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Author Topic: This is the week in Iowa!  (Read 7644 times)

Kitty C.

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This is the week in Iowa!
« on: Apr 05, 2004, 02:13:40 PM »
http://desmoinesregister.com/opinion/stories/c5917686/23815232.html

HR22 has passed the House and is now in the Senate.  I was blown away to find that my senator (who is on the judiciary comm.) voted yes!  I had sent him and my state rep. e-mails regarding my opinions of the bill and that I expected them to support it.  Now it's time to talk to the govenor!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......


tkhjr

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RE: This is the week in Iowa!
« Reply #1 on: Apr 06, 2004, 05:39:54 AM »
I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT THIS IS A GREAT BILL AND I EMAILED THE GOVERNER IN SUPPORT OF THIS BILL!:7

Kitty C.

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IT PASSED!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #2 on: Apr 06, 2004, 09:18:22 AM »
By UNANIMOUS decision, HF 22 has passed the Senate and will be on it's way to the Govenor's desk.  Two years ago, Govenor Vilsack vetoed a similar bill, as it had a provision for mediation and he felt that it would be fiscally unfeasible.  The mediation provision is NOT in this bill, thus possibly eliminating any problems Gov. Vilsack has with it.

To e-mail Gov. Vilsack and give him your support of this bill:

http://www.governor.state.ia.us/comments/staff_email.html
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

MYSONSDAD

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RE: IT PASSED!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #3 on: Apr 06, 2004, 10:50:28 AM »
Just wanted to let you know how happy I am for your State. THE CHILDREN WIN!

I am just an hour north of the State Capital here in Illinois and would love to sit on the steps, hoping to find someone who will listen.

Just keeping the fingers crossed that this will spread Nation wide.

CONGRATS! I know you have made some wonderful contributions. Good Job...

Hawkeye

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RE: IT PASSED!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #4 on: Apr 06, 2004, 12:12:25 PM »

We're not done yet! SPREAD THE WORD!

Even if you're not in Iowa, the US but on planet earth.... Email Governor Tom Vilsack and let him know the world is watching for his signature on this landmark piece of legislation!

HATS OFF TO IOWA STATE REPRESENTATIVE DAN BODDICKER for introducing this and standing up for Iowa's kids!  


Kitty C.

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My letter to the Governor..........
« Reply #5 on: Apr 06, 2004, 01:58:48 PM »
Would like feedback, pro and con:

                  

The Honorable Governor Thomas Vilsack
Office of the Governor
State Capitol
Des Moines, IA 50319

Dear Gov. Vilsack:

Shortly a bill will be brought to your desk for your approval.  HF22 was brought into being because it was recognized that too many parents, predominantly fathers, are allowed way too little time with their children after divorce or custody rulings.  I strongly encourage you to approve this bill.

I am a stepmother to a 10 y.o. boy and have been in his life since he was 4.  We all live in a very small town, but we ONLY see him 4 days a month.  WHY?  Because that was the minimum ordered by the court, but the MAXIMUM allowed by the mother.  She does not recognize that a child needs BOTH parents in their life and still holds bitter feelings towards my husband and sees the child as a way to ‘get back at him’.

My stepson has been asking since he was 7 years old how old he has to be to tell the judge whom he wants to live with.  It’s a tragedy in the life of any child who is put in the position of feeling this way!   He would desperately love to have his father involved in his life, but the mother sees to it that we are not informed of things he is involved in.  He has been in Cub Scouts for 4 years, but my husband has never been allowed to be involved.  On one occasion that SS told my husband that he wanted us to come to the Raingutter Regatta, his mother stood on her deck and screamed at my husband for wanting to be involved, with SS standing right there crying his eyes out.  On another, he wanted to bring his Pinewood Derby car one weekend so he and his father could work on it together, but his mother and stepfather hid it so he couldn’t find it.  This is just a very small example of how she tries to shut my husband out of the life of his child.

Couples may divorce each other, but they do NOT divorce their children.  In our current court system, there is an adversarial atmosphere in regards to custody where NONE should exist.  Only in family court is there a third party involved who has no voice, the children.  If a couple brings a child into this world, that child should not be deprived of either parent just because of divorce.  They shared equal responsibility and rights before the divorce and should be allowed the same after.  The child enjoyed and needed both parents before the divorce and is entitled to both after as well.

It is proven that children thrive when actively involved with both parents.  It has also been proven that a child who has an absent father has a greater likelihood of being involved in crime, drugs, alcohol, teen pregnancy, and other social ills.   What has NOT been proven is that bills like HF22 were designed by fathers just to lessen their child support responsibility.  Of every father in this state that I’ve talked to, EVERY ONE of them was current with their support, all they want is equal time with the children they love.

This bill is VERY important in child custody issues, because it gives the message that BOTH parents are important, BOTH parents must be involved, and it takes away any ‘power’ that one parent might perceive to have over the other.  When joint equal custody is established, there is nothing to fight about.  When both parents walk into that courtroom, they will already know that fighting over the children will not happen, because they are BOTH equally responsible and BOTH have that right to the child, just as the child has a right to both of them.

Governor, I am aware that you vetoed a previous bill regarding this issue, but I beg you to consider this bill very carefully.  I ask you to put yourself in the shoes of a child who is not allowed to see his Daddy or Mommy very often, though he loves them very much.  To feel what they feel when they just get settled into their father’s house, only to go back to their mother’s only 48 hours later.  To feel the fright and confusion when they don’t understand why their parents fight over whom they spend time with and why Mommy won’t let Daddy take him to Tae Kwon Do and baseball practice.  My heart cries often for my stepson, knowing the hurt and confusion he feels so often.

The children of this state are being short-changed enough when it comes to education and the unwillingness of our Republican legislature to recognize that.  This bill will at least give them more stability, something they desperately need.  As a fellow Democrat, I fervently urge you to sign this bill into law, to give back to the children of this state what they have lost.  And to make sure that our children in the future are GUARANTEED the love and stability of BOTH parents.  They are counting on you.  Give them the voice they need!

Sincerely,



Kitty C.

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I'm all ears!  Fire away!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

MYSONSDAD

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RE: My letter to the Governor..........
« Reply #6 on: Apr 07, 2004, 12:29:21 AM »
Sounds great, you have given me a few ideas to add on my letter.

Just praying like heck it goes thru!

Hawkeye

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RE: My letter to the Governor..........
« Reply #7 on: Apr 07, 2004, 12:20:39 PM »
Excellent, Kitty! I've been posting info about HF22 on every dads site I can locate. I hope the added attention of out of state folks will cause Gov Vilsack to realize the nation is watching.

In other news, get this... My ex is opposed to our son joining Cub Scouts!  Go figure... How low can she go???

Kitty C.

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That's nuthin'............
« Reply #8 on: Apr 07, 2004, 01:37:46 PM »
SS is in Scouts but the PBFH ADAMANTLY refuses DH to get involved in any way, shape, or form.  A few years ago, we had SS the weekend of his Raingutter Regatta, it would be right after we dropped him off.  He had told us ALL weekend he wanted us there to watch him race his boat, but he didn't know what time it started, so DH said to just run in and ask PBFH when we took him home.

SS ran in, but when he came out, he was bawling his head off!  He went straight to DH's arms and bawled and bawled!  Then PBFH comes up behind him and started SCREAMING at DH, forbidding him to go, that if he did, SS would not be allowed to take his boat (apparently something the SF said, as it appeared that SF made most of the boat!).  It took a while for DH to pry SS off, calm him down, and leave.

DH was adamant that he wouldn't go, so as not to upset SS any further, even tho I reminded him that SS practically talked of nothing else all weekend with us.  So I went instead.  SS was SO tickled to see me, but guess who was there?  ONLY the SF!  PBFH didn't even bother to show her face.  I didn't stay long, but did get a pic of SS holding his boat.  About 5 min. after I got home, PBFH was on the phone to DH and reaming him another one.

He even wanted to bring his Pinewood Derby car one weekend so that he and DH could work on it but PBFH and SF HID it from him!  Pissed him off royally, but it also might have had something to do with us getting SS a set of decals for it for Christmas!  But now SS NEVER mentions Scouts, unless it has something to do with a weekend we have him.

What these PBFH's do to their kids ought to be a crime..............
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

MYSONSDAD

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My Letter, lets keep them coming
« Reply #9 on: Apr 08, 2004, 10:28:43 AM »
The Honorable Governor Thomas Vilsack
Office of the Governor
State Capitol
Des Moines, IA 50319

Dear Gov. Vilsack:

I am writting in regard to a Bill coming before you. The Bill is HR22. I am a resident of Illinois and have strong Family ties to Mahaska County, Iowa.

My concern is for the children of this country. It is a National epedimic for children to be torn away from loving, nuturing Non-Custodials. Parents divorce each other, not the children.

There is a definate gender bias in the family court system. 60 to 75 % of all divorces are initiated by women. Women get primary custody of the children in a divorce about 80 % of the time, along with the award of child support, 1/2 of the marital assets, and generally the house if one is at issue. The father gets placed in the position of being a court-ordered visitor in the lives of his children, and every month he has to turn over anywhere from 20 to 65 % of his gross income, to the mother who walked out on him and took his kids. In a growing number of these cases, the mother either totally denies visitation or makes visitation so difficult and costly that the father is completely eviscerated from the lives of his children.

Please concider signing this Bill. It is the first step in opening the door for all children to have both parents remain in their lives. It is a Child's Right, a God given Right, A Human Right and a Non-Custodials Right to stay involved with their children.

This is a chance to give the 'Family back to the children.'

Sincerely,


I also plan on writting the First Lady of Iowa.

Please advise if there is room for improvements, I am not good with words.

Hawkeye

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RE: My Letter, lets keep them coming
« Reply #10 on: Apr 08, 2004, 10:43:57 AM »
I changed/corrected a few little things, cut/paste below if you like.

Mahaska County!?!?!? My family is from Oskaloosa and Tioga! Or is it Rose Hill and Eddyville... hahaha... Small world, here on the big 'ol net!

-----------------------------------------
Dear Gov. Vilsack:

I am writting regarding HF22, a bill coming before you. I am a resident of Illinois and have strong family ties to Mahaska County, Iowa.

My concern is for the children of this country. It is a National epedimic for children to be torn away from loving, nuturing Non-Custodials. Parents divorce each other, not the children.

There is a definate gender bias in the family court system. 60 to 75% of all divorces are initiated by women. Women get primary custody of the children in a divorce about 80% of the time, along with the award of child support, 1/2 of the marital assets, and generally the house if one is at issue. The father gets placed in the position of being a court-ordered visitor in the lives of his children, and every month he has to turn over anywhere from 20 to 65% of his gross income, to the mother who walked out on him and took his kids. In a growing number of these cases, the mother either totally denies visitation or makes visitation so difficult and costly that the father is completely eviscerated from the lives of his children.

Please sign this bill into law. It is the first step in opening the door for all children to have both parents remain in their lives. It is a Child's Right, a God given Right, A Human Right and a Non-Custodials Right to stay involved with their children.

This is a chance to give the 'Family back to the children.'

Sincerely,

Kitty C.

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Great!
« Reply #11 on: Apr 08, 2004, 10:56:35 AM »
Christy Vilsack is a VERY nice lady....I had a chance to meet and talk to her a couple years ago and was very impressed with her.  With her state reading campaign geared to elem. kids, I'm thinking she can give some influence to her husband on this issue!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

Hawkeye

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RE: Great!
« Reply #12 on: Apr 08, 2004, 11:30:46 AM »
I just got off the phone with Governor Vilsack's office, 515-281-5211, and asked how do I voice support for HF22.

His secretary/receptionist immediately connected me directly to the Governor's Liason for Policy and he asked for my name and address and asked me what I would like the Governor to do.

I told him to please relay to the Governor my support for HF22 and to please encourage him to sign it into law.

He thanked me and I thanked him and that was that! I asked him if and when the signing would take place, he said that technically the bill has not reached his desk, per-se' - as the legislature has some last minute details to take care of... (maybe getting the parchament paper and all those ink-pens ready??) but he said the Governor is reviewing it and it should be acted upon by the time the current legislative session ends. Maybe it's just a matter of sorting them into stacks of 'sign' and 'veto'.

My guess would be no more than about a month, unless they extend the session due to some other bills, you know, important stuff like gambling! haha....

I also asked him if they were receiving emails about it, he said "OH - YEAH!" with a positive tone to his voice.

I wonder if the 100 or so folks around the globe I emailed this morning are hot on their keyboards? *grin*

Keep Spreading the word....  (and pass the mustard!) lol!


Kitty C.

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RE: Great!
« Reply #13 on: Apr 08, 2004, 11:59:23 AM »
And I just e-mailed Gov. Vilsack's exec. assistant, asking the same thing:  when.  On his website, under News and Information, there is a list of bills he's signed and his activities under 'Current Releases'.  I'm hoping we can get a heads-up far enough in advance that we can make a trip to Des Moines for the signing!!  Staying EXTREMELY optimistic here!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

MYSONSDAD

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RE: Great!
« Reply #14 on: Apr 08, 2004, 12:55:05 PM »
My Mom wrote to her this morning. Giving the Grandmothers point of view. It was a tear jerker. Didn't know she had it in her. Made me realize just how important her grandson is to her. I printed it out to give my son when he is older. It said it all...


"Children learn what they live"

MYSONSDAD

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RE: My Letter, lets keep them coming
« Reply #15 on: Apr 08, 2004, 12:57:15 PM »
Mine was from Ottumwa and Fremont, hi neighbor!

Thanks for the suggestions!! Sounds better.


"Children learn what they live"

Kitty C.

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Would she mind........
« Reply #16 on: Apr 08, 2004, 01:50:57 PM »
........if you posted it here?  I think it's important to know how grandparents feel as well, but it's up to her.........
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

MYSONSDAD

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RE: Would she mind........
« Reply #17 on: Apr 08, 2004, 03:17:28 PM »
Is it HR22 or HF22? I see it both ways here.

Hope I did not mess up.

I talked with my Mom, she said okay, but only parts of it. Too much pain, it took alot for her to write it. She is a quiet person and it was somewhat personal.

MYSONSDAD

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From a Grandmother........
« Reply #18 on: Apr 08, 2004, 03:45:37 PM »
DECIDED TO DELETE, TOO MANY WATCHFUL EYES

I wonder if the Mother of my son has ever given a thought that she will someday be the Grandmother and have to go thru this...

"Children learn what they live"

tkhjr

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RE: From a Grandmother........
« Reply #19 on: Apr 08, 2004, 04:03:22 PM »
I am not a grandmother but this letter brought tears to my eyes. You are so right, The CHILDREN are the ones to suffer!! I dont understand how a mother could do this to a child but they do it all the time! We are currntly in court fighting for a right to be in my SS life and mom has kept us from him all his 7 years. It is so sad it just tears us up to see his confusion and hurt but all we can do is fight! This letter is great! I was wondering if you sent it to Mr. Vilsak as well? Keep fighting and NEVER give up!!

MYSONSDAD

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RE: From a Grandmother........
« Reply #20 on: Apr 08, 2004, 06:21:46 PM »
She sent it to just the Mrs., I sent mine to the Governor.

I would like to send it to the Lt. Governor. Maybe I will mention it to her tomorrow. Even thought she should send it to the President.

We are all in this together. I think if everyone stands together and keep the same goals, it will someday change. We have to do it for the kids. They need us.

OzrkChic

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RE: This is the week in Iowa!
« Reply #21 on: Apr 08, 2004, 09:32:26 PM »
I'm new to posting here but have been reading for over a year. I have been following this thread with great interest. Is this bill on the internet anywhere that is accessible to the public? I would like to read it and know exactly what it says. My DH has been a victim of the Iowa courts more times than I care to remember. That is another post though.

Thanks,
OzrkChic

Kitty C.

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Here's the bill/file............
« Reply #22 on: Apr 09, 2004, 07:36:49 AM »
http://coolice.legis.state.ia.us/Cool-ICE/default.asp?Category=billinfo&Service=Billbook&hbill=HF22

Everything that's crossed out is the 'old' version and everything that's underlined is what's been added.  It gives more teeth, even tho it says 'may' instead of 'shall', in that is says 'upon the request of EITHER parent'.

MSD, it is HF22 not HR22, but don't worry about it.  F is for 'File' and R is for 'Resolution'.  Don't ask me what the difference is, LOL!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

IceMountain

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RE: The effect on families...
« Reply #23 on: Apr 10, 2004, 12:11:18 AM »
What do you think the effect will be on families where the parents have already divorced and have joint legal custody????

KITTY.... Thanks so much for all the effort you put in to keeping everybody informed about this bill.

Thanks, also, for posting the update to the bill.  I had not seen this before.  I really like the new wording.  It opens more doors and provides for more 'proof' before a joint physical is denied to one parent.  (the previous wording was pretty 'vague' and 'loose')

HAWKEYE.... I saw your post on the Iowa Board.  It's what first brought my attention to this bill.  Thank You!

I, too, would like to be present for the signing of this bill.

HF22!!!  I'm going to write my letter now~~~~>


Hawkeye

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RE: The effect on families...
« Reply #24 on: Apr 10, 2004, 07:40:16 AM »
"What do you think the effect will be on families where the parents have already divorced and have joint legal custody?"

Good question and one that will affect me/us. Already have joint legal with my ex-wife, but that only means that we can duke it out in court.

Big whoop. More money in the lawyers pockets.

With HF22, she'll have to prove, and the judge will have to state by clear and convincing evidence, why our son should be denied equal access to both parents.

We went through a trial once, where she tried to change our stipulations but could not show any evidence and the judge stated that in his ruling.

Glad you found my message.... Spread the word!
Call, write or email Governor Vilsack!
Children Need Both Parents
http://www.cnbp.info


antonin

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A FEW PROBLEMS WITH THIS BILL
« Reply #25 on: Apr 10, 2004, 08:51:57 AM »
The operative phrase here is “substantial equality,” which does not appear anywhere in the bill language. The terms that are used are “JOINT LEGAL and JOINT PHYSICAL custody (care)” These can mean anything and are not redefined in the bill to mean anything other than what they mean now in family court. Any attorney will tell you “JOINT PHYSICAL CUSTODY (care),” can mean 80/20, 70/30, etc. etc. etc. It is just a term without any specific definition. Before I obtained substantial equality in my parenting time, I had “JOINT PHYSICAL CUSTODY.” My parenting time was 3 weekends per month, a far cry from substantially equal placement, which is what I have now: 50/50.

Also…where is the term “clear and convincing evidence” in the bill?

The bill as written still gives the court the same powers it has now…”may” has to be “shall” or it won’t work. No teeth.
 
I always thought the best language I ever saw in a bill like this was one from Ohio. (They are still struggling trying to get it passed). The entire proposed bill:

http://www.legislature.state.oh.us/bills.cfm?ID=125_HB_232

 


 


Hawkeye

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RE: A FEW PROBLEMS WITH THIS BILL
« Reply #26 on: Apr 10, 2004, 10:01:38 AM »

Well, it's not perfect, but it's a start.

How did you get substantial equality?

antonin

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RE: A FEW PROBLEMS WITH THIS BILL
« Reply #27 on: Apr 10, 2004, 10:32:03 AM »

Here's my story--do not know if I will ever recover before I die. As you can see, it cost me everything I had. Hopefully your bill will prevent such things as follows:

Ex snatched my daughter Sept. 01. Loots house. Takes all possessions. Moved 65 miles away to ex’s father’s. Ex filed ex parte for sole custody and EOW. Child support of 246.00 a week and temp custody to mother.
I filed for custody.
Wife enrolled herself and daughter (6 years old at the time) in a women’s shelter after filing.
Ex claimed I was physically abusive to daughter and herself.
FOC investigator recommended 50/50 placement.
Mother refuses to move back to area where daughter grew up and where I lived and worked. Stipulated agreement gave me 18 months to move 65 miles to within 20 mi of ex’s residence to implement 50/50. I took all bills, including ex’s 64,000.00 student loan, her credit cards (20,000, my loans and credit cards (60,000) , 246.00 a week CS,( for 3 years, child support is calculated as though mother had sole custody, regardless of father’s parenting time with child), 200.00 a week alimony (for 3 years), and paid 665.00 a month for ex’s truck and car insurance. I put house on market April 03. Purchase agreement signed. House deal goes bad in Sept 03. (Buyers do not qualify and I find out 1 day before I am scheduled to move). The choice is between my daughter and a measure of financial stability. I choose my daughter. I move to apt. in child’s area. I begin 50/50 custody Fall 03 and drive 130 mi. RT to work each day. I file bankruptcy. My house is repossessed. I sell house during redemption period. Loose all my equity. I do not have enough to pay off ex’s bills as per decree. After the ex was awarded 2600.00 a month in alimony, CS, etc. etc., I was short way over 2000.00 a month for basic living expenses as in rent, food, and gas. I managed for a while by getting instant loans at those check cashing places and paying them 440.00 a month in interest charges. My take home pay is 5000.00 a month net (5000-2600 to mother=2400-1500 a month joint credit debt=900-700.00 for mother’s student loan payment=-200-1000.00 a month rent=-1200.00-500.00 gas=-1700.00,etc. etc.)
If you examine the details of the above, you can deduce that this financial ruin is a direct result of the mother's actions: using the court system to legally kidnap my daughter and move her 65 miles away and using daughter as a cash cow to enable the mother’s own support. The mother still does not work! You will also see that I paid a great financial price to be with my daughter, but I’d do it again the same way if I had to. My expenses for my daughter are over 1000.00 a month. I am essentially paying child support twice, since CS is calculated as though mother had sole custody and does not account for 50/50. Additionally, I have 500.00 a month gasoline expenses commuting 130 RT to work each day. I will be paying on ex’s student loan (not dischargeable in bankruptcy) until I die and beyond. I am 54 years old. My daughter is 8. My retirement is ruined. My house is gone: it would’ve been paid off in 9 years and I would have had a place to live in my old age. The reason I agreed to this was that I knew I would get the 50/50 if I did. I allowed it to happen because I had a lousy lawyer and could not change because of finances. I thought best to give ex the money, get the 50/50 agreement rather than fight this thing for 5 years and let time slip away. I am 54 years old: my daughter is 8: I will not have the luxury of being around as long as younger parents.  
Since there was not enough money to pay off ex’s debts from the sale of the house as stated in the decree. (I had to sell it fast (before redemption period expired) at 20,000.00 below market value. I had my bankruptcy attorney draw up a document (which she signed) that negated the provision that her debts be paid before the house could be transfered. The document also stated that the house sale funds would be placed in the attorney's escrow account and he would use the money to negotiate payment of her debts with her creditors. I think he will be able to settle with them.

Hawkeye

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RE: This is the week in Iowa!
« Reply #28 on: Apr 13, 2004, 07:00:59 AM »

Governor Vilsack should receive HF22 in the next two days. Because he will get the bill while legislators are still in session he has three days to sign or veto the bill. Now is the time more than ever to contact the Governor by phone and e-mails. We got word that the Governor is receiving pressure from all over the country. Be sure to ask family and friends to contact the Governor, ring the phone off of the wall. Always be polite and encouraging.
 
In addition, the Governor signed a bill today that has been under the radar. The bill will require the state to assign a visitation schedule when paternity is established. In the past the state only established child support and the non-custodial parent would have to go to court to get visitation scheduled. Thanks for your support.
 
Sincerely,
 
Mark Griebel
Chairman, CNBP
 
Office of the Governor
State Capitol
Des Moines, Iowa 50319
515-281-5211
Fax 515-281-6611
http://www.governor.state.ia.us/comments/capitol_correspond/index.html
Governor Thomas J. Vilsack writes that "Iowans have traditionally recognized that strong families are essential to ensuring that our children will enjoy a secure future...Iowans intuitively understand that children need to receive the support and guidance of both parents...[and] an emerging set of scientific data supports our belief that a healthy bond between a child and the child's parents has a direct impact on the future success of the child...."

Governor Vilsack continues, "...children with two parents who actively and positively engage in their life by providing financial support, love, guidance and discipline, have a greater chance for success than children who receive an active involvement from only one parent."


MYSONSDAD

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Sent another letter this morning
« Reply #29 on: Apr 13, 2004, 10:36:30 AM »
I know some feel there are problems with this Bill, but it is a postive step in the right direction. Every journey begins with the first step.

Keep us posted on the outcome!

"Children learn what they live"

Hawkeye

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Crunch Time! Help fix this rotten system
« Reply #30 on: Apr 13, 2004, 06:46:35 PM »
I'm taking the liberty to bump this back to the top of the SPARC board as HF22 (Iowa's first step toward equity in parenting) may be the SPARK that ignites the other cylinders of the Substantive EQUAL TIME for divorced parents concept.

Anyone who's read nearly any article written by Dr. Stephen Baskerville, and has any shred of common sense, knows that children need, and do best with two competent & devoted parents.

Please, after reading this, visit http://www.acfc.org or go to
http://www.acfc.org/upcomingevents.htm and read Mark's letter.

I've been reading much lately about (and dealing with) "conflict"...  

Why is there a conflict?  Because one parent or another creates it!
Well, DUH...  Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.  

Well, fellow Dads, Moms... it is time to BE the eye of the hurricane...

One home, two homes or more... the concept of family is being bombed in the courts, bombed in the streets and bombed at schools.

We're not talking about the middle east, we're talking America.

Land of the Free, and the home, of the Brave.... Those Moms, Dads and parents, stepmoms and all willing to provide for their kiddos and not interfere with a Substantive Equal Parenting concept. Is that so tough?

Hawkeye

MYSONSDAD

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RE: Crunch Time! Help fix this rotten system
« Reply #31 on: Apr 14, 2004, 12:04:17 AM »
You are right about one thing, I have tried to avoid conflict and it keeps slapping me in the face.

I have written 3 letters to Iowa this week, took all of 5 minutes. If everyone here has time to read and post to the boards, they have 5 minutes to make a difference. Just voice your opinion and let the Governor and his staff know what is going on and how it affects the families. What it is doing to the kids.

With any luck, it will cause a ripple effect...


"Children learn what they live"

tjraid18

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RE: Crunch Time! Help fix this rotten system
« Reply #32 on: Apr 19, 2004, 04:23:24 PM »
 I am new here but am very interested in what I've seen. Before I read about this proposed bill I just wanted to say that its very heartening to see so much good effort being put forth for this cause. I cant help but wonder how much could be accomplished through legislation if we were all on the same page-- together.

tjraid18

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RE: Crunch Time! Help fix this rotten system
« Reply #33 on: Apr 19, 2004, 04:53:09 PM »
  Its good to see there is some wording at the end of the bill that could be used to allow N.C.P.s to gain more parenting time if they are being denied. From what I've understood in my state (OR) about joint custody is both parents have to be agreeable to it or it wont work and the court or judge will not endorse it. I guess this is to try to keep the kids out of the crossfire as much as possible and I agree with the idea of that but sometimes the kids end up with the wrong parent and its a no win situation for everyone as well. Joint custody is a tough one. Good luck in Iowa!!!!!

MYSONSDAD

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THEN DO SOMETHING
« Reply #34 on: Apr 20, 2004, 12:49:30 AM »
You mention from a previous post, we should all be on the same page.
Everyone should stand together on this. THEN, Take the time to write.

What I don't get is why the heck someone should tell me I have to be a part-time parent. If non-custodials played a more active role, which they are fighting like hell for, there would be less abuse going on. And why the heck do I have to agree with ANYONE to joint custody?

This is my son too, and I want and need to parent my child.

If Joint custody was automatic, unless drugs, abuse or neglect are involved, there would be fewer divorces. Right now things are totally unfair. There would also be a lot less conflict if Joint were awarded. That's the whole idea. There would be no need for a full blown custody battle. Children need both parents to play an active role in their lives.

MY OPINION ONLY, the one who walks away, should be the one who loses. I stayed to pick up the peices and have been denied access to my son. HOW IS THAT FAIR?

I don't care if your male or female, if you are found 'fit' You should have equal 50/50 on everything, time with your kids, decisions, medical and school records. It takes two people to bring a child into this world, it should take two people to raise them.

And as far as keeping the kids out of the crossfire, what the hell do you think the bullshit Restraining orders do? Just another way to keep the other parent out of the kids lives.

And who says it won't work? If it is court ordered, you would have to comply or be held in contempt, who ever is in contempt should also have to pay attorneys fees and court costs.

This mess did not start just a few years ago, and it will take sometime to get things where they should be. Changing the laws is somewhere to start. So much more is needed. Everyone should stand together for the greater good. I am not willing to settle for what the laws are currently. It is time to change things. Our kids are counting on it, I don't want my son to ever have to face this hell.

From the way I am reading your post, you are okay with the current system.

tjraid18

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RE: THEN DO SOMETHING
« Reply #35 on: Apr 20, 2004, 09:39:59 AM »
  Whoa. peace.....  The last thing I am is o.k. with the current legal system. The last thing I want to do is roll over while my kids mom gets $45,000.00 in child support in 5 & 1/2 years, drives a 1998 Honda civic off the car lot, sleeps in an oak 4 poster bed with plush mattress,etc. Lives in an expensive three bedroom duplex/townhouse with a hot tub in the back yard while shes on welfare , H.U.D., and food stamps. My children have nothing. she invests nothing in their upbringing and yells and cusses at them all the time. She is verbally, and mentally abusive. She lied on the child support papers when she originally filed and I was paying $300.00 a month more than I was supposed to be paying for over three years. The child support agency wouldnt even listen to me when I called them 1000 times. I had to get an attorney that I couldnt afford just to get the child support to where it should be. (a lady at the child support office once told me I could sleep in my car when I asked her how I was supposed to live!) In other words, the current system borders on being blatantly criminal & does need to be changed. There are a lot of children who need a good, caring, parent(s) in their life, but are being denied that and end up being all screwed up because of the current legal system. I've even thought of adoption, then no one could say "thats my child" and just take them and get paid for it at my expense! This is our own flesh and blood were talking about. I agree with you on where your coming from, but see things a little differently because I'm a different person than you. Thats what I'm talking about when I say on the same page. All  of us here have one thing in common but were all different people with different ideas. I think its reallly cool seeing women on here fighting right along side of us for our rights. Your right, we need to all talk, work out our differences aimiably, and unite to change the way things are. Its time! I undrestand where your coming from on the joint custody, but if both parents arent working together then the kids are going to be caught in the crossfire. Maybe not in your situation.... but a majority of situations as a whole. Thats what lawmkers have to look at. And courts and judges. Thats why family law is so touchy difficult and vague. Thats what we need to keep in mind while were trying to use our heads to do something about this. Also keep in mind that most of the reason things are so scewed up is becaause 20 to 40 years ago dads could just pick up and leave their families and not be held responsible, there were no laws to protect women & children from this. Then in the 60's & 70's along with the womens rights movements (no offense intended ladies) came all kinds of laws & power to the department of justice and states to go after "deadbeat dads". The balance was tipped from one extreme to the other.  My opinion, Thanx

Hawkeye

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RE: THEN DO SOMETHING
« Reply #36 on: Apr 20, 2004, 10:24:44 AM »
Here's what WE can do....


Still nothing on HF22. The bill should have made it to the Governor by now. It is my understanding that the Governor has slowed the process. It is not related to our bill but it may keep the bill from getting to the Governor before session ends. If that happens be prepared to keep up the pressure for an additional month.
 
Contact the Governor by phone and e-mails.  Be sure to ask family and friends to contact the Governor.  Always be polite and encouraging. I will contact you as soon as I hear something. Thanks for your support.
 
Sincerely,
 
Mark Griebel
Chairman, CNBP  (http://www.cnbp.info)
 
Office of the Governor
State Capitol
Des Moines, Iowa 50319
515-281-5211
Fax 515-281-6611
http://www.governor.state.ia.us/comments/capitol_correspond/index.html
Governor Thomas J. Vilsack writes that "Iowans have traditionally recognized that strong families are essential to ensuring that our children will enjoy a secure future...Iowans intuitively understand that children need to receive the support and guidance of both parents...[and] an emerging set of scientific data supports our belief that a healthy bond between a child and the child's parents has a direct impact on the future success of the child...."

Governor Vilsack continues, "...children with two parents who actively and positively engage in their life by providing financial support, love, guidance and discipline, have a greater chance for success than children who receive an active involvement from only one parent."


tjraid18

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RE: THEN DO SOMETHING
« Reply #37 on: Apr 20, 2004, 10:40:18 AM »
  Thanx for letting me know what I can do mysonsdad & hawkeye. I will do whatever I can to further our cause and always enjoy engaging in discussion and ideas. It makes me feel that maybe there is some hope or that maybe together we can make some.

MYSONSDAD

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RE: THEN DO SOMETHING
« Reply #38 on: Apr 20, 2004, 10:56:44 AM »
The time has come to make changes.

We ALL have to work on this, not just a few of us.

I still stand on 50/50 across the board would cut back an enormous amount of conflict, and the kids would not be in the crossfire.  

If you are serious, write, and then pass it along to others that are fed up with the system.

Our kids deserve better then this.

I know I come off as a radical, but I'll be damned if someone is going to tell me I have to stand back and be a visitor with my son. NO WAY

Kitty C.

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That's why this bill is SO important...........
« Reply #39 on: Apr 20, 2004, 11:09:42 AM »
If parents know going into court that custody is NOT something they will be fighting over, then where's the conflict?  That's that this and other bills like it must do:  take the conflict of custody out of the hands of the parents in the first place.  Which is exactly what I told Gov. Vilsack:

'This bill is VERY important in child custody issues, because it gives the message that BOTH parents are important, BOTH parents must be involved, and it takes away any ‘power’ that one parent might perceive to have over the other. When joint equal custody is established, there is nothing to fight about. When both parents walk into that courtroom, they will already know that fighting over the children will not happen, because they are BOTH equally responsible and BOTH have that right to the child, just as the child has a right to both of them.'
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

tjraid18

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RE: THEN DO SOMETHING
« Reply #40 on: Apr 20, 2004, 11:10:27 AM »
  I was just writing the govenor of Iowa & forgot the name of that bill so came back here. I'm ready. Lets talk some more about what we can do. One of my teachers didnt let us say "I can't"!!!!!!!!  Talk later. Oh!, I'm from Oregon and dont know how the governor of Iowa will feel about a letter from an Oregonian. Should I check current Oregon stuff too? And how is the best way to do that?

tjraid18

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RE: That's why this bill is SO important...........
« Reply #41 on: Apr 20, 2004, 11:26:56 AM »
  Hi! Ahhhh. I see the point a little more clearly now. Thought there were some implications I was'nt catching the first time around. I never looked at it like that. I'm still not convinced that more court ordered joint custody is the best way to go about this for everyone. But I do see the idea of equality of parental rights and think it's great! Now in a situation like this, if both parents had "joint custody" and the one who was in contempt would take the other one to court to keep things equal, what would happen when one parent who was actually not compliyng would take the other parent to court and falsely turn it around on them? Wouldnt the kids be in the middle and the honest parent get the shaft? Maybe we should focus on laws against  putting the using the kids as weapons or enforcing laws more seriously about falsifiying testimony against the other parent . Please convince me

MYSONSDAD

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RE: THEN DO SOMETHING
« Reply #42 on: Apr 20, 2004, 11:43:19 AM »
I have been on this board for a year and a half. Many non-custodials have come and gone. The messages they post say one thing. We are all getting screwed. Things are unfair. They have very little hope.

This bill opens a window. I am from Illinois. I am willing to talk.

What I see are many custodials that know how to play the system. They know the games and what they can do to keep the non-custodials away.
And then you have many very good custodials, just not enough of them.

If the States are looking at 'BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD', many of us would have Joint. But that is not what happens in real life.

My ex is delibertly using the system to her advantage. She knows by keeping high conflict the State will not allow Joint. This is so unfair for my son. HE LOSES. I am a very loving and nuturing Father, but because she is educated on how to screw me over, MY SON LOSES.

Glad to hear your writing, I hope 100,000 more are willing to do the same. Hawkeye and Kitty will keep us up to date and I already have another set of letters ready to go.

I think the only way to get things on the right track, is to change current laws.

Some States have already put some form of Joint into law. And they have seen a dramatic drop in divorces. They have also seen a big drop in the conflict. I also feel, joint should include, when I have my son, I pay for his needs, when she has him, she pays. Do away with child support. Both parents should be responsible for financial, education, medical, moral, and spirtual support.

"Children learn what they live"

Hawkeye

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The Iowa Bar has spoken... roflmao!
« Reply #43 on: Apr 26, 2004, 08:12:08 PM »
"By creating a presumption of joint physical care, there is an implied idea that a child is a calendar."

"a calendar"???    I wonder how they figure that... "a calendar"???    Why not a "clock" ? haha, What a CROCK!
 
After all, a child has more in common with a clock (two hands) than a "calendar."
 
Just plain, MickeyMouse petty hair splitting, in my opinion... Maybe the concept of sharing and equality is simply beyond the scope of the Iowa Bar.

Please write Governor Vilsack and ask him to side with children, not lawyers/bar associations, and sign HF22.

 

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