Unmarried Fathers Rights

[KKJ995]

My step son and his girlfriend recenly ended their 3 year relationship.  They have 2 children from this relationship.  His girl friend is not letting him see the girls.  Yesterday I found a website for Unmarried parent's rights and responsibilites in the state of MN.

It says that even though he is listed as the father and has signed the ROP at the hospital that she has sole legal custody and physical placement unless a judge says otherwise.

It also comes right out and says that an un married father has no legal rights to custody or visitation to the child.

Am I missing something here?  He actually has no rights?

Thanks for any responses.

[Sherry1]

a lawyer to establish parentage, child support and visitation rights.  My son had to do this, the lawyer cost us about $2000.  It will only get expensive if she starts saying the kids aren't his, he is abusive, or tries to fight for sole custody.

[Ref]

that is the case. It is messed up but now you have started researching you will find out how to help them out.

The first thing he needs to do is get a custody agreement put in place. Most people on this forum seem to recommend 50/50 custody if both are in the same area.

I would invest in a good family law laywer. This is a critical time for him to have his rights established. If he does things right at this point, he can avoid tremendous expenses later (overpayment of child support, legal bills from petty disputes....)

DH messed up there and got a terrible (cheap) lawyer. BM moved out of state (if he had a good lawyer, he would have told him how to stop it) and has denied most of his visitation for the past 13 years. After he found out about his rights, he paid over $10k to get proper visitation established and enforced. We both regret him not putting in the money at the beginning. He also didn't have much when she left, but a little credit card debt would have been preferable to all the time he lost with his daughter.

Best Wishes
Ref

[KKJ995]

Thank you for your response.

It is my understanding that he is going to hire a lawyer.  I personally feel he should find one that specializes in fathers rights.  He is talking about sole custody.  
How long did all this take...may I ask?  $2000 doesn't really seem all that bad.
We are all concerned about the well being of the girls.  The mother, well lets just say she could use some serious parenting skills.  

[KKJ995]

Thank you for your response.  I am not sure how I came across this website, but I am feeling a relief just being able to communicate with others who have been through this and are willing to share.  I am very grateful.  
I have read some of the posts in a few of the forums and am wondering about the Abbreviations.  Is there somewhere that I can find what they all are?
I agree that he should have a good lawyer from the start.

Thank you again!

[Sherry1]

able to get an emergency order since visitation was denied.  His court date was scheduled 3 weeks from the date of the filing.  She hired a lawyer too.  At the time of the emergency hearing, the judge immediately ordered my son to have every other weekend and every other Saturday.  Her lawyer objected because BM was adamant about no overnights.  The judge ordered them to mediation, but in the interim my son was to have every other Saturday until mediation. Our lawyer asked the judge if my son could have his son that afternoon also.  Judge agreed and ordered biomom (BM) to meet my son at an agreed location.  I believe my grandson was about 3 at the time.  BM was adamately against overnight visits.  So, at mediation, my son said that BM just balled like a baby during the entire session and agreed to the every other weekend and every Saturday.  There were bumps along the way and she pulled funnies every once in a while including trying to screw up holidays as much as possible.  Long story, but my grandson is now 7 years old and my son now lives with BM :O.  BM also has a 3 year old that doesn't have a dad and he calls my son dad.  I honestly don't know if it will work out, they have been living together for a year.

The price is really going to depend on your state and if your son's GF opposes visitation, wants sole custody, and starts saying that he isn't the father, then it can get expensive.  I guess the question is, how much money does she and/her family have?  Are they well off financially?  If not, then it should be a piece of cake.

[Sherry1]

BM = BIOMOM
SO = SIGNIFICANT OTHER
PBFH = PSYCHO BITCH FROM HELL
DH = DARLING HUSBAND OR DUMB HUSBAND
SD = STEPDAUGHTER
SS = STEPSON
BF = BIOFATHER
DD = DARLING DAUGHTER
DS = DARLING SON


Can't think of any others, maybe Ref has the list somewhere

[KKJ995]

I'm sure that helped out a lot!  As for them now living together, that is somewhat scarry because like you say you don't know if it will work out.  SS lived with his GF for about a year.  They were in the process of moving out of their apartment.  She was going to move in with her parents and he with his mom.  He does not like her mom at all, she bosses him around and tells him what to do.  I don't blame him.

SS has been called 'dad' by GF oldest daughter for 3 years now, he is the only father she knows.  

Thanks for the list of Abbreviations, that is very helpful.

As far as finances go, in my opinion she is 'milking' the system.  Going to school for the 3rd time, different goal this time.  I do believe she gets free help since she gets assistance.  Don't know if that will work in her favor or not.  
We are going to help SS out with his attorney fees.  I just hope his mom assists him in finding a good attorney!  That may sound strange, but since he is now living with his mom (a very controlling woman who consults or threatens  with a lawyer every time she doesn't get what she wants) only makes sense to me.  We don't live in the same state, about an hour apart.

Again, thank you!

[dadinva2006]

Make sure your son knows what to expect financially. I was an unmarried father and I filed for custody, BM claimed DV, trial cost over $22,000. Don't be fooled by the $2,000 figure you were given, thisis far from the norm. He should expect to spend at least $20,000.
The good news is I won my case!

[KKJ995]

Thanks.  I honestly don't expect it to go smoothly.  She is very bitter with SS and is just trying her hardest to push his buttons.  SS is doing an awesome job of staying focused.

What is DV?
Thanks for the encouraging news!  That is great that you won your case.  How long did take?  Did you go for sole custody from the start?  Would you mind sharing some of your situation with me?  I would really appreciate it.

I guess I must have been living in another world up until now.  I had no idea that dad's regardless if they are married or unmarried had such little if no rights.

[Sherry1]

nm

[KKJ995]

I'm a little confused with this response...would you mind clarifying what you are saying?
Did I misunderstand something?

[Sherry1]

would likely cost upwards of $20,000-$100,000.  Sole custody means that your stepson would have sole & legal physical custody.  The child would live with him.  Basically, your stepson would be removing the child from it's mother, with her having only visitation rights.

Going to court to establish parentage, child support and visitation is usually a routine process that doesn't require a lot of lawyer's times.  Basically, he would ask for joint custody, probably with the mother having physical custody.  He would having parenting times established.  You mentioned that the mother has a different child from a different man.  You do realize your stepson has no rights to this child, visitation, child support or otherwise?

[Ref]

Just for some reference. Dh spent about $3,500 for a modification in visitation (he had a pricey but good attorney). This included the attorney filing the papers, communicating w/ ex (she was pro se), and mediation costs. It never went to trial. It would have cost about $600 - $1,000 more if it went to court. This also included spiteful BM filing for an increase in support and having to work that out.


Ref

[dadinva2006]

DV is domestic violence. She claimed I was abusive towards her in our relationship (it was the other way around), she tried to say she was worried for our daughter's safety and that I may become abusive towards her.
The outcome of my case was certainly not the norm. I asked for primary physical, joint legal, change in meeting place from her town to a midway point and I received everything I asked for. Most fathers are far from this lucky. I had a wonderful judge who went by the best interest of the child standards. BM screwed herself on the stand by getting caught up in lies. The main reasons I won custody:
-Stability (of home and job)
-BM had repeatedly refused me contact with our daughter for months (I had emails as evidence), judge did not like this
-BM had frequent males in her life
Tell your son to begin keeping a daily journal. Also to communicate with BM through emails and certified letters to document his attempts to see his children.

[KKJ995]

I don't know if I am in the right forum to ask this question but I am going to ask any way.  

How do you choose a good attorney?  You want to make sure they are going to represent you to the best of their ability, but how can you check them out when you dont want to waste time looking around?

Does anyone have some good ideas, advice or suggestions?

Thank you.

[Brent]

Take a look at these:

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.php

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.php


Hi all. :)

[KKJ995]

I and my ss understand tht he has no rights with her oldest child, but he is going to ask for visitation with her.  He has no intention of seeking custody of her, just his own 2 daughters.

Thank you.

[KKJ995]

These are extremely helpful!  Thank you very much!

[cajunragin]

Good luck! I wish I could tell you! We have had 3 different attorneys, all referred by friends, an dstill have not had justice in our situation. Matter of fact, we are still looking, while trying Pro Se once again. Each of the 3 we had, talked a HUGE talk, got their check, and then sat quietly in the judges chambers. One even signed the appeal by my husband's ex, and didn't tell us about it. The judge showed my husband the appeal, asked if he had seen it, and said it was unethical for the previous attorney to sign for it without informing us of it. It's crazy! We have been battling for over 5 years now, mainly money and uninterrupted visitation. If anyone knows any REALLY good attorneys in the Pensacola Area, please email me or reply! Any help is greatly appreciated!

[mishelle2]

we had an atty in orlando area he goes all over though mark troum was his name, hes expensive as all he.l... and in the end he ended up getting the case thrown out of fl jurisdiction and into CA where we live to make it easier on us.. and then once here we won.. I felt like the FL justice system sucks and is neverending.. CA was much more to the point.... just my opinion though..

[cajunragin]

Thanks! I wish we had that option, but since the children live in Florida, that is our only option. Yes, you are right, florida courts stink! I can totally understand the cases of dead beat dads, but when my husband bends over backwards and gives EVERYTHING, we still get crapped on over and over again. We don't mind doing for them, we want them to have everything they need, and even more. Sad to say, their mother has a different outlook and spending habits. Life is crazy, huh? Thanks for the lawyer's name, I will look into it!

[gipsy]

Read My Post under   " This story will shock you '  I believe it will
   Under Fathers Issues

[gipsy]

Read My Post under   " This story will shock you '  I believe it will
   Under Fathers Issues