saving to get where you needed to go, and that PBFH doesn't have to pay squat.

I have finally let it go..( one of my 25 steps  LOL) and realized the tax deduction is far more beneficial than going to court for contempt, and her going from job to job to job and never knowing if you are going to get it.  Its a whole mess that just isn't worth your while.  Its sounds to me that the grandparents are very disgusted with their daughter and they will probably send the "extras" if you asked them to.

My skids grandparents are truly freaks of nature and have welcomed me into their lives..(long story there, they have disowned their daughter) and whenever there is something that we just can't cover or something they are involved in, like soccer for example, Grandma likes to throw a fifty in to help out.  They know their daughter is worthless and is going to sponge off the system as long as possible so they like to help out.

In time you will come to let this go.  There is no point to filing for CS if she is living in a car, she obviously has big problems, and be thankful your daughter is having fun with Grandma and Grandpa!!

hoosierpapa4

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RE: like to clarify (especially to you mixed)
« Reply #9 on: Jul 02, 2007, 07:16:25 AM »
quoted:
"I don't need her money at all. I now make close to 80,000 anually as a conductor and my wife works as a teacher making about 26000. So we're fine off. BUT my daughter still has the right to be supported by her mother. I just hate it that my daughter thinks (even when I made NOTHING at wal-mart) that I "should" pay, but her mom not. They are in a bad place in their life at their own accord. I wouldn't go after support now, but am mad that if and WHEN i was in the same position of having no money they glued by butt to the wall. Although, for them being greedy in the end did NOT get them what they wanted."

My children were and still are under the impression that they should be provided for by their father (me) and that their mother shouldn't have to send money to me to take care of their needs.  Note I said NEEDS, not WANTS.

The X filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy and included those things that she was Court Ordered to pay for through the Domestic Relations Orders, testified that there were no domestic relations orders and is now forcing me to protect my interests.  Just imagine if you will that you were in reciept of $500/week for child support.  That's 5 hundred dollars per week, not month or year, and you can't see your way clear to pay for your kids books fees at school....  But would rather get your nails done, buy clothes at Pricillas or Victorias Secret, drink yourself stupid and date your married boss.

Now that I have custody of my kids, I receive nothing and I don't really care, but what I really want is my $11k that she obsconded through dilatory tactics while I was paying her to take care of kids that were in my care/custody/control.

And, you're right, the kids still feel like their mom shouldn't have to pay a penny in support and that I should provide for everything.  From what I can gather from my kids, even when she was getting the $500/week, they didn't know that they were receiving anything from me.  They had to endure being on food stamps, on the free lunch program etc., because she wouldn't spend a penny on them.

Just makes you sad to think about how some parents feel THEY are entitled to the support as if it was allimony.

I wish you well in your efforts to provide for your children, they will after all appreciate the things that you do for them in the end regardless of whether or not the X kicks a buck in or not.


 

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