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Author Topic: Oldtimer here with some great news & advice needed!  (Read 12777 times)

tigger

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Re: Oldtimer here with some great news & advice needed!
« Reply #10 on: Mar 31, 2009, 08:15:53 AM »
Does she have a cell phone? Maybe text her "How would you like to be a big sister in (June)?"


I wouldn't ask the question because you might not like the answer, especially if it's influenced by the BM.  I'd make it more of a statement than a question.  Will this be her first sibling from either side?
The wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!


vinelli

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Re: Oldtimer here with some great news & advice needed!
« Reply #11 on: Apr 02, 2009, 12:36:09 PM »
Wow...I am new member, and of all the threads to read, I just finished your Christmas dilemma from way back.

I want to say congrats first off.  I am sure that you are very excited, as I was when my DH and I had our baby boy that gave us the 'ours' after the 'his & mine'.  The EX and his kids not so happy though ( yep, I have one of those evil people in my life...we figure that since she never spends the CS money on the kids, she must be using it to plan her wedding to Satan when she goes to he!!.) 

Anyway, from experience, I will say this....let the SD graduate without the knowledge of new sibling.  Her mother will point the finger at your hubby anytime something doesn't go their way, stating that it is because of the 'new baby'.  Just go to the graduation....believe me, don't miss that one, we still have a 2 year grudge from the 20 year old over missing hers (she was in TX, we were in CA and it just wasn't feasible since it was "you can come, you can't come, you can come but don't bring your girlfriend, never mind don't come, I want you there please, I hate you don't show your face, are you coming?").  Once the hub-bub over the graduate is in the past (say a week or two)  Then make the announcement.  Not to mention, it allows you time to get through the first trimester sans additional stress that you can easily avoid.

That is just my opinion...I could be wrong.

Oh and  FYI...when she learned (small town) that we were trying for a baby four years ago, she is just that psycho that she slept with anyone she could.... our now 3 year olds were born 2 weeks apart....I'll tell ya that one on another day.  Right now I need to get ready to go see our attorney (fill ya in on that later as well!)

tigger

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Re: Oldtimer here with some great news & advice needed!
« Reply #12 on: Apr 02, 2009, 12:46:08 PM »
Once the hub-bub over the graduate is in the past (say a week or two)  Then make the announcement.  Not to mention, it allows you time to get through the first trimester sans additional stress that you can easily avoid.

I believe she'll be past the first trimester and showing when the SD graduates.  That's why she wants to tell her before graduation.  So that the drama has dissipated and the focus is on SD.
The wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!

Ref

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Re: Oldtimer here with some great news & advice needed!
« Reply #13 on: Apr 03, 2009, 08:22:54 PM »
Yeah. I'm only 10.5 weeks but I swear I'm already waddling! :)
 
The cellphone idea is cute but DH TODAY had a series of emails from his ex flipping out about a 20 cent text he sent his daughter to let her know he tried to call her on her home phone and he promised and could not get through.
 
I think the plan is to send SD a bouquet of flowers with a message simply saying "love Dad". When she calls to ask him about it, he can tell her the news.
 
I am terrified of seeing his ex at graduation. Seriously terrified. She is so crazy and now she is panicing. Once she finds out we are expecting, I don't know what she will do.
 
Someone asked if this is SD's first sibling. Yes. This is it. DH and BM were very young when they had SD and now Dh and I are "mature" and having our first.
 
Thanks again. Everyone here is so helpful.
 
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ocean

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Re: Oldtimer here with some great news & advice needed!
« Reply #14 on: Apr 03, 2009, 08:33:48 PM »
Send her the text and send PB 40 cents in the mail..LOL
Good idea with the flowers...PB will make her call you back just to find out what it up..lol
It is spring break around here so make sure there is school there...


tigger

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Re: Oldtimer here with some great news & advice needed!
« Reply #15 on: Apr 03, 2009, 10:51:21 PM »
Send her the text and send PB 40 cents in the mail..LOL
Good idea with the flowers...PB will make her call you back just to find out what it up..lol
It is spring break around here so make sure there is school there...
LOL!!  I like the 40 cent idea. 

Flowers wouldn't work around here.  They would be rejected at the office.  Students aren't allowed to receive flowers, balloons, etc. as they say it's distracting and could hurt feelings of those who don't get anything.
The wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!

shaden3

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Re: Oldtimer here with some great news & advice needed!
« Reply #16 on: Apr 18, 2009, 09:40:11 AM »
Do everything in your power to shield this graduating senior from adult conflict. Her graduation day should be full of only joy, and not adult conflict. Braintstorm with your husband about how the information should be given to daughter; this may set the tone for years to come, and having a positive extended family framework is a great place to start. Half sisters can be a blast, but your actions now may very well inhibit a great relationship in the future.
 
Be careful not to take advice that will keep you engaged in the conflict. Remove yourself, hold your head high, revel in your growing belly, and try to be compassionate about what is making the ex so very miserable and difficult to deal with.
 
Graduating girl comes first. That's an easy one! Good luck, enjoy enjoy enjoy!
Thou shalt not be a perpetrator. Thou shalt not be a victim. Above all, thou shalt not be a bystander.

4honor

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Congratulations!!
« Reply #17 on: Apr 22, 2009, 12:12:22 AM »

It is great to see an old timer with a quandary about something GOOD for a change.
 
4honor
A true soldier fights, not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves whats behind him...dear parents, please remember not to continue to fight because you hate your ex, but because you love your children.

Ref

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Re: Oldtimer here with some great news & advice needed!
« Reply #18 on: Apr 22, 2009, 10:40:09 AM »
Thanks 4 honor! I am so excited about both the baby and my SD's graduation. I was nervous that she wouldn't be able to do it, but with a little $ incentive, she has been going to school and getting good grades. I have to say that bribing, I mean incentivizing her was the best idea I have ever had! (hehe)
 
Shaden3, I appreciate your advice, but it makes me giggle a little. DH and I have been together for 15 years and dealing with an ex that is seriously ,and I'm not exaggerating, out of her mind. We have shielded SD from what we could all this time, but it is next to impossible when she lives with such a hatefilled and vindictive mother. It is a lesson learned with over a decade of being beaten to hell by BM. We have had to deal with that fact that SD will be emotionally beaten-up by her mom any time her mom hears anything she doesn't like about our lives. It is out of our hands.
 
I love SPARC and can't tell you how much this board has helped us with this struggle. I think I initially came to this site back in 1999 or 2000, under a different name. I remember counting down to SD's 18th birthday back then and it being in the thousands. I have to say for something that seemed so terribly slow, sometimes it seems so fast.
 
Thank you all for everything. I will be back, but hopefully just to give insight.
 
BTW, we haven't told SD yet. We were waiting until some of the tests came back. They did, so the news is imminent. SCARY!
 
Ref

Kitty C.

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Re: Oldtimer here with some great news & advice needed!
« Reply #19 on: Apr 22, 2009, 02:06:47 PM »
Well, you BETTER be back........if for nothing else but to tell us of the new addition! 
 
Ref, you and your family have been through he!! and back all these years.  And that your SD has managed to get to where she is now is a testament to you and your DH's committment to her. 
 
And just when you will be (hopefully!) ending one chapter in your lives (at least with the ex), now you will be starting another!  So I won't be too surprised if your posts a year from now will be 'complaining' about how tired you are!    But like you said, back in 1999 it seemed like this day would never come, but here you are already!  Remember that, because it will feel like that with your new wee one as well.......so enjoy and savor every moment, because it goes by WAY too fast!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

 

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