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Author Topic: Father fighting WV to be heard  (Read 1442 times)


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Father fighting WV to be heard
« on: Jun 04, 2008, 06:01:47 PM »
I am a father who is very concerned about my sons welfare. I actually won
sole custody in the state of VA in 1998 (which was almost unheard of at that time)  and had my son on honor rolls and in honors classes, along with attendance awards after his rocky childhood with his mother.
At first we had joint custody and she left the state of VA with him and
I lost contact for several years. After she dropped him off on my and new
future wifes' door step stating she had no place to live with him did I learn
he had failed kindergarten, and first grade but was passed on to second
grade because of his size and extenuating circumstances
We also found out that the state of Tenn. was about to press charges on her for neglect and truancy. Thats when she beat feet and showed up on our
door step.
To make a long story short, I won sole custody and she was granted weekend visits. It was difficult some of the times because of her trying to alienate him from us by saying we are keeping him away from her etc...but we dealt with it and my son flourished. For some reason she has great control over his actions and thoughts.
Our mistake was to move to WV. My X decided to also move into WV and took me back to court asking for custody. I went to court loaded with all the same info as before along with how well he was doing in school now. The state decided to let her try to be a mother again and ruled 50-50 custody.

So for the past 2 years my son has been living out of a suitcase going from home to home and experiencing two totally different lifestyles. His grades has gone down so much he is failing and he has missed just enough days (all on his mothers watch) to be just under the 15 limit at 14.5 to definitely fail. She lets him smoke and drink alcohol, purchasing both for him and has exposed him to violent domestic fights.
My son is now 16, he should be allowed to decide where he wants to live, of
course he wants to live with his mother because she lets me do whatever he wants. I told him I did not want him smoking at my house, I did catch him on New Years Eve and he coped an attitude it ended up with me shoving him against the wall. Telling him I was taking him back to his mothers house.
I did and he stayed for 3 months. Again she filed for full custody and I learned that in those three months he had missed many days from school he was ready to quit and his mother was going to let him.
I just couldn't let that happen so I am fighting her again.
I just come home from a hearing and am so frustrated because I can't get my side heard.  It doesn't matter that she lets him smoke and drink and exposes him to so much in this. The judge doesn't want to hear it.
I just want my son to graduate from HS and give him a good basis for his young adult life to succeed.
Does anyone have any suggestions or input on how to be heard other than
hiring a lawyer which at this point is impossible.

Kitty C.

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RE: Father fighting WV to be heard
« Reply #1 on: Jun 04, 2008, 09:30:33 PM »
It almost sounds like you may have a judge who dismisses pro se litigants out of hand, which may be why he won't give you the time of day.  It's very possible that if you want to be heard by the court, you will be forced to get an atty. to speak for you.  Beg, borrow, and plead all you can to get the money....talk to others who may have dealt with a divorce and custody to see who represented them.  Now is the time to network and get all the information you can.  

Just remember that doors can open in the strangest of places, so don't ever discount anything.  While with my DS's dad, who was abusive, a friend talked me into going to a organization called WEAVE (Women Escaping A Violent Environment).  I had very serious misgivings, because regardless of the situation I was in, I did NOT appreciate some of their 'tactics'.  But through them, I DID get connected to an atty. who saved the day for my and my son.  AND she took my case without a retainer............of course, this was back in 1993, but she was very patient with me on payments.  It took me 3 years to pay her off.  Never did ever deal with WEAVE, because once I got the atty. contact, I never went back to them!

One other suggestion:  talk to the school counselor, have a 'welfare check' done by law enforcement on the mother's home while your son is there, or contact CPS/DHS anonymously.  What you need is a 3rd party objective view of this.  Often, the courts see accusations made by one parent as being 'vindictive', so having someone report on the true conditions, who doesn't have an emotional stake in the situation, sometimes can make all the difference.  

Good luck with you and your son.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......


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