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Author Topic: HELP!!! **this is a repost of what I posted on Soc's board....*  (Read 5099 times)

1angrystepmom

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I need ALL the help I can get!!

"Need help ASAP!! *sorry Kinda long*"


           
The latest in our saga with SD and BM is... I am going to be a 32 year old GRANDMOTHER!! SD is 7mos pg, has had ONE prenatal visit, which was this past friday. She GOT pg, at 15!! *the father is 18.

BM DID NOT notify DH of the pregnancy.

SD has had ONE prenatal visit, which was last friday, I, personally, consider this medical neglect.

BM KNEW she was sleeping with an 18 year old, and failed to provide adequate supervision. *to the mediator, when DH expressed his concern about the 18 y/o BF, BM said that "it is ok, I pick her up from his house"

DH is a stay at home dad, and could care for the child, so she could continue her education.

BM failed to complete court ordered parenting classes within Judges ordered time frame (she is still going, should have been done and shown proof of completion, by 12/31/03)

BM did NOT "seek counseling" for SD, as ordered by Judge.

1 ) Would this be considered "significant change in circumstances?"

2) ANYTHING else you can offer, I am really at a loss!!

THANK YOU!!!!!

Amber


P.S. Case is in CA, we reside in FL.
 


MKx2

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Amber, I'm short on time this morning but ...
« Reply #1 on: Jan 20, 2004, 07:40:59 AM »
IMVHO YES!  It would show substantial change in circumstance!

Hang tough sweetie ... it will all work out.

More ((((((((Amber and ALL her family)))))))

joni

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I think you've answered your own question....
« Reply #2 on: Jan 20, 2004, 11:41:41 AM »
....go for it, you've got the ideal circumstance to care for both your SD and grandchild.  Strike first and use the BM's noncompliance against her.

Just my 2 cents:

1)  Negligent with prenatal of SD shows lack of capacity to provide
medical care.

2)  In essence, BM allowed statutory rape of SD shows lack of capacity to give the child guidance.  Also show lack of moral fitness by BM as well as her lack of mental health.  This also reflects badly on the community record of the SD while in the BM's care.

3)  DH is stay at home dad and can provide daycare of grandchild.

4)  BM not in compliance of court order for parenting classes.

5)  BM not in compliance of court order for counseling.

File a motion for contempt of court for #4 &5 and add 3 as change in circumstances for the birth of grandchild and #1 & #2 as substandard parentings for the guideline tests for custody.

Also, what is the SD's frame of mind.  Would she agree to live with you and have her dad help raise her child so she can finish school?  That would go a long way with the judge.

joni

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I would also post this on the shrink board....eom
« Reply #3 on: Jan 20, 2004, 12:23:34 PM »
.

tulip

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You may not want to hear this.....
« Reply #4 on: Jan 20, 2004, 11:22:16 PM »
Are you saying that you and dh live in FL, and sd and bm live in CA? If so, then what you are suggesting would mean taking another child away from his/her father.

Don't get me wrong, I see huge problems here with bm's parenting of sd, and at 15 a girl needs to HAVE parents, not BE one. She certainly needs some guidance, and most of all, LOVE. How could bm not insist on her going to the doctor and taking care of the baby? Yes, yes, her father has to do something. But be prepared that sd may put up a big fight about moving if she wants to stay with her bf.


Peanutsdad

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RE: You may not want to hear this.....
« Reply #5 on: Jan 20, 2004, 11:33:04 PM »
Well,

The way I see it,, wasnt prospective daddy 18? If so, sounds as if he wont get the opportunity to be involved until he gets out of prison.

1angrystepmom

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RE: You may not want to hear this.....
« Reply #6 on: Jan 21, 2004, 07:03:30 AM »
In CA unfortunately, it is NOT statutory rape.  

DH has NO intention of keeping the father of the baby from his child.  He can visit SD and baby, just like DH can visit his daughter.  DH knows ALL TOO WELL what it is like.  Not to mention, there is the telephone, there is e-mail, digital cameras, and even web cam's. Lets not forget the Wright Brothers' flying machine ;)

The issue at this point, is that SD is going to need to be taught how to be a parent.  She has had crappy parenting thus far, and is absolutely clueless about life, it's trials and tribulations.

SD is living in a fantasy world, plain and simple, she is CLUELESS about what changes a child will bring her!

As far as "daddy" goes,  this "adult" isn't even MAN enough to call the (MINOR) mother of his child's, FATHER.  He is a chicken sh*t.  DH has NO intention of berating him, just wants to talk with him, and find out what his "plans" are.  

Court is a LAST resort.  Remember BM won't talk to DH, she won't return his calls, "Dad" won't call and talk to DH, SD refuses to give DH his phone number, so DH can call himself.  DH has NO other recourse, to be sure his daughter and granddaughter are taken care of appropriately.

tulip

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Good luck
« Reply #7 on: Jan 21, 2004, 09:14:16 AM »
I really hope it all works out for the best. This girl certainly needs to be in home where someone will teach her how to care for a baby, and learn some responsibility. Not to mention the fact that being a mother means huge sacrifices. I've seen many women who completely miss this fact of life. You have a long, difficult road ahead, and I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully, when your sd grows up some, she will appreciate the sacrifices you are making for her and her child now.

What kind of attitude does sd have about all this? Is she willing to move to FL to be with her father, and have help with the baby? Does she want to keep the baby? Will she even talk to you or husband about how she is feeling? She must be scared to death! (If she's not, then she REALLY needs some help.)

1angrystepmom

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RE: Good luck
« Reply #8 on: Jan 21, 2004, 09:25:06 AM »
What kind of attitude does sd have about all this?

**SD is in fantasy land, where all is well, and a baby can be supported on CA minimum wage of $6.75 per hour (this is the "Daddy's" current earning potenial, as a High School drop out)

 Is she willing to move to FL to be with her father, and have help with the baby?

**She doesn't want to come here, the atty said that didn't matter, that the ONLY thing against us at this time, is that "Daddy" is in CA.  She said it could literally go either way.  The Judge is BEYOND pissed at BM.  He said "one more thing, and you lose custody" at the last hearing.

Does she want to keep the baby?

**THAT is the $100,000 question, 2 weeks ago, as SD's conversation starter for one of the bi-weekly phone visits (BEFORE the pregnancy was confirmed, although I had suspicions), SD asked DH what he and I thought of abortion.  DH and I are PRO ADOPTION, except in VERY rare cases (rape, incest, health of the mother etc....)
THEN, all the sudden, she wants to MOVE IN with Daddy and his family?? AND they are keeping the baby.

Will she even talk to you or husband about how she is feeling? She must be scared to death! (If she's not, then she REALLY needs some help.)

**Nope, not scared at all... she is TOTALLY confident that she doesn't need WIC, and that they will survive perfectly fine on Daddy's $6.75/hr job, WHEN he gets one, that is!  You forget, she is 16 and KNOWS EVERYTHING!!  

tulip

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Wow!
« Reply #9 on: Jan 21, 2004, 10:33:13 AM »
I can understand why you are so upset. How soon can you get a court date? You need to file for custody immediately. Get her out there before the baby is born, so you can make arrangements for proper medical care.

I can understand that the fact that "Daddy" being in CA is going to make it hard, but he's obviously in no position to support the baby anyway. I thought you said that she is 15 in your earlier post, 16 is pretty close to being an adult "legally." If she was already court-ordered to go to counseling, you can show that she is not emotionally ready to parent a child. Obviously, bm is not fit to have another baby. As far as bf's parents, if they are not even willing to have contact with you regarding the care of your daughter, and the baby, I don't think they have much chance of getting custody either. This is a hard one, but you know what you need to do, and you need to act fast!

I have a 17yo sd living with me, so I am very familiar with the know-it-all attitude. This is going to very, very, hard. I hope that you can convince her that you are doing it because you love her. She is going to be very pissed that you are taking her away from her boyfriend, and hate you for it. But these kids are not ready to be parents. If he loves her that much, he will find a way to take care of them as an adult. Not a child living with his parents with no job. I have a feeling when she moves away, he will just find a new gf, because it doesn't sound to me like he even cares enough about her to realize the consequences of what they have done.

1angrystepmom

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RE: she GOT PG at 15....
« Reply #10 on: Jan 21, 2004, 10:58:19 AM »
Remeber, this was 7 mos ago....  she has since turned 16.

tulip

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Ok, I get it now.
« Reply #11 on: Jan 21, 2004, 11:19:46 AM »
How long ago was the last hearing, when the judge said one more thing....?
If he already made that clear, I would say this should be enough to get custody changed. Is she the only child involved in this custody case?
I still can't get over the fact that bm never took her to see a doctor all this time. I sure wouldn't want to see that baby raised with the same kind of neglect.

1angrystepmom

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RE: the last hearing....
« Reply #12 on: Jan 21, 2004, 11:22:52 AM »
was the middle of October.  


Peanutsdad

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RE: the last hearing....
« Reply #13 on: Jan 21, 2004, 07:23:16 PM »
That lad was lucky he isnt in Texas,, 15 would have gotten him 10 here ;)

charm910

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RE: the last hearing....
« Reply #14 on: Jan 25, 2004, 12:07:04 AM »
Best of luck to all of you.

Been there, done that, and now we are raising our beautiful 5-yr old granddaughter, after watching years of neglect.

Second baby was adopted to an anonymous couple, 2 yrs ago.

e-mail me if you think you need to go this route, I'll help as much as I can.


tulip

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My mom is raising her grandson too
« Reply #15 on: Jan 27, 2004, 10:47:06 PM »
My step-brother had a baby with his former gf when they were teens. She wanted to give the baby up right away, he wanted to get married. They didn't get married, but kept the baby. Before my nephew was a year old, they split up. Both of them are drug addict losers who don't have any intention of coming back for him. My mom has been raising him since he was a baby, now he's almost 9. She got legal custody after about a year. This poor kid has severe emotional problems. He's been diagnosed with Attachment Disorder, after the school district shrink tried to label him ADHD. We don't know where his mother is. We know where his father is, but he NEVER calls or visits him. He shows up once or twice a year, but not to see his child. Probably the worst part for this poor kid is knowing that his dad has other kids that he is raising, but won't come back for him.

I certainly wouldn't presume that this might happen in your situation, but I do know that if my nephew would have been given up for adoption when he was born he would be growing up with a mother and father that love him right now, and would be much better off emotionally. My parents would like to adopt him, and have been told by his counselor that it would be really good for him, but since they can't find his mother, it will probably never happen.

I hope that since this girl is so determined to keep her baby, she gets some stability in her own life so that when she finds out how hard it is, she doesn't just abandon him/her like these people did.

 

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