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Author Topic: How can I get them back???  (Read 6212 times)

I cry_ in_the_dark

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How can I get them back???
« on: Nov 30, 2003, 07:59:34 AM »
     I'm living in a nightmare. By some freak of justice, my X husband was granted physical custody of our kids. For 3 years, there was joint custody, with our son going back and forth week to week, but our daughter stayed solely with me, and he never did anything about it.
     If you were to have been in the court on that day, and then read the court order and "Findings of Fact" you would think that you were at two different hearings. HE testified that my daughter does not have a bedroom at their house. My Daughter testified that she sleeps on the couch, but the court found that she had a bedroom at his house? My son has ADHD and his Mobile Therapist testified that Dad refuses to allow him into his home. The court however, found credible that Dad is willing to participate in therapy!?!?! Findings are that my son is in bed at 8 p.m. My visitation is until 9p.m!?!?! My 12 year old girl told the judge that she wished to remaim with me and visit Dad. I can continue with about 25 more off the wall findings, but to get back to the subject... (If you want to hear them...just ask.)
     Obviously, the child support has stopped. That's ok, I can live without it. Due to the visitation that was set, I had to take a demotion at work, therefore loss of wages as well as loss of overtime. Of course, he is suing me for support. (Yes, I know, it's my obligation.) Being that I am low income to begin with, I have also lost my child care assistance and probably my housing assistance as well. It will probably come down to filing bankruptcy ;( as well as losing the house that I live in. How can I get a second job and see my kids according to the visitation?
      The night they left, I had to call the police to remove my girl as she refused to go. My son has been grounded for telling his dad that he still wanted to live with me too. It's a nightmare when they have to leave. Being broke and very probably homeless in the near future...how can I possibly fight to get them back where THEY want to be???
     My lawyer turned out to be a joke. He failed to subpoena both the school psychologist and family doctor, who were both willing to testify. He failed to subpoena my daughters counseling records. He failed to present documents regarding my son's daily behavior at school. He failed to allow me to rebut any of the totally false accusations against me. You bet he wants his $2300.00 tho.
     Bottom line...I want my kids back. They want to come back. HELP!!!


norma

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RE: How can I get them back???
« Reply #1 on: Nov 30, 2003, 08:09:37 AM »
Child support is for the support of the child. Of course you're child support would stop if you no longer have the child with you. And as for the child care assistance - same thing. You no longer pay for child care since the child is not with you, why would you continue to receive child care assistance??????????????????????????????????????

I cry_ in_the_dark

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RE: How can I get them back???
« Reply #2 on: Nov 30, 2003, 08:33:25 AM »
I'm sorry that you totally missed my whole point. But in answer to your question...Due to the visitation schedule that was made, there still is a need for some child care.

sweetnsad

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RE: How can I get them back???
« Reply #3 on: Nov 30, 2003, 10:00:08 AM »
A quick question:  Is Dad remarried or involved with someone else?

smtotwo

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RE: How can I get them back???
« Reply #4 on: Nov 30, 2003, 11:48:27 AM »
If you have 1) a copy of the court transcript (if you don't have one GET IT NOW!!) and 2) a copy of the judgement and finding of facts then you have grounds for an appeal.  

There are a TON of organizations out there willing to help single mothers in these situations. Alot more than help out dads!!  Dh and I tried and tried to get legal help but none is designed for men its all for women.

Any way with a copy of the transcript you can prove what was said in court and that the judge erred in his/her decision.  I'd also post this on Soc/s board but make sure you read the RULES!!


I cry_ in_the_dark

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RE: How can I get them back???
« Reply #5 on: Nov 30, 2003, 01:33:46 PM »
Yes, and that is when my problems started ;(
I had full custody until 3 years ago when he met this woman, who advised him if he had partial custody he wouldn't have to pay so much support. He started this wanting full custody after my son was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year, saying that my son didn't need professional help, he needed to go live with him. Due to my lawyer not presenting pertinent evidence or subpoena the proper witnesses....that's what happened.
Yes, his new wife wears the pants in the family, as she basically supports him so he never had to pay much support. She testified in court that she is not very nice to me, and admitted openly being downright nasty with me.  
Enough said?
(And yes, I am still single and rarely date. My kids have been my life for the last 5 years.)

I cry_ in_the_dark

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RE: How can I get them back???
« Reply #6 on: Nov 30, 2003, 01:38:51 PM »
Thankyou for your input.
How can I get a copy of the court transcript???
And.....where do I begin looking for help in fighting this? This is a small town.
I was speaking to a local Police officer the night I learned my X got custody. His response to me was..."What other case was your lawyer working on? I can't believe he lost this one!"

sweetnsad

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RE: How can I get them back???
« Reply #7 on: Nov 30, 2003, 02:05:12 PM »
I just wondered, thinking perhaps there was a jealousy issue, but I can see that there isn't...
I don't know what to tell you other than document everything...visits, conversations between your ex and your kids, etc....
I'm sorry this has happened and wish you the best of luck having them returned to you.

wendl

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RE: How can I get them back???
« Reply #8 on: Dec 01, 2003, 04:45:07 AM »
you can go to the courthouse and request a copy of the transcipt for that day it will cost a little I think ours was like $10.00

In my state you can file a motion of revision and something else but I forget what it is.

tulip

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RE: How can I get them back???
« Reply #9 on: Dec 01, 2003, 09:21:45 AM »
My advice about childcare is, don't take the kids when you are working. Dad wanted all the responsibility, so let him take it. If HE has to put the put the kids in daycare, then I don't think you will be responsible to pay for it. They usually determine the amount each parent has to pay by their income, and if your income is that low, he should be responsible for all of it. There are a lot of men who only want their kids so they don't have to pay child support. The fact that he grounded your son for saying he wants his mom proves that he is one of them. He doesn't seem to care about their feelings at all. The best thing you can do is get on the phone, call your county legal aid office. There are women's organizations that will help you with your case. Document everything. Don't give up. Give your kids as much love as you can when you can be with them, but don't lose your job. If you want to get your kids back, you will have to be able to take of yourself first. Keep in mind that the visitation schedule created by the court is not ordering you to take the  kids, it is ordering him to let you take the kids if you choose to. If you have to work, you have to work. If you are late picking them up, he can't cancel your visitation on that day, unless the order says he can.

I cry_ in_the_dark

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RE: How can I get them back???
« Reply #10 on: Dec 01, 2003, 03:17:00 PM »
Thanks for your support. But it's not that easy.

I am fortunate that I am highly valued at work, and they have graciously re-arranged my schedule to accomodate my visitations. I do 2 different jobs at work. I had to remove myself from the better paying job in order to accomodate the visitation. I work some really screwy hours as a result, but I can't argue with that, as they are being very flexible for me.

It would break my kids hearts, as well as mine,  if I didn't take them every other weekend.
And unfortunately, as much as I'd like to believe you, I am responsible to pay part of his daycare. My problem with that is my son goes to daycare whether it is necessary or not, and I don't feel I should be responsible for THAT. I guess I'll find out in January when we go to court.

The daycare, on my part, would only be necessary in the summer months when I've been granted one week in June, two in July, and one in August, and you can bet they WILL be with me!

Thanks again for your support.

 

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