It isn't hurting my son at all thanks for your opinion though it is appreciated.
twistedtmama, it
IS hurting your son. You just don't see it yet because he is so young.
Having (or "allowing") your child call his father by his first name, and call someone else dad, is
classic parental alienation. In addition to the books MixedBag suggestion, I would suggest "Breaking The Ties That Bind" by Amy Baker, PhD. It contains numerous accounts from children who were alienated from one of their parents, and how that alienation has affected them. The two things that we are discussing here are common strategies of alienating parents.
Please understand that I am not attacking you - I am advocating for your son, and hoping you will see what harm you are causing him with this. I know that you wouldn't hurt him on purpose. That's why we're telling you this, so that you don't hurt him without realizing the effects all this will have on him.
Here are the outcomes you can expect your son to experience as a result of being alienated from his father:
- 70% of alienated children experience depression
- 65% of alienated children experience low self-esteem
- 50% are alienated from their own childen
- 40% experience a lack of trust in themselves and others
- 35% develop drug and alcohol problems
What you should understand is that, no matter what you think of his father, it's IS his father, and he needs that relationship. He NEEDS to feel that he is loved by his father. His
real father. And, maybe his father is a low-life jerk who won't step up and do what he should for his son. There's nothing you can do about that. But, by alienating him, YOU are causing your son harm IN ADDITION to the harm his father is already causing him. And there
is something you can do about that. I get that you're angry with his father. But, in my opinion, hurting the child you love and cherish because you're angry at his dad is a pretty dumb thing to do.
Like I said, I'm sure that you love your son. I know you wouldn't willingly cause him harm and, when you see that your actions are hurting him, you will take the steps to change so that your son has the best chance possible for a happy life when he becomes a man. There are lots of ways you can deal with the hurt and anger you are feeling without harming your son. We have all been there, and know how hard it is, and we can help with suggestions on what you can do. But you have to love your child more than you hate your ex.