I understand they live at mom's house.
As parents I truly believe we should explain and take a stand between respectable behavior and poor judgement/bad behavior no matter where they live.
Our parenting responsibilities do not end at the court house steps.
For example, I did not get to see my kids for 2.5 years due to denial of visitation. MY oldest son (14) had become a hard-nosed juvenile delinquent. His blond hair was waist lenght with 2 ear rings in one ear and one ear ring in the other. Fighting, drugs, num chucks etc . Total bad ass. He was going to go back to his mother's house. (she liked the way he was)
As we sat in the resturant with his brother and sister I looked accross the table and told him he knew the ear rings and hair had to go. Of course, I got the typical teenage lipsmack but explained he had to at very least be clean and the hair had to be short enough to be manageable that he was way to good looking not to.
It was a somewhat special moment when my daughter said "Dad hasn't changed a bit". When I looked at her she had happy tears streaming and she smiled at me. Really though, it was her way of telling me that mom had changed and she was very glad Dad hadn't changed.
The next time I saw my son his hair was clean, shoulder length and well groomed. Of course I congratulated him. Each and every time after that his hair kept getting shorter and shorter and when he started living with me it went back to a normal cut.
Later at that gathering, my daughter said "will the NCP please pass the salt" and all 3 kids started laughing, I just smiled and advised them that mom was still mom and dad was still dad no matter what some idiot said at the court house. All 3 nodded in the affirmative and they were reassured about their drastically changed lifes and their foundations were reset into building instead of destroying.
Children want and need love, care, and structure no matter what their age. Come to think of it, I'm a much older child now and I want and need the same things.
SO what are you doing Saturday night ?