S.P.A.R.C.

Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center
crazy gamesriddles and jokesfunny picturesdeath psychic!mad triviafunny & odd!pregnancy testshape testwin custodyrecipes

Author Topic: I need help  (Read 3147 times)

discoverme223

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
I need help
« on: Dec 26, 2012, 05:33:25 PM »
I'm going to try and give you the short version of the story.  I hope that is enough, but if you have questions, please ask.  This may be lengthy...

My son's father and I have never had a good relationship.  We weren't together when I got pregnant, of and on during my pregnancy, and then off and on after my son was born.  He had this woman he met years before he met me that he talked to, told me he had feelings for and said they would never be together.  We eventually called it quits and did not try to fix our relationship.  I met someone and practically ran for another relationship as I was too broken hearted to be alone.  I got married and then realized that everything about our life was a lie.  He took everything he could and left me and my son, poor, homeless and without a car.  I asked my son's father to take him until I got back on my feet.  It took almost two years for him to let me see my son.

He did actually marry the girl he told me he never thought he would get.  She's not from the US, and being 8 years younger than him, I didn't think it would happen.  I finally met a man that accepts my flaws and cherishes every moment we have together.

Since he did not let me see my son, he fought for full custody and won.  He told me that everything would be fine.  His wife and I have now become really good friends (wierd I know) and we have all become a family.  Until my ex started to cheat on his wife.  Now, they are talking about divorce and she is planning on taking their child with her to her home country.  My son is in the middle of their fights, her packing, and I am concerned about his welfare.

I have him for the Christmas break, and I don't want to take him back.  He's crying to me that he doesn't want to go back.  He asked me the entire week before I had to pick him up if I would pick him up early.  He isn't eating and I'm thinking he is depressed.  My son's father's mother has told me that the house is a mess (this I know, I've cleaned it when I'm there) and that they make my son stay out until 8 or 9 at night at his friend's house.  His grades are slipping and he isn't paying attention at school.

My son's father has agreed that I will take my son to let him get situated as they have to move out of the house, but I'm wondering if I have the leverage to get him now.  I don't want to see him live through this and I don't know what's going on that he isn't or hasn't told me.  He's scared to tell me because he thinks he will get into trouble.  I don't know what to do.

By the way, our court order is in NJ and we have all moved to FL without getting it changed to FL.


tigger

  • Private Reserve
  • SuperHero
  • ***
  • Posts: 7924
  • Karma: 591
    • View Profile
Re: I need help
« Reply #1 on: Dec 26, 2012, 08:31:02 PM »
I think you should probably take him to counseling.  Give him a safe place to tell someone whatever he's holding in. 

How old is your son?  How long have you been in your current relationship and is it a marriage or dating?  Any chance that the stepmom will give you ammunition?  (Be careful about ASKING for it though because if they reconcile, it'll be used against you.)
The wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!

discoverme223

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Re: I need help
« Reply #2 on: Dec 27, 2012, 04:19:49 AM »
My son is 6, will be 7 in a few months.  My coworker's daughter in law works at my son's school as the school psychologist.  I don't know if talking to her would be good or bad.  I don't know if she would call his father and get him into trouble.  I've been with him for almost 5 years now.  My son and his relationship is more of a friend/support.  My boyfriend only yells at him on the one time that my son hit me and if I'm not around.  He thinks he gets yelled at by enough people and he doesn't want him to feel like he has no one.  His stepmom has filled out paperwork for her to take him to the drs, get him from school and whatever, I don't know she won't let me see them.  Her best friend's family came over from her home country and stayed at their house.  Her daughter was playing with my son and my son stopped and told her that "my dad has a paddle, you need to be good or he'll use it on you."  I apologized to her for my son even saying that and putting that idea into her kid's head, some things just go on I will never know about.

ocean

  • Private Reserve
  • SuperHero
  • ***
  • Posts: 5073
  • Karma: 172
    • View Profile
Re: I need help
« Reply #3 on: Dec 27, 2012, 06:34:37 AM »
What does your last set of court paperwork say about LEGAL custody. Is it joint? Counseling should be outside of school. If child has medical insurance and you have joint custody, you are allowed to take him.

How close are you to child's school? Could you call ex and say, can you keep him in your house until things calm down over there, that you will bring him to and from school? Is dad going to move our of this house? Where will he go?

In order to change custody, you would need to prove neglect or dad sign off that child can live with you. If dad plans on moving to a new school district, our of state, then you can request custody as child would be best with staying with mom, school, friends, and activities.

You would have to ask NJ to give up case to Fla. Otherwise you would have to go back to NJ for legal paperwork.

discoverme223

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Re: I need help
« Reply #4 on: Aug 04, 2013, 05:22:30 PM »
It's been a while, sorry. I have since the last post had to deal with my ex getting arrested twice. Once for assault the other for rape, both against his wife.  DCF has been involved and said that since the abuse was not towards my son they won't take him out of the home. They have since divorced and she is leaving for England in a few weeks.  I have almost all of my paperwork done to file for custody.  I am also looking to find a way to keep him here until the custody case is settled. He has had my son lie to DCF saying nothing happened. This summer has been hard. He had to move out of the house and into his mother's boyfriend's house where I find out my son is sleeping on a pull out couch with his father. My son is not the same kid and his behavior is off. He cries out of the blue and has been getting so angry over little things like when I tell him to put shoes on so we can go out. I'm trying my best. His father threatened that I would never see my son if I file for custody.


 

Copyright © SPARC - A Parenting Advocacy Group
Use of this website does not constitute a client/attorney relationship and this site does not provide legal advice.
If you need legal assistance for divorce, child custody, or child support issues, seek advice from a divorce lawyer.