I miss my children very much.

[bdmarket]

Talked with an Attorney today, will give you more info as this progresses.

[bdmarket]

>Talked with an Attorney today, will give you more info as
>this progresses.


Ok, I talked to a couple of different attorney's today and I have a question that I hope someone might be able to answer for me. One of the attorneys said that I needed to file a petition of next of friend and another attorney said I should file a declaration of paternity.  Does anyone know the difference between the two.

I am going to file something on Monday that way I will have jurisdiction here in Missouri and then go from there.  I hope it doesn't take forever until I can see my children again.  She might fight the petition which will just prolong everything.  

I wanted to thank everyone for their support and wish me luck :)

[gemini3]

I don't live in MO, and I'm not an atty, but from what I read you have to file a declaration of paternity either way.  On the D.O.P. you check whether you are the "next friend of child", or you are bringing action against the defendant and the minor child, and a gaurdian ad litem needs to be appointed.

It sounds like the difference between "next friend of child" and a gaurdian ad litem is a conflict between the interest of the parent and the interest of the child.

I found a copy of the petition here, if you want to read it:

http://www.courts.mo.gov/file/Form%2068-T%20Petition%20For%20Declaration%20of%20Paternity%20Custody%20&%20Support%2012-06.doc

(you'll probably have to copy and paste the link)

I also found a site that lists the MO statutes:

http://www.moga.mo.gov/STATUTES/STATUTES.HTM

Children and families are covered under title XII.  I read my state statutes, and found it very helpful to learn how the courts approach the issues I was having.

GOOD LUCK!!

[bdmarket]

Gemini3,

Thank you so much for the information.  I will read it ASAP.  It's kind of confusing when even lawyers have different approaches to the same situation.  I just want to file the right petition given my specific case.  I don't have any room for error at this point.  Thank you again :)

[bdmarket]

Hello,

My attorney gave me a parenting plan to fill out.  I have read the entire document but have a question.  For each explanation of each section am I supposed to fill in what I would like or hope to have.  This document doesn't ask questions, it makes statements but has open lines as if you are supposed to fill it out.  I'm sure each stat has a different version of this.  Sorry for the ignorance.  If anyone can pass along some advice, I would be grateful.

[FLMom]

If it's not too long I'd love if you'd post some of that here. Would be an interesting read and might help us to answer your questions better.

Is this your attorney's form or a state court form? Seems like the attorney may have too many clients if it's his form. A one on one meeting with him taking notes would be just as effective.

The sad truth was put to me best by our judge. He said, "You two can either sit down and work things out, or you can let me decide. And I guarantee that if I decide neither of you will like what I do." So, to better your odds, I'd shoot for the moon but settle on the clouds. If it comes down to a settlement conference, it would be better to show that you're willing to give up a few things. The hitch is, you aren't really giving them up because you overstated what you wanted in the first place.

Example:

"I want full custody."

Now, you and I both know it's not going to happen. But if that's what you ask for, you may end up with a "settlement" of 50/50 or 60/40.

Second example:

"I want 50/50."

OK, so you've left yourself no room to negotiate. Best you'll get is an extra afternoon thrown in during the week, with every other weekends.

And don't apologize, calling it ignorance. This is all a learning game. We were all new to this at one time or another. The family law system is baffling sometimes. It's a bugger to even know the right questions to ask, because scenarios come up all the time like a tornado through a trailer park. Most of the time you're just standing there stunned, wondering what the hell just happened.

Hope this helps,
FLMom

[Kitty C.]

I've told many before, think of this as a business negotiation, as crass as that may sound.  And it IS a negotiation.  So when you start negotiations, your first offer should NOT be what you really want, rather MORE than what you want, so that you have room for compromise.  If you don't, you will short-change not only yourself, but your child as well.  That's why FLMom said to shoot for the moon and hope you get the clouds.  Ask for it ALL (because you KNOW the other parent will want to give you nothing) and hope you can compromise somewhere in the middle with a plan that you can live with and the children will benefit the most from.

[bdmarket]

FLMom,

Great analogy and yes your post did help, thank you much :)  I never thought in a million years I'd be in this position dealing with this but none the less I am so I'd rather be over-prepared and educated then to walk blindly into a situation with little or no leverage.  The hard part is that my job is relocating me to Florida soon so I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.  She knew this and I think she tried to plan things so that if I was that far away I wouldn't bother to go to court....boy is she wrong.  There isn't a road trip long enough or a dollar amount high enough to keep me from my kids.  I will ask for the moon but probably get the summers and every other main holiday which I will gladly take.  I was going to ask my employer to keep me here because the of circumstances but they are 9 hours away as is so it's not like I would get to see them every weekend anyway.

My parenting plan is difficult to fill out because it doesn't ask any questions.  As an example.  "1. Physical Custody and Visitation: Custody, visitation and residential time for each child with each parent shall be at such times as the parties shall agree.  In the event that the parties cannot agree Father should have custody, visitation, or residential time as set forth below in sub-paragraphs A,B,C,D, Mother having all other time as her custody, visitation or residential time. "

Then there are blank lines after this...what in the world would I put there? This format is throughout the entire document.  It's like it's already stating what will be.  Another example:

"D. Holidays and Special Days.  1. Mother shall have custody or visitation with the children on her birthday from 9am to 9pm and on Mothers day weekend each year at the times set forth in sub paragraph XX above.."

Then there are blank lines after that????  I've been looking online at examples and in almost all of them, actual questions are asked.  I guess I'll just have to ask my lawyer. You'd think I'd get a little guide or something for a $1000 retainer :)

I'm scared that once she gets served, she will either get more angry or not show up to court which will just delay my chance to see my kids.  I was hoping that I would be able to see them before the summer is over but now I'm not so sure...the court system sometimes moves at a snail like pace....I am finding out.  I called at a time when I knew they couldn't hang up on me and left a message and pleaded to allow them to call me on fathers day (which is also my b-day) but I won't get my hopes up.

Thanks for your reply FLMom, sorry for such a long post.

[bdmarket]

You are both very persuasive as I now agree just the same :)  Thank you for your comment.

[bdmarket]

I've been doing some research to see how difficult it is for fathers to get primary custody of their children.  My research thus far does note bode well for us.  Never the less, more information will at least educate us so that we understand the process and are somewhat prepared for the road ahead.  I found a nice website that has a lot of good information on it that I thought others would perhaps like to look at.

http://www.intellectualconservative.com/how-fathers-can-win-child-custody-a-book-in-progress/

I hope it helps.