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Author Topic: Drama. Always Drama.  (Read 4707 times)

4honor

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Drama. Always Drama.
« on: Jun 25, 2009, 10:50:38 PM »
Background: I have been in SS's life since he was 5. DH and his ex had been divorced over a year when I met him. We were married 5 months later and we've been married ever since (13 years this November).
 
BM was a hostile agressive parent. SS seemed to buy every word she uttered. She told him that only the people you live with are your REAL family. He even rationalized sodomizing his little brothers because they weren't real. She demonized me for making sure SS was convicted so that he could get the counseling he needed. It has been a long living hell. SS turned 18 in NOV.
 
The last CS payment was June 1 and as of last Tuesday, BM kicked SS out of the house... wait, thats not entirely true, cause BM let her drug addicted older son come home and he was beating up SS, so SS asked her to make older half brother leave. She instead decides that since the gravy train is over, SS can shut up and take it or leave (apparently BM is getting some money from older son.)
 
Tonight while chatting online (SS was at the library) he admitted to knowing his mom was a hostile agressive parent and that he was better on the street than going back to her home.
 
Also found out that SS dropped out of school in April 2009. BM got an extra month of support. I am pissed. I am so almost done and now I have to help this kid (he is about 15 mentally) who is 18 learn to use the system to survive, cause I cannot bring him back to our home. My in-laws probably would have helped, but my FIL had 2 heart attacks lately, so that is not an option right now. SS's conviction makes it hard to get him help through shelters. SS needs to finish high school, and wants to, but without somewhere to live and food to eat, he is not likely to go... survival comes first.
 
DH will not be back from Iraq until August. He is trying to deal with things, but 11 hours and many miles make it HARD.
 
Yeah, Drama. I think I will go find my panic meds, cause my blood pressure is spiking and my chest hurts.
A true soldier fights, not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves whats behind him...dear parents, please remember not to continue to fight because you hate your ex, but because you love your children.


MixedBag

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Re: Drama. Always Drama.
« Reply #1 on: Jun 26, 2009, 11:30:45 AM »
yes, when you THINK it's over, it begins at a different level with totally different rules.
 
Hugs!!!

Kitty C.

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Re: Drama. Always Drama.
« Reply #2 on: Jun 26, 2009, 01:10:49 PM »
4honor, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now!  You don't need this kind of BS, especially with your DH being gone.  And it will be tough on him, too..........coming back and not only trying to adjust back to 'normal life', but dealing with this issue might be overwhelming to him on top of it all.
 
Do whatever you have to do to keep YOU safe and sane, first and foremost.  Deep, slow breaths, for starters. 
 
SS is now an adult....and if you know the system and what kind of help is out there, point him in that direction and tell him it's up to him to get it done and follow through, but you will support him and offer guidance if he has questions.  I'm having to do this right now myself....trying to cut the apron strings and letting my DS sink or swim.  Damn, it's hard!  You watch them stumble and appear lost, you try to give them some guidance but realize you do them no favors if you do it all for them....and then sit back and are forced to watch them find their way back.  Honestly, I can't tell you which is more stressful......doing everything possible to help or sitting back and watching from the sidelines....either way, it's nail-biting...
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

ksmarks

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Re: Drama. Always Drama.
« Reply #3 on: Jun 26, 2009, 08:27:35 PM »
Honor,
 
 I read your post this morning and have thought about it all day.... I am not certain what I can say to you except that I feel your pain, (as much as any mother & step-mother can, I think) and would encourage you to take care of yourself and your children at home, as well as attempt to minimize the stress that is being sent to your husband.
 
I feel like a fool, as I am certain that you are already doing everything you possibly can to achieve that end, however, I feel like I had to say that.  Now, give your self a big hug, (from me and everyone else that wishes we could assist in a more local manner.)
 
I do not know what services the military offers, but it seems to me that your step-son might be assisted by a program that they sponsor...  contact me with additional information if you want, and I will look into what they offer, or what other programs might be available in your location
 
I can relate to what you are saying regarding issues with shelters.. as there are liabilty issues...
 
feel free to contact me and I will see what I can come up with...
 
Be good to yourself in the mean time....
 
 
Best Always...
 
K
 
 
 
KSMarks

armycoppertop

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Re: Drama. Always Drama.
« Reply #4 on: Aug 24, 2009, 01:53:01 PM »
I have no clue what to suggest, I just want to make sure you are aware that children of service members are considered military dependents until they turn 21 (or 23 if enrolled as full time students at an accredited college). That can work in SS's favor, as someone mentioned. Contact ACS (if you are Army, or the equivolent), they should be able to give you some advice and direction.
 


 

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