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Author Topic: AUSSIERULES Trial Report - AZ  (Read 7755 times)

aussierules

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AUSSIERULES Trial Report - AZ
« on: Aug 27, 2004, 08:00:26 AM »
This is going to be long so I am going to get it posted in parts. Sorry. I will do my best to have it all done by tonight or tomorrow night. Enjoy. Questions are as always welcome as are comments, concerns & issues.

Arrived at court around 8:30am and met with FTC and both counsel. Lead counsel still insisted that there was no way that this was a 1 day trial and that I would not be giving evidence so I should relax. Yeah that was good advice. No objections from the judge or opposing counsel so my FTC sat at counsel table was good and ended up being quite the blessing. As soon as 9:00am rolls around the judge calls counsel which included the GAL into chambers and announces he wants this trial done in 1 day. There will be NO second day as mum’s counsel wanted and we almost accepted. My counsel returned and explained that we were going to have to cut some things to make this happen. Just an observation on my part but that doesn’t seem like justice to me when the clock dictates how much or how little evidence you can put on. That said my usually sloth like attorney found a new gear. Wonders never cease to amaze me.

Before I begin I want to make you all aware of something that dominated mum’s case yesterday and that I have not really talked about because it had been dismissed by all of the experts as being nothing. Yesterday however it took on a life of its own and became the center piece of her case. Back in October 2002 when my little girl was about 2 ½ or so she had a little accident at my house. She wet the bed because she was so stressed. She was dry all night but I can only conclude that on this one day she had too much in her little mind to deal with. Remember mum had just married the stepfather and moved him in and we had been apart for a year and a half almost. I am not making excuses for my child. My little girl was so upset at herself she did not want anyone to know what had happened. I told her that it had happened to me and I tried to make light of it because she was so distraught over this accident. On one phone call (and I mean one call) a couple of days later that I made to her when she was at mum’s home during my telephonic access, I reminded her that the incident was no big deal and that if anything it was funny and not to be worried about. This call was apparently taped by mum and ultimately used as the basis for the uraphilia accusation in April 2003. Remember close to 7 months elapsed from the time of the call to the referral to CPS. With that said I will go back to the trial.

We are first up as I am petitioner in the case and we put in Dr. P. He is a psychologist with an expert in psychosexual matters including SVP (sexually violent people). He is also BCBA and was formally of ATSA until he decided no longer to work for that organization. I had been to see him after the first allegation in April 2003 when CPS requested that I somehow prove I did not have interest or proclivity to do what mum had accused me of. Dr. P testified to pretty much all of the material except for the PPG. When he got there mum’s counsel objected and the judge ruled at least initially that it did not meet the scientific standards in AZ. There is some question to that and as of last night they were all still debating whether or not it could come in. Worst case that portion of the report gets redacted out and the best is that we win the legal argument and the report stays in tact. The PPG was only 1 of 10 tests that he performed so there are still 9/10 of the content of the report in tact to support my position that I am not what mum claims me to be. Mum’s counsel argues on cross that as I am so smart that I could have fooled the test. He goes on to ask if Dr. P heard the “tape” and if that would have changed his findings. Dr. P states that the findings are what they are and that in general no incident affects the objective test battery. Mum’s counsel decides to call uraphilia “water sports” because it is so much more visual and shocking and according to him he cannot say uraphilia. Right counsel!

We then put up my counselor Dr. C who has provided me a support network during this nasty mess. She is nervous because she has only been on the stand once before and she does not like mum’s counsel. She does ok and confirms that she concurs with the other experts and having seen me over 100 times in these 4 years that counts for a lot. Mum’s counsel gets up and reveals his surprise for the court. He accuses me of having a habitual tendency to put my hands down the front of my pants in public and play with myself. There are laughs from the court spectator area of course. I was not laughing. There is nothing quite like a new vulgar surprise to deal with at the eleventh hour. Dr. C said that she had never seen this and did not find any traits in my personality that supported this accusation. Mum’s counsel asked her if she had read the transcripts or heard the tape of the peeing discussion. Dr. C was nervous and said no even though she had. Mum’s counsel asked if she knew of any previous counseling that I had that might support one of mum’s wild claims she made to Dr. T during her psychological evaluation. She said that to the best of her knowledge there had been none. Yeeha! Her testimony was not for science anyway but to provide the court some idea of how I had been over many years.
Then my mum is on the stand. She is nervous but my mum is a trooper and she gets up on the stand and on direct she confirms her first meeting with the child’s mum and her impressions of her as a mum. My mother makes no negative comments. We had agreed that we would not do that. She states that there had never been any sexual abuse in our home and that I had been a good child and that she had seen me being a good parent with my child. On cross mum’s counsel tried to make her look like she would turn the other way if I was abusing my child but mum held firm and the testimony petered out. The GAL does not ask mum any questions.

And drum roll please we have our first out of order witness. Mum’s counsel calls mum’s mum to the stand. We shall call her grandma for ease of referring to her. Grandma gets on the stand and immediately starts this new line of attack. I can see where mum gets her wonderful personality from after this little lot. She claims that she never liked me and that she always thought I was up to no good. She states that I am putting the moves on my child and I dress her up like a stripper. Slinky outfits were the words that she used. I am told that the inference is that slinky means sexy. To be honest I do not know that I have ever seen a sexy outfit for a 5 year old and what it might look like if I did come across it. Then grandma bless her launches into her stories of me playing with myself in front of her at a frequency of 3-5 times an hour every day she saw me. Apparently I was not just playing with it I was really playing with it. She claimed that me taking my daughter to the beauty shop for her haircut and nails to be done was very odd and that it was like I was trying to make my child sexy. On cross my counsel got her to admit that despite this alleged behavior she had no problem having her daughter stay with me for many years and have a child with me. Counsel asked grandma what was different about dad taking our child to the beauty shop rather than mum. Grandma could not say except that she thought it was very peculiar that I would do it. Grandma cited her 30+ years teaching and that she had never seen a 4th grader with styled hair or fingernail polish. My take is that grandma was asleep at the wheel if she cannot remember that. On redirect (AZ allows the calling attorney a chance at redirect) she starts crying her eyes out and sobbing stating that she feels our child is at risk and they want to protect her from me. Yeah right. It is not me she needs protecting from. The GAL does not ask grandma any questions.

Next out of order witness was mum’s close personal friend of 13 years. Let’s just called her Ethel as she likes to change her name anyway. Ethel gets on the stand and initially at least claims to have been my friend although along the way she admits that although she did some stuff with me back in 1991 she never really was my friend but more of mum’s friend. She supports grandma’s story that I am a champion masturbator in public and that I spend 50% of my waking hours hanging on to my penis in mixed company. She tells a story that I once came around to her house and watched her change her son’s diaper – he was 2 months at the time and that I commented on the size of his penis apparently. She goes on to state that I made some sexual comments about a 12 year old girl she and I saw that worried her. Her coup de grace however was that she tells the court I came to her sometime in 1991 or so and told her that I was sexually abused as a child and that I was in therapy. How convenient because that is just what mum has said. She then said that in a visit I had with her in 1997 I told her I was worried I would sexually abuse my child if I ever had one. She starts crying and tells the court that she wishes she had taken my claim more seriously. Let me be very clear. I have never been abused by my parents physically or sexually. Their divorce was not fun and there may have been aspects of emotional abuse but that was as far as it went. I left the home so early I could not honestly tell you to what degree I was impacted by the problems in the house between mum and dad. On cross Ethel admits she cannot really remember when she last saw me (2 years ago) but she does remember well these conversations from 13 years ago. That is amazing isn’t it. Counsel asks her why she never reported this to CPS when mum made her first accusation? Counsel asks why she remained my friend despite this prolific masturbating habit and Ethel says that different friends have different places in her life. She says that after the incident with her son’s penis during the diaper change which incidentally I do not remember and I have close to a photographic memory, she would not allow me to be with her son on my own. Never heard that one before either. Counsel asks her what her real name was. She says that she just wanted to change it. Counsel asks her what her son’s real name was and she tells him and announces to the court that although he was in first grade at the time he wants to change his name to be like mummy. LUNATIC. The GAL does not ask Ethel any questions.


iLUVmySD

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RE: AUSSIERULES Trial Report - AZ
« Reply #1 on: Aug 27, 2004, 08:26:26 AM »
I am intrigued by your story.  We are looking at hiring a lawyer and going to court at the end of this year or early next year.  We are in Tucson, so it'll be interesting to see how the courts are here.  Our battle should hopefully be "easy" because we are going to try to change jurisdiction from Nevada to Arizona.  I would say there is a 75% chance the BM won't even show up (It's an 18 hour drive down here).  Well looking foward to the rest of your story.

jilly

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RE: AUSSIERULES Trial Report - AZ
« Reply #2 on: Aug 27, 2004, 10:09:41 AM »
Just a comment about your daughter having an accident...she was 2 1/2! They will still have accidents from time to time at that age...even when they're awake!  Based on what you've said, the tape recording she made has no merit or basis in fact. Anybody with common sense should be able to realize that at 2 1/2 a child still doesn't have full control over their bladder.

wendl

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RE: AUSSIERULES Trial Report - AZ
« Reply #3 on: Aug 27, 2004, 12:01:56 PM »
Sounds as if they are pulling at strings brining up the fact that your daughter wet the bed.  My nephew is 3 and he still has accidents.

As for the materbating part, omg. Hmm most men occassionally need to re-adjust things while wearing pants, its normal. Hmm what next they gonna say that kids that grab their private areas while doing the potty dance are materbating. I just can't (well yes I can) how these attys etc try and pull little things and make them into huge so called problems (in their minds).

My dh's trial was 2 or 3 days (omg what a, well I better not say as I got bm and her friends are probably still stakling me cuz they have nothing better to do)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

jilly

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RE: AUSSIERULES Trial Report - AZ
« Reply #4 on: Aug 27, 2004, 12:09:23 PM »
"...materbating...attys...try and pull little things and make them...huge "

No pun intended I'm sure! ROFLMBO
(Cut and paste is a wonderful thing! LOL  Sorry...couldn't resist after reading your post!)


onedaddy

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RE: AUSSIERULES Trial Report - AZ
« Reply #5 on: Aug 27, 2004, 01:12:19 PM »
RIDICULOUS!  Almonst humorous!

How did she get this recording of your conversation with your daughter?In NY it 's illegal to tape a conversation you are not party too!

wendl

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RE: AUSSIERULES Trial Report - AZ
« Reply #6 on: Aug 27, 2004, 02:16:34 PM »
LMAO showing my typos too.

:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

aussierules

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RE: AUSSIERULES Trial Report - AZ
« Reply #7 on: Aug 27, 2004, 05:20:04 PM »
Arizona is what is called a one party state. However taping a child's conversation with her parent seems a little off to me. I do not tape any phone communication between my daughter and her mother. I think that is their private time even when she is with me and I do not plan on intruding on it. Just wait until I put the second part in you will really see rediculous. This was just the morning and the afternoon made that look mild by comparison. This whole thing would have been funny if it had not been happening to me. I just close my eyes sometimes and hope that the end is in sight.

aussierules

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RE: AUSSIERULES Trial Report - AZ
« Reply #8 on: Aug 27, 2004, 05:23:57 PM »
I guess when you have nothing else you make a big deal about nothing at all. Maybe with hindsight I should have just less it lie but if things had been normal it would have been a non-issue. The point is that this call happened in October 2002 and mum did not report it to CPS or her concerns to CPS about my alleged uraphila until April 2003. As I stated in court yesterday if the roles had been reversed and I thought the problem had legs then I would have called it in the day after I had heard it.

aussierules

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RE: AUSSIERULES Trial Report - AZ
« Reply #9 on: Aug 27, 2004, 05:25:52 PM »
It is noteworthy that mum never stated her concerns about my so called Olympic level masturbation habit to the custody evaluator (Jun 2003), the CPS investigators (Apr 2003, Oct 2003 and Feb 2004) and the psychological evaluator (Mar 2004). Surely it could nto have slipped her mind? The point is clear I think that it took her this long to make this stuff up. I think what was funny yesterday was her attorney announced he had a "smoking gun" and that he planned on revealing all to the court during the trial. It is sad that they would resort to this type of slanderous behavior to try and get a better custody outcome. I am also sad to report that my penis is now in hiding from the humiliation it once again suffered at the hands of opposing counsel.

aussierules

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RE: AUSSIERULES Trial Report - AZ
« Reply #10 on: Aug 27, 2004, 05:43:45 PM »
My attorneys both do trial work out of Yavapai County as does my FTC. Clearly I have had the mother of all experiences these last 18 months and if I can be of help send me a PM and I will be more than happy to contact you offline and perhaps give you the benefit of my nasty run in with the domestic relations courts of the Great State of Arizona.

nosonew

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RE: AUSSIERULES Trial Report - AZ
« Reply #11 on: Aug 27, 2004, 06:01:29 PM »
I am sooo intrigued...I hope the judge was thoroughly convinced she is a lunatic (along with her mother and friend)...

nosonew

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Aussie...I am dying here...please tell, WHAT HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #12 on: Aug 27, 2004, 08:11:11 PM »
I have been up since 3:45 am...worked all day til 6pm tonight (dialysis nurse)...sat down approx 1 hour total all day, including my 15 minute lunch, couldn't wait to get home to hear...the ONLY THING that will get my mind off of my ACHING feet is this story....HELP AUSSIE (lol)...thanks....

aussierules

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AUSSIERULES Trial Report - AZ - Part II
« Reply #13 on: Aug 28, 2004, 08:59:09 AM »
We break for lunch. My counsel puts me on the stand and proceeds to walk me through all of the allegations made against me. I am asked if I have ever done anything to my child for the purposes of sexual gratification. I respond that I have not done so at any point in the past, present and do not expect to in the future. I repeat that I love my child in a healthy way – I add healthy to my answer these days to prevent these people from thinking it is the wrong kind of love. We review the issue of the tape and I explain my position on why I brought it up the way that I did and why I did not want our child to have to tell her mother about it. Mum is a very stressful person who will jump on anything. Our child is strong and what her mother feels about her matters to her a lot. I did not want to add another brick to my child’s metaphorical backpack. She only had one accident and I wanted her to see that it was no big deal. If mum had gotten a hold of it then it would have turned into exactly what it did turn into a major crisis. How would that impact my child’s self esteem? Well as we know now mum taped the phone call and managed somehow to turn it into an accusation of uraphilia six months later as well as me trying to have my child keep secrets from mum.

I address the issue of the new accusation of excessive masturbation which I have just heard today for the first time. I tell counsel that I understand socially acceptable behaviors and that doing the things described by mum, her best friend and grandma are not appropriate especially in front of children. He asks why and I tell him that these people are likely saying this because they believe it will help the case of this person that they love and more importantly hurt my case. I do acknowledge that I masturbate but in the privacy of my own home and when I am alone. A couple of years ago that would have embarrassed me to admit this in front of open court but I have changed since April 2003 and the thought of having to deal with these types of issues in front of large crows no longer presents me with any trepidation. That is kind of sad really when you think about it.

My counsel asks me what I want for custody moving forward. I again restate my long held belief that our child needs both her mum and dad. I assert that due to the problems mum has been diagnosed with that I am seeking primary residential care of our child and at least initially until mum can get into therapy and make progress on her anger towards me that she have supervised access only. As you will see when I get around to reviewing mum’s testimony and her associated psychological evaluation mum’s actions against me are clearly having a negative effect on our child. One only has to look at all the so called forensic contacts with my daughter and medical exams to see that this is true. I know first hand that supervised access is difficult. However the State of AZ had no problem doing it to me for 87 days when they were investigating me for uraphilia. They said that there was NO impact to the child. All of a sudden there is. Seems to me like another double standard at play. The only difference is that once again I have a penis.
Direct lasts about 15 minutes and up walks opposing counsel. He tells the judge he always has problems with me in depositions or testimony and asks the judge to direct me to answer him appropriately. The judge turns to me and asks me if I understand what counsel is asking for and I tell him that I do and I will comply as I always do. Off we go. Back we go to the tape again for the thousandth time. He asks why I would talk to my daughter about urinating and why I made a joke of it. We go through my explanation of the tape again. I am sure that this is just to try and make me look bad in front of this new judge. I hold my ground declining to answer yes/no questions that deserve something more by answering with an unexpected response forcing him to allow me to clarify my position.

Counsel accuses me of being so smart that I have managed to fool the now 20+ tests including the PPG that I have been subjected to. Sure I have a high IQ – 162 I think but that does not mean I violated the protocols. In fact each PhD that came to the stand confirmed that all tests I had taken were valid for interpretation. Counsel then waves a set of child’s underwear at me while he asks me if I dress my child inappropriately. I repeat that I only buy clothes that are age appropriate and that I have never dressed my daughter like a stripper despite his assertion to the contrary. Personally I know of no 5 year old strippers. I make a comment about the underwear in his hand before the judge can stop us going at each other and confirm that these were actually a gift to my daughter for her fifth birthday from a friend. He immediately puts them down and tells the judge that he does not plan to put them into evidence. I tell counsel that if as his client alleges I dress my child inappropriately then why has she never been sent home from one of the church schools she has attended?

Her counsel says that while I did not see my child for 87 days it was not really 87 days and that it was really my choice not to see her. I elaborate and explain that normal contact was impacted for 87 days. Yes I did see her 2 times with a CPS Aide (Female) and 6 with a Catholic Social Services Supervisor (Male). I elected not to continue the supervision because it was upsetting to our child because the male was a smoker and she did not like him being so close to her. I did ask for CPS to assign an alternate but they never did. Counsel’s argument is ludicrous as always. Of course I want to see my child but I put her need to not be near the male supervisor above my own to see her.

Counsel then tries a new angle. He accuses me of bullying people. I concur that I have I become somewhat vigilant and guarded these last 18 months but who would not with all that I have been through. It is tough to know who to trust and what to be concerned about so the easiest way is to keep your guard up all the time and suspect things that just do not feel right. I admit that I did file a complaint against mum’s therapist with his governing board because he told my daughter that it was ok for her to be in bed with mum’s new husband but not her own father. This is despite the fact that there was an order from the judge on the case NOT to sleep in the bed with the child. I admit that I did elect to remove our child from the pediatrician who provided her care up to the second accusation because she allowed herself to be part of that referral and refused to provide the records that I am entitled to receive under the federal guidelines. I also admit to filing a complaint against her attorney friend with the AZBAR because she may have made a call to my medical insurer and attempted to get access to my medical records. Her counsel attempts to admit the last of these into our case to try and obscure the view of our case. The judge says that he is not interested and sustains the objection from my counsel. Her counsel then tries to get in a settlement agreement for co-owned assets that is in another case in front of another judge as he claims I used it to coerce mum into accepting my position on parenting back in April 2002 when the document was produced. Again, the judge declines to allow it in and sustains my attorney’s objection.

We are forced to stop as the child’s therapist arrives and she needs to get back to her patients so I get off the stand. I will be recalled after her testimony so cross can continue.

nosonew

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BUMPING this UP
« Reply #14 on: Aug 30, 2004, 05:15:59 PM »
Can't wait to hear the outcome!!!!

aussierules

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RE: BUMPING this UP
« Reply #15 on: Aug 30, 2004, 06:56:33 PM »
I am finishing up typing it in as we speak. Thanks for being so patient. It is worth the wait.

ocean

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Waiting....
« Reply #16 on: Aug 30, 2004, 07:00:26 PM »
I really hope there is a good ending in this....type faster! :)

aussierules

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RE: Waiting....
« Reply #17 on: Aug 30, 2004, 07:07:13 PM »
I do not want to give it away but the last part is long so hang in there. I promise it will shock you but probably not surprise you.

chipmunk226

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RE: Waiting....
« Reply #18 on: Aug 30, 2004, 07:15:49 PM »
Yeah...this is worse then when you favorite show leaves the season off on a cliffhanger and you can't wait to see what happens!  Can we have a hint?!?!  A  teaser maybe?  ;c)  

~EvaCollette

aussierules

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Trial - FINAL
« Reply #19 on: Aug 30, 2004, 08:55:03 PM »
Child’s therapist with a Masters in Counseling gets on the stand. She has never been very friendly to me. She has always had trouble knowing the limitations of her practice and also is unwilling to defer to the experts in this case. She has steadfastly refused to opine on whether any sexual abuse occurred at my hands or not.

As she was called by mum she has direct. Her counsel asks her who brings the child to see her. She states that more often that not it is mum. This is as I have said before because mum tries to use these people as a hammer to beat me with. Counsel asks whether mum follows all of her advice for the child. She says yes. He asks the same thing of me and she responds yes also. This is a surprise to counsel as she does not go down this road any further. He had no doubt been told she would say something different. He asks her if she has seen the report from the psychologist on both of us. He asks if she has experience with people suffering from BPD. She says yes and then gives an opinion as to whether it presents a danger to my child to be with her. She says that she did not think so. She has NO experience working with adults with BPD. This is completely contrary to the PhD who has 15+ years working with BPD and was the court appointed evaluator. I was a little annoyed & perhaps a little disappointed because she had no business responding. She should have said that she had no opinion but you cannot stop her asserting her views. She did report out on the therapy she has been providing to our child and she stated that she was done with the exception of maybe 1-2 more months which meant 1-2 more visits. She said that she thought her role was just checking in now to see that our child was coping ok. Counsel asks her if she thinks that a change to custody would affect our child especially the supervised stuff I was asking for. She states that a significant change might hurt our child as she has close attachment to both of her parents. This was what I had expected given her well known bias against me. Counsel asks her if she thinks that my discussing the peeing accident with my child is strange or cause for concern. She says that she has heard the tape and that she can see a context for the discussion which would not give her concern. That again was not what he wanted so he ends his questioning.

On cross my counsel asked her about relocation of our child. She changed her statement slightly and clarified it saying that the move away would only be viable for my daughter if both parents gave approval to it. Without that she said it could be devastating to our child and she would not support it. That was very useful for my objection to relocation which mum has been pushing since she lost out on the sole custody she sought at the original custody evaluation in July 2003. The therapist goes on to say that I have a “quirky” sense of humor but that does not make me a pedophile. This is consistent with the custody evaluator comments that I am somewhat idiosyncratic but that in no way implies criminal behavior of any sort.

The GAL gets up and asks a couple of questions about parenting styles which are clearly directed at me because she likes me even less than the therapist does. She asks the therapist if she knows that I have moved to stop therapy for our child. Not a big shocker there given that the therapist just said that she was about done anyways. I did so through counsel because I concur with the court appointed psychologist who said that we need to figure out if our child even needs therapy as unnecessary therapy can be very harmful for the child. However as always this GAL likes to make a mountain of any mole hill. Any time this woman opens her mouth she makes acerbic comments about me. It is sad that she cannot act in our child’s interest as she is supposed to. She is asked whether she might recommend a psychological evaluation and if so by whom. The therapist recommends a local PhD who I come to find out later is another CPS parasite. We will obviously contest that appointment if it occurs. I concur with the psychological evaluator in as much as the person who should do this if one is done needs to be (a) most qualified and (b) most aware of all the players and situational factors in our case. This recommendation will NOT be in that position.

No redirect from mum’s counsel so she leaves.

I get back on the stand. Mum’s counsel goes back to the tape of a single conversation I had with my child regarding her accident. He states that this is a new explanation that he has not heard before. I tell him it is entirely consistent with what I told the previous judge assigned to our case and that he needs to back and review his notes or my testimony. I tell counsel that if I had heard something that concerned me in October 2002 I would not have waited until April 2003 to file a complaint especially given its heinous nature. I assert that I find the complaint even more incredible given that 5 days before the first complaint she told our daughter’s doctor that she suspected no abuse had occurring. He goes on to ask me about the October 2003 incident and the supposed scratch on my daughter’s vagina. I tell him that was not captured in the report of the doctor so I do not know what he is talking about. I remind him that this was not what caused the CPS referral. It was his client’s handwritten note to the doctor accusing me of touching my daughter’s vagina in an empty tub. Her counsel interrupts me several times and is told not to do so by the judge. My counsel objects to the inclusion of certain marginal evidence that is not related to this case and he gets upset and asks to preserve his objection on the record.

The GAL gets up and asks me if I would change the way I handled the phone call. I said that I have had a lot of time to think about it. I indicate that had I known my effort to calm my child could be so distorted that I would definitely present it differently but that is easy to say with the benefit of hindsight. I state that I would still attempt to deliver the same message that it was ok and no big deal that she should not worry mum about it because it was an isolated incident but that I might use different words. When I said not to tell mum I did not mean it to hide pedophilic behavior I meant it to prevent this kind of crap from happening so I guess in retrospect it blew up in my face. The GAL asks me about the custodial change I want and I repeat my position that I want my daughter to have a good relationship with her mum but that means it needs to be healthy. I state that with the problems that mum has it is not healthy as all of the child abuse allegations demonstrate. I conclude that all of the anal & vaginal exams are not in my child’s best interests. I say I do not believe that it will be the way things are forever but I think that it needs to be that way now to protect my daughter.

No more questions so I am done. We take a break because the next witness is the court appointed psychologist. He dials in and the phone is on the judge’s desk. Good news really because he can hear it well although the other people in the court cannot. My counsel asks the doctor about his findings from the report. He confirms that essentially I have a clean bill of health – no antisocial behaviors, maladaptive personality traits or behaviors and no severe mental illness. He goes on to talk about mum and he says that she has several personality disorders (BPD, Narcissistic & Histrionic) and a marked preoccupation with sex. He thinks that some of this is tied to her pituitary problems in 1995 but he does not think that is the sole reason for the problems she is experiencing. Meanwhile mum is crying her eyes out. He emphasizes to the court that without some strong action on the part of the judge that mum’s behavior will continue and there will be more accusations against me. He states to the court that mum’s behavior is predicated on revenge, her testimony has been inconsistent and that she is trying to alienate our child from me. I have posted some of the quotes he made in the other thread I have going but I am putting them here also. I have had to change names to mum, dad, child etc. but the rest of the quotes are pulled straight from the report itself.

•   “During this evaluation mum made several inconsistent statements that lead me to question her motivation for some of the allegations she has made.”
•   “Given that the allegations currently before the court are not likely to stop without some type of consequence and intense treatment,”
•   “She has given contradictory statements regarding records, problems she has encountered during the custody battle, and of interest, she maintains that dad has the problem “letting her go” when treatment records indicate otherwise.”
•   “Of importance, behavioral and emotional difficulties appear to have existed prior to her pituitary gland operations and cannot be accounted for solely by that operation.”
•   “The allegations are no doubt having a profound impact on her daughter and mum does not appear to be sensitive to this.”
•   “Mum has indicated that she is suffering from post-operative memory problems.”
•   “Her test data and her history suggest traits consistent with narcissistic, histrionic, and borderline personality disorders.”
•   “I recommend that mum seek guidance from her physician regarding what seems to be a hyperactive sex drive. This appears to affect her thinking and may at some level be considered a preoccupation.”
•   “The escalation of accusations from uraphilia through stalking and harassment suggest a relentless approach at revenge.”
•   “These characteristics are obviously maladaptive.”
•   “On the contrary, the collateral information, the test data, and my observations suggest that she may be reacting from some intense anger and hate and that these actions are vindictive in nature and likely have some self-serving goal behind them.”
•   “There are also records to indicate that mum may be attempting to alienate the child from her father and may have plans to move out of the State.”

Mum’s counsel gets up and he tries to punch some holes in the report. He asks if the doctor knew about the allegations of uraphilia. Doctor states that he does know and that the tape that was provided by mum was not enough to support the allegation. He states that he concurs with the other professionals who have reviewed all of the material. Mum’s counsel then asks if the doctor has children to which he replies no. I am not sure of the relevance but I guess mum’s attorney is trying to make the point that he does not have children so he cannot appreciate the alleged risk that my child is facing at my hand. It is a lame argument but I suppose when you have nothing you throw out what you have. He asks the doctor if I could have compromised the tests by cheating. This was similar to the theme that he had followed earlier with the psychosexual evaluator that I went and saw. He states that mum’s regular counselor an MSW would disagree with these findings and had he known we were going to do this trial in one day he would have put him on his witness list. Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda. Mum is still balling her eyes out. Mum’s counsel then asks why he wrote a letter to address some of the things that the GAL and the child’s therapist had said that he took issue with like the move away. Counsel tries to get that letter removed from the record as this doctor was only asked to the psychological evaluations but the judge says that he will lend it whatever weight he chooses.

The GAL gets up and asks questions about me of course. The doctor says while I am no angel – I do have some irritating traits that I am not the problem here. She asks him if he knows that I asked to stop my daughter’s therapy. Of course that is not what she wants to hear either. She asks him another hypothetical on the peeing thing which just pisses me off even more. She requests his opinion on supervised visitation as she tells him that I have asked the court to change what is in effect. He says that at times supervised visitation can be more damaging to the child. Again I would argue that it does not even compare to the damage caused by the number of false allegations and associated exams that my child has been subjected to up till now.

My counsel asks a couple of clarifying questions on redirect and then the witness is excused.

Last but not least mum’s counsel puts her on the stand. She gets up there and glares at me for about 10 seconds and then he begins. He asks her about how I dress the child. She replies “like a slut”. He asks if she is still concerned about her daughter’s safety and she assures him that she is. She recalls the supposed excessive “water sports” I did with her when were together as a couple. This had allegedly occurred back in 1991 or so but this woman has a self confessed problem with short & long term memory which she ties to her operation back in 1995. She states that she thinks we need to keep the therapist and GAL because they can help protect her daughter. She starts sobbing. I feel sick to the bottom of my stomach. It was so contrived it was not funny. He then goes on to relocation and asks her what she wants to do. She explains she would like to relocate to MI to be close to her family. She says that our child loves it there. She states that this is not a ploy to get rid of me from my little girl’s life contrary to what the psychological evaluator determined. He asks her what she thinks of his report and she simply stated “he got it wrong”. I guess that is the disease that borderlines suffer from. They do not know they are sick. He then asks her what she is worried about and she says and I quote “I am worried that he is going to FUCK my daughter before she is 14 – that is why he is dressing her up like a stripper. He always liked teenagers you know.” Those words will likely stick in my gut for a long time. The judge peered over his glasses when she said it. I just kept my eyes on the judge and did not look at her. I tried not to show any emotion.

My attorney gets up and asks her if she has any background in child psychology. She says no. He asks her why she made so many allegations to CPS and Law Enforcement. She says that she only made the first one which is strictly true as she had mandated reporters do the others for her. She is smart like that. He asked a bunch more questions and did a pretty good job impeaching her but after the comment she made on direct I got a little hazy. We had been going 10 hours at this point.

The GAL gets up and asks her a couple of questions that were not bad. She asks her if the court allowed her to go to MI what would my visitation schedule look like. Mum says that she would allow maybe a week or so during summer and a few days at Christmas & Spring. The GAL comments that this would be a significant change in contact for my little girl. Her final question was perhaps the best of all. She asks her if we could put any psychologist up here and they said that dad did not abuse his child would you believe them. She simply replied “No, I know he did it.”.

Both attorneys rest but do offer of proof on some key items that we could not fit into the schedule. The judge takes the case under advisement and says that he will rule soon. There are close to 30 motions that need to be ruled on in this case and my attorney cautions me that we will likely not see anything until later this week at the earliest so for those of you wanting to know the outcome you will have to wait until then. I wish I could tell you but as of right now I do not have that information. I am cautiously optimistic but that is all I am willing to say right now.

I will try to answer any questions you might have.

aussierules

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RE: Waiting....
« Reply #20 on: Aug 30, 2004, 08:56:58 PM »
I am not trying to do this to you all. I just want to try and present this in the most logical way so you can all see what is happening. I can give you my opinions on how it went now I have posted the final portion of the trial but the matter is under advisement as you will see and there are many complex issues to be decided. Read the last report and then by all means ask away and if I can contribute something I will respond. Thank you for your interest as always. I hope I told this in a fairly interesting style so that you stayed involved.

hagatha

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #21 on: Aug 31, 2004, 01:33:39 AM »
Aussie,

This part realy struck me too . . .

He then asks her what she is worried about and she says and I quote “I am worried that he is going to FUCK my daughter before she is 14 – that is why he is dressing her up like a stripper. He always liked teenagers you know.

Was there any indications she had been abused as a child. Given the pschyological reports about her hyperactive sex drive, I am suprised this was not addressed. Are her parents still married? Does her father have a eye for very young girls? If her parents are not together, could there have been a series of her mother's boyfriends that liked kids?  I would not be suprised to find out she had been severely abused as a child and teen. Have you seen any pictures of her during her early and late teen yrs? Had she dressed provoctively as a teen?  Do you know how old she really was when she lost her virginity? Something is telling me she isn't trying to "protect" your daughter but herself . . .

The Witch

Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!

MYSONSDAD

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #22 on: Aug 31, 2004, 01:47:19 AM »
I got the same vibe.

My ex does that, she accuses me of things that happened while she was growing up, but puts it at present and tries to make people think I did it.
Too bad she told so many of how horrible her life was growing up...

Funny how mum also uses the one thing that also wins  points, tears and more tears.

'NO MORE TEARS' GET IT ozzie?

Sorry, I could not resist...

nosonew

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #23 on: Aug 31, 2004, 06:39:20 AM »
I don't think it matters if she had a history of abuse in her family, or her history, the point is...she is mentally ill trying to keep you from your daughter forever... I hope the judge saw right through this...

richiejay

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #24 on: Aug 31, 2004, 07:13:10 AM »
I was just wondering what your gut feeling says will be the outcome?  I know after mine I was so relieved that it was over, but also so anxious that it could have gone either way.  I wish you the best...hang in there!

aussierules

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #25 on: Aug 31, 2004, 08:28:50 AM »
If you had asked me about mum being abused as a child a few years ago I would have said no. However the more I think about and by that I mean her father who has a great fondness for violent pornographic material - he contributes material to adult magazines, I started to wonder. Mum's sister is very peculiar. She has terrible self image and now lives behind a triple veil in Saudi Arabia married to a man she does not like. Mum's dad lives for exotic dancing bars - mum even mentioned it her psychological report that dad used to just get up and announce that he was "leaving for the titty bar". By the way those are her words not mine and I do not mean to offend the reader - I am just trying to convey original meaning to you all. I am not saying that going to the dancing bars makes you a pervert but it does make you stop and think in the overall context of the situation.

Her parents are together but they have a strange relationship. Mum stated in her evaluation originally that she had wonderful loving parents and then during the evaluation her position changed and she revealed that mum wanted to leave dad on several occasions but they are still together. From what I can make out dad has a minor preoccupation with sex and pushes the mum hard despite them being in their late 60s and early 70s. Again, there is nothing wrong with having a mutually consistent sex drive at any age but it was never presented that way to me.

I have seen some photos of her and she was a plain child. She had alot of trouble making friends especially boys. Her testimony that she lost her virginity at 18 was not credible and not consistent with what she had told me all these years. She was never thin as a reed but she did go from like 150 to 300 which must have been horrible on her self esteem and likely is today also. She always told me that at university she was very permiscuous and that she would get it anyway that she could. Of interest in the evaluator's report he states that there is evidence of more infidelity from mum. While we were not married I take that to mean that the man she got pregnant with in 2001 was not the first act of its type. I am more disappointed than I was before we started. Very sad indeed.

There is so much projection in this case from mum. The evaluator says that it is apparent that she is projecting her own sexual interests on me which would explain in large part why the allegations that have been made are what they are. I cannot see how her actions are protecting of our child under any circumstance. To make a 4/5 year old go through what our daughter has an part of an act of revenge is vile & insidious.

aussierules

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #26 on: Aug 31, 2004, 08:33:35 AM »
We did not focus on her familial problems because we made the decision not to lower ourself to that angle of attack. Sure alot was made of the evaluation and the multiple personality disorders but her parents are not on trial. The evaluator reported that mum was attempting to terminate the father/daughter relationship and that she is a vengeful & spiteful person. If the judge does not get the hairs on his back up after that along with the "FUCK" comment then I do not know what it will take to get him up to speed. I am not saying he will not but my sense was it was all quite shocking especially the explosion at the end. As I said on the stand, I want my mum and daughter to have a meningful relationship with one another but that means a healthy one which it cannot be today with the spectre of more false allegations of child abuse not a heartbeat away. If the judge sees his role as protecting my child then I think we gave him only one way to go. Cross your fingers.

aussierules

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #27 on: Aug 31, 2004, 08:36:20 AM »
Without hacking off the gods. I think that relocation will be denied, mum will be required to enter counseling, custody will be modified slightly to allow me to be primary residential parent unless & until the original custody evaluator opines something different. We have a motion in front of the judge to present the new psychological evaluation to him for a supplemental review. Last time out he gave us 50/50 but stated that it was predicated on nobody suffering from any diagnosed mental or personality disorder. Of course we now know that not to be true in mum's case.

Yes I am anxious in one breath for the findings and relieved in another for it to be over. I will let you all know when I know.

nosonew

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #28 on: Aug 31, 2004, 09:07:37 AM »
Fingers AND toes crossed....

MYSONSDAD

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #29 on: Aug 31, 2004, 10:53:07 AM »
All the best and I will continue to pray for a good outcome.


wendl

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #30 on: Aug 31, 2004, 04:41:23 PM »
Continued prayers for your daughter and your family.

I cannot believe she used the F word on the stand, what a nut, if she needed to say that stuff about you she should've choose a different word than that.

Waiting for the outcome has to be horrible, I can't stand the hurry up and wait game.

Your family is in our thoughts

:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

homerette

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #31 on: Aug 31, 2004, 08:27:23 PM »
This paragraph or statement is interesting, I dunno about AZ but I know in at least 2 other ststes age 14 is really a cutoff age to make molest or attempted molest charges a much more severe crime. I wonder why she used that age? Also its amazing how closely similar some people choose to act, I wish my hubby had been able to stop both relocations  all of the false accusations and the years of interference in contact. In the past 5 years homer has traveled over 36,000 miles to spend 81 days with his children.



He then asks her what she is worried about and she says and I quote “I am worried that he is going to FUCK my daughter before she is 14 – that is why he is dressing her up like a stripper. He always liked teenagers you know.”



Proud to be a homerette

aussierules

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #32 on: Sep 01, 2004, 07:51:00 AM »
Perhaps you are right about the significance of 14 but to be quite honest I was so offended at the accusation made as it was right in front of the judge that the age was lost on me. I focused on the relocation as an act of custodial interference. I think it was clear to all parties that given the timing of her request - not made until after she lost out at the custody evaluation that this was an attempt to essentially terminate my rights as a dad. AZ like many states requires best interests of the child but also lends weight to the parent who does not move and requires the moving parent to show that this act will not hurt that parent's relationship with the child. I think it is also critical that the court appointed psychological evaluator made statements that her proposed action to move out of the State of AZ was likely done to affect the father/daughter relationship. I still think that judge's are fairly sensible and that they can see through this stuff. Even the child's therapist opined that a non concensual move would be prejudicial to our child. I am sorry for "Homer's" plight. Hats off to him for doing the travel and for the former Mrs Homer may she get what she truly deserves for denying him real access to their kids. If only these people could stop and see what they are doing to children instead of acting to hurt the other adult in this equation.

I AM STILL WAITING ON THE JUDGE.

chipmunk226

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #33 on: Sep 08, 2004, 07:11:51 PM »
Wow, you still have not heard anything?  I wonder what could be taking sooo long.  Are you getting nervous?  

To me it seems cut and dry... Moms a psycho and needs help and your daughter should be with the more stable adult.  What do you think the hold up is?

janM

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #34 on: Sep 08, 2004, 07:21:50 PM »
Around here decisions can take up to a month. A friend of mine took his ex to court for contempt and it took exactly that long. She was found guilty and given a suspended sentence provided she did certain things. She still hasn't complied with most of them. She also objected to the ruling (didn't work) and appealed (that didn't work either).
They have a new contempt hearing tomorrow, along with change of custody and child support being heard too. Possibly hearing the motion to impose sentence too (month in jail plus fines and atty costs plus taxes she shouldn't have claimed).

Hope you hear soon, Aussie.

aussierules

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #35 on: Sep 08, 2004, 09:57:01 PM »
Yes I am getting nervous but I still feel like we put on a good case. We used science, experts and took the emotion out of it while mum put up only her mother and her best friend. The judge realizes that this has been going on for over 3 years so probably he figures what difference does a few more days make. There are close to 50 outstanding motions to rule on and many of them have replies, replies to replies etc. several layers deep so it will take a time to weed through it all if he is going to do it right. I am concerned about several key items however.

1. Motion for Relocation (Mum Submitted)
2. Motion for Contempt (Dad Submitted)
3. Motion for Finding of Fact (Dad Submitted)
4. Motion for PRC (Dad Submitted)
5. Motion for Psychological Evaluation of Daughter (Dad Submitted)
6. Motion for Therapy for Mum (Dad Submitted)

There are of course subtleties involved in each of these but any final order from the judge needs to address these. This is a bit of an over simplification but I think you all get the idea. I am not sure this is a hold up per se but more that the judge realizes the significance of what he is doing and he wants to get all of the data into a final ruling so that it is less likely to see an appeal from either side.

Mum is not well clearly. Mum does not realize she is not well. She has shown that to the judge and other parties like the GAL. The question is whether they can see the damage it has caused to date and what the damage it is likely to cause moving forward. I do not think that is a leap of faith but a simple review of what has gone before and applying that to see the likelihood that it will happen again. As a matter of fact mum has been messing around with telephonic access post trial preventing contact between us in violation of existing orders as well as making threatening phone calls accusing me of blocking access to my health records by the court evaluator. Additionally she has told me that if I show up at my daughter's PTA/PTC night on Friday when she has our child that she will call the police. Who knows why but once again it should show the court that this woman cannot parent jointly in any way shape or form.

I will say what I have always said. I believe I can offer a more stable and nurturing environment to my little girl and one that comprehends a relationship with the other parent. The same CANNOT be said for mum as her actions have clearly demonstrated.

tracylee

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #36 on: Sep 09, 2004, 01:46:21 PM »
I have watched in silence thus far, but feel I need to interject at this time.  Arizonaa may be different, but in Indiana, my husband and I just went through our own "horrific" custody battle. From start to finish, ours only lasted 4 months.  They were the longest 4 months of our marriage.  We found out in March of this year that his ex wife had been doing meth, crank, pot and xanax for the previous 2 1/2 years.  Her husband had finally gotten tired of it and through her out, she hadn't made the house payment for 3 months and the utilities were all scheduled for disconnect.  She ended up moving in with my husbands mother along with his 2 daughters ages 10 and 9 at the time (they have recently had birthdays).  That's when it all came to light and my mother-in-law placed the phone call to us about what she (his ex) admitted had been going on.  She did not then, nor does she now, think she ever had a problem with the drig use.  We had an emergency hearing on April 1st and custody was given to mother-in-law, due tot he girls needing to finish the school year and we live in Georgia.  We went for a follow up hearing in June and we were granted our summer visitation for the enxt 7 weeks and a final hearing would be held on July 16th.  Meanwhile, GAL, her own mother, mother-in-law, her best friend and my husband all submitted sworn affidavits about her drug use and all of the numerous times she had endangered the girls by taking them to drug houses, smoking in the house while they were there, having them in the vehicle while under the influence...those sort  of things.  It was recommeneded by the GAL that the girls be placed with their father and the mother have supervised visitation only unless she enetered an extensive drug rehab program.  Did she do that in the 7 weeks the girls were with us?  No.  She continually blames anyone and everyone else and firmly believes that she does not, and never did have, a drug problem.  She is a habitual liar and has been jailed for check deception.  She uses anyone she can to get what she wants, if that includes the girls, then so be it.  It took 2 days of testimoney.  Our side included the GAL, her mother, my husbands mother and her best friend that had cleaned up and testified to every instance in which they "used" and when and if the girls were present at the time.  Her side consisted of the principal of the girls' school, her friend and the girls she worked for.  Inceidently, she worked at the girls' school in the lunch room for an hour a day for the last 2 years and ended up fired for never showing up.  She now works for Dollar General.  She perjured herself ont he stand on more than one occassion during the course of all the hearings combined.  She failed a drug screen for meth, pot and xanax in court.  My husband passed (of course).  Guess what the outcome of this was?  The judge ordered her into rehab, my husbands mother retained custody, my husband has to continue to pay his ex child support AND pay his mother support and his ex may get custody of the girls back if her counselor writes a letter stating that the kids are "safe with mom".  My point is, do not get your hopes up.  There are judges that allow favors or have deaf ears.  Our attorney told us this was "open and shut".  Te facts and proof were astronomical in this case.  Even before the last court hearing, the GAL called the girls and asked them how they felt about things and they both told him they like it with us and wanted to stay.  The GAL submitted that information in court.  I just don't want someone to go through the emotional trainwreck that we went through after that last hearing.  you'll never know how long the actual drive back to Georgia really was.  Never.  I sincerely wish you the best, but even under the best circumstances, you can get screwed.  Good luck Aussie....if all that you say is true and you have been a loving father to your daughter, then you deserve the best outcome.  Maybe your ex and my husbands ex can get together and go bowling??  My best to you.

aussierules

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Setting the Record Straight
« Reply #37 on: Sep 09, 2004, 08:52:18 PM »
First of all I realize that any forum is not ideal because only one side presents their position. I feel like I have been overly careful to focus on my child's needs and NOT to villify mum or her family. The reality in my case is that I have been accused multiple times of horrendous things by mum - if you do not see me as credible that is unfortunate. When you or others say "if all that you say is true: or things like it a raw nerve is touched. I came here to help share an experience with others so that perhaps they could learn from my misfortune. I have been exonerated by CPS & Law Enforcement each and every time one of these nasty little gems has been dropped in my lap. I looked back at my contribution to this board after reading your email and I feel I have been as even handed as I could have been on this case - certainly more than mum would have ever been.

I do not get my hopes up other than perhaps carrying a wild notion that my judge takes his role of protecting our child seriously. We have one parent who cannot stop disparaging the other parent and putting her then 4 year old through a living hell to try and remove daddy from the face of the planet. I think your case is pertty awful by the sound of things but clearly no 2 cases & no 2 judges are the same. I think what I have going for me is that the COURT APPOINTED psychologist has asserted that mum has 3 distinct and maladaptive personality disorders. While one may cure a drug habit or addition it is a far more complex and sinister business to try and provide therapy to the 3 headed monster that I face.

My attorney has NEVER said that this was open & shut because so much of the case deals with grey and not black/white. He says that we have put on a strong case and our judge has not acted impulsively thus far. I do not think he is willing to rush to judgment because he knows what is at stake. I am suer that if he felt as though I was a risk to my daughter then he could have taken action on the day of trial. For that I give him credit because the GAL has not exactly helped me along this long and winding road (thank you BEATLES). I have tried as hard as I know how to put a case on using the best available experts, I have used a national FTC, a gang of lawyers and hopefully that will do the trick.

Sure it scares me to hear you say what you said. The fact that these people liek the therapist can be allowed to screw up children without a consequence is astounding to me. For eternity you have put me off IN so no worries on me moving there anytime soon. I do not mean to sound mean spirited because I appreciate all feedback that I get as long as it is constructive and I can learn from it. My point is that unless SPARC can get both parents to contribute then what we are al faced with is half the view but hopefully the parent providing it is not willing to hyperbolize their situation for theatrical or dramatic effect. My experience has been described for the most part without editorialization and I wish you could see that.

I do appreciate your wishes and maybe in time as I post more and I report out on my case accurately & consistently you will come to place more value & stock in my dissertation. I plan on offering up the entire product of my case post decision (with redact of course to protect my child and mum's identity) so people can see that what I said was true in its entirity. There is nothing like the truth when it is written down for all to see. I wish you and your husband the best of luck moving forward.

AUSSIE OUT

 

Peanutsdad

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #38 on: Sep 10, 2004, 12:17:59 AM »
My own case, the evidense was ovewhelming. It still took 14 months, and 18k.

At that, it was cheap compared to some here who have literally spent 100's of thousands on their court cases, and years tied up in court.


I have to ask you tho, could your husband have lived with himself if he HADNT tried? To try and not win,, is hard to accept in the face of the evidense, but to not try at all......


I think THATS what makes everyone here continue.

tracylee

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RE: Setting the Record Straight
« Reply #39 on: Sep 10, 2004, 07:03:47 AM »
Wow.....I'm sorry if I struck a nerve.  I guess, truth be told, one who has survived sexual abuse as a child would be  leery of any man being accused of such things.  That is not something I would have chosen to reveal, but in light of the fact that I apparently upset you by my comment, I wanted you to know why I said it.  

Obviously every case IS different and judges all have different opinions.  Maybe if we had the teams of legal support that you have, our outcome may have been different.  

I hope you no longer have to deal with the monster of an ex wife that you have.  Your daughter does not deserve to live with a three headed monster.  

I have always been impressed with you writing eloquance and how you have been honest about the facts int he case.  It is obvious from all of the replies you have recieved that you have been able to keep these readers on the edge of their seats awaiting an outcome.  You have people praying and crossing their fingers for you and your daughter.  I am included in that grab bag of folks that care and want justice to be served.  I guess just seeing how hopeful you seem makes me somewhat jealous that you may actually win your case and we did not.  Every child deserves a chance at a healthy life, yours and mine included.  You have, by far, had to face a much longer and more winding road than we have and for that I am truly sorry.  

So, in close, I will go back to watching from the sidelines and hoping for the best for you and your daughter.  I truly hope yours turns out better than ours.

TRACY OUT

tracylee

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #40 on: Sep 10, 2004, 07:08:53 AM »
You are right about trying.  The day after we were informed of all the details, he sat up in bed one night and said he had to try and save them.  He said if he didn't and something had happened to them, he could never live with himself.  It is so unfair how they treat fathers.  Perfectly capable (if not more so, in some cases) fathers.  I have spoken to you before, if you recall, I am the one that posted "My version of David Lettermans Top 10 list".  I know you have dealt with the meth issue and can probably imagine the horror we felt when the judge ruled in her favor.  After everything that had been presented, it was a huge blow.  

I am so happy for you and your children.  Thank you for your reply and take care.

aussierules

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RE: Setting the Record Straight
« Reply #41 on: Sep 10, 2004, 08:37:13 AM »
This is an experience that has been hard on all. My family has been devastated at what has happened to me. My surviving grandparents who cannot leave CA as they are old and disabled cannot see my child because even now mum will not allow me to take our daughter to see them. My own mother insists that this experience has changed me forever. While I was never married to mum it has made me very hesitant about future relationships with women because I find myself wondering what if this all happens again. I guess simple words can trigger complex emotions. I needed people to believe me and believe in me back when this all started. The only smart thing I did was to get help. I could not afford to dump the $126K I have spent thus far but you know what life in a prison for something I did not do was the worst thing I could imagine so I pulled it all together. It has certainly eaten away at future retirement but I still have my child so for me it is worthwhile.

I do not mean to minimize the trauma you may have suffered as a kid. Child sexual abuse is disgusting and should be to any reader but perhaps what is MORE insulting and revolting is the way in which the system allows innocent people's lives to be ruined emotionally, mentally and financially. Not just adults but moreso kids. I thank my lucky stars I did what I did and made the monetary sacrifices I did to get the right people to help me. It is a shame that I should have to do so but for my daughter's sake having the money but no child was pushed me over the edge.

Do you think for one minute that I would admit to being accused of the things I have been accused of in such a public space as the internet? I do not make great effort to hide who I am. If you had read an earlier message I offered to provide some of the collateral materials from my case where my name is mentioned. When all is said and done I plan on putting the entire usful portion of the case file online so others can learn from my experience literally and perhaps avoid some of the tens of thousands of $$$ that I had to spend to get here. I never asked to be accused of anything. What my case amounts to is a mum who wants to perform a fatherectomy as my FTC calls it. She wants money and she wants me to be gone. Now I know that is her disease talking and that I need to hang in there even harder than I did before regardless of the costs. One can always make the money back but one cannot recover a relationship lost under such circumstances.

My goal was not to get you all on the edge of your seats. I wanted to allow you to peek into my life. To see what a 3 1/2 year fight with 6-7 accusations of sexual abuse, a couple of stalking charges, harassment and god knows what else felt like. One thing you may not already know about Australians is that we do many things purely on the basis of a principle. It would be all too easy to sneek off and try to get everything back in some semblance of order but I do not know that I could live with myself if that happened to someone else and I did nothing to prevent it. I believe any story that is told needs to be done in as compelling a way as possible and often times people hold back and it dilutes the message that they are trying to convey. I do not suffer from that delusion and I am of the opinion that you all are grown up enough to hear it like it is without the candy coating part.

I have to remain hopeful for a couple of simple reasons. When I was first accused and I stood down my visitation for 87 days I was without doubt lost and heartbroken. As I started to put my case together I got things back ever so slowly. I got an award of joint custody and perhaps I should have stopped there but mum would not stop. She made more and more accusations and I hung in there. The State of Arizona would NOT take my child away because they began to realize what a fruitcake she was. Now with the psychological evaluation I think I am rounding 3rd and heading for home. Maybe that is just an illusion but I truly have to believe that if the judge wants to protect our child in the best way possible he has to want mum to get well. Nobody except for mum is disputing the fact that she is not well and for god's sake this is the court appointed expert - the judge in the field so to speak.

I do not know if I will win. If I lose my child loses. I know I did the best I could with what I had. My case is horrific. I am not trying to compare the size of our misery because that is insanity. Misery of any kind is not good so yours is as bad as mine even if it is different. I think what I am trying to emphasize is that my case is an extreme and if I do not put it out there others may conclude incorrectly that things could never get this bad. WRONG - THEY CAN. I am not asking you to stay on the side because then nobody learns anything from this. I stayed there for quite a while until I felt ready to engage. I have spent the best part of the last month sharing and replying to messages to fill in the blanks. Do not let my gruffness push you away. In fact what it should make you do is come out twice as hard to say what you have to say.

In the same 30,000 person town I live in my nationally known FTC has 2 other cases. I have become friends with the first guy and he waited a little too long to get the right people involved. He has spent as much as I have if not more but he has not seen his kids for over 11 months and he stands convicted of nothing. The other guy has been in jail for 11 months and all of the science has substantiated his innocence but there he sits because the State of Arizona and the County Attorney have made their claim to fame on prosecuting child sex abusers whether or not they actually fit that description. You will have to take it from me that things are out of control in this state. There are MANY more cases like this in my own county and while there are rightly convicted sexual predators in jail today there are many who are there because they could not mount a defense to the wild allegations made by other mums like my own.

I want you to want me to win for my daughter because if I do not prevail then the consequences for my child are horrific. If all of the PhDs are right then she can look forward to a life full of anal & vaginal exams, therapy, interfering idiots like the GAL who are here to bleed us of more money and to do things that they think are in her best interests but in reality are just the things that they have always done before. Like I said these people are clowns. They order therapy for kids like it is a candy bar in a 7/11 store. They are absoluetly clueless. Mum does not understand her sickness and if I am not successful in getting her into therapy to deal with it the danger remains for us all. I personally do not want to live my life like this.

I have stood my ground because it is the only way I know how to deal with this. You can never show weakness because these people are predatorial and they can somehow misconstrue that behavior into something else. I have been called a "GROOMER" by the GAL but my response was that she did not have a clue what she was talking about. These kind of mini defeats along the way can devastate one into quitting but I am always reminded of my child and what she needs. I said in court and I will say it again today - I want my daughter to enjoy her childhood, to not be impacted by her mother's hate for me in such a way that she cannot be the person she is. I want my daughter to be happy & healthy and to enjoy a relationship with her mother that is safe. Today that relationship is NOT safe and my job as her father is to protect her from it just as if it were any other danger. IT IS AS SIMPLE AS THAT.

No offense was intended. I read my response to you many times before I sent it because I figured it would get your attention. My point was and is if you do not believe me then call me on it or leave me alone. I need people to believe in me just as you did in you. As I am sure you can attest hearing people say that they just do not know whether they are to believe you or not is a tough pill to swallow. I do not want or need a cheerleading squad. Take issue with things I say if you feel that is merited by all means but do not be surprised if I bark & bite your head off if I hear stuff like "if we believe what you say". I have no reason to lie because if I did I could have just said nothing at all.

AUSSIE OUT

onedaddy

  • Guest
RE: Setting the Record Straight
« Reply #42 on: Sep 10, 2004, 10:02:51 AM »
1 in 4 woman, 1 in 6 men have or will be sexually assaulted in their life time.  In my opinoin your daughter is among this statistic.  She WAS sexual abused but it was at the hands of her MUM.  Filing false sex abuse charges is as disgusting as the actual abuse.  The trauma your daughter has suffered, YOU have suffered is nothing short of vulgar and despicable. I applaud you for opening up your life to us and sharing the most intimate details that make us and even more so you, shriek.  I am grateful to everyone for sharing their stories, they are all outrageously disgusting in their own way including this horrible meth using mom and mine.  But I will again say, hind site is 20/20 and I have learned so much of what to do and probably more importantly what NOT to do in my year long custody battle that will be going on for much, much, much longer and even more money. These stories often scare the crap out of me of what I might have to look forward to.  But they sometimes make me feel a little safer that I am not alone.

All of these crazy mum's have gotten these insane ideas from somewhere. What worked for one momster apparantly worked for most.  I believe an open forum like such can bring the DH's plight together and when I hear something worked for one DH or SM I'm out there trying it and when I hear something backfired I'm backing off.      

Which brings me to a personal question, I know you advised me not to press civil charges against BM.  But I am so conflicted, my matrimonial lawyer things it would be okay, even socrateaser thinks it would be okay.  In good conscience I  can't see letting all this misery go but I think if DH finally stands up they will eventually have no other choice but to leave us alone.  Yes, bringing civil charges will bring up a host of new problems, including violence, my biggest fear, as these are the most violent criminals I've ever had the misfortune of knowing.  But not bringing up charges will show them they can and will continue to get away with the crimes they've commited against DH, and these crimes or threats have gotten increasingly more violent.  Also when we first met with the LG and the evaluator they found it unreasonable that we were in court defending BM's allegations with all the documentation and claims we have made, why were we not pursuing and actions; the criminal judge felt the same way.   I must be honest I am furious with BM and her family, I hate them with every ounce of my being but I also fear them; the SF, who I fear the most is a very. very violent man with a past that would allow him to know the shadiest of them all.  BM has no fears, no conscience as does the rest of the family, they grandfather and uncles have done some unspeakabe things as well.  

I've got a million more ?'s but i'll start there, and post some of the others throughout the forum.  
Thank you for sharing your personal information with me it has helped quite a bit  and GOOD LUCK tonight!

tracylee

  • Guest
RE: Setting the Record Straight
« Reply #43 on: Sep 10, 2004, 10:03:42 AM »
Point taken.  I am sure this would have taken its tole on me if I were in your shoes.  You may or may not recall, I actually did interject at one point ina ll of this when itold you that you should write a book about your experiences, to help others in your situation.  

You were right about certain people not being able to afford to prove their innocence.  Money holds the key to unlocking certain doors and that is unfortunate for some, but a blessing to those that do have it.  Yes, you may be broke for the rest of your life, but your childs sanity is worth more tahn any monetary amount.

As far as other women, Since you are broke, at least you'll know that if you meet someone and they know what you have gone through, they won't be in it for the money!  (haha....just trying to lighten things a bit).  Seriously though, there are good women out there.  I just happen to be the last one in the state of Georgia!  I don't know how those Arizona women are, but if you want loyalty, you're gonna have to travel this way to find it!  That's one thing about southern women....they "Stand By their man"...(thank you Tammy Wynette).  

I know you are under a lot of stress so lets just write it off as such and enjoy this last little tidbit:

You know what an Eskimo gets when he sits around too long?
Polaroids!

Have a good day, Aussie!

aussierules

  • Guest
RE: Setting the Record Straight
« Reply #44 on: Sep 10, 2004, 12:21:47 PM »
There have been so many replies that I did not immediately recognize the comment as yours. I think what I am responding to is emotional in nature. I want people to know I did not do anything wrong but more so I want them to know how bad this crap can get. Money is indeed the root of all evil. I always think that if I had just worked at Circle K that mum would not be indulging her fancy in false allegations of child abuse.

The other women thing may well be true. Rock on southern princesses. I am relieved to receive your reassurance. The stress is high for sure but I do not believe that killing the messenger is acceptable. Hang in there with me the road will no doubt get wilder from here.


aussierules

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #45 on: Sep 11, 2004, 09:50:40 AM »
This is what is wrong with the system. Winner, Losers etc. We as adults and loving parents fit in that role for sure BUT the truly affected party is or in your case are your kids. When this first happened to me in April 2003 I felt like a victim. I cried like a baby. Then I went to watch a movie. The movie had a pretty important an uplifting message that seemed right on point - Bend It Like Beckham which by the way I loved. I drove home that night still in the mire of the first accusation & decided that I was going to fight with ALL that I had. My child needed me to be there for her and if that meant making some sacrifices along the way then that was what I would do. There is nothing heroic in achieving that state of mind but it was a conscious decision to be a VICTOR and not to be a VICTIM.

How the system treats fathers is deplorable. I cannot count the number of times I have said that having a penis in this situation is a liability and until genuine equity is achieved for the child's sake then we are doing every child like mine or yours a disservice. When I am done with my case I fully intend to lobby the legislature with my big mouth and pleas of passion to get this crap changed. AZ is not the worst state but the problem is more fundamental than that. Dads can do as good a job as mums in the care of their children. It has nothing to do with anatomy & until the legislature and courts wake up to this things like this will continue to happen.

I like many of you I'm sure have seen my circle of friends change and have felt the pain of rejection from people who believe what she has told them. I am trying to get the judge to make a smart decision. I do believe that garbage in = garbage out which is why I went about this the way that I did. One cannot blame oneself if one tried. Your husband is correct. If you gave it as we like to call it the "old college try" then you did what you could and you can and must not have any regrets. I know if something were to go wrong I would question what I could have done differently but for me I know I did all that I could. So no regrets, keep moving forwards - backwards is not an option. I mourn you & hubbies loss in that courtroom but ultimately as they like to say back home "she'll be right".

wendl

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RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #46 on: Sep 11, 2004, 01:07:23 PM »
I couldn't agree more, my dh, really his kids lost in his custody battle. Pretty said that when a man takes a woman to court to try and protect their children, he looses, his kids lost because dad was trying to protect them and give them a better life, so now dad gets reduced time.

DH and I discussed this as we discuss everything. We have no regrets as we did what we legally could, dh will show his kids later in life that he did everything that he legally could.

I can say mom is doing better in our case, sad that it takes dh taking her to court to WAKE UP, since trial mom has moved into a better neighborhood and put the kids in a better school, along with other things she is now doing better.

Only time will tell, his kids know we love them and are always here for them no matter what.

:)

aussierules

  • Guest
RE: Trial - FINAL
« Reply #47 on: Sep 11, 2004, 06:29:13 PM »
I am not saying it cannot happen. The sad fact that it almost comes down to the roll of a LOADED set of dice is objectionable to me. I feel like the worst I can end up is where I am today - not that it is good but I do have shared custody legal & physical with 50% parenting time. I did not present badly in the trial from the experts. Sure I did from mum, her mum and her best friend but they are hardly objective. Kids need their dads so your loss to "Disneyland Dad" visitation is troubling & sad at the same time.

I can tell you that my little girl even at 5 knows what is going on. She has an acute awareness of what mum is doing to dad and to be honest she is somewhat resentful of it. She feels like she is caught in the middle and as long as the State of AZ allows that to occur my child is at risk. I am glad to see mum is doing better in your case but at what price did it occur? You should not have to stake your kids to wake her up from her slumber. That is shameful. Your kids will realize what is going on sooner than you think. Mark my words!

 

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