To some this may seem petty but...

[Stepmom0418]

Ok a little background: Temp matters were settled and CO went into affect April of this year. BM has denied visitation several times and made false accusations. (sp?) In temp order it states that BM is to pick child up at our home on Sunday after visitation and we are to pick child up at her home on friday. This never happened, ever! We provided all transportation to and from visits.

Then we go to mediation and she dont show although her attorney does. Dh made and agreement to proceed with mediation with her on the phone and her attorney there as well. Ok this ended up going alright and an agreement was made. The mediator asked BM if it is ok for her attorney to sign the agreement on her behalf and she said it was ok. Mediation agreement was effective that day. In the agreement it was decided that on friday and on sunday that we would meet at a point that is about half way between the 2 homes. ( an exact location is in the agreement) Ok first weekend BM calls friday afternoon and leaves a voice message stating that if DH wants child he would have to pick him up at her home and also bring him back to her home. He agrees because he hadnt seen child in over a month due to her denial of visitation. Ok now comes the 2nd visit after mediation, DH spoke to BM on the phone and she says that he will once again have to provide transportation. He didnt say yes no or anything to her about it. The plan is to call DH attorney in the morning and procede from there about this.

Ok the thing I dont get is that this is the second CO that she doesnt want to follow. We have in the past provided this transportation but only because DH wants to see their child. Ok, DH attorney says not to pick child up unless its at the point thats in the mediation agreement. DH wants to see his child and I understand that but at the same time I see this becomming a habit that we provide transportation. DH does not want to leave his son to wonder why dad didnt come. BM has made a habit of telling child lies and so far she has been unable to convince child that dad is a bad dad. We are trying our best to keep it like that. PAS has been an  issue that we have been working hard to prevent and so far child has not "listened" to BM when she talks bad about DH but we dont want that to change over something like us not picking him up. (she has told child when she denied the visit that dad didnt come because dad dont love you and ect.) It seems like BM is trying to see how far DH will bend her way. Also DH attorney says it may be a plan of BM's to prove that DH can and will provide all transportation and she may try to change the CO based on that.

What advice do any of you have for us in regards to this? HELP we are at our wits end about this!! DH wants to see child and so do the other children. What do you suggest we do from this point? We dont want her to be able to get a CO for DH to provide transportation but DH wants to see child. We are affraid if we dont go get child at BM's home then we wont see child this weekend! DH told me that not showing up at BM's residence is not an option because he will not leave his child hanging like that. Any advice? We were wondering if we picked him up at her home and then on Sunday request that she meet us at the place in the mediation agreement. Then if she dont show child would come back to our home untill she could arrange to pick him up at our home. OK someone let me know the pros and cons of all this and some advice or suggestions!                                    stepmom0418

[ConcernedCP]

I agree with Dad on this one.  Don't leave the child waiting and wondering.  It's not fair to the child to be caught in the middle of the parental conflict.  I'm assuming your DH has documented the prior deviations from the agreement.  I'm also assuming that the results of the mediated agreement are in effect and the CO is signed.  If this is the case, Dad can file contempt charges against Mom and use the documentation to indicate a pattern of noncompliance.  Good luck!  

[Kitty C.]

SM, you and I have discussed this at length.  I think you're right on, but I'd go one step further.  Go and get SS if she refuses to meet halfway, but REFUSE to meet halfway or take him all the way back to BM's.  Tell her, when she calls and says you have to come to her house to get him, that that is fine, but she MUST come get him on Sunday, no if's, and's, or but's.  Betcha dollars to donuts she's gonna think you're just bluffing, since you've done it all in the past.   But hold your ground and stick to your guns.  I'm not saying two wrongs make a right, but as I've heard others say here 'He who wants, fetches.'  If she wants him back bad enough, she'll come get him, some way, somehow..........

[Stepmom0418]

I too agree with dad about not leaving his son to wonder. Yes he has documented the priors on this. Major documentation! The mediation agreement was effective the day of mediation but heres the catch DH attorney is waiting for the actual CO to get signed by BM and her attorney so it can be signed by the judge. (but as i sayed everyone was aware and agreed that the mediation agreement was in effect the day of mediation.) So..... now I sit here and await a call from DH's attorney. She was gonna do some checking and see what we can do and she is now in agreeance that DH cant just leave child wondering! (thank god she agrees to this) She is also gonna make a call to BM's attorney and see what he can do to resolve this issue as well. So now i wait till she calls back hopefully with good information or news. Thanks for your suggestions!

[Stepmom0418]

Right on Kitty! Thats what DH's attorney is checking on right now for me! Just to make sure we got a leg to stand on and it wont bite us in the butt in the end!
Heres my thoughts: Even if this mediation order wouldnt stand since the judge hasnt signed it, then we would fall back on the temp order that says she is to pick him up at our home at the end of visitation. Right?

So either way I think we would be well within the law on this one. Wish us lots of luck as this is DH's weekend with SS!

[treadiing water]

No, This is not petty at all.  This is pretty serious and defines how the relationships will be set in the future.

My advise is for your DH to go to the BM's house (gotta love the acronym BM - seems to fit) and pick up his child.  Then on Sunday show up to the agreed upon location and obtain some proof that DH was there at the specified time.  When she doesn't show take the child back home and wait for the phone call from BM.  Inform her that you were at the appropriate designated spot and waited x number of minutes and that she can certainly come pick the child up at your house.  Be sure to keep all documentation for use in court to show the judge how she will not follow the temp orders and you have no reason to expect her to follow the final orders.

Good luck

[Stepmom0418]

I agree that it is serious I just wasnt sure how others would see this considering alot of the issues others have and how serious they are as well. BM has always interfeered with DH's relationship with child but we both keep pushing and are not ever going to give up. There are alot of issues here that I am not going to go into but you are right this is serious and is getting even more serious everyday! It is actually a gas station that BM and DH are to meet at so there shouldnt be a problem getting proof that we were there to deliver said child back to BM at the location agreed upon.

(gotta love the acronym BM - seems to fit)
Just an FYI for you BM is Biological Mother. But.... I could come up with other words as well at this point of frusteration but.... we wont go there. (LOL)

[Kitty C.]

Hell yes!!!!!!  Regardless of what really is in effect, and whatever the judge signs off on, you certainly would be within your rights to do it either way:  either go to the agreed upon meeting place, wait, then go back home and wait for her to call, or tell her she can pick up on Sunday when you pick him up if she refuses to meet halfway.  If she gives you any grief, tell her she needs to read her 'agreed upon' order AGAIN.  Then walk away.  Do NOT deal with her BS.

[futurestep-mom_AZ]

Well I can tell you we have had the exact same problem and we also meet at a gas station. Because of the problem we have in our order that if any party is to be more than 30 minutes late without a phonecall than visitation is forfeited. So we go in buy a soda at 2PM and at 2:30 we call our voicemail and record "YOU HAVE NO MESSAGES" then we go back in and have the cashier sign that we were there until 2:30 and the original receipt is stamped for 2PM it worked wonders for us as far as proof and there hasn't been more than once that BM has had to drive an additional 2 hours to pick up the child. She learned at tleast for a while we are actually having the problem again it's been a while I have a feeling we are going to need to remind her. Well good luck.

[Stepmom0418]

That is a good idea about having the cashier sign something stating the time you leave. One question for you what do you have her sign? A reciept from the station or just a plain paper or well you tell me. LOL!

[futurestep-mom_AZ]

We make sure to get a receipt when we first get there. Like buy a soda or even a 25 cent pack of gum then that receipt is dated and time stamped. Then when BM doesn't show (give her reasonable time for traffic) our court order says 30 minutes you just have the cashier sign the back of the receipt that you were there until such and such a time. The cashiers actually get use to you if you have to wait a lot (like we do every week for an hour plus) and they start to do it for you. We never even had to go to court on that issue we just left and she had to drive an additional two hours then back four hours. Like I said that was a while ago and I feel we need to remind her again. But good luck

[oklahoma]

My husband has always been required to provide all transportation.  And when we moved 4 hours away, it was with the knowledge that we would still be doing all of the transporting.  But, we fudged a bit....

One year we were to have SDs until 10am Christmas morning.  That would mean on the road by 6 am, getting home at 2 pm--with good road conditions.  My husband called up BM and told her that we were not bringing the girls back due to poor road conditions (they were always poor in that neck of the woods, but the roads were not actually closed that day.)  But, if she felt it was safe enough to drive, she could come pick them up.  About 2 minutes after she hung up on my husband, he got a call from the local police department.  They told him straight out that they couldn't do anything, especially since my husband had told BM she could get them.  We drove them back the next day.

BM took us to court the next summer.  But you know what--she didn't say a word about my husband's "contempt."

[mango]

Getting a receipt sounds great. Get another as you leave. Document the wiat period. Buy a snicker bar or something. Copy the receipts along with a letter to the attorneys' that you were there.

If it were us, tho. Our BM would pay us back in tenfold by not allowing the next visit the next time.She'd have some excuse that we did not return her last time, or she was getting her "lost time" recovered, who knowsd what she'd come up with. Depending on your enemy, you might want to think through what you do.

[skye]

Our stories are so similar it is scarey, I have been dealing with the PBFH for 4 years now almost 5.. I have learned alot along the way...

download modemspy on your computer make sure the legal disclaimer is set on it. and set it to record ALL incoming and out going calls..

keep a journal of events, and when dealing with her never speak in person email it or send it certified return reciept..

she is setting him up to drive all the time she is gonna say he agreed to do it and since he has been doing it they will believe her... SO get DH to shoot off a letter stating she is not following agreement and should she refuse to meet again he will be filing a show cause Monday morning after for not abiding order and denial of visitation.. send cerified return reciept CC her attny, and yours...

every time she is late shoot off a letter every time its denied shoot off a letter..

the reciept idea is excellent I never thought of that.

and for all of you dealing with the clothes issue start taking pictures I invested in a time date stamp camera, take pictures of their socks caked in dirt of them filthy it PROVES she is not properly caring for them, rashes bruises cuts yup I have a huge collection ( may be why DH is now the CP)   I took notice of all those who made note to me they saw it.. teachers daycares etc..

the only way to change it is to prove that it is happening.

[Stepmom0418]

I cant get modemspy to work. My Dh says he thinks it is because we dont have a microphone. (old computer) We have been doing the certified mail for quite a while and it seems to work well. We have a very detailed journal that we have been keeping.

Spoke to DH's attorney today and she said that the judge will uphold the mediation order! Also the attorney said that #1 if denied visitation we will hold BM in contempt. (this has been a problem in the past.) #2 if in contempt a few times we will go for full physical custody because she cant and wont follow the co and is interfeering with visitation. (these plus many other issues that I have posted about in the past)