Yes, I'm sure it would be very nice for the Dad and you.... but I'd have to question the child's motivation. Does she get special treats at your place? Special attention? Is she mad at her
BM? Does she like to pit BM against BD so she can get more attention....special privies?
Our
SD started saying these things when she was about 9 y.o. BM wouldn't hear of it. OUR SD is a lovely young teen....also very smart and an ace at manipulation. It took a lot of sitting back, listening, watching body language, etc. to figure out what was what.
As far as changing schools...... it happens. Sure not often...but each circumstance is different. My SD came here, 5 hours from her first home, between the 2nd and 3rd quarter of school. All worked out fine.
This was/is a trial period and NOT official w/ the court system in MN. We hope and pray BM continues this into the next school year because the child is absolutely flourishing. We need "custody" though......... BM has retained this thus far. However we're content that the child is actually happy, losing a LOT of very negative habits and moving forward in life. We sincerely hope BM sees it this way too and not just a contest of sorts.
Have you considered why your SD's BM is so against this? Does the child bring it up each time they argue? Does SD repeat what she overhears in your house? Remember to ALWAYS keep the talk positive, especially when it relates to BM and her family/friends there. Nothing good can come out of badmouthing. It hurts the child......and ticks BM off.
Remember to listen carefully to each word SD says when she makes these statements. Sure, you'll WANT to jump in and get the scoop (it's only natural)....but now is a time to listen ONLY WHEN SHE BRINGS IT UP. Personally, I find that - FOR US - not having a sit-down talk works the best. She speaks to me more about feelings than her Dad... when she does I continue w/ whatever I'm doing... incorporate her assistance (eg: cooking, dishes, yard work, etc) and things flow naturally. I learned this from a counselor that my son used to go to....many years ago. He wouldn't sit in a small room and ask my son questions... instead they played pool or basketball. I thought that was pretty good... and it worked beautifully. Maybe this will work for you also! (hope so) Keep in mind that SHE has to start the talking.
Also... has SD been evaluated by a counselor....a psychiatrist/psychologist or another mental health professional? Often this is a good thing..... just to help the child. The BM here, at first, didn't want any part of this...... I BELIEVE (could be wrong) that deep inside she may have thought we blamed her or was criticizing her for something. Nope... finally she took the child in for help. ~~~~ Right now, in our house...she has a TERRIFIC counselor that she can relate to. We got lucky.
If you do decide to move forward... keep in mind that you can't represent the child. A GAL or Expeditor may be of assistance. When interviewed...also be very cautious about talking negative about BM. Yikes.
I wish you the very best. Keep us informed.
*** I am not an attorney. These statements are my personal opinion***