Well here is how conciliation went.
Ex went in there all spun up. I noticed it within the first five minutes we were in the room. Her hand was visibly shaking a little. The mediator started talking a little and my ex jumped in telling her we needed to focus on a long term
parenting plan and then can come back to all the small stuff. She sounded like she was wanting to run the meeting. The mediator told her that the small stuff is what we start with in order to build a long term plan. If we had a long term plan without the small stuff figured out first then the parenting plan would eventually fall apart.
I expressed my desire to "not throw stones at each other" and to focus on us both being in our son's life. Then my ex went on to mention all of the concerns she has with me as a parent. I tried to address them as she brought them up but she raised her voice and then strung together about four or five separate topics. I sat back in my seat and didn't say a word. She stated that I was an absent parent and that she did 100% of the parenting. I might come home and play with our son for five or ten minutes but then I just sat and watched TV. I am spending more alone time with our son now than I ever did is her main argument. We batted this around a minute talking about baths I've given, books I've read to him, etc.
Then my ex decides with all her power to ask me what my concerns were with her. I said my main concern was her mental health. She jumped in saying that her mental health was great and that her psychiatrist says she's never seen her so happy. I asked if I could finish talking since she had her time to talk. Then I said that I worrry that she might go off of her medicine and become suicidal again or possibly attempt suicide again and end up hospitalized in the local mental health clinic again. Her response? "I was never hospitalized [there]." I clearly caught her off guard but this is an honest to God concern I have. Her mother and grandmother both deal with depression and have been on and off medicine over the years. What happens if my ex one day decides she has been fine for the last couple of years and decides she doesn't need medicine anymore. Or what happens when she gets knocked up by one of the guys she's sleeping with and HAS to go off the meds cold turkey. Can she really take care of our son?
Anyways, throughout the meeting she brought up money about five or six times. Nothing direct to
child support and time spent with our son, but she did mention child support. She mentioned how much money we were wasting because we cannot talk and I slightly leaned over the table and looked her right in the eye and said, "there is no amount of money that is worth not being in my son's life. So I'm not worried about that." I pulled out a text between the ex and I discussing Independence Day schedules. She told me, "this was additional time that was given to you, not something I had to do. I need him by 8 as originally discussed, we have plans. I'm sorry for the miscommunication this morning, but you will have 10 hours with him today that you wouldn't normally have. Please let me know where to meet you at 8." Ex says she hasn't been keeping my son from me. Then why is this normally time I wouldn't have? Why does she think she's so generous by allowing me to see him? The mediator asked me why that bothered me. I told her that is sounds like my ex is a parent giving me permission to spend the night at a friends house when we are suppose to be equally important in his life.
Mediator asked ex if she understood why that bothered me and how it sounds. Ex says 'I can never word things right for him. He always says I don't say things the right way.' Mediator says no I mean in this particular instance do you see how that comes across to him. She rolls her eyes and said yeah I'll try to word things better.
We did get through most of the holiday schedules but we have to go back for another two hour session. I am worried what we will end up with. Ex stated that because our son is so young he needs to be with her more. Age 4 is about when that will not be a factor for her. I said that ideally we would both be equal even though it never can be quite equal. That is because the ex has never had a job and does not start one until August when she will become a para educator at an elementary school. I pulled their school calendar and counted 87-88 business days where I HAVE to work that she does not. It does make sense that she have him when she does not have to work so right off the top she has him 25% of the year. "Don't throw percentages at me! I've never even seen this calendar!" I placed it on the table between us. The mediator said that next session we will discuss a graduated parenting plan from now until age 4. "That way you are both as equally unhappy with the plan." So I am not sure what to make of that statement but hopefully I am looking at half and half on paper.
Side note: What makes a person whom less than 30 day before filing was talking about having another baby this summer decide to hate me so much and use our son against like she is? I have not done anything to her to deserve this treatment. Friends and family say she is crazy and karma will come back around but I just don't know. She is the type of person you see get away with soo much and wonder how they get away with it. But somehow they always do.