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Author Topic: What should I do and also is this legal?  (Read 12834 times)

SuperDad52

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What should I do and also is this legal?
« on: Oct 22, 2009, 02:29:45 PM »
My ex-wife is getting married on Nov. 7th which is my weekend.  We do not get along at all and she refuses to co-parent w/me.  I know my son (10) wants to go to the wedding.  Last night I sent my ex a text message and asked if she wanted to switch weekends so our son can go to her wedding, she can have him on my weekend (her wedding) and I'll get him on the following weekend (hers).  She's text back talking backwards and said that she let me have him on her weekend last Nov. 8th when I got married and also on my scheduled weekends.  I reply no that isn't true we scheduled our wedding on our weekend.  Well, at the end of the texting she told me "U can tell your son he can't be in our wedding".  I said "I knew that was coming, Okay". And she finished up with " ;) ". I said nothing after that. The way things have been going is she schedules things on my weekend i.e. her daughter’s b-day, sleep overs w/his friends and now her wedding.  I always try to work it out and tell her fine he can go to whatever she has pumped him up for if I can get him on the next weekend (her weekend) and she never agrees to that.  Then I have to tell my son he can't go.  As she say's "you can tell him he can't go, it's on you, it's all on you". She always put me in this situation.
I'm not sure what to do. I'm so mad she won't work w/me and let me see my son if I let him go to her wedding that I'm not sure if I'm going to let him go (which I may not have a choice, she probably won't let me have him anyway).  If she keeps him on my weekend that makes it a month w/o him at my house and I don't like that idea.
What are your thoughts??


Thanks!!!



Also, problem #2.  In my divorce decree it states that I have to pay half of extra curricular activities, that's it no time line or payment form, just pay 1/2 directly to mother.  She signed him up for baseball and I told her to give me a copy of the receipts that she has for sign ups and the gear she bought for him and I would pay half. I found out she signed him up for baseball when I picked him up for my weekend and she sent me a text telling me to have son at field for bb practice at certain time.  I tried to pay her but she refused my money telling me I need to pay with a money order (to me this is weird).  She is trying to make it out that I'm not going to pay her (I assume) to build her case that I'm not a worthy father and she can move to N.Y with this guy she is marring and who currently lives there. So I felt I had to document me paying her because she will not take my money and will not sign the receipt I made for her to sign.
I took video of my trying to pay her.  I put it on youtube for my sister to see.





Question #2
Is it legal for me to put this video up like this?  youtube.com/watch?v=nR25acEkXsc

Thanks!!



ocean

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #1 on: Oct 22, 2009, 02:44:13 PM »
I didnt even look but take it off utube.

Text her and say if we are switching weekends, then I need to know if I have to pick him up tomorrow (always ask for the make-up BEFORE so this will make her give it to you). Then say, it is up to you? (LOL) Then offer to take the next weekend after the wedding...

In this instance I would not file contempt since it is her wedding but request make-up time. If she doesnt answer your text or refuse, send her a certified letter stating that you are requesting make-up time according to the court order for the weekend of XXX and to get back to you with the dates you can pick him up. Put in a date for her to get back to you. This will be your proof you tried to work with her. You can even put in that if she counts back to your wedding that it was on your weekend (to eliminate that reason...).

tigger

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #2 on: Oct 22, 2009, 02:51:12 PM »
I'd offer to bring him to the wedding and stick around for the reception so as not to inconvenience her. 

I hate so called parents that play stupid games and put the kids in the middle. 
The wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!

gemini3

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #3 on: Oct 22, 2009, 03:19:07 PM »
IMHO, I would suck it up and let your son go to the wedding.  He will love you for it and remember that you put him first.  Weddings are a big deal, and I'm sure it's important to him that he's there.  Who cares what your ex thinks, or does.  Do the right thing for you kid.
 
With the other situations (sleep over's, her daughters b-day, etc.).  We have had the same issues.  My husband's kids know their schedule, and my husband told them that if they want to do a sleep over, go to a b-day party, etc during his weekends they need to discuss it with him (since he's the parent in charge at that time) or they don't go.  If their mom schedules something during my husband's parenting time (family visit, for example) and they're upset that they can't be there - my husband simply tells them "Honey, your mom knows when you're with her and when you're with me.  She should schedule it during her time."  This is not to say that he won't work with her if she's willing to trade weekends, but he doesn't let her put the blame on him if she wants to have her cake and eat it too.
 
I watched the video.  She's being a pain, but don't let it get to you.  I wouldn't pay any bills without a copy of the receipt, number one.  Send her an e-mail requesting a copy of the receipts, then mail her a check referencing the receipt number and name of the company in the memo field.  Just like any other bill.  If you think she'll pretend she didn't get it send it to her certified mail with return receipt.  If she won't sign for it that's on her.
 
I think you might be at risk for some legal trouble with the video, since you don't have her permission.  I would resist the temptation to do stuff like that.  You can keep it for yourself if you feel the need, but I wouldn't post it online.  Especially since she asks you not to record her in the video.
 

MixedBag

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #4 on: Oct 23, 2009, 06:44:03 AM »
combine all three and you have your answer.
 
Asking for a money order isn't weird....really....actually it protects yourself and her because now you have a piece of paper behind the fact that you reimbursed her an expense that you were obligated to.
 
Think paper trail......and even a paper trail behind the paper money.


SuperDad52

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #5 on: Oct 23, 2009, 08:20:33 AM »
I understand that a paper trail is in my best interest!  However, she is a huge control freak.  Our divorce decree doesn't indicate that I have to pay her with a money order as she is telling me and everyone else.  She controls everything and I have no say so on anything my son does.  I printed out a receipt for her to sign and tried to pay my half.  If she doesn’t want to accept the money then I'm not going to jump through even more hoops to make her happy.  What a shame it has to be this way!!  There are many mothers that would have jumped on the opportunity to get reimbursed no matter what the payment form.  We will end up in court soon enough and I hope the video proves I tried to pay and she didn't accept and hope the judge tells her sorry about your luck you should have taken the money.


On a good note though.  I went from seeing my boy every other weekend (because that is all she will allow) to seeing him on every Monday, Friday, Saturday and sometimes on Tuesday thanks to the baseball and he and I are really bonding due to this sport.  I am able to be there and help coach the team.
Also, he has soccer every Saturday (which I am the assistant coach on that team as well due to befriending the head coach and he needed help) so I am able to get a lot of visitation and am LOVING IT!!!
I just hope she don't take him out of the sports after the season is over due to my involvement!!

 
BTW, I'm sure I'll let him go to the wedding because I'm good like that.  But what a shame she won't let me have him on her weekend for a little make up visitation.
 
Thanks for your input

MixedBag

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #6 on: Oct 23, 2009, 08:40:58 AM »
Dad -- pick and choose your battles....
 
glad to read most of your post...
 
but not the money part.
 
Yep -- there are many parents who would jump for joy if they got reimbursed.
 
Yep -- there are many parents who feel like they have no say in their child's life after divorce you are not the only one.
 
Yep -- there are many parents who try to control the other parent even after divorce.
 
Pick and choose.....I'd actually send her a check, not a money order.
 
If she doesn't cash it (because she wants a money order/control part), then the money is yours down the road to keep once the check is null and void.
 
If she doesn't cash the money order -- you gotta pay fees to get your money back.
 
I can see where she might have been put off if you asked her to sign something -- see I'd be careful about that too -- and leary -- so please just try to understand that on this one subject, there might be a better or a different way to get the result you're looking for.
 
Once you understand all the games an EX like that plays, it's much better to deal with it overall and blow off what is not important and deal with what is.

Kitty C.

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #7 on: Oct 23, 2009, 09:21:21 AM »
If you do end up back in court, ask for reciprocating weekends.  DH actually has this in his CO, that if one parent can't have the child on their weekend (or vice versa), then weekends are excahnged and this covers anything.  When we got married, we got luck that it fell on DH's weekend.....but the BM got married exactly 2 weeks after we did and that DID fall on DH's weekend.  Thank God enough weekends had been exchanged prior to that, that it wasn't a big deal.   

Now, with SS in football and working, we haven't seen him much...but he's starting in the JV game tonight!    After that, it's Parent's Night and they will introduce all the parents prior to the varsity game.  Another one of those weird situations, but SS is insistant that we be there.  I don't know how BM feels about it, but we're all introduced together!

Sorry...gotta brag!   
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

gemini3

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #8 on: Oct 23, 2009, 09:26:25 AM »
I see it this way - you're giving her the opportunity to engage you when you approach her with cash and a receipt that she needs to sign.  This is something you can control by sending her a check certified mail.  That's not jumping through hoops to make her happy - that's covering you ass while minimizing opportunities for conflcit.

Try to focus on minimizing conflict versus making the other person look like an a$$.

A judge will most likely chastise both of you for playing games like that in full view of your son.  You sticking a video camera in your ex's face at your kid's baseball game isn't going to be appreciated by a judge.  Trust me on that.
 
There are people on this board who can't even go to their kids ball games, so don't take for granted what you have.  Like MixedBag said - pick your battles.

pcdad

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #9 on: Oct 23, 2009, 10:00:11 AM »
In regards to the wedding situation.  If this is a full blown circus wedding (i.e. Friday night rehearsal, Saturday all day event, ceremony, reception, Sunday gift opening) she will probably be too busy to spend much quality time with your son.  Is he part of the wedding?  You could offer to drop him off at the event and pick him up at a reasonable time in the evening.  That way he gets to attend the wedding, you get your weekend time and depending on the details of the wedding - he won't be shuffled off to other friends or relatives because mom is too busy concentrating on her big day/weekend.  Just a suggestion.

MrCustodyCoach

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #10 on: Oct 27, 2009, 10:29:38 AM »
You talk to her too much and need, critically, to learn the benefits of low contact:

Appropriate Communication in a High-Conflict Divorce & Custody Situation

Also, in a high-conflict situation, you should avoid deviating from the custody schedule at almost any costs, absent an emergency.  Too often, "doing the right thing" blows right up in your face and turns out exactly as detailed in the original post.

And NEVER pay her for anything court-ordered by anything other than a check with the purpose written into the memo section "PAYMENT FOR BASEBALL ACTIVITIES."

She wants you to pay by money order so there is no paper-trail and then come back to you over and over for the same money, and when you don't comply - she'll litigate and you'll have no proof of payment.
Mr. Custody Coach - Win Child Custody "Better Prepared, Better Outcome"

*The opinions in this post are solely my own and do not represent the only way to address any particular issue.

chickenbubbasmom

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #11 on: Oct 27, 2009, 12:46:11 PM »
She wants you to pay by money order so there is no paper-trail and then come back to you over and over for the same money, and when you don't comply - she'll litigate and you'll have no proof of payment.

That sounds pretty accurate.. from my personal experience, getting a copy of a money order is extremely difficult if not impossible. The easiest solution to your problem is to pay by check, if she'll take it. Then you have your documentation as well as avoiding unnecessary conflict.

MrCustodyCoach

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #12 on: Oct 27, 2009, 12:51:09 PM »
Mail her the check.  No need for a face-to-face.
Mr. Custody Coach - Win Child Custody "Better Prepared, Better Outcome"

*The opinions in this post are solely my own and do not represent the only way to address any particular issue.

MixedBag

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #13 on: Oct 27, 2009, 06:06:13 PM »
Mr. CC.....link didn't work for me.

MrCustodyCoach

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #14 on: Oct 27, 2009, 09:18:56 PM »
Apparently, someone is screwing with the links.  Admin is looking into it because they were messed up, then corrected, and now changed again.   
Mr. Custody Coach - Win Child Custody "Better Prepared, Better Outcome"

*The opinions in this post are solely my own and do not represent the only way to address any particular issue.

MrCustodyCoach

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #15 on: Oct 28, 2009, 06:06:12 AM »
Mr. Custody Coach - Win Child Custody "Better Prepared, Better Outcome"

*The opinions in this post are solely my own and do not represent the only way to address any particular issue.

MixedBag

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #16 on: Oct 28, 2009, 06:53:48 AM »
worked -- thanks!

SuperDad52

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #17 on: Nov 02, 2009, 09:59:05 AM »
I took the video off youtube last week.
I'm trying to figure out what to do about her wedding.  So, I fugured easy enough, I'll just send her an email.  Here it is.
 
 
 
Ex Name,

 
As you are well aware per our conversation your wedding is scheduled on my weekend (Nov. 7th 09).
I propose a few simple solutions to a simple problem:
Solutions #1
We can switch weekends.  You can have son's name on my weekend (Nov. 7th) so he can be in your wedding and attend all the festivities you have schedule around the event.
In return I get son's name on your weekend (Nov. 14th) the following weekend for make-up visitation which just happens to be my birthday weekend, we both make out great.
 
Solution #2
I will pick him up on Friday @ 6PM as scheduled per my weekend on Nov. 6th.  If your wedding is local I will bring him to you on Saturday so he can get ready and attend your wedding, just let me know where and what time he needs to be there.  After the wedding is over I will pick him up.  If the wedding is not local send someone to pick him up from my house and drop him off afterward.
 
Thanks!
my name
 
 
 
Well, guess what. I didn't get a response.  I sent her a text mesg to tell her to plz check her email in regaurds to her wedding.  She simply said "no thank u".  And that's it. No response.  I seen her at the soccer field on Saturday and walk up to ask her about next weekend, I asked what's the plans for the wedding and son?  She only says "no, were not discussing this at an event, were at an event, no that's enough, no, bla bla bla".  It all lasted about 45 seconds. No yelling or arguing.  It's simply her way or the highway.  Well as I was walking away I turned to her to tell her I'll pick son up at 6 on Friday then. She smiled and said okay.  One of the real
Bi&#$Y sarcastic ways.  I've tried texting, I've tried email and I've tried face to face.  She has no desire to co-parent.  To tell you the truth I was thinking about picking him up from school on Friday afternoon instead of 6pm because I'm 99% sure she will let me drive all the way out to get him and she will not be there.  But, my wife jumped all over me for saying something so stupid.  Looks like my hands are tied.  I guess I'll have to wait for my day in court.  What a shame!!!!!!!
 
 
Oh yeah, as far as the money goes I guess I could send it cert. mail. I've tried sending her something CM before and she wouldn't accept it telling me I need to send everything to her attorney so I'll probably get it back in the mail in a few weeks.  But my wife don't like that idea.  She wants the judge to tell me to give her the money (because I've tried to give it to her already).
 
Thanks

gemini3

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #18 on: Nov 02, 2009, 11:55:51 AM »
It's really not a good idea for you to try engaging your ex at your son's games.  It is stressful on your son, and totally unnecessary.
 
I like that you have tried e-mailing her to address the wedding situation.  But, JMHO, you've waited way too long.  I'm sure you know how much planning is involved in a wedding, and I can see where she would be frustrated with not knowing whether or not her son would be in the wedding.  Granted, she could have scheduled it during her weekend, but sometimes scheduling doesn't work out the way you want - and you hope the other side will work with you.  She's probably super stressed out at this point and doesn't want to deal with anymore changes.
 
Option #1 is good.  However, your language is a little antagonistic.  It feels like you're saying she's making a big deal out of nothing.  It might have been better to say something like:  "Son would like to attend your wedding, and I think it's important for him as well.  I am offering for you to have him during my parenting time so he can attend the wedding.  I would like to get make-up time in return, which we can discuss when you return from your honeymoon.  Please let me know if you want to have him so I know if I need to pick him up or not."
 
Option #2 is a little silly because the last thing someone wants to do on their wedding day is deal with custody exchanges with their ex.  I'm sure you can understand why.
 
It's a little late for anything at this point because her plans are probably set.  I doubt that she's going to want to deal with it at this point, and I honestly don't blame her.
 
I'm a firm believer in picking your battles.  Weddings are major life events and I think, for your son's benefit, that both sides should put down their swords and calculators and do what's right for the kid.  He's missing a big event - where he could bond with his family, and also take a big step towards adjusting to his mom's new marriage.  Being included is good for the kids because it helps them not feel like the parent is starting a new life without them.  Your son deserves that security. 
 
Like I said earlier, sometimes you have to stop worrying about what the other side is or isn't doing, stop waiting for them to "get what's coming to them", and just do the right thing for your kids.

SuperDad52

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #19 on: Nov 02, 2009, 12:27:35 PM »
I've been trying to get comformation that she will be willing to switch weekends for a few months now. 
Now, to late??? Yes.  Then, to late??? NO. 
She pushed the SIMPLE Issue off, not me.  Switch weekends?, sure not a problem.  Done deal.
She refusses to switch weekends and that's my problem.  So if she don't want to switch I'll pick up my son on my weekend and he will not attend the wedding!!!!  She won't be married in a few years anyway.   And this wedding, this guys she marrying.  He's not on my Christmas list..... He's going to marry my son's mom and try to move them all to NY where he lives (we live in FL) (which we are in court for but haven't heard anything for over 3 months now, my best guess is she will hit the accelerator after the wedding. Oh, now I'm married, Now I'm in love.........Give me a BREAK).  Maybe I should be nice and let her move my son out of state too.  NOT!!!
She has kick me around for the last 8 years.  Keeping my son from me, lying about everything and telling my son stuff about me, some true and some not but either way she just wants to start trouble and some things a five year old don't need to hear. If she wants to get married and move to NY GREAT GO and come back E/O weekend to see our son. 

gemini3

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #20 on: Nov 02, 2009, 03:27:35 PM »
I completely understand your frustration.  I really do.  I'm sure it sounds like I am taking her side, but that's not my intention.  My intention is to do what's best for the kids, while the parents are able to maintain healthy happy lives.  I'm not saying you should give in to her every whim.  Just that sometimes it's just not worth it to fight.
 
It sounds like maybe she's had no intention of your son being there, and wants to make it look like it's you so she doesn't have to explain it to her son.  If that's the case, I see nothing wrong with talking to your son about it.  Let him know that you support his being there if he wants to go, but after that it's between him and his mom.  Give him the opportunity to talk about it and ask questions without bashing his mom.  He's young, and this is probably very confusing for him.  It will be good for him to be able to talk about it.

MrCustodyCoach

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #21 on: Nov 04, 2009, 04:30:40 PM »
You offer her too many options, which invites debate, arguments, and escalation.

Option 1, which I often recommend: NEVER deviate from the custody arrangement in a high-conflict situation (barring emergency).

Option 2, you make ONE suggestion, take-it-or-leave-it.  Anything short of a "YES" is a no, and you keep the schedule.

Goal #1 = MINIMIZE CONFLICT.  Go low-contact.
Mr. Custody Coach - Win Child Custody "Better Prepared, Better Outcome"

*The opinions in this post are solely my own and do not represent the only way to address any particular issue.

SuperDad52

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #22 on: Nov 06, 2009, 06:22:15 PM »
Texting didn't work, email didn't work, talking to her didn't work.  I tried and tried again to work out an agreement!!  So at the end I go to pick my son up tonight and no ones home, that's right, no one.  Just like her to let me drive all the way out there for nothing and I bet a million $ I don't get make up visitation next weekend!!!
 
What a  Bitch!!!
 
Lousy moms out weigh dead beat dads 3 to 1.
 

gemini3

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #23 on: Nov 06, 2009, 06:39:30 PM »
Yeah, you could kind of see that one coming couldn't you?  Sorry.
 
On the bright side, this will NOT be in her favor if she tries to move your son.  Since you couldn't get the police to make a report, is there any other way that you documented that you were there?  Did you get gas, buy a pack of gum, eat or anything like that in the vicinity of her house?  Your receipt can be used as evidence that you were there at the appointed time.
 
I would send her the Denial of Visitation form letter on this site.  There are instructions.  http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.php  If she doesn't respond with a make-up schedule then go to the courthouse and file for contempt.  Don't let this go unanswered.  First because it's a record for the court of her visitation interference - which you will want them to have if she tries to move with your son.  Second, because you don't want her to think you will take this lying down.
 
Don't blow up her phone or her e-mail though.  Just stay calm and go after this in a way that can give you some protection.
 
Does her husband currently live and work in NY?  You might have a chance at an ex parte motion since she has technically disappeared with your son on the weekend of her wedding to a man who lives in NY state. 

SuperDad52

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #24 on: Nov 07, 2009, 08:20:26 AM »
Yeah, I did see this coming.  I knew it was going to happen.
You say this will not be in her favor when she tries to move, I HOPE you are right!!  My wife and I were talking last night about the EX "moving to NY" and how it would only interfer with my visitation that much more. This is the 3rd weekend this year she has done this with no make up visitation.  It will not go unanswered any longer!!
The kicker is before this happened I did file for contempt but we had to go to mediation to see if we could work thigs out before going to see a judge.  Nothing resolved in mediation (last month) so now I need to schedule a court date to see the judge but I think I'm starting to get a little over my head so I'm going to hire an attorney and let him take it from her to fight her motion for relocation and the contempt motion and also modify my visitation schedule.  Just wonder here...... Is asking for every weekend out of the month but one to much to ask for???
 
I did however buy gas right next to her apt.  But I'm smart enough to throw the receipt away before I even left the store.  My online bank statement will show where but not what time.  I did also call her phone and my son's phone about 6 or 7 times between the two phones between 6:00 and 6:30, I guess the phone records will help my case.
 
Her husband does currently work and live in NY, he comes down every weekend or she goes up there.  I do not know where they got married though and it seems I need to look up ex parte and see what that means.
 
Thanks and I'm much calmer today :)

ocean

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #25 on: Nov 07, 2009, 08:30:09 AM »
You really need to file that motion NOW..this week. You can file then hire a lawyer for the trial part. I dont know the wording but I would just make it plain and simple "child will not be relocated or moved from his home school district until after the custody hearing" and file for custody at the same time "change is custody is warranted at this time, as mother is moving out of state to be with new husband and it would be detrimental for the child to loose the current relationship to his father and extended family. (Can you keep child in same school district? if yes, put, child can remain in same school district with friends and activities). Father will encourage contact with mother with very reasonable visitation. The forms are at the family court house. They can not give you legal advice but most will help fill it out.

Since she is married after this weekend, you dont want her pulling him from school and signing him up in NY.

gemini3

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #26 on: Nov 07, 2009, 08:56:07 AM »
Ex parte is basically a temporary order until a full hearing can be held.  I think you have an excellent case for ex parte, since she is attempting to leave the state with your son, and that as of right now his whereabouts are unknown since she was not present for most recent parenting time transfer, and that you have received no communication from her regarding the whereabouts of your child.  Go down to the courthouse and file first thing Monday morning.

Your bank can get a copy of your transaction from the store where you got gas, with all of the necessary information on it.  Call them and have it sent to you.
 
Has she already filed her motion to relocate?  If so, a summons will typically contain some sort of language that says neither party may relocate with the child until the matter is heard.  If she has him out of state during your visitation she is in direct violation of this.
 
 
 
 

SuperDad52

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #27 on: Nov 07, 2009, 10:48:37 AM »
I was served w/notice of intent to relocate with child on 6/11/09
I then filed notice of objection to the proposed relocation with child on 7/6/09 (I typed it up and filed myself)
I then received in the mail motion for social investigation and home study (whatever that is) on 8/5/09
At the same time 8/5/09 I recieved motion for referral to general magistrate for "Husband's motion for civil contempt/enforcement and objection to mother's anticipated relocation of the minor child out of the state of Florida".
On 8/14/09 case was ordered to general magistrate Cuellar Stilo.
8/14/09 till now nothing but harrasement and extreme difficulty when trying to pick up my son.  From not being there when it's my time to pick him up to stupid stuff like when I go to pick my son up at 6 o'clock on Friday, if I show up at 5:55,5:52,5:58 she won't answer the door or phone until 6 o'clock on the dot, that's her latest kick lately.  I asked for a 30 minute window in mediation and she denied.
I'll get a court date from her very soon after the wedding I'm sure.  I think you're right I need to act now(Monday) and retain an attorney!
 
 
I'd like to thank everyone for your advise from all angles!!!
I'd love to get custody! I really believe it would be in my sons best interest
 

ocean

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #28 on: Nov 07, 2009, 11:04:30 AM »
When it was assigned a judge on 8/14 what happened? Was it continued? DO you have a different date?
You need to find out what happened ....she might have dropped it since you did not file?? Call the court and see if it is still active. In my state you can look up your case on-line.
Regardless if the case is active/in active, I would do what the other poster said, file for ex parte hearing this week and get an order to have child remain in the state, file for custody, AND file contempt for this past weekend. All this is separate filings...so make sure you do them all so that all will be heard. The ex parte will he heard that day or this week and the judge will make a ruling if child must remain in the state and same school.
Like I said before, you can do the paperwork yourself on MOnday at the court house....

When you hire a lawyer be very careful. State what you expect, what you want filed (have it typed ready to hand them),  how you want to communicate with them, how fast they return phone calls. Many lawyers will talk the talk, take a couple of thousand dollars from you and drag this out for over a year..It sounds like you are already in this with the home study done so you just need to make sure that what you did is the legal way to do it, especially if she has a lawyer.

Make a list of why it would be best for child to stay with you: same school, friends, dad, family (Is mom family by you too...can add that)
Reasons for mom to move: new husband, (did she work before? did she quit her job? did she get new job? no family?)

MrCustodyCoach

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #29 on: Nov 11, 2009, 10:25:04 PM »

I then received in the mail motion for social investigation and home study (whatever that is) on 8/5/09


That's usually a custody evaluation... or part of one.
Mr. Custody Coach - Win Child Custody "Better Prepared, Better Outcome"

*The opinions in this post are solely my own and do not represent the only way to address any particular issue.

SuperDad52

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #30 on: Nov 13, 2009, 02:23:30 PM »
I went down and filed contempt of court due to bm not letting me have son during my latest time sharing schedule.  We still have not gone to court for the last contempt of court I filed for the same issue.  Maybe the judge or magistrate will hear both at the same time, I don't really know. 
I did look into filling for change of costudy but I'm a bit intemidated by that.  I guess I'll wait until I hire an attorney (hopefully soon). 
I didn't file an ex parte due to our final dissoulition of marriage states that bm is not allowed to move more than 65 miles away from me, that should be okay, yes/no?
I did look up bm marriage license in public records which indicates she did get married here in FL.
Yes, our case file is still open w/the court.  I do check it a few times a week on line to see if she has filed anything.
I have a list of why my son needs to stay with me.  Let's see....it's something like this:
-bm wants to move in w/rich (new) husband out of state as she said in her relocation papers so she wouldn't have to work and can spend all her time with the children.
-she has worked in different places part time for a while but quite several months ago after meeting now new husband.
-bm or son has no family, job, friends or anything waiting for them in NY
-All bm's family and my family live in the same county here in FL.  In fact I live 5 min. from 2 of bm's sisters and mother.
-All son's friends live here but I won't be able to keep him in same school, their's an elementry school every 5 miles from each other and I live 25 miles from his current school so he will have to change schools. Which would put him in the same elementry school his mama went to.
 
Is the social evaluation suppose to determine what kind of relationship my son and I have?  Like do we get along, play well w/one another, respectful, loving relationship, is he scard of me, does he like me, things of that nature
or, are they going to come into the house and look at his bedroom, is their food in the pantry, bugs on the floor, yard to play in, things of that nature
or both?
 
Thanks as always!!!

gemini3

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #31 on: Nov 14, 2009, 06:22:55 AM »

I didn't file an ex parte due to our final dissoulition of marriage states that bm is not allowed to move more than 65 miles away from me, that should be okay, yes/no?


That is definitely in your favor.  Her filing for relocation is seeking a modification of this clause.  However, unless you're willing to take custody, the only option they will have is to let her move.  I would file for custody.

I have a list of why my son needs to stay with me.  Let's see....it's something like this:
-bm wants to move in w/rich (new) husband out of state as she said in her relocation papers so she wouldn't have to work and can spend all her time with the children.
-she has worked in different places part time for a while but quite several months ago after meeting now new husband.
-bm or son has no family, job, friends or anything waiting for them in NY
-All bm's family and my family live in the same county here in FL.  In fact I live 5 min. from 2 of bm's sisters and mother.
-All son's friends live here but I won't be able to keep him in same school, their's an elementry school every 5 miles from each other and I live 25 miles from his current school so he will have to change schools. Which would put him in the same elementry school his mama went to.


I would keep this list focused on the child, and not attacking the mother.  Don't say anything about how much money her new husband makes, etc.  This will look like jealousy on your part, and possibly make it look like you will have a hard time cooperating.  You want to focus on the child, and what's best for him - staying in the place where he's grown up his whole life, staying on the same sports teams, being around family and friends.  He could possibly remain in the same school until the end of the school year (if you can drive him there).  Does your family live close by?  Does hers?  If so, mention that the child will have access to extended family on both sides (and show that you're open to letting the child spend time with her family). 

Your primary reason will be the detriment of your son's relationship to his father.  You will want to show how involved you are in his life, as that will be impossible if he is moved to NY.

How long did she date her new husband before marrying him?  You might want your lawyer to point out that the relationship between your son and his new step-dad is very new, and that BM is putting the relationship before the needs of her son (stability, time with his father).  Especially considering she is not allowing communication, and she has denied your visitation.  Make sure you're making note of all the times you called to speak with your son and were denied.  Write down the date, the time, what number you called, and whether or not you were allowed to speak with him.

Make sure you have a water-tight plan in place for your child's care if you were to be granted custody.  How will you provide care for him while you're at work?

If your CO is vague (every other weekend leaves room for argument), have it modified so that it is clear to all parties.  As an example, "Father shall have parenting time on the first and third weekends of the month.  If the month includes a fifth weekend, father shall have parenting time on the fifth weekend.  Weekend parenting time shall commence at 6:00 p.m. on Friday, and conclude at 6:00 p.m. on Sunday.  If Monday is a holiday, parenting time shall conclude at 6:00 p.m. on Monday."  This leaves far less room for exploitation.  You may also need to have transportation written into the agreement, along with telephone communication since she's playing games with that as well.

In her notice of her intent to relocate, what has she given as her suggestion for your visitation schedule after she moves.  What is her suggestion for transportation?  This is important, because she HAS to put this in her request, and it could very much be in your favor.

Click this link and read section  61.13001. Parental relocation with a child:

http://www.womenslaw.org/statutes_detail.php?statute_id=930#statute-top

Note that one of the factors is "The feasibility of preserving the relationship between the nonrelocating parent or other person and the child through substitute arrangements that take into consideration the logistics of contact, access, and time-sharing, as well as the financial circumstances of the parties; whether those factors are sufficient to foster a continuing meaningful relationship between the child and the nonrelocating parent or other person; and the likelihood of compliance with the substitute arrangements by the relocating parent once he or she is out of the jurisdiction of the court."

Your ex's non-compliance with the current order is of great consequence, because it shows that she is likely to violate the order once she relocates.

Is the social evaluation suppose to determine what kind of relationship my son and I have?  Like do we get along, play well w/one another, respectful, loving relationship, is he scard of me, does he like me, things of that nature
or, are they going to come into the house and look at his bedroom, is their food in the pantry, bugs on the floor, yard to play in, things of that nature or both?


Depends on the investogator.  They are not governed by specific rules for the investigation.  Social investigations are governed by Florida Administrative Rule 64B4-7.006, which speaks to the investigator's qualifications, not the conduct of the investigation.

SuperDad52

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #32 on: Nov 14, 2009, 07:58:10 AM »
Man, I have to say you guys are pretty smart around here!! I'm glad I signed up at this forum!
I WILL be filling for costudy next week. gemini3 like you said I won't let my feelings get in the way of the wording in the motion for costudy.  ALL of both our families live within 30 min from each other and that's great.
Funny thing bm started dating new husband in March.  I said somthing to her about it a while ago and she said to me we have been dating for a long time.  I said no because you were dating **** in January, she said "I can date as many people as I want at the same time", so I'm thinking proving her length of relationship will be difficult will lie in out and around court.  The reason I know is my son came out and told me one day "my mom has a new boyfriend she met at the casino".
The notice of intent to relocate states:
"Mother and step-father will pay for all the transportation costs for the minor child to continue th have visitation with his father.  Mother will accompany child on alternate weeekends until he is comfortable traveling by himself. This will result in the father continuing to have essentially the time sharing that he currently has available to him under the existing final judgment of dissolution of marriage at no additional expense to him."
schedule for time sharing: alternating weekends, alternating Thanksgiving (no spicific dates), alternating Christmas (no spicific dates), spring break (again no spicific dates) and 4 weeks during the summer.
As far as the summer visitation, I'm currently ordered 2 weeks now but this past summer after I got my son for my two weeks his mother called him every day.  Told him she bought him a toy gun he had been dying for. She was sending him pic messages to son's phone of herself, Told him she was on an airplane and had to make an emergency landing because it ran out of gas and they almost crashed. Well, I picked him up on a Friday (which just happened to be my weekend) and he went home the following Monday night because she wouldn't leave him alone w/the drama and he felt he had to be there w/her.  So I didn't get my two weeks I got 3 days.  I tried to make arrangements to get my son at least one week later in the summer and she told me "forget it you had your chance and you didn't want him".
 
My wife is a great help with all of this and she has been writting every conversation down pretty much word for word between bm and myself.  Times, dates, everything.  All a coutinuation of a journal that has been going on sense 2004.
 
Again I thank you for all the helpful information!
I get to see my son today (its been weeks).  His baseball coach just call me and told me your son will be playing baseball today.  Woohooo, at least someone called me.  He had a soccer game and a baseball game today at the same time and I had no idea which one he was going to attend if any at all.  It would be nice if my son or bm would at least send me a text and let me know.  I wonder if my boy will be allowed to tell me happy b-day to day lol
 
 
 

SuperDad52

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #33 on: Nov 22, 2009, 04:51:24 PM »
I have a concern I need a little help with.  It appears that my son (10, in the 4th grade) comes home from school to be by himself (apartment living).  He has a 16 yo sister in H.S and it appears that his mother has started going to school for something herself.  I don't know what time bm gets home but my son told me that he turns his cell phone off when he goes into school and back on when he gets home from school (bus rider) every day so bm can call and make sure that he has made it home safely.  What I don't know is how many days a week or how long he is home alone.  I feel very concerned about this, should I be?  I watch the news a lot and a lot of bad things happen to kids all the time.  I'ts maken me feel ill.
 
Thanks

ocean

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #34 on: Nov 22, 2009, 05:29:14 PM »
Is the 16 year old with him? If the 16 year old is there , then it is legally fine. Even at 10 is a grey area in most states. You can find out if there is an afterschool program at his school and have him go there instead. Most after-school places will take up to age 12.

Can you call BM or send her a note saying that you know child is coming home to an empty house and would like to help. Offer to take him extra time during the week or help pay for the aftercare program. BUT if the 16 year old is there...that is old enough to babysit and wont get too far in court.

Do you know the childs cell number? Can you call it too and check on him? Each time call a little later and see if she is home yet. Ask him if he puts himself to bed? Who feeds him dinner?

gemini3

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #35 on: Nov 27, 2009, 12:12:37 PM »
Florida does not have state regulations regarding how old a child can be left home alone. 
 
The FL Circuit Court FAQ's state:
 
"At what age is it legal to leave a child home alone? There is no minimum age established by law. Whether a child can be left alone depends on a number of factors, including: the child's maturity; the safety of the environment they are in; how long they are left alone; whether or not they can get in touch with their parent or caregiver; and whether or not they know what to do in case of an emergency. Leaving a child alone can constitute neglect on the part of a parent or caregiver if the child could be in any danger of harm."
 

SuperDad52

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Re: What should I do and also is this legal?
« Reply #36 on: Dec 02, 2009, 05:49:54 PM »
I see! Thanks for the info!

 

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