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Author Topic: 23 years old and already going through it :(  (Read 3982 times)

John R

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23 years old and already going through it :(
« on: Sep 04, 2008, 08:46:52 PM »
I am a 23 year old father of one child who is having his 1 year old birthday in less than a month.

The situation is as follows:

The mother and I were in a relatinship and the mothers parents continued to place it in her head tht because custody was not established, I could (at any time) take the child and not allow her to see him untill custody was established. (I would never do such a thing)... however, this placed fear in my childs mother and caused her to get an attorney and file a motion for custody.

I was fine with all of this untill I found out that she was filing for sole custody and child support was OUTRAGEOUS for my financial status. I have no problem paying to support my child, but $687.00/month for a person barely making minimun wage...how is that possible?...

anyways, after finding out she wanted sole custody, I decided to get a consent packet from the court and inform her that we can decide our own stipulations and fill out the forms, then turn it into the clerk and all be happy... She refuses to go over the papers with me and explains that "she wants what she wants and thats it"...

(needless to say, we are no longer together and have never been married)... it is almost as if she is like a little child that does not want to share her new doll...

here my child is almost a year old and I have never been able to have him overnight, and have only been able to have him (without her supervision) for 1/2 of a day..THATS IT... even on fathers day she made me visit him at HER house.

I am not represented by an attorney in this case but have been doing extensive homework in teh law library at the court... however, and im sure much of you know,..this can be very overwhelming... Im really not too sure what I am asking for here, but any advice or help would be a huge blessing to me...

I guess I would like to know:
-what kind of rights do I have to ask for in reguards to custody (ie: joint, primary etc.)

-she tries to say taht because the child has never been away from her overnight, it is not good for me to have him over night...I AM HIS FATHER! how can i answer to this in court?...

-any otehr advice would be great..

thank you in advance


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RE: 23 years old and already going through it :(
« Reply #1 on: Sep 05, 2008, 03:46:05 AM »
Take a parenting and first aid class...It will look great in court.

Child support is by a formula. Look up your state on-line and figure it out. Our state is 17% of your salary for one child. She will get this no matter what.

Custody should be JOINT with you getting visitation. Depending on your schedule you should get every other weekend and a night during the week. You can come up with any schedule but that is usually the normal one. You also need to get a detailed vacation, holiday, and birthday schedule. As long as nothing else is going on ....you will get overnights...but this is a long process. It will take time.

If you make min wage...call the courts and see if you qualify for legal aid.

Good luck!


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RE: 23 years old and already going through it :(
« Reply #2 on: Sep 07, 2008, 06:03:43 PM »
Actually I took a parenting class and they (her attorney) tried to to twist it on me trying to say that only bad parents would attempt to take a parenting class. Be prepared for statements like these.

Get a good family law certified attorney. They are priceless!!! Rule number 1 with an attorney is never attempt to settle the case before court. You can talk with your ex for free. Doing it at the attorney's office means you'll be paying $200/hr to go nowhere.

Think of every thing possible to go in your court order. Transportation back and forth etc..... When something is not laid out in black and white it sets up more issues for court.

Also accept it in your head, that common sense does not apply in family court. Once you do this you will be in a much better place mentally to handle the bullshit.

Be prepared... her attorney will only ask you questions that he already knows the answer to.

Try and have a 1st shift position which will make it easier for you to have overnights.

I would keep pushing the do it yourself route. Once she starts seeing how expensive it is. she will think twice about doing everthing in court.

Your actually in a good position when making minimum wage when going to court. You technically can't make any less money and once everthing is settled the only way to go is up.

Document everthing!!!


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RE: 23 years old and already going through it :(
« Reply #3 on: Sep 09, 2008, 07:01:08 AM »
 You can talk to your ex for free but it means absolutely nothing. Get a lawyer and use them for any communication, period.

John R

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RE: 23 years old and already going through it :(
« Reply #4 on: Sep 09, 2008, 02:41:35 PM »
thank you all for the replies...

I have a few more questions...

I have been given 2 court dates not by her attorney only to discover from the vourt sec. that there were no such court dates... any ideas to why this is happening...(Im not complaining, it gives me more time to gather my knowledge and be prepared...) im just curious.

also, Is there any [hard-hitting] things that I should mention in court that will help me to receive the things that i am asking for?...

I have also entered another topic in this forum titled: "Ex Parte for temporary visitations",... if you can help, PLEASE leave a reply on that post.

thank you so much again.


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RE: 23 years old and already going through it :(
« Reply #5 on: Oct 09, 2008, 02:35:17 PM »
From personal experience, divorce took 3 years, Mom aleaged that I would kidnap my kid, ...  bottom line is we are 6 years after and I have 50/50 shared custody. Anyway.

From back then, the turning point was to have the court do an evaluation of you (ask in court for an evaluation of both parents) but be willing to submit.

Most likely you will not get much time at first but take my word, take all you can, little by little, afternoons then nights, ....

The thing to understand is that as wrong as it is, the court system is a game you just need to learn to play.

In my case I told the judge I'd do what ever he wanted me to do. lie detector, evaluation, you name it, eventually just evaluation was done but the result of the evaluation will give you a little time with your kid.

Then file again for more time right away, since it takes for ever in court, then again then again, ... your kid will grow up and your relation with it.

I can't tell you how many times I ended up crying for hours alone in an hotel room full of roaches. But today my 6 years old kid comes to see us all the time and tells his mom he wants to live with us, ...
When he needs lunch money for school, he asks us because his mom always says no, ....

So that's my advise, ask for an evaluation. you have to pay for it? fine says yes then don't pay it, let the state come after you then file another motion that you are too poor to pay it.

learn to get all you can inch by inches eventually your kid will get older as it goes and you will get more


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