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Author Topic: mother doesnt know when to stop  (Read 8055 times)

foughtandwon

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mother doesnt know when to stop
« on: Jan 12, 2005, 11:36:54 AM »
i was awarded custody of my son via a CPS case. my son was removed from her care for medical neglect and possible sexual abuse.

anyway during his first visit back (x mas break) she runs to CPS and reports me for emotional abuse. they investigate and close because the find nothing. she then takes him to a doctor and has him say i punch him in the stomach.

now she is pestering me for his school info.

now what exactly does "sole custody" mean? i have sole custody she has unsupervised parenting time.

i am assuming since i have sole (physical and legal) custody she no longer has a right to school/medical records.
i wouldnt mind but anyone can see what she is upto here.
and is it also illegal for her to take him to a doctor? (unless it was an emergancy) and then with hold the doctors name and number from me?????


i am thiking of taking this back to court and trying to get her visits supervised.

i am military so i move around alot. i  agreed (not in court or writing) to send him out for x mas and summer breaks but now i can see this not the safest thing for my son

BTW her CPS case is still on going she has a daughter that was taken at the same time. total case time is going on 2 years now

i know false reports are a crime so i have kept the cps letter and still trying to locate the doctor he went to. i have also started recording her calls.




joni

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RE: mother doesnt know when to stop
« Reply #1 on: Jan 12, 2005, 11:51:36 AM »

I realize that you're angry angry at your Ex for the neglect and abuse that your son had to endure.  He's safe now in your care.  Don't continue to punish your Ex for what she's done by using your son as the conduit.  Believe me, taking her child away is HUGE punishment.  I'm sure her recent run to CPS is because she's hurt from the recent change in custody and desperately trying to do something about it.

You asked some questions, see inset below:


now she is pestering me for his school info.

---Under FERPA, unless there's a court order stating that she can't have this info, she's entitled to have this info.

now what exactly does "sole custody" mean? i have sole custody she has unsupervised parenting time.

---Sole LEGAL means you have the right to make the major decisions in your child's life such as medical, school and religion without consulting the other parent.  

i am assuming since i have sole (physical and legal) custody she no longer has a right to school/medical records.

---ABSOLUTELY WRONG THERE!  FERPA allows her the right for access unless you have a court order otherwise.

i wouldnt mind but anyone can see what she is up to here.
and is it also illegal for her to take him to a doctor? (unless it was an emergancy) and then with hold the doctors name and number from me?????

---She can't take him to a doctor without your permission.  She can only take him if there's an emergency while he's in her care.

i am thiking of taking this back to court and trying to get her visits supervised.

---Why?  What's your reason for the supervised?  IMO, the parties need a time out here to heal from the wounds of the recent custody change.  When the court gave you custody, why did they let her have unsupervised?  Unless something significant has happened, you'd have a hard time asking for supervised after your most recent court order.

i am military so i move around alot. i agreed (not in court or writing) to send him out for x mas and summer breaks but now i can see this not the safest thing for my son

---Again.....why?  Because she called CPS and took him to the doctor.  They found nothing, case closed.  Why add fuel to the fire?

msme

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RE: mother doesnt know when to stop
« Reply #2 on: Jan 12, 2005, 01:01:34 PM »
Welcome to the club. First off, how old is your son? Do you know what did she do to get him to lie to the doctor?

I think, if I were in your position, I would get your son to a therapist. Surely, he is hurting after the custody change & then obviously being grilled by his mom during a visit. A therapist could recomend supervised visitation, if he felt the child were being emotionally abused by her but like the other poster said, it is hard to do, after the fact.

Make sure that you are documenting everything that goes on. Take lots of pics & videos. It is best not to question him about what went on with her. Let the therapist do it. Keep your attorney posted on what is happening.

What does your custody order say about visitation? You must follow it.
Remember, what she does will get her a slap on the wrist, maybe. What you do could result in a change of custody & maybe jail.

Good Luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

Bolivar

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msme
« Reply #3 on: Jan 12, 2005, 01:06:10 PM »
How is your health doing?

msme

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RE: msme
« Reply #4 on: Jan 12, 2005, 01:33:41 PM »
Much better, thanks. I went back to work last Tuesday but the weather was just too nasty so I took off the rest of the week & went back this week. Told them they just didn't pay me enough to stand out in the street, in the freezing rain, so soon after being sick. LOL

Bolivar, you got mail. Maybe even 2 of em. LOL
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!


foughtandwon

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RE: mother doesnt know when to stop
« Reply #5 on: Jan 12, 2005, 01:42:57 PM »
what is ferpa and where can i find more info on it?
i contacted the school and gave them copies of the custody papers. they said they would contact their lawyer and find out what they can and cant do.

why supervised visits?
1. i dont want her filling his head with stuff.
2. she is still involved in a CPS case for her daughter (the same case that involved my son, going on 2 years now) she keeps refusing to comply with cps request.
3. as stated before there was posible sexual abuse, during all this i find out her father was involved with a cps case that involved sexual abuse (he knew she was being molested by family members and didnt stop it) so now you can see a dangerous patern here (she leaves my son with her father a lot of times)
4. i dont want to send him to visit and something bad happen to him and i be held at fault for not protecting him. (that doesnt come across right, i dont want anything bad to happen period)

it has been 6 months since the custody change i know she is still hurting but i have kept the doors open for her to keep in contact and this is this is what i get for that???
i hate to hid behind legal paper work but i really feel like i have to protect him form her.

as it stands right now. i am going to send my son to my dad for summer and she can pick him up and drop him off there.


i am still thinking of getting him therapy. he was neglected so bad as a kid then once cps got involved he was tested, inspected, probed, tested, evaluated, tested etc... etc......... i wonder how he managed to keep good spirts though all of it. i wanted to give him time off from all this constant probing and just let him be a kid for a while.
his teacher says he is doing great considering all he has been through
even though he is behind the rest of his class (he didnt even know numbers 1-3 when he started school) he is making huge progress.



foughtandwon

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RE: mother doesnt know when to stop
« Reply #6 on: Jan 12, 2005, 01:56:14 PM »
son is 5

talking to the cps case worker(the old one from the real case) she says the same. that i should get a therpist to recomend supervised visits that way if she does get the nerve to take me back to court i have someting to stand on. until than i will continue to keep the phone lines open for her but just record the phone calls( i arleady did all the checking on that and i am within the law)

the court order only says "reasonable unsupervised parenting time"
i think 5 weeks in the summer would be a bit more than reasonable.
as stated in another reply the plan is now to send him to my dad for a week or 2 and set up times for her to pick him up and drop him off.
this way he is a little bit more protectd and plus he gets time with grandpa. its a shame that she always found herself to bust to run him by my dads house to say high or even say merry x mas. luckily he sent his gifts to me.

i guess i will look into therapy for him now

wendl

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RE: FERPA
« Reply #7 on: Jan 12, 2005, 07:41:15 PM »
http://www.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/index.html

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

foughtandwon

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RE: FERPA
« Reply #8 on: Jan 13, 2005, 07:52:10 AM »
>http://www.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/index.html
>
>**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

thanks for the info

of course i always take everything i read here at half value and then research further for my ouwn satisfaction.

as of wed the school said no one has ontacted them for his info. there were on thier toe though cause me wife had to pick him up for a doctors appointment and they questioned her and verified she was on his contact sheet.
the princapal said he would get with the school attorney and see exactly what they can and cant do.
no worries here though cause i talked to the school records clerak and he doesnt have anything in his records anyway. i guess (here anyway) kindergaden records do not include report cards.

like i said i wouldnt mind bm mother looking at recods its just that i know she is trying to build a case against me.

when i took him to his first dental appointment they found lots and lots of problems. about $900 of it not covered by my ins. wanting to keep her informed of his health, i called and let her know and then asked if she wanted to help pay. i felt that would help her feel as if she still had involvment in his life. that of course got turned around into me neglecting him.
sorry but the damage done to his teeth didnt happen that quick.


Avaya

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RE: FERPA
« Reply #9 on: Jan 13, 2005, 09:03:54 AM »
How far does mom live from you?  Maybe YOU could provide her with school info so that she doesn't have to contact the school.  Give her a school calendar, tell her who your son's teacher is, occasionally send her some of his school work.

 

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