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Author Topic: Unbiased opinions needed  (Read 2136 times)

Azai10

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Unbiased opinions needed
« on: Aug 16, 2016, 02:01:51 PM »
So my child is 11, going in to her first year of middle school. Her father and I have never been on great terms. Lots of drama in the past, but in recent years it's been very minimal close to zero communication between him and I. When my child was 3 was when we both agreed to 50/50 because I worked 2 jobs and really did need the help with her. Besides the fact that I've never understood why some ppl sever relationships between other parents and their children based on their personal issues.
Anyways, for the past 2 my child has over 30+ absences and tardies (each school year). As a result her grades were affected, she has multiple consequences by the school. (No field trips or school activities). I had confronted her father multiple times, my husband and I offered to switch schedules. Even offering him EVERY weekend just so we could make sure she has a stable school week. I am a SAHM, my husband and I are very involved in the school. We volunteer all the time. The teachers have gone above and beyond to provide all of her work for the week to me early so that I can make sure it gets done. So this past school year I was contacted by a social worker about her attendance. I kindly cooperated and showed all my "proof" that they were his days and asked for advice with my situation. They opened a case on him, but told me I needed to do my part as well.
I went to a consultation with an attorney and she steered me away and told me I was asking the impossible. She said it's almost "impossible" to have 50/50 custody change.

does anyone have any advice as to what I should do? Has anyone been in this type of situation?


ocean

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Re: Unbiased opinions needed
« Reply #1 on: Aug 16, 2016, 02:24:24 PM »
When the school said they opened a case, what does that mean? Opened a case with the county child services? If you see any absences on dad's days encourage the school to open a CPS case for educational neglect. If that case is already open, dad will have to prove he can get child to school on his days or CPS can change the custody order so child gets to school.
It is hard to change 50/50 especially if you are doing over time and child is passing classes. The best way is to tell the social worker that they are mandatory reporters and she should be calling CPS on father if this continues.

Azai10

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Re: Unbiased opinions needed
« Reply #2 on: Aug 16, 2016, 02:45:54 PM »
Well that's a great question to ask. When I spoke to the social worker, she just said they were opening a case on him and making a report. I'm new to this, I should have asked more questions.

Well I do have a file of her school work and hw showing the difference in her grades between my days and his days. In 4th grade she was going to fail. She ended up taking a summer course and doing LOTS of extra credit. 5th grade started off the same way. Until the 2nd nine weeks I decided to intervene. It's hard to sit back and watch your child fail because she isn't being pushed to her potential. I did speak with him once about monitoring her doing HW but I was told she is old enough to be on top of her studies and she'll gain responsibility from this. Although I agree that we as parents shouldn't do every single thing for them, we do have to make sure they are on the right track. If you give the child (any child, any age) the option to do or not do HW and no consequence, it's an obvious choice.

ocean

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Re: Unbiased opinions needed
« Reply #3 on: Aug 16, 2016, 03:33:41 PM »
True but now child is middle school so maybe make a homework chart for her. She can earn something fun with you when she comes back to your house if she did all her hw at dad's house (could be cheap, movie and popcorn with you, take a walk in a park/beach) Many middle schools have a parent portal where you can see grades and homework online. Teach her and show her that you can look up her grades and attendance every day. Start talking to her about colleges and look some up online and show what her grades need to be to go to college and become a ______whatever she is interested in. Some middle school courses count toward HS credit.

Also, can she take a bus from dad's house? Is there a reason she is not getting on bus on time?

Keep on social worker on the first late/absence without a doctor note from dad. Educational neglect is serious and the amounts of days your are talking about without a medical reason shows red flags. Sounds like the school has started to document. I am taking a guess that they did not call CPS as you probably would have been notified too since it would prob been against both parents (then you prove it is not your days with CPS/DSS).

Azai10

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Re: Unbiased opinions needed
« Reply #4 on: Aug 16, 2016, 03:52:50 PM »
Between my husband and I we have 6 kids. My husband gained custody of his 3 boys over 6 years ago. We have raised them all together. I do have a parent portal and very much involved. All of our kids are on honor roll, play sports.. Pretty much excell in all areas. Yes she should be held accountable for some responsibility. She is getting older, but it gets harder for me since she has half the time with her dad showing her the opposite of what we instill. We have a chore chart, we give allowance. I know that we will not always see eye to eye with him, but I do fear that now in middle school things will only get worse. I know this is that in between stage for adolescence children.

As far as the bus, he did put her on one for about 2 weeks. But the bus driver informed me she could no longer take her because her father argued with her about payments. Next week she starts middle school, she will be taking bus from my house. He refuses to look into it as he said "he would make sure she got to school on time" but then again he said that the past 2 years.


 

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