Question

[MomofTwo]

 
Mom should not have to even remotely consider leaving the children behind.  She is what those children know as the parent  who has been there their entire lives.  She is the one who provided for them emotionally and financially when the poster CHOSE to abandon them.  He was not forced to walk out of their lives, he freely admits he walked out on them.  For someone who claims to think of the children's best interst, how do you think it would affect these children to be left again but by their other parent.  I can't imagine the emotional destruction that would do to those children.  Sorry, I don't even remotely begin to believe that saying oh daddy will take good care of you while I leave will resonate at all with these children since Daddy walked out on them already in their lives.   What an absurd suggestion.

Poster admits to
1) walking out on his children
2) walking out on supporting his children
3) being back in their lives a short time
4) during which time he CHOOSES to keep things adveserial with Mom though she does not act that way herself
5) he believes Mom will keep  him in the children's lives and believes she will stick to her word

I think Gemini gave great advice.  Whether poster likes it or not, you need to prove yourself to your children.  You need to stop being adveserial. You need to think how walking out on your children affected them and then you come back in and now you fight Mom for shared custody. Now you think they should not go with the two people who have been there for them.  How is this in THEIR best interest ?   You admit Mom has not fought you on being in their lives, has not been adveserial, but you have been. You admit you believe Mom is true to her word. 

I think it is truly wonderful you want to be in their lives, but I think you should have been there all along.  I think you need to stop thinking about fighting with Mom and start truly thinking about those children and what your past actions have done and what your continued adveserial actions will do. 

[Angus571]

This is my situation....Anyone who has any constructive advice that is non-condescending is greatly appreciated.  Also, please don't take it personal, I don't think it's healthy.

I don't make it a point to argue with anybody; it's just, I try to perceive it as the Ex would....

Thanks for all the help!
Angus

[Davy]

Ya'll are conducting a HOAX on this site wih this thread.  I HOPE TO CONVINCE Waylon........

Gemini had a bias and prejudice against the make believe OP due to her personal experience ...............................

what an unneccessary burden on everybody trying to help people...the only question I have is if this was an unassigned practice task or another make-work government funded project

[Angus571]

Dude..Seriously, Knock it off......Start your own post, but keep mine on topic, please.

[Waylon]

This is the last time I'm going to ask you to keep your comments civil. If you can't do that then you won't be welcome here.

I'm sure a Judge with several years of experience can as well and be better at it than me.
OH GEE..I'M SHAKIN IN MY BOOTS>  JUDGES RULE THEY DON"T ARGUE YOU IDIOT BUT IT SHOWS THE BITCHDOM YOU"RE COMING FROM

I don't think she will burden herself...... OF COURSE NOT

[ocean]

I think you are at the point ask her to put in writing what she means about holidays and summer visits. Ask her to send you her proposal in writing with which dates/holidays you would get according to the kids school schedule. Then you can start negotiating better with her. There is no fall break.

I am on the East Coast, we have 5 days off for Thanksgiving, Christmas is usually Dec 23- Jan 2nd off (alternate each year?), Feb vacation- 1 week usually 2nd week of feb, March/April (goes around Easter and Passover) usually little over a week off, Then your summers...with specific dates you get them.

At first I was going to say you put send her your proposal but I dont know if you want that in writing
yet since you have not decided how you are going with this.

[Angus571]

Good Point Ocean...Right now, my lawyer is digging up dirt on her.  I don't know if that is the right path or not....Opinions?

[Kitty C.]

I agree with Gemini..........the ONLY thing you have to prove is yourself to your children.  From everything you've posted so far, it sounds like the mother is more than willing to bend over backwards to accomodate as much parenting time as possible, given the distance involved.  Given that you've been out of their lives both physically and fiscally, what you're being offered is a goldmine.  Personally, I think the mother is being a saint in the plan she's offering.  It sounds like all you need to do is figure out specifics of each holiday and how transportation will be arranged.

I just don't get what you still want to fight with the mother about..........given the history you have had with your kids, you should consider yourself lucky she is even making the offer.  If you want worst case scenario, I could see this going completely the other way......try to fight it long and hard enough and the mother will take everything off the table and then you WILL have to fight tooth and nail for anything.  As it is, when you do have the kids initially, I would invest in some family counseling, to ensure you are starting back on the right foot with your children and that they don't harbor any resentment towards you.

[MomofTwo]

I agree with Kitty .... Why do you want to go that route?   

I wasn't being harsh or condescending previously, those are some very serious realities in your case and they will be looked at in any custody determination.  I highly suggest you do what has been suggested -- write down what you want, present it to Mom, work through it.  THe route you are taking continues to be adveserial and honestly, you may lose more than Mom is offering if it gets to court.   

The courts will evaluate those facts, the court will evaluate the children's best interest, the courts will look at which parent fosters a relationship with the other parent. Your history will play a huge part in it.  Courts will not order shared custody when the parents can not co-parent or even get along.  The courts are not going to remove custody from Mom.   

If you are unhappy with your attorney, seek out second opinions, but maybe he is telling you what you dont' want to hear.  Honestly, there will always be an attorney who will promise you the world and oh yea I can do that for you, when the reality is, there are facts that lead up to where you are now, and those facts will be highly scrutinized in the court, especially in a custody determination.

If you continue to want to make this ugly, you have presented some facts that will heavily weigh against you in family court.   

Work with Mom, not against her.  You already said she is willing to work things out with you.  Take that approach. Not the one you are wanting to do.

 

[ocean]

Yup...and if she is willing you can go back and forth on email or phone and not pay lawyer fees...  Once you agree have one of your lawyers write it up, other looks at it and have it rubber stamped.