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Author Topic: Worried Father  (Read 1722 times)


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Worried Father
« on: Mar 20, 2007, 01:44:36 PM »
I am a new father with a six month old son. The mother and I are not together. She used to let me watch my son when she worked and when she was home. Once I told her I was interested in getting custody and asked her what she thought of 50/50 she freaked out on me. She took it as an insult that I was taking her baby away. I just want to have legal right to see my son, I don't need 50/50. I told her that I am very flexible and if it makes her happy, I will ask for just visitation rights. She said because I brought this up that she can't trust me alone with him and now won't let me see him unless she is also there. She said mediation probably won't work. I dont want a long legal battle and just want legal right to see my son. She was always a little strange but now she shows signs of mental illness. she is very paranoid and has a big problem with anger/temper and worry. She has had trouble working lately when I watch our son when she was at work. She makes up many allegation against me that are not true. Her grandmother is mentally ill but not institutionalized. I was never worried about the welfare of my child before but she is getting more unstable. I am pretty sure she is not abusing drugs/alcohol. I dont think she would intentionally hurt him but if something set her off I dont know what she would do. She has already threatened to kill me if I ever hurt our son. She gave an example: like if I said I was going to pick him up and forget to and he got hurt emotionally. She said she would kill anyone who hurt him and she doesn't care who knows it. Where do I begin to get custody? I am a student working part- time, can I do it without a lawyer?  I am moderately concerned for his safety. Is this a legitimate concern?


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First off, were you married to the mother? If not, you have absolutely
« Reply #1 on: Mar 20, 2007, 02:10:04 PM »
no legal rights whatsoever.  You will have to go to court and file for paternity and then have a child custody/parenting plan put into place.  It can be done on your own but it will take a while and be complicated.  If you can borrow money and hire an attorney it would be the best thing to do.  


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Is this a legitimate concern?
« Reply #2 on: Mar 20, 2007, 04:29:06 PM »
She said: "She said she would kill anyone who hurt him and she doesn't care who knows it. "

TAKE THIS VERY SERIOUSLY.  I was watching Dr. Phil the other day, when I was home for lunch.  He was talking about mothers and how they harm their children.  The subject was brought up that usually there are signs and comments made, even jokingly at times, which hint at what a woman may do to the children.  She may interpret "hurt" differently than you.  

You need to document her statement in some way.  Witnesses, recording, emails, something to show to the court that she uses the term "kill", it borders on "terrorist threats."  Be CAREFUL.

You do need to establish paternity.  Look for legal aid and be prepared to record all of your exchanges of your son.  See Optimal on the site...it is in the banner ads.  





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RE: Worried Father
« Reply #3 on: Mar 20, 2007, 05:58:33 PM »
If paternity is already established, you can follow this advice right away. If you have not established paternity, do that first, and then do the following.

You need to file for custody. Gather as much evidence as you can of her threats (ask someone if you're allowed to record phone conversations in your state, for example). As part of your custody filing, ask for a custody evaluator to decide on custody. Most custody evaluations involve some psychological testing, but if it's not routine in your area, then ask for BOTH parents to be evaluated (that way it doesn't look like you're just out to get her).

It won't be cheap, but it's cheaper than losing access to your son. Once that happens, you'll probably never get more access later.


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