You follow the
court order. If you're ex refuses to do the same, you take her to court for contempt. It's black and white. What your ex is doing will only get worse as time goes by. If she is alienating your child it could have severe consequences on your daughter as she grows up. As her father, you need to do what you can to protect her from this.
Sometimes ex's will do these things because they think they can get away with it. She may stop if you put your foot down - but she's got no reason to stop as it stands.
So, here's what you do. You copy the "Letter of Intent to Exercise Visitation" that you can find on this website. You fill it out and send it to her
certified mail, keeping a copy of the letter and the certification number. Let her know that you will be exercising your visitation with your daughter as ordered by the court.
She may do nothing, or she may spaz out and try to keep you from getting your daughter. This is where you document, document, document. If she calls you, record it. If she won't let you pick up your daughter for the scheduled visitation, document that with a 3rd party witness.
VA, by the way, is a one party state. That means that you can legally record your conversations with your ex and use them in court.
Bottom line - you have to put your foot down with her or she'll alienate your daughter from you. Don't let that happen. She will 'make' your daughter go with you because that is her court ordered duty as the custodial parent.