things just got complicated...

[smtotwo]

Dh has custody of oss, 17. Fri dh assaulted me and was arrested. I'll b filing D monday. However biomom doesn't want ss. Didn't call on xmas or his bday-3/10. Ss wants to stay with me as dh also choked him in september. I and my family are the only stability he's ever had. House isn't community property so dh won't get it in divorce like he thinks he will. TRO will be filed monday. I'm sure dh won't support ss, but ss has job. I don't know what to do!!

[ocean]

SS is 17 so if he wants to stay with you, should be a done deal. If you are okay with that, just allow him to stay. If SS was around for this incident, have him go with you and get RO for himself.

[MixedBag]

first off really sorry for what you're going through.

About SS....I think there's different answers for different ages.

Since he is 17, if HE wants and you can do this, I'd let him stay too.

When I was faced with D#3, my SS was younger and I found myself saying "there's nothing I can do."  Sure wish I could -- not convinced he's got his head screwed on straight and will make a good go of life now that he's 18......I kept apologizing when we talked and he said he understood.

[smtotwo]

Dh was bonded out yesterday morning. He can't have contact with me for 72 hrs. But ss has his own phone. And he hasn't even called him. I'm so mad! This kids been thru so much cuz of biomom now bullshit with dad. I just feel bad for him. And I thought the same thing. At 17 he can probably stay regardless of where dad is.

[smtotwo]

Grrr!! DH had a friend come get his dog. His DOG! Oh and ss is still here with me. I'm sad.

[ocean]

Did you get an extended RO order?
His dog??...pack his stuff and have friend come get it...clothes and all...

[smtotwo]

Court is friday for extending RO. And yes that wasn't even a joke. Last monday someone came n picked up his dog but left his son. I just feel horrible for stepson. HORRIBLE. His mom doesn't want him n now dad left him. I think dad n mom should get an award for their stellar parenting!!

[smtotwo]

Oh and I forgot...Dads unemployment ran out 2 wks ago so I'm supporting ss. I work at a restaurant and am saving boxes. Have been packing stuff already. Says the world about dad n moms priorities.

[smtotwo]

Another update. H brought dog home n picked up ss. I didn't give him an option,about ss not dog. Ss tried to break into a neighbors garage yesterday. They followed his footprints thru the snow. When asked he said no. They even said if he told the truth n it was him they wouldn't press charges. He lied. They called police. He admitted to police. Misdemeanor citation cuz damages were under $500. So I told H enough! He cannot stay here if I can't trust him. So dog home ss gone. Court for RO tomorrow.

[MixedBag]

geez.....sending hugs!

[smtotwo]

RO in effect thru may 12, first court date. Charge class H felony. Suffocation, strangulation. And 2 misdemeanors. Little relieved.  Max is $10,000 fine up to 6 yrs prison. Feel bad its come to this,but not bad enough to drop charges and not cooperate with DA.

[ocean]

Good...gives him time to calm down and out of the house...
Did they check off the box for "no party contact"? If that is in your RO, he can not send anyone to speak to you, call you...
Change locks?

[smtotwo]

No contact at all. Not even 3rd party. I haven't changed locks yet. He can come get his things if he's accompanied by a sheriff.

[grammy2]

I'm not so sure you're done with this guy...it seems you're playing games.  If you were really concerned for your safety the locks would be changed... and your what! response to getting dog and not SS is telling too... it wouldn't be about how low he is for leaving his SS (afterall didn't you want him to stay with you?)... it would be about what can I do to protect my SS...  There are so many of your type out there...sickens me...and makes it so much harder for those people who REALLY do fear for their safety.

[smtotwo]

Ss blew being able to stay here when he tried to break into neighbors house. The point about the dog was h's priorities. More concerned with dog than his own child. And while I'm not terrified of him I am worried and vigilant. This is not my child. He can go with his dad or go to his moms. He is not welcome here he clearly can't be trusted. I don't recall seeing any posts of yours or ever replying to anything you posted in the 11 yrs I've been around here. So I guess I don't really feel like you have a clue what's been going on except for this single thread. if you have nothing constructive toi offer then please shut up.   

[Kitty C.]

Grammy, you might want to be more knowledgeable of a poster's situation before you start making wild accusations.  smtotwo has been here for quite some time and it's obvious to us posters who know her that this is a situation that threw her offguard.  None of your accusations have any basis in fact.  It's one thing to voice an opinion......it's another matter entirely to accuse someone in these forums.

'There are so many of your type out there...sickens me...and makes it so much harder for those people who REALLY do fear for their safety.'

There are many of your type, as well....assuming before you even know the facts.  Changing the locks may not necessarily be done on a whim, especially given the situation smtotwo finds herself in.  It may be that law enforcement have told her she can't (at least not yet), it may be that the laws of her state (do you know which one it is?) prohibit her from doing so until certain things are in place.  And it may be that she can't afford it at the moment.  But it's easy to lose respect on this site by slamming people and accusing them.   

[smtotwo]

Thank you Kitty. You made me cry!  Of course not being able to find seasoning I needed at work, where I'm a cook made me cry too.  I'm feeling very bi-polar lately. And I don't really like it!

[Waylon]

Grammy, you might want to be more knowledgeable of a poster's situation before you start making wild accusations.  smtotwo has been here for quite some time and it's obvious to us posters who know her that this is a situation that threw her offguard.  None of your accusations have any basis in fact.  It's one thing to voice an opinion......it's another matter entirely to accuse someone in these forums.

I totally agree 100%. Grammy, you don't know what you're talking about. smtotwo has been nothing but polite to you and your response was way off base.


'There are so many of your type out there...sickens me...and makes it so much harder for those people who REALLY do fear for their safety.'

This was out of line and uncalled for. I think you owe her an apology.

[MixedBag]

Grammy.....I suggest you go back and read this thread again.