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Author Topic: can someone define this for me?  (Read 5517 times)

mistyme

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can someone define this for me?
« on: May 27, 2011, 07:27:28 PM »
This was in the letter from my lawyer that is being sent to the state of texas and also the the father of my son ...

"absent visitation"  .. not sure what that means? I'm new to all this.  I normally would ask my lawyer but he's out all weekend. =)


ocean

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Re: can someone define this for me?
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2011, 08:18:39 PM »
Was there more to this sentence...
My guess would be the father is not taking his visitation...(and you are asking for ? calculated in child support? lesson visitation?)
Sorry, I do not remember the specifics of your case...

mistyme

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Re: can someone define this for me?
« Reply #2 on: May 28, 2011, 05:22:14 AM »
It was in the part that stated "Father will not be granted Standard Visitation due to the youth of the child (my son is 2 months), visitations will be as agreed between parents, absent visitation, Supervised Visitation." 

That's just what it states in the Appearance for Child Custody in the state of texas.   I got a copy of what he is being served with.  Along side all that it says other things like paying child support, partial child care, me requesting sole custody, ect.

MixedBag

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Re: can someone define this for me?
« Reply #3 on: May 28, 2011, 05:41:01 AM »
I agree with ocean -- no visitation because he decided not to want any

mistyme

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Re: can someone define this for me?
« Reply #4 on: May 28, 2011, 06:46:31 AM »
he's only bothered to come see him 4 times in the 2.5 months my son has been born so I'm assuming ya'll are probably right.  He's denying my son because he has MY last name ONLY because he didn't show up at the hospital to sign the b/c or even bother to see him the whole time i was there.


ocean

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Re: can someone define this for me?
« Reply #5 on: May 28, 2011, 08:34:08 AM »
That is what your lawyer is asking for you...either you agree to the times, he does not get any, or they will be supervised. The father will have a chance to say what he wants too. If he gets a lawyer, you may get a response before court.
It sounds like your state HAS visitation for young babies though since your lawyer wrote he will not get standard visitation. The only reason your lawyer put was age ...did lawyer write anything after that sentence to say why dad can not have unsupervised?

mistyme

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Re: can someone define this for me?
« Reply #6 on: May 28, 2011, 08:57:49 AM »
No he didn't, but Texas is know for the first 30 visits supervised during visitation unless the mother says it doesn't have to be.  I know his father will have a lawyer and it will go to court, that doesn't bother me.  I was just wondering "absent visitation" which is pretty much what his father is doing now anyways.  In the beginning he gave all this speech when i was pregnant that he loves his son, threatened to take him away, ect.  I was on here all worried and such.  Now that he is born? He's all talk.  JUST because the baby doesn't have his last name, he's not his son anymore ... my son is a spitting image of his father so because he doesn't have his last name, he decides he doesn't want to care for his son.  I think that's pretty sad and low.  He chose not to come to the hospital, that's not my problem.  We were never married so I couldn't just put him on the b/c like that, they wouldn't let me.  No i didn't want my son to have his last name but it was the right thing to do.  Again, I was there for 48 hours... I sent him one text saying "he's here" i also told his family ... BUT he never showed.

ocean

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Re: can someone define this for me?
« Reply #7 on: May 28, 2011, 03:09:08 PM »
Most of us have been through major issues for more than 10 years on here. I know he is not there now and was not in the hospital but that really will not have any impact in family court. They should do the paternity test first and then in the eyes of the court starts his time as "father". He may come around and some men (and women!) do not know what to do with a baby.

Your child needs to know both parents. Sooner or later the child will be asking questions even with a great life with you. If he comes around, work with him. That does not mean give him everything he wants, but think what would be best for CHILD. Seeing dad usually ranks everything else out, and when it does not, dad should be given make-up time. I hope he comes around for your child. He will not parent like you do...but as long as he is good to child that is what matters.

Are you the one with the domestic charges? If you are, ask that he go through a program and ask for counseling sessions court ordered for the two of you to learn to co-parent. At some point after the supervised visits you are going to have to deal with the unsupervised...it would be better if you set this up to co-parent then fight it from the beginning. 18 years fighting over ever week visits is a LONG battle.

Sole legal verse joint legal custody. Really not a lot of differences. You will have primary custody and child will go to school by you. Joint is for big medical decisions and schooling decisions (private school, special ed meetings). We are on the opposite side of you. My DH gave mom "sole" because she HAD to have it but then he added all the things he was legally able to have (access to all teachers, drs, therapists, coaches). Since child is with you, you will be making every day decisions. 

If there are pending charges, he was probably told that he should not go near you or the hospital until this is worked out. He could be arrested if you charged him again for being at hospital. He may be getting legal advice not to call you until they get into court. Most lawyers tell them to get a paternity test first no matter what.

Did they give you a court date or does TX to mediation first?

Kitty C.

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Re: can someone define this for me?
« Reply #8 on: May 28, 2011, 03:37:18 PM »
"Father will not be granted Standard Visitation due to the youth of the child (my son is 2 months), visitations will be as agreed between parents, absent visitation, Supervised Visitation." 

Just my interpretation, 'absent' (in this case) means 'short of'......IOW, visitation will be agreed on between the parents...short of that, it will be surpervised.  Meaning if you both don't agree, it will be supervised, but it appears there's no specifics for that.
 
If that was the true intent of the statement, they should have used a few more words to clarify it.  'Legalese' can be difficult to interpret and, as many here know, can be interpreted in various ways.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

mistyme

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Re: can someone define this for me?
« Reply #9 on: May 28, 2011, 09:54:32 PM »
Assault charges were never filed, just a report.  He's never been given any kind of "warning" or notice to stay away from me.  He's come and go a lot and even as such, before I decided to get a lawyer, i allowed him to come and go when he pleased.  He could see his son when he wanted to.  I never withheld any kind of visitation.  He only came 4 times, for less than an hour and did little to nothing with him.   Didn't really even hold him, i asked him if he wanted to change him or feed him, ect.  nothing.  But the whole time he kept telling me he loves me, ect and wants to be a family again.  I told him no and I kept telling him no.  Then all of a sudden since he isn't getting his way, he has to act like a baby and start denying our son and bringing up issues that didn't seem to matter until I was telling him i didn't want to marry him.  He got sore and started telling me off again like he did when I was pregnant.  I offered to go down and get him on the b/c so our son could have his last name, he never wanted to go, now all of a sudden, 2 months later, it's a big deal.  I have no issues co parenting, i know how to be nice and civil because that's all I've been doing and will be continuing to do but, he doesn't.  He needs help, counseling, whatever it is and I should of requested that he get it before he is every a lone with our son per his anger issues, ect.   And no, I don't say that because we have different parenting views ... when a father starts giving his 7 year old womans laxative pills because his son wants to take them just like his dad does ... there is something not right there.  When his father lets his obese borderline diabetic son drink 3 monster drinks A DAY... there is something not right there.  When he looses his anger and beats and kills the dog in the back yard for no reason ... i think you get my point. I'm just not going to give a long drawn out description, just that I personally know he IS a very disturbed person and a very poor father at that with his oldest son from his first marriage that i mentioned. Anyways ...

I've been through this for the past 5 years with my daughters father.  He took of on me in labor and I hadn't seen him sense.  I know what the future holds, my daughter has a great life and she still asks about her dad so I know what to be prepared for.  My wishes aren't to eliminate my son's father from his life, but to protect him from his father's anger issues, his lack of "maturity".  He already has a 7 year old so I'm not blind either to his parenting which is why I have requested supervised visitation so that he may have a chance to prove himself, and prove ME OTHERWISE and if he does, that's great.  He just will continue to act immature because he never got his way so for the next 18 years I will have to deal with a baby, but oh well, what can I do?  I'm not one of those mother's that just keeps the father away for NO REASON AT ALL.

=)

 

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