Does anyone think this is an issue or I am I just a bit too irritated right now?

[asof2005]

DH picks up kids today from mom's.    10 year old SS tells dad that he was grounded by his step-dad yesterday.  The reason, he had no clean pants to wear.  I suppose the situation was that in the morning SS couldn't find pants to wear that he had not already worn at least twice.  Step-dad takes them to grandma's before school which is about 25 mins away.  Mom got mad looking for jeans, I guess this resulted in them being late.  So step-dad said he is grounded and staying home from school.  Step-dad brings younger SS to grandma's and later on find out it is a snow day anyway, so at least older SS wasn't kept from school because of the pants.  10 year old SS does not do his own laundry at mom's (neither does he here)  How is it that he is grounded for his mother not doing her job?  And to keep him home from school because of it?  Fortunately it was a snow day because he does not need to be kept home from school because of his mom's laziness.

My apologies, I suppose this a rant more than anything.  But I do believe it is excessive for the step-dad to ground a kid from school.  I have been with DH for 3 years longer than the step-dad has been around and I have never grounded the boys.  I have put them in their rooms for 20 mins or something like that, but never grounded, especially for something that was my or my husband's fault. 

I guess I will document if they keep them home from school for reasons such as these.

[Gestalt]

mmmm....my daughter (7) gets into trouble when she doesn't put her dirty clothes down the laundry chute to be washed.  I wash it, not track it.

maybe just a parenting difference

[asof2005]

mmmm....my daughter (7) gets into trouble when she doesn't put her dirty clothes down the laundry chute to be washed.  I wash it, not track it.

maybe just a parenting difference

but would you keep a kid home from school for it, that is the issue i have

[Gestalt]

definitely not- you are right to be ticked over that, I would be too....I don't know how I missed that particular tidbit in the first read through

[MomofTwo]

But it was also a snow day.  How can you know for sure that the child was kept home due to not being responsible?

I think you pick your battles and this is not a battle worth fighting for the parents.

[asof2005]

But it was also a snow day.  How can you know for sure that the child was kept home due to not being responsible?

I think you pick your battles and this is not a battle worth fighting for the parents.

I know he was left behind because the step-dad left too early to see that there was a snow day and he brought the younger son to Grandma's before school as usual.

We did not say anything because of the ridiculous PPO she has against DH.  This isn't the first time they have been kept from school for stupid reasons, this is just the first time the step-dad has done it.  I also do not believe it is his right in his position to keep the kids from school, unless he is the only parent around and the children are very sick.

[mdegol]

The step-dad just left child behind because HE didn't want to be late for work.  Not cool.  The grounding from school is just a stupid cover.  Who grounds a child from school??  Isn't that almost a reward in the kid's eyes?  That is REALLY weird, and I would try to get it in writing (like email) for later possible use.

[Davy]

Agreed.  this fella is the mother's husband and has no custodial rights to someone childs (ie grounding to prevent school attendance).  Same as corporal punishment.

[MomofTwo]

And this is the other step parent complaining about the other step parent.  This is not the NCP having an issue.

[asof2005]

And this is the other step parent complaining about the other step parent.  This is not the NCP having an issue.

My DH is custodial, and he has a big problem with his children missing school.  He is the one that goes to conferences, holiday programs, school parties etc.  She does not.  She thinks that a "Good Enough Degree" is exactly that, good enough.

[ocean]

Where was the mother in all of this? She left for work earlier? Than the kid was left alone in their house?
If you guys are custodial, why are they there on school days? split custody?

[asof2005]

Where was the mother in all of this? She left for work earlier? Than the kid was left alone in their house?
If you guys are custodial, why are they there on school days? split custody?

BM was there, letting SS get punished.  She leaves later and takes his kids to school so all of them can leave later while DH's kids have to wake up earlier so step-dad can take them to school.  It is split, she has them wed,thurs, fri.

[Davy]

" BM was there, letting SS get punished "

My kids in like situations always used the word "encouraging" rather than "letting".

What does SS think ?

[ocean]

If Bm was in the house then she made that call too. You dont know how it really happened either. Kids will tell you what you want to hear. I would keep a record of it with the date and time with the absence record but really she made a parenting call and can easily use the weather as an excuse in this case. Im sure if BM wanted the child to get to school then she would of told her husband to take him but at the same time...he is bringing your kids to school and will be late to work if he waits for him. I would of left too and let BM deal with it.

[asof2005]

wow, i never realized how someone being concerned for their kids could be so villianized.  like i mentioned before, those kids go through a lot with their step-dad and their mom is an idiot and lets them down daily as a parent.  she could care less about their schooling, whether they eat, or when they go to bed.  unless her husband has the rules and then she does whatever her husband asks without regards to her own children.  how is it that people negative "karma'd" me for that?  sorry just think its crazy.

[asof2005]

cute

[ocean]

If you can prove that mom wont bring them to school then your dh should go back and ask for school days since she cant get them there on time and uses her husband to do it. Your dh would have to be the one to do this.
You asked if this is a big issue and with the BM in the house...no it is not. You are blaming step-dad BUT the mother should be taking care of the kids....and the blame needs to be with her not him.

You would need a lot of proof and constant lateness and absences to take away her days so document and see what happens.

[asof2005]

thank you, i know it is ultimately her fault, that is what makes me so mad.  kids first!  then husband.