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Author Topic: At a Dead End in Visitation Attempts  (Read 1586 times)


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At a Dead End in Visitation Attempts
« on: Apr 07, 2004, 12:05:31 AM »
I'm new here, but you all seem like a great bunch of people willing to help if you can.  I am looking for suggestions or ideas for a problem we have.
My boyfriend has a year and a half old son that he just found out was his last september.  Here's the story...he dated a girl for a very short time...to make a long story she was sleeping with other men at the same time and ended up preg.  He did know she was preg, but she kept telling him that the kid wasn't his.  Back in Oct of 2002 Noah was born.  At that time she told him that he wasn't his and the other guy had already taken a paternity test.  Fast forward to August of 03 Tobby my bf gets served papers for him to go take a test.  The results came back Sept 12 of 2003.  He is the father.  He has tried numerous times to see Noah even for a few min, but the mother has always said no..you need a court order before I'll let you see him.  On December 15, 2003 they went to court to set visitation, custody and child support.  The child support was set, but because they couldn't agree on custody or visitation (he wants some, she doesn't want him to have any) they were referred to mediation.  He was told to contact the mediation center, which he did the next day and they said they would send him the ppw to get started.  They never did and he contacted them about 20 times since then.  The last time he contacted them they stated that the mother had not yet contacted them to start mediation and they couldn't go any further until she does.  Now what do we do???? He despirately wants to see his son and be a part of his life(he hasn't even seen a photo of him) but until she contacts the mediation service he's stuck...

Can he go after her for contempt of court for not contacting them?? What would be his best course of action???

Any help would be greatly appreciated...and if I could ever figure out how to get into the chat room I really look forward to meeting all of you.

Shannon and Tobby


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RE: At a Dead End in Visitation Attempts
« Reply #1 on: Apr 07, 2004, 02:36:25 AM »
A few suggestions for a beginner (lol):

1.  Get a family law attorney, they cost a little more, but this whole situation would NOT have happened if you had one to start with, thus less money in the long run.
2.  Get specific dates for compliance to court orders, always.
3.  Ask for attorney fees for going back to court, which you must now do, to get her to comply.
4.  Request for supervised visitation 1-2 times per week until mediation can be settled. (Child doesn't know father, must be supervised first, but the sooner the better!)   Request mediator be allowed to report directly to the court regarding issues and so the court can use that information to determine other things.
5.  Whenever you communicate with ANYONE think this "What will a judge think if he/she reads/hears this?"  I am talking letters, emails, phone calls and discussions in person.  Always take the high road and be courteous, respectful, and keep you emotions out of it!
6.  Remember Shannon, you are not one of the parents, so continue to help him in the background, but stay out of it in the limelight.  Don't talk to her, etc.  (Believe me, this is best!)
7.  Be a little paranoid on-line.  Don't put your real names, etc., you never know who is looking.  
8.  Continue to come here and remember Soc board is the attorney board, great for asking questions.
9.  Click on chat, put in a name and password, that gets you in. (Its been so long for me, I can't hardly remember, lol)
10. If your bf has never been a parent, I STRONGLY suggest he find someplace that gives parenting workshops, sign up for it, and GO.  This will look good for him in court, and he will know what to do with a young child.  Also have him get CPR for infant/child pronto.  Just go to your American Red Cross bldg and ask when their next class is. You go too.

And good luck, plan on a long, (17 years) fight, but hope for the best!


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RE: At a Dead End in Visitation Attempts
« Reply #2 on: Apr 07, 2004, 05:23:54 AM »
Tips For Getting Started

How To Hire An Attorney

Hiring An Effective Attorney

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody


Suggestions When Falsely Accused

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations

One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.

Keep the Faith.


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RE: At a Dead End in Visitation Attempts
« Reply #3 on: Apr 09, 2004, 01:28:19 PM »
 Hi Shannon & Tobby, I'm new to this to and am very impressed by what Ive seen in 2 visits. I got a laugh and can relate to your comment about finding the chat place. But this web-site seems to be set up well. I dont have much advice but what I do have I offer with my best wishes. I went through mediation in OR. & had a similiar situation. Noahs mom should have a time period in which to comply with mediation. Ask the domestic relations court clerk or mediator about it. After that time if she is'nt coopin then you should be able to file a hearing for some cort ordered visitation.(month 1/2 later) Then if time goes by and she still wont coop, you can file for another hearing to enforce the ordered vis. By the time Noah graduates J.R. High, if you stck with it daily, you should be able to have some Quality Time. Its hard, a week or even a day is forever for Noah. Keep faith- document everything. Send a letter to the mediator copy it three times, send one to the ex- one to the judge if possible, or whoever you can think of, and keep one. Get other people involved. Be persistent but dont appear obssessive. Some attorneys take payments. Or you could have a consultation for 35$-50$ and ask a few well thought out questions. try not to let the frustration get in the way of Tobby trying to be a dad. Be patient.


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RE: At a Dead End in Visitation Attempts..update
« Reply #4 on: Apr 16, 2004, 02:01:30 PM »
Thanks for everyones words of encouragement!  Here's an update on what's been going on.  Last week we drove over to her county(where the case originated due to child support) and had all of the paperwork ready to be filed.  We got a court date, but alas...with 5 family court commissioners working there, no one was available to sign them...sigh...wasted driving 8 hours for nothing as we were told to come back and get the paperwork.  We just went over there yesterday again to pick up the contempt paperwork and get it to the right places when there was another few setbacks...first they had tobby as being down for a divorce case...um....I think the forgot to tell me something..lol  Then she said that we couldn't file because we already had a guardian appointed.  Turns out that they automatically filed the contempt papers for us, we just had to take copies to the sherriffs so the BM could be served with them.  The family court commissioner that reviewed the contempt petition from us for not having her start mediation automatically appointed a guardian for Noah!  At least now we feel as if we are getting somewhere.  We paid our half of the guardian fees yesterday and contacted her.


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