SD1 will be celebrating a birthday shortly. We alternate weeks, and she will be at her mom's house on the day of her birthday. I recently asked her what she was going to be doing for her birthday, and she said she didn't know because her mom hasn't said anything to her about it. Normally, their mother doesn't throw them any kind of party. She usually takes them to the store to pick out a present and then takes them to eat at the chinese buffet.
I asked her if she wanted to have a party, to which she answered yes. So I told her to check with her mom first, and we'd plan something for the following weekend. She said to go ahead and plan it because her mom hadn't mentioned anything to her, and I had, so it was her mom's problem if she waited until the last minute. So I bought some things at the party store and started working on invitations. When I picked her up from school on Thurs I asked her how her day was, and she proceeded to tell me that she had invited a bunch of her friends to her birthday party. I asked her what day and time she told them to come, since we hadn't figured that out yet, and she said "No, to my mom's house."
So, basically, after we decided to have a party at our house, she spoke to her mom over the phone and her mom said she could have a sleep-over with as many friends as she wanted, so she invited all of her friends to her mom's. I was upset because I know her friends parents aren't going to bring them to two different parties on consecutive weekends. (We've been through that whole thing before, and had parties where one kid showed up because their mom had a party the weekend before ours. So we stopped having parties for them on the years they're with their mom on their birthday. and then their mom stopped having parties for them.)
I felt slighted that she made plans to have a party at our house and then, as soon as her mom says she wants to do something - even though she waited until two days in advance - I get dropped like a hot potatoe. But, whatever, I kind of expect that kind of thing since I'm the step-mom, and no matter how good I am to them I always play second fiddle. I know it, so I just sucked it up.
So, last night she has a meltdown at bedtime because none of her friends said whether or not the could come (because she invited them last minute, at school, no invitation, etc), and she was worried that no one was going to come to the sleepover at her mom's, and then she would end up having no party at all. My husband, of course, now wants me to have a party for her next weekend.
I don't think I should because I feel like she's using me and playing the two houses. So, I'm just wondering if anyone else has a take on it. Am I being too hard one her? Or should I stick to my guns and let her learn that she can't play people that way?