Hi!
I am so sorry that this has happend to you. I am a NCM of ten year's standing. I , too , had 50 50 placement. When my X threatened me I asked my attorny for a PFA. She told me to jump off a bridge and told me I needed a custody eval. She said that since I was divorced the PFA would anger the judge. I took her advice and underwent a custody evel in which the father told mutual frineds not to worry that he was assured of getting custody. he was able to say this at least nine full months before the report came out. The evalautor was biased and worded her eval in such a way that I sounded crazy. I psych eval later, whne I had expert witness testimony that not only was I not nuts, but was "high functioning" status quo was established adn I was stuck with getting two weekends a month.
The children are aliented, dad allows them to run about in shoes with holes so big their feet get wet from the morning dew. Yes, they wear these shoes to school. DD wore a belt that was duct taped together. She fianlly askd me to buy her a new one when she next casme for visitation. I had to take da to court for a mod just to get him to put medically necessary braces on DD's teeth. He allowed her perscription allergy medicine to go 18 months wit hno refill, instead giving her high does of Benedryl which was so sedating her school work began to suffer.
Now before you jump to conclusions_ pay my guideline support even thoug I am disabled and qualify for food stamps, medical and energy asssitance. Dad makes 70K a year!
Dad still retains custody due tot he stauts quo.
My point in telling you all this is that I was unable to chage custody even with several serious breaches of paretnal responsiblitiy and several counts of contempt against the X.
You must aboslutely know every legal right you have. I would never set foot in a custody court without a lawyer- no matter why I was there.
If I had it to do over again I would not try to
change custody but move for modification of the visiting schedule. Try to slowly work your way up to 50-50. As your child gets older, you will need a "professional" on your side. A counselor or psychologist who will testify that it is in your child's best interest for yout o have greater parenting time.
Learn to pharse everything you say to be about your child's best interest. For expamle: "I htink its in my child's best interest to spend every weekend with me becasue I take her to church every Sunday adn her spirtual education si important to the foundation of who she is in the world" OR some such thing. Make EVERYHTIng you say to anyone about the child.
Never go against a
court order. If you have an issue with somethng that's ordered, have your attorney deal with it but if its still ordered, do it.
This custody business is a game. Learn to play it well. look th epart, learn to say what the judge will listen to. Only say what you have concrete proof of. I don't even say good morning these days unless I can acutlly prove it is. Its a twisted way to live, but if you an to be a part of your child's life, this is the world in which you now reside.
I don't mean to be harsh, but knowledge is power. My mistake was believing my X's words and not vigorously defending my position early on. It s much easier to have a biased custody evalautor removed than it is to try to defend against a bad custody eval.
Lear how to be the best paretn you can be and make the most of each and every secod of parenting time you ever get becasue children grow all too fast. My eldest turns 18 in just a week!