Transportation/Visitation

[Mom2JacNAJ]

I am needing some help for my Husband who will be returning to court in a few days.  We are asking that his Ex share in the transportation of the kids for visitation.  She verbally agreed at one time but it was never done.  Only on a few occassions has she done any traveling to deliver kid for visitation .  We have only one car; my husband and I have two children under 5 years of age and I work part time.  When he is forced to do all the transporting of kids it limits my availibility for working certain days and nights as well as puts the kids and I without transportation for a minimum of 3 hours until he returns from picking them up.  Last year he even had to drive two round trips on the 4th of July so that the holiday was shared equally.  She refused to do any of the driving. It was even during our two week summer visitation period.  Can anyone help provide us with any information or guidelines that might help our case and get this transportation shared?  your prompt responses are appreciated.

[kiddosmom]

what is written in the court order??
verbal agreements are not binding and can be ignored.

[Mom2JacNAJ]

There has never been anything written in the court order regarding who is to do any transporting of children.  I understand "verbal agreements" are not binding and that is why we are trying to ask the court to rule on this.

[MixedBag]

Three divorces here, each different.

Who moved away?

If she moved, ask the judge to have her be responsible.

If he moved, ask that he pickup and she return.

There are other options like asking that CS be reduced to offset the cost....

[wendl]

what my dh has him and his ex meet at a 1/2 way point. You could also request that the receiving parent provided transportation that way you pick up child at beginning of visitation and the other then when your time ends the other parent comes to pick up the child. This way each parent only drives on way.

[Mom2JacNAJ]

Thank you for all the input and advise.  Unfortunately the Judge refused to hear any arguments as to why the transportation should be shared.  The issue has been brought up previously, not in front of this Judge, and last year at court it was supposed to be addressed and was not.  In short, the Judge cut my DH off at the knees everytime he tried to say something about the travel and his reasons for asking for it.  All the Judge said was..."Why wasn't it brought up last time in court? Has either of you moved recently?" to which the answer was no so he refused to order any sharing of transportation.  I don't understand these Judges.  They are so unfair and unreasonable except to support the BM when it comes to things.  This Judge didn't even give a ruling on anything that was discussed...he is going to send it to them in the mail.  My DH's D supposedly wrote a letter prior to court and of course that was given to the Judge but DH was not given a copy of the letter.  For over a year my DH has gone on a "date night" with his daugther once a month and this has accomplished nothing in terms of her treatment towards him nor does she come for any weekend visitation.  That is what DH was requesting, that she come for weekend visitation since it was not written into the court order.  Last year Judge left it up to her to "want to come" but not with the influence her BM has over her. That doesn't happen.
I am just so angry that this Judge didn't even give DH a chance to speak or present his case in anyway.  DH was very nervous and with the Judge constantly interrupting him he kept loosing his train of thought even if he had it all written down in front of him.  This is an outrage to think of our "judicial system" doesn't give a fair hearing and listen to both parties without bias.  That is so totally wrong.  Wish there was some way for us to file charges against this judge.  He even wanted DH to pay BM for some bill that we know nothing about nor has she produced proof she paid such bill and she has a long history of lies in this area.  Why would you tell someone to pay something without proof and this isn't the first Judge to tell him to do that either.  I guess the BM's word is "gospel" in these courts? I just dont' understand even after all these years it still hasn't changed one bit.  So sorry to rant here. Just needed to get this off my chest.  Thanks for all the input and support.
BM and DH had a verbal agreement from two years ago to share the transportation but she has never lived up to her end of the deal and so we are stuck doing all the driving...3hours round trip and it elimnates my working two days out of the weekend because he has to do all the driving and we have two children of our own.  Just isn't fair to us at all.
Thanks again.

[Peanutsdad]

Hold the phone here.

Evidense was entered that was NOT shared??TODAY, look into your local court rules on filing an appeal. Here its three days within a ruling. You may have procedural errors you can appeal on here.

If the judge examined evidense( bills, letters), that were not shared with both parties, he should have objected at that time.

[MixedBag]

dare I suggest hiring an attorney too.

I was/am Pro Se -- and there are many times when I wonder if things didn't totally go "my way" because I AM PRO SE and I am not using an attorney.

Not sure what I'll do next time -- kinda depends.....

But I wouldn't recommend it for just anyone.

[Mom2JacNAJ]

Last year DH had an attorney and it didn't do us much good on some points. Yes, it kept DH from having to deal with a Judge that won't even recgonize him as a human being let alone let him speak without being interrupted.  We've spent $1000's of dollars on attorneys and have gotten no where.  BM is never forced to comply with visitation, she gets a verbal reprimand and that is about it.  Nothing else comes of it and SKids still don't come when scheduled at least two of them.  

In reference to PeanutsDad post I will let me husband know and have him check into this asap.  However, he feels if he does such a thing and gets this same Judge again he'll be totally in the dog house.  I do agree that a copy of the letter should've been given to him in the very least and he did not ask for one.  In regards to the bill that is said he owes there was no proof provided to the court just the word of the BM.  We never really saw a bill from the Dentist office either.  Did get a ledger and there was some questions that we had and addressed them to the Dentist office but never got a response back.  Since court I have sent another letter to the office asking for verification of the dental bill and statements of what insurances paid (there are two separate insurances) and what BM paid and what we've paid on the account.  Hope that gets us some answers.

Thanks to all who have responded.  Your input and advise is greatly appreciated.
Will keep you updated.

[doood]

if the order does not state that he has to return the kids, can he get in any trouble if he does not?

let the bm come and get them if she wants them.

[IceMountain]

What would happen if they did not return the children at the specified time?  I have been 'toying' with this scenario myself.  I have visitation from 5 to 5 fri to sun and it was not specified in the decree who was responsible for transportation.  My ex and I had a verbal agreement, too, which she follows at her convenience.  We have an 8 hour round trip drive between us.  (both moved in opposite direction of 'family home').  

My ex, in the past when I tried to get her to meet me 1/2 way,  threatened to call the cops if I did not have my son home at 5:00.  Is there any legality to her calling the cops?????  

Please help me with this!  These 4 hour drives are really cutting into the time I am able to spend with my son.  We really only have Saturday together.  Although the time in the car is spent doing alot of talking, he's only 6 and he'd rather be at the park :)

btw, we both live in Iowa.  I really need to know what would happen if I didn't return him at 5 and made her come and get him.

[Kitty C.]

IM,

I just e-mailed you thru your post on DD.  Hope that info helped.

No, the cops will NOT do anything, especially here in Iowa.  She can threaten all she wants to and even call them, but all they will do is tell her to see an atty.  She's trying to blow smoke up your backside and you have to call her bluff.

Our PBFH tried that ONLY once on us.  I know the local cops well, called them and asked their opinion, and they told me the exact same thing.  She hasn't tried it since.

Since there's nothing specified in your CO as to how and where exchanges should be made, she can't even get you for contempt, because there's nothing in the CO that says you can't.