Temporary Orders for Parenting Time of Newborn in AZ

[chilli123]

Hi,

I will be submitting temporary orders this summer to establish visitation time with a baby that is due in the fall.

What should I request for parenting time that is reasonable and also in the newborns best interest? I want to bond with my child too. Mother has stated that she does not want me involved in this childs life at all. Based on how things have been going I expect she will change her mind now and choose to breastfeed the baby. That is a good thing for baby so I have no problem with that but I do realize it may impact my options for time with our child too.

We are not living together and currently in the process of getting divorced. Paternity is established since we are married within 10 months of expected due date. I will be requesting a paternity test after the birth to verify 100%.

[chilli123]

Sorry, I meant to post this in visitation.

If moderator could move this thread or delete and I will repost in the correct forum topic.

[ocean]

I do not see this posted under visitation so I will answer here...
I have not heard of a court giving visitation to a child before birth. You will have to wait prob to the baby comes unless there are other children that will part of the divorce? Then maybe you can put visitation for other children and then add section "when baby comes father will be able to see child xyz". If no other children, have paperwork ready to be handed into family court when child is born.

Are you already in divorce court? If you are, you may have issues filing in family court if this is being discussed within the divorce. Ask your divorce lawyer what can be done or if the divorce will be signed by then.

[chilli123]

Ocean, thanks for your response. I have been reading a lot on here and your advice usually appears reasonable and spot on.

I do have a son from my 1st marriage that I am successfully co-parenting. Thankfully his mom and I have found a way to make things work and put him first in all matters. So my parenting of him may come into play eventually and ex #1 would testify I am a good dad, but my son is not part of the current divorce proceedings and any custody issues that may follow with soon to be ex #2.

I already started the divorce process so that may conclude before the baby is born. The baby is not part of the case but depending on how long that runs my attorney says he may be able to combine custody and divorce cases or even reserve the issue for later. Mother and her family refuse to speak with me and let me know how the baby is doing so I don't expect to get any news when the baby is actually born. Her attorney is trying to ram the divorce through right now and I am trying to slow things down and make smart decisions for the future. Not sure how all that will play out...

So what kind of typical visitation schedule is awarded to a non-custodial parent of an infant? If I have to file TO after birth or we can somehow file TO before the birth I still need to figure out what is reasonable. I definitely do not want the court to see me as some jerk trying to cause problems and harass mother. But I also want to see my kid and share in the joy of his/her birth while we work the rest of it out. Mother started accusing me of being alcoholic and saying I am unfit so I will have to fight that off too when I start trying to get time with baby.

[ocean]

My first thought would be to stall the divorce. Why does she want to be divorced so fast? If she wants a divorce without a trial then she signs with a provisions that baby will have dna testing before child leaves hospital at birth and father can see child xxx (few hours, 2-3 days a week?) until the first court date after the dna results are in. Hard part, the first few weeks will most likely be in her house.

Have you had any hearings/court dates for the divorce yet? You can usually put one court date off with no issues from the courts (after you get the date, wait until a few days before and ask the court to change date which is usually a month later). The summers are longer to get dates in court as judges take summer vacations.

Now in reality, her lawyer is pushing for divorce so she does not need you anymore until she files child support. She can have the baby, not tell you, and wait for you to file in court, get a date, push it off, wait for another date, go to first hearing , not agree, wait for another court date/trial and then maybe get some orders to see child. SO really depends how far into the divorce proceedings you are and if you can combine it and have the date 6 weeks after delivery so she can attend court (but that is 6 weeks you dont see child if judge does not order something before hand). TO are usually given in emergencies but you may get a sympathetic judge that will give you some time and revisit 6-8 weeks later after child is born.

[chilli123]

Resolution conference is in 2 months. Baby is due in 5 months. Not sure when a court date would be set if there is no agreement made at the conference.

There are three reasons I think she may want to ram this divorce through.
1) She is paying for my son and I on her health plan. She wants this to stop.
2) She can't sell her house while divorce is pending.
3) And my worst nightmare, she wants to move back to her home state to have the baby. Custody battle would take place in another state then. Big disadvantage for me if that happens. My lawyer says she can't do that but I have found nothing that stops her from moving once divorce is final.

She is not going to be OK with me having visitation in her home. FACT: She hates me more than anyone on this planet right now. It will be a battle for the rest of my life to stay in this kids life. I just want to move on but I also want to be a part of my kids life too.

[ocean]

She can move but future court dates will be in your home state if you file right after baby is born. Put off the next conference when it gets closer, go to resolution conference usually a month later, not agree unless she agrees to specifics to paternity test/visitation, then trial will be set-another month, baby will be here. Add paternity/custody to divorce.

Newborn visitation is tough when you do not get along. How far will she move? Hours? If she moves then you should get credit for travel costs going to her area for visits (get credit when they figure child support). Once the baby is 8 weeks old, you should be allowed full day visits as a child is able to go to daycare between 6-8 weeks in most places. Then gradually do more time and overnights. Being far away is going to be your next obstacle.

If you can stall until after the baby is here, you can stop her moving with child out of state with a restraining order until after the trial date. Many judges are not allowing move-a-ways as she can move but child/baby stays (although we are talking about a newborn). How does your lawyer feel about the judge you have now? Have them seen them take a stand on this issue before?

Hopefully she just needs time to cope with divorce and pregnancy and will negotiate a way that she can sell house/move and you still be in child's life. If she really wants to be divorced then she will negotiate or be forced to wait for a trial.

[MixedBag]

I remember something in my most recent divorce stating that there were no children born of this marriage etc...

Something that covered that I'm "not pregnant" etc.

SO....actually this is an area not covered or asked about that often.

I happen to lean on yes, ask for parenting time to be established now -- because of becoming the defacto parent.  And yes, ask for a paternity test -- but really, I'd turn to an attorney and ask how this is handled.

99% of the stuff that needs to be covered CAN be covered NOW even before the baby is born (IMHO).

If she wants out so bad....might be a good time to negotiate "more than the normal time' ultimately with the child....maybe phased in over time, but think long term.

[ocean]

Oh yes MB! I have seen that too.....

[chilli123]

If she did move it would be 4 hour plane ride to get there. I wish i didnt worry so much but I do. What would I do in this situation? Should I go to her home state and get the chance to be a part of new child's life. Right now mom #1 and I get along great and she sees my value as a dad to our son. She would be OK with summers and other visits throughout the year. He is also old enough to travel alone. We can talk on the phone and Skype too. My heart will be broken no matter how that scenario played out

I did check the box that wife is pregnant so I don't know what exactly that does for me. I have spent much time googling trying to find answers but I guess my situation is not common.

I will talk to my lawyer in the next week or two and see about trying to start negotiating some of this custody and visitation stuff and see what he recommends. Will report back when that happens.

[chilli123]

So assuming she sticks around the first 8 weeks I will be shooting for frequent visits of short duration. 3 to 4 days a week 2-4 hours per visit with me and babies big brother. Sound right?

9-12 weeks (maternity leave should be ending soon) I can start taking baby on day trips up to 8 hours(??) to see my family and also our house. Baby can start napping with me at our house.

Weeks 13 to ?? Mother will be back to 12 hour shifts 3 x per week so I should be able to start getting overnights? Or is that to soon?

[ocean]

Ask your lawyer how/when (not yet) to get a restraining order for her to stay in the state until court is over. This will force her to stay. Court will always be by you and not switch to her new state if she did go. Let your lawyer know that you will not settle until there is a parenting plan set up and to do whatever it takes (postpone next hearing and then file new paperwork to add custody).

Look online for infant parenting schedules. Look up your state recommended parenting plans. Looks like you will need a detailed plan. Exact days/times/ and how visits will work. You have some time to look it up and take what you need from each plan. Eventually, you want a plan that has summers, holidays, birthdays, father's day, sibling and dad birthday -all with dates/times.

If you are willing to move and that is an option, then that is a great negotiating item for you but right now if court is on-going at birth than she can be forced to stay in home state. You can allow the move, sell the house but then you get xyz. I would also look up her new state and see how they enforce out of state orders.

Another option is to ask right now for court ordered co-parenting class or counseling that you attend together. This will force you both to talk in a room without lawyers and a counselor to oversee the session and start talking about co-parenting.

[chilli123]

I have to be careful with the things I ask for or I may be ordered to pay her attys fees. AZ Law gives a lot of lattitude for the judge to award this so if they think I am being unreasonable they are required to fine and/or award legal costs. That would not be good. My lawyer has been really understanding and also seems to listen to what I am saying so I believe he is on board with protecting me from that. I will run these scenarios and suggestions by him to see what he thinks is possible.

I am just trying to stay focused on the baby and putting myself in the best possible position to help raise him or her. If I can't combine the two issues I guess I will just have to adjust my plan as it happens. I have a list of state sponsored parenting classes and co-parenting classes I am going to take this summer. CPR and first aid are also on the agenda.

Since I have been accused of being alcoholic, and therefore unfit parent, by mother #2 I decided it best to not drink at all during this ordeal. Hopefully this prevents any misunderstandings about who I am and what is important to me. Thinking about enrolling in a drug and alcohol testing center at the local blood lab so I can give samples daily and have verifiable record that I am not an alcoholic. Not sure how much that would cost but I don't know how else I can rebut an accusations like that?

I lose a lot of sleep over this. This message board, my son, counseling sessions, and running are the only things that seem to help me cope everyday so I do appreciate it more than you know.